TWELVE

 

 

Shea and Diego met in the mess doorway. They got their food, and she was about to head for their usual table with their comrades when her friend snagged her arm and directed her away from them. Taking her to the smallest table, in the opposite corner to their usual one, he pushed her toward one side and sat at the other himself.

No one else sat here; it was a table made only for two. “Guess I don’t have to ask why we’re eating alone,” she said, sitting down opposite him.

“I told the boss you weren’t playing the sex card with the guys,” he said, linking his fingers over his tray. “Then I come back here to find out you played it with him. How did you do it?” She didn’t reply, just started eating. “I have to admit, I am kinda impressed. I think all the guys are. I was sure that if you even thought about trying to flirt with the Laird, he’d sling you back into solitary.”

“He threatened it,” she said, stabbing a carrot with her fork.

“So, how did… how did it happen?” he asked, leaning over his food. Shea just bobbed her brows. “I know how it happened… how did it happen?”

Even in spite of all the time he spent here alone with other men, Shea didn’t need to be told that Diego understood sex. She didn’t think of him that way, but he was hot in his own right, she supposed.

Teasing him was too much fun to just give in and provide direct answers. “You’re talking in tongues again, D,” she said. “Does that mean you didn’t get any while you were away… or that you did?”

He didn’t exactly frown, but it was clear he wasn’t having quite as much fun as she was. “Okay,” he said, nodding and sitting up again. “I see how you’re playing it. You’re not going to talk, are you?”

Peering at him, she couldn’t deny being in a playful mood, and pointed her fork at him. “How do I know you’re not testing me? You could be his little spy.”

“You think this is high school?” he asked, scooping some food into his mouth then talking from the corner of it. “That he sent me here to find out if you want to go steady?”

Any communication that gave her a clue about what the Laird did want would be welcome. Though, some things were a given. “I think steady is the only option where the Laird is concerned.” Shea considered it as she ate. “At least it is for me, after you’ve been to the top, anything else is slumming it.” She stopped chewing when a distasteful idea hit her, though she had to swallow what was in her mouth before she could give it voice. “He goes on missions in town, doesn’t he?”

Diego nodded. “You just figure out that’s when he gets his? Maybe steady isn’t the only option for him.” Her appetite suddenly vanished, so she pushed her plate away. Diego’s chewing slowed, though she barely noticed the frown that formed on his face. “You’re really into him, aren’t you?”

Sure, there were glimmers of jealousy and a nausea that could only be attributed to insecurity, but that wasn’t what had dulled her appetite. It was the realization that, yes, she was into Raid, more than she’d recognized. The idea of him with another woman was sickening. Her reaction to the notion shouldn’t be so visceral, wouldn’t be if she didn’t have feelings for him.

He’d told her things about himself and asserted that she couldn’t hurt him out here. What she’d failed to appreciate was how he could hurt her. Raid had the option of leaving the compound at any time, any minute, without notice. When he wasn’t on site, he wouldn’t be in contact with them… with her.

Sometimes just getting through the day without being plagued by thoughts of him was difficult. Even if she hadn’t known his precise location, she’d always known he was somewhere on the premises, and that had been a comfort.

No one had been in contact with Diego while he’d been away, hence why he’d spent so much time in debrief that day. Her friend would probably spend most of the week in Raid’s shadow. Work had kept her occupied while Diego and Raid had been busy. With Diego home, things would probably return to how they’d been before. Once both men were up to speed and in step with each other again, Shea would return to her life in Diego’s wake.

Over the next day or two, Raid and Diego would bring each other up to date on what had happened at each end of the spectrum, both out there in the real world and here at the compound. Shea doubted she’d be privy to those meetings. It was more likely that she’d be left in the hallway, waiting for one of them to give her the time of day.

Looking past Diego, Shea thought about how broadening her horizons wouldn’t be a bad idea. Sure, she got along with her colleagues, but she’d tied herself to Diego and then to Raid, limiting her connection to the others. Branching out into other avenues would help her to learn the whole compound. She felt a compelling drive to know as much as she could.

