The minute I pull onto our lane, I see the front porch light go on. There goes my fleeting chance of her being in bed. I don’t know why I would have thought she would come home and be able to go to sleep. I’m surprised she even went back home and didn’t keep following Benny and me.
Putting myself in her shoes, I would have done the same thing. I can’t fault her there.
Shifting the truck into park, I climb out and head for the porch.
Once I reach the last step, I stop, turn back around, and sit my ass down. A few seconds go by before Lena does the same.
“I don’t know what happened tonight, but I trust you,” she says after a moment. “I want you to talk to me and feel like you can tell me whatever is going on. I do, however, understand the possible reasons for not wanting to tell me. If you need me, I’m here.” She makes to stand, but I stop her with a hand on her thigh.
I don’t look at her. I keep my attention focused out on the drive. “We had her,” I say.
“Had her?”
“Aria. Ben tracked her. That’s what I was doing tonight.”
“So, it’s over?” she asks.
I shake my head and let out a frustrated sigh. “No. She fucking slipped through our fingers.” I rub my hands up and down the thigh of my jeans to keep myself from leaning over and vomiting. Just uttering those words has that effect on me.
She doesn’t lead in with the question I thought she would.
“Do we have to worry even more now?”
“Keep your guard up.”
I see her nod out the corner of my eye.
“I need to know you are safe,” she whispers, as if she didn’t mean to say it out loud.
“And I need to know you are safe.”
She sighs.
I turn toward hers. “You and London are my entire life, Selena. I will do anything, and I fucking mean anything, to make sure my girls are protected. Shit didn’t go as planned tonight, but rest assured, baby, this shit will end.”
She levels her eyes on me. “What if you can’t?”
I suck in a breath, but she shakes her head before I can respond.
“No. I don’t mean that like we,” she swings her arms back and forth between us, “can’t beat this. I mean, what if it’s not supposed to be you who does it. Maybe it’s me who is supposed to defeat Aria.”
I give no thought to this. There is no goddamn chance I would ever allow my wife to step foot in front of danger to protect me. That shit will always, until the end of goddamn time, be my fucking job.
I shake my head. “Absolutely not,” I declare.
Frustrated with my declaration, she rolls her eyes. “Dammit, Lawson, I can’t just sit back and watch all of this unfold.”
“Why the fuck not? Do you remember the vows we said to each other almost seven years ago?”
She nods. “But—”
I give a curt shake of my head, stopping her. “I vowed I’d never leave you in the dark alone. I’d never leave you weak. I’d never leave you without a voice. I am your protector. I don’t care how goddamn medieval that sounds, it’s true. I will fight your fight. I will slay your demons. Because that is why I was put on this earth. You are my forever, and nothing will stop me from having that.”
“What about me?” she asks.
“What about you?”
“My duty as your wife is to protect you as well. How can I do that if you don’t tell me what’s going on?”
“That’s not your job,” I tell her. I probably should have chosen my words better, but fuck.
She tilts her head to the side, her lips pursed as she narrows her eyes. “Excuse me?”
“It’s not your job to protect me.”
Her eyes now widen. “You’re kidding me, right?”
“Lena, baby, this isn’t the goddamn point. The point is so long as I’m still walking this earth, I will do everything in my power to beat back anything that tries to tarnish you in any way.”
“I get that. But what I am trying to say is I have your back. We are equals in this marriage. When you fight, I fight. You can’t take on everything on your own.”
I raise an eyebrow and counter, “Wanna bet?”
That gets me an eye roll. “Can you just listen to me for a minute?” Her voice rises as she slaps her legs, her show of her anger seeping out of control. “This is our mess. This is our gosh darn fight. Why can’t I have your back?”
“You do.”
“Yeah, but not in the way a wife should have her husband’s back. I had no idea what was happening tonight. I didn’t know where you were and then you’re angry with me because I followed you. What would you have done if that was me?” She doesn’t give me time to answer. “You would have done the same thing I did.” I go to cut her off, but she holds up a finger. “I’m talking. You and me, right? So why don’t I know half the shit that has happened? Why have I been blindsided by every situation in this goddamn mess Aria threw us in? That’s not a team, that’s not a partnership, Lawson. That’s just you.”
I’m losing my hold on my temper.
“Lena…”
“No, I don’t want to hear some macho man bull crap. I want to know what’s going on. I know I just said I respect your reasons for not telling me, but fuck that. This crazy woman wants to end my life, I want to know what she’s doing, what she has planned. I deserve to know that.”
Fuck.
I stand from the porch and walk out a few paces.
“I deserve to know, Lawson,” Lena murmurs.
I swing back around, my control gone. "You want to know what happened? You want to know why I haven't told you what was placed on this very porch a night ago? She made a fucking scrapbook album of her, me, and London. She took pictures of us and cropped herself into some. Others she left just London and me. That's the sick kind of shit she's doing. That's the fucking shit I am shielding you from." Her head dips down, but my temper is too far gone to have sympathy now. "She's been holing up in a shitty little shack about six miles north of town. The place has nothing in it except a bed and one fucking chair. There's no record of this woman after she sent a man to our home," I throw my hand out, pointing to our house, "to attack you. But in three days, we got a lock on her. We fucking found her. The goddamn sheriff hasn't even gotten close to any information like that, so yeah, Selena, I've kept shit from you because it's my goddamn duty to protect you. I'm not going to have you lay your head down at night with images of a fucking book running through your head." I take a step toward her, and her attention comes back to me. The hurt that washes over her face gives me pause, depleting my anger. "I don't want you living the rest of your life with these images burned in your brain. I will take that shit on, because I am your husband, but more than that, I love you, and this is my way of protecting you."
She takes a deep breath in, holds it for a moment, and then lets it come back out with a whoosh. “I don’t want to fight,” she whispers.
"Get that, baby, because I'm right there with you. I don't want to keep having these same arguments. I just need you to understand if I am keeping something from you it's not because I'm hiding it. It's because I don't want that shit on you."
She closes her eyes, opens her mouth to speak, and then her eyes follow, and she looks back to me. “Okay, I can handle that. But in those moments, can you please just tell me that? Don’t try to evade the topic.”
I nod my head. “I can do that.”
Lena stands, and I close the distance between us. Hooking my hand with hers, I lead her up the steps and into our house.
“You hungry?” she asks. The hurt washes away from her face as she steps back into the role of dutiful wife.
“It’s late, babe, just want to hit the sack and get some sleep.”
She nods and moves toward the living room, by my guess, to shut down the house. I turn back to the door, close and lock it. Then I turn to enable the security system. We meet each other at the stairwell.
We aren’t perfect, and we never will be, but right now, I’m glad I’ve got my Lena back. The one who will stand up to me and give me what she's thinking. Whether we do that pissed at each other or not, it's better than her keeping this shit locked up inside. We got it off our chests, and now we can go to bed knowing we are one step closer to this shit not rattling as badly.
Because everything is temporary.