TWENTY

 

 

It wasn’t easy to forget. Shea kept thinking about the cellphone she’d seen in Raid’s office. The image of it stayed in her mind for days. Still, almost a week later when she was lying on the patio couch, staring at the millions of glorious stars twinkling above the compound, she was thinking about why she’d done what she’d done.

It would be more accurate to think about why she hadn’t done anything. That phone was her ticket out and although she’d thought about the possibilities, she’d never really considered using it. But, what did that mean?

Shea had made a decision that this was the life she wanted. That’s what it meant. Throughout her life she’d always been decisive, which was why this decision was so surprising. It had snuck up on her.

While she’d recognized there was no desperate urgency to flee, she hadn’t realized that she’d moved from apathy into determination. The evolution was remarkable. At the beginning of her time there, she’d wanted to leave as fast as possible. Then through her initial time with Raid, it felt like she had become indifferent to escape or returning to the big bad world. Neither of those things were true anymore. Shea had developed a new determination, this time to not only stay where she was, but to build a life here, to be with Raid and do all she could to help him fulfil his mission.

“What’s going on, Poppet?”

Rolling her head on the cushion beneath her head, she saw Raid standing at the foot of the couch, looking down over her. Her Laird watched over everyone, but she was the only one he let get close to him in his home in the dead of night.

For a week, they’d learned how to be together at home while maintaining a professional relationship at work. Their comrades were still adjusting. No one was causing difficulty, so she was sure they’d get there in time.

“Movie night last Friday,” she said.

“Yeah,” he said when she stopped to steel herself. “What about it?”

“Before we had sex in your office… I found a cellphone in your drawer.”

He didn’t give much away, he never did. Licking his lips, he let his eyelids grow heavy. Shea hadn’t said anything before this moment because she hadn’t known what it meant or how he’d react. But, he was asking her outright and she knew he’d noticed her melancholy.

Leaving his bed to come outside and stare at the sky was a strong sign that something was playing on her mind. It wasn’t like she’d meant to send a signal. Except, given that she had, she wasn’t going to lie about what was on her mind.

Raid came around the couch and bent to scoop up her legs so he could lay them across his lap when he sat down.

“You wouldn’t get service out here,” he said, his attention on the muted lights of the compound. His tone was difficult to interpret. What he said next astounded her. “The sat phone is in a bottom drawer in the closet upstairs… if you feel compelled to make a call.”

Pushing up to her elbows, she just gawped at him for a second or two. “You… you’d let me call someone?”

His head turned in a gradual, almost robotic arc. “You know what happens if you make a call from here,” he said in a matter of fact way, no threat, no accusation.

“We’d be discovered.”

Again, his head moved to draw his gaze back to the compound. “Yes. They would come looking for you. It’s not so difficult to pick up a sat phone signal. I have a guy who deals with our technical setup, he might be able to provide us with jamming technology. It can take some time to get him out here. And, I think he’s on his honeymoon… If it’s what you want to do—”

“No, that’s just it,” she said, scrambling to sit up and shuffle on her knees to his side. “I’m not thinking about that. I… I want to be here… My head is all over the place because… I didn’t want to make a call, Raid… I didn’t.”

With a slow blink, he brought his attention around to her. She slid a hand across his chest. “You should want to.”

“Exactly. That’s… I don’t want to say that’s the problem because it’s not a problem.” Exhaling a sort of laugh, she smiled. “I’m happy here… I’m happy with you.” 

Something like alarm seemed to take him. “Shea—”

“You need an heir for this place, don’t you? Do you ever think about that?”

Curling his fingers around her hand, he took it from his chest to push it towards her. “You don’t know what you’re saying,” he said. “That’s the only reason I’m not tossing you back into your cell.” His scowl fixed on her. “What the hell are you doing talking about kids? We’ve been doing this for a week.”

“I didn’t mean this minute, today, or next week. I’m only asking if you’ve thought about it… The legacy of this place—”

“Is my responsibility,” he said, surging up off the couch. He stood for a moment and then turned to look down at her. “You are not responsible for this compound or for the mission. I want you in my bed and as long as you want to be there, this works. But, don’t test me. Don’t manipulate me—”

“Why is talking about the future manipulating you?” she said, standing up. “This is my future too, Raid. Our future. I don’t need us to jump in to marriage and forever tomorrow. But, I have to know what my life is going to be.”

“Do you think we’re going to decide that after a week?”

“It’s been more than a week,” she said, unable to fathom why she felt this sense of urgency.

Rushing a man into making a commitment didn’t often end well. Shea didn’t make demands of men in the real world, she would let things take their natural course. With Raid, it wasn’t the same, she just didn’t know why.

“You’re counting before?”

There had been something between them since the minute they’d met. “You aren’t?” she asked, trying to take his hand to sidle closer, but he stepped away, holding up the hand she’d reached for to prevent her from taking it. “Why are you so afraid of this?”

“Shea,” he warned, tipping his head to the side. “You’re here. You have to be here. You have to stay on the compound. Having sex is optional.”

Moving back, her own suspicion piqued. “Is that a threat or your way of telling me that’s all this is to you?”

Sealing his mouth, he inhaled through his nose. “You should know by now that I don’t care about tact. We’re having sex. That’s a fact.”

The way he’d claimed her in the mess suggested he wanted to mark her. How he’d been with her at the movie night implied that he cared. Being attentive, taking care of her needs, ensuring she had whatever she wanted, he was a conscientious man, even if he didn’t flaunt that consideration, it was definitely there.

She couldn’t force him into admitting feelings or demand that he lay out a five year plan. It wasn’t fair. This whole notion of a relationship on the compound was foreign to him. Everything he’d been raised to believe about the importance of his work was right. Adjusting to anything like a relationship while respecting his profession would take time.

After a calming sigh, she edged closer again. “Will you do something for me, my Laird?”

His narrowed eye betrayed that he was dubious. “Maybe. What is it?”

“Put your arms around me.”

Though he didn’t move for a good ten seconds, he did eventually relax enough to let her slide her arms around his waist. When she was there, pressed against him, he did as she’d asked and held her.

Deciding then and there that she’d have to be subtle about worming her way in, Shea told herself to be grateful for small victories. When she and Raid had broken up, when he’d dumped her and told her she was no longer welcome, she’d believed they’d never be intimate again and had cursed herself for feeling for him.

Diego had asked her to give their Laird another chance, and this time was different. Raid wasn’t only having sex with her, he was letting her sleep in his bed and, for all intents and purposes, live in his house.

They were living together.

Shea was living with the Laird. Their comrades still referred to her as ‘Lady’ and Raid had never objected to it. She had to believe that he wanted this, that he wanted her and could care for her. But, getting him to surrender to a partnership, to trust her, that would be more complicated.