“I can’t reassure you, Pest,” Diego said. “I don’t know a helluva lot about what Raid gets up to out there. Every man is allowed to have his private time when he’s off-base, and the Laird is not going to tell me what he does with his.”

Beyond Raid being a private person, he wasn’t answerable to anyone. “Does he have a girlfriend?” she asked, thinking about Raid’s mom and how she’d been out there waiting, faithful to Raid’s father.

Diego put his fork down and wiped his mouth. “We’re at a weird kind of place, you and me,” he said. “You don’t want to betray his confidence and neither do I. Talking about him is usually a punishable offense. We’re different ‘cause we have a different connection to him than the others. Our loyalty to him goes beyond the professional… it’s personal. You and me, we trust each other… but does that trust outweigh our loyalty to him?”

She sighed. “That sort of answers my question, D.”

Diego was Raid’s friend. Shea didn’t know what she was to Raid, but she wasn’t just a random employee. She and Diego were friends. They were in a weird sort of triangle and fumbling their way through it. Whatever the men had, it had been formed over years. Shea was new to their dynamic and had no idea how she was going to fit in.

“Hey,” he said and reached over the table to take her hand. “If you want a permanent arrangement, talk to him. He’s loyal.”

“When it suits him,” she said, poking at the food she’d pushed away.

“What does that mean?”

So much and so little. Shea just felt sort of adrift. It irked her as much as it depressed her that she couldn’t speak to Raid about anything that was going on in her head. “That means that I have less than two weeks to decide whether or not I want to take the pledge, but there are still areas of the building I’m not allowed into.”

Not only were there personal issues, there were professional ones too. Nothing in Shea’s life was certain and it wasn’t pleasant waking up every day with more questions than answers. Whatever was happening between her and Raid was ambiguous, but she wasn’t a stranger to men being distant in relationships.

The professional barriers were harder to tolerate. If this was her life, or they wanted her to accept that it was, she couldn’t be isolated from the truth. Yet, it often felt like she was the only comrade who had no clue about their purpose.

“There are areas of the building a lot of people aren’t allowed into,” he said. “That has nothing to do with the pledge. Where is it you think—”

“Records,” she said, peeking up to make eye contact. “I’m the only person completely segregated from the inmates at all times. I’m not allowed to talk to them, or to be anywhere near them.”

“Why would you want to be?”

“To find out why they’re here,” she said, folding her forearms on the table. “If I have to pledge, I have to know what it is we’re doing. The men I’ve met, the ones who work here, they’re not monsters. But, I don’t know who the men we’re holding are.”

Diego leaned toward her again and lowered his voice. “You’d sleep with him, but consider not taking the pledge?” he asked. “There’s never been an exception. I don’t know what would happen if you asked for one. Maybe you have that kind of power over him… I don’t know. But, you better be damn sure you do before you ask because if you don’t, being sent back to solitary will be the best you can hope for.”

Everything about her relationship with Raid felt like a gamble. Solitary was where she’d started and going back there might give her some perspective. Odd that she’d crave being alone. The problem was that whenever she was near Raid, she forgot about where she was, and how she got here, and thought only about what he made her feel.

“You said it yourself, just because he’s capable of something, doesn’t mean he’ll do it,” she said and swallowed, not knowing if she was feeling her own uncertainty or Diego’s. “He wouldn’t kill me.”

He lifted his shoulders. “Would you forgive him if he did?”

It might be an insane question for anyone else to ask, but her response would reveal a lot to her friend. Diego wasn’t asking her if she’d forgive Raid for killing her. Not really. If she was dead, what would it matter? He was asking her if she felt deeply enough for their Laird that she wouldn’t judge him for his other actions.

Blowing out a breath, she let her face fall into her hands. “Oh, I don’t know, Diego. How the hell did I end up here?”

Memories of the panic and the adrenaline when she’d first realized where she was were no longer fresh. In her first couple of weeks here, Shea had been determined to learn whatever she could in order to escape. Somewhere along the way, she’d started to care. First about Diego, then about the other employees, and now about Raid.

In a way, her quick adjustment to life on the compound was a sad testament to her life in the real world where she had no friends and little purpose. Her life was her work, and even that hadn’t meant as much to her as it once had. For a while, she’d felt rudderless and had hoped meeting with Ricardo Whey would change that. The meeting hadn’t, but the journey had.

There was something comforting in the routine of the compound. She’d never spent so much time this close to nature. Sure, it was on the other side of a concrete wall most of the time, but she liked waking up to see the trees and the wildlife.

“Your plane fell out of the sky.”

His matter-of-fact delivery made her smile and peek through her fingers at him. Yes, that was exactly how she’d ended up here. Shea could spend hours pondering the existential trying to figure out the why. But, this was where she was, and she had to deal with the reality that was right in front of her.

Though there was no rule that said she had to do it with a clear head. “Any chance you’ve got a stash of liquor?”

“The Laird has the liquor at his place,” he said, with an amused apology in his eyes. “You could try using your assets to get yourself in.”

Getting away from the serious was the only option when they were stuck at this impasse. “We have the code,” she said, only half-joking. “We could sneak over there.”

Diego’s brows rose, though there was still a smile dancing at the edges of his lips. “He’ll be home.”

Letting her eyes move left to right, she acted like they were planning a covert mission. “Maybe we could create a distraction,” she said, leaning closer.

It was fun that he got into the spirit of the tease. “Like what?”

Her friend was the one with more experience with the strategy stuff. “I don’t know, you must know all the alarms for everything,” she said. “You have the power to set them off, right? Isn’t there a ‘Laird to security’ alarm or something?” All the men carried walkie-talkies, it was the only form of communication technology around the compound. “You call him to security, I’ll sneak in to his house and snag the liquor and sneak out again.”

“And if you get caught?” he asked.

She grinned. “Like you said, I have assets. I’ll make up some nonsense about being hot for his body or something.”

“Nonsense?” he asked on a laugh.

Though she did her best to look innocent, it wasn’t far from true, so Shea was sure she failed. “I’ll ham it up.”

He laughed. She appreciated the honesty in his eyes. “Guess we’re not spies for the man if we’re conspiring against him.” Both relaxed with their own thoughts for a minute and then their gazes met. “Do you love him?”

Shea wasn’t ready to answer that. There were occasions when she thought she might love her Laird; when he relaxed enough to let the glimmers of his softer side out. Like in the times he almost touched her before he could stop himself. Those times, when he was almost gentle, she imagined he could be romantic if only he’d trust her enough to show her.

Except she understood how many years he’d spent hiding any weakness. It wasn’t all vanity or pride that made him maintain the impenetrable façade. Sure, there was an arrogance about him, but this compound needed a man at the top who everyone else could consider invincible. Raid had to make the tough choices and the comrades followed orders. It protected all of them to know that there was a man who was always composed.

His strength increased respect for him in the ranks. A nuclear war could be declared on the compound and her colleagues wouldn’t blink. They’d trust their leader to prevail without question.

If she was a different kind of woman, she could insinuate her way into his bed and then either blackmail him or ridicule him behind his back. Being with her was a major risk for him. She’d be a weakness and he’d never let himself have one of those before. If he cared for her, she’d make him vulnerable to manipulation or exploitation.

Sitting upright, clarity came to her in a startling epiphany. The pieces fell into place. Raid was keeping her at arm’s length because he didn’t trust her, and he couldn’t, not until she took the pledge and proved herself. If he trusted her, and he let himself care for her in any way, she’d have the power to ruin him and everything that was happening here.

More than ever, Shea wanted to understand the truth of his mission so she could better appreciate the weight of it. Her Laird’s focus was the big picture, it had to be, even if the man in him did want to share himself with her. Raid was the only one who could do his job, and unless his woman understood that his job had to be prioritized no matter what was going on in their relationship, he couldn’t let himself relax with her.

Raid’s woman would have to be Lady to his Laird. He couldn’t have a casual fling with a woman who was going to be around for the rest of both their lives. She couldn’t be a vindictive type who might ever want to hurt him or the compound, she’d have to love him all the way, knowing that he’d always be her Laird before he was her boyfriend or husband.

Even if they were fighting or if he hurt her, she’d have to keep up the façade of being as impenetrable as her man and even if she wanted to smack him for something he’d done at home, she’d still have to defer to him in front of his men and cower in front of the inmates.

She’d have to act like he was all-powerful, even if he’d admitted weakness to her in the midst of passion. Raid’s woman would have to be as fearless as he was, to have nothing but confidence in her man at all times, and there couldn’t be any crack in that resolve.

“Shea?” Diego said, and was frowning at her, probably because she hadn’t said anything for so long. Except, she didn’t know what to say and chose to lick her lips instead. He sighed and stood up to offer a hand. “Time for an executive decision.”

“What?” she asked, taking his hand and letting him pull her up from the table.

Diego breathed out. “If you want to see the records, I’ll let you in,” he said, taking her out of the mess and down the hallway.

Incredulous and excited at the same time, Shea was thrilled by the idea she might actually get a chance to understand what was going on. Raid couldn’t trust her, but Diego did.

“You will?”

“We have nothing to hide,” he said. “Not from our own. Every inmate here has committed a crime. Every single one.”

She was still holding his hand as he led her down the stairs toward the records room. “You imprison criminals?”

That had been her hope. When she’d speculated on why the inmates were there, after seeing what she had of them in the yard, Shea hoped they were some kind of evil entities. Not all of them looked like stark, raving monsters, but criminals did look like everyone else.

What she didn’t understand was why these men were here, in this secret place, as opposed to going through due process.

“We imprison men who slipped through the system,” he said, like he’d been in her head to hear her question. “Some whose crimes couldn’t be proven in the courts, some who were released but are still a threat to society, some who found themselves loose on a technicality.”

At least they believed the men to be guilty; she’d never be able to console herself with the idea of imprisoning innocent people. But, that did beg the question how they could be certain of an inmate’s guilt. There was no court around here and no judges or juries.

“I don’t understand, how—”

“You will,” he said, putting a code into the panel and then pressing his fingerprint in above it. Almost like he’d read her mind, he made eye contact. “If there’s a question mark or uncertainty, we walk away. Evidence has to be compelling… we’re just not as particular about how that evidence is obtained.”

Diego pushed open the door. Though he didn’t go inside, he gestured for her to enter.

She took a step forward, but paused when she realized he wasn’t going to follow. “You’re not coming in?”

“I have work to do,” he said and reached past her to put on the lights. When she saw how deep the room ran, she gasped. “Everything you need is in here.”

Her eyes were still wide, scanning the vast space. “If Raid finds out I’m in here…”

“He never expressly told me not to let you in here,” he said. “You’ve earned it, She.”

He gave her shoulder a squeeze. Shea didn’t feel his hand drift away, she was too busy gaping into the cavernous room. When she turned to question Diego some more, he was already gone.

Alone in this room brimming with information, she was at the apex of her plan. In her cell in those early days, Shea had decided she needed information and now she had access to it all. Edging forward, she sidelined her shock, and forced her fingers to move, shaking herself from her daze.

Her time in there wasn’t guaranteed, she could be asked to leave at any moment, and may never be granted access again. Every decision she’d make about her future, about living on the compound or fighting to return to the real world, about Raid and if she could let herself fight for him, it was all rooted in here.

Her life would be decided by what she learned in this room. There was so much data, she had to get to work decoding it.