The cold steel of the blade winds its way up my arm, over my shoulder, and settles at the base of my neck. My hands grip the arms of the chair so hard, the old wood digs into the palms.
It hurts.
But I don’t release my grip.
I know there’s no way out of this. No one knows I’m here. No one knows where to look.
This is it.
I’m going to die.
"You were supposed to leave him," the voice whispers in my ear. Heat begins to surge through my body. Rage fills my veins.
“He’s mine.”
I’m not dumb enough to think this woman is going to listen to anything I say.
The rope cuts into my skin as I move my wrists from side to side in hopes of loosening the material around them.
“You are not what he needs.”
I bite my tongue and squeeze my eyes closed.
“I am what he needs.”
I can’t stay quiet anymore. She’s going to kill me. The rope is too tight; I can’t get my hands free. I will not go out without a fight. I need to know how far she is willing to go to get the man she supposedly loves.
“Do you think he will ever love you?” My voice is barely a whisper. Not because I’m scared; I’m seething.
“Love takes time. He will grow to love me.”
I let out a bitter laugh and feel the knife dig into my skin further, but this doesn’t stop me. “Grow to love the woman who killed his wife, the mother of his child? Are you insane?”
“He doesn’t love you,” she retorts.
“But he loves his daughter. You think he would ever bring a murderer around her?”
The blade begins to slice through my skin.
A low hiss drips from my mouth, and my hands turn white from the grip on the chair.
“They’ll understand why I had to do it.”
A snort comes from me.
“You’re never going to get him,” I bite out.
The blade slips another inch. Blood oozes to the surface and trickles down my neck.
“Yes. I. Will,” she bites out, the knife digging deeper and deeper.
Shit.
“Lena,” I hear whispered from somewhere in the distance.
He came for me.
“I will take everything from you.”
“Lena,” he whispers again.
I open my eyes.
She removes the knife just as my name is called louder this time.
I shake my head. Aria stands in front of me with a smirk on her face.
My beautiful baby girl flashes before me, her bright smile beaming up at her father. He's holding her hand, and they are walking…toward my rock. There's a woman there. She’s sitting on the rock just like I do. When they get closer, the woman turns her upper body to face them. It’s not me. London takes off running for her.
My body tightens. I try to reach for them, but I’m suddenly falling. A scream roars from my mouth.
I can’t stop it.
I’m falling.
“Lena.” I hear his voice. It’s so close to me, but I can’t see him, I can’t feel him. “Lena, baby, come back to me.”
I try to open my mouth again, but nothing comes out this time.
“Lena!” There are hands on my shoulders, shaking me. “Baby, wake up.”
My eyes open, and Lawson is staring back at me. “Lena, baby, you were dreaming.”
I shake my head, my thoughts not coming together. “It…it…” I pause a moment, looking around, trying to get a grip on my bearings. “It felt so real.”
Law pulls me into his chest to comfort me.
“You…” I can’t bring myself to tell him. The thought alone makes bile come to my throat.
“It’s okay, baby. It was a dream. I’m right here.”
Before I can stop my mouth from saying what my brain tells it to, I blurt out, “But for how long?”
His body jerks and he tilts his head back. I assume he is looking down at me, but I don’t want to look up at him and see that pain written all over his face. I’ve doubted him in the past, and here I am, doubting him again.
“How long?” he repeats.
Wrapping my arms around him, I hug him tighter. “You were happy,” I whisper against his chest.
“I’m happy right here with you.”
“No, that’s not what I mean. It felt so real. Like I was right there watching you with her. Watching you be happy with someone else.”
“Baby—” he starts, but I cut him off.
“You were happy with her.”
By the way he moves from my embrace, he knows who "her" is. He adjusts to sitting, but doesn’t move away from me like I expect him to. Instead, he hauls me up with him, throws one of my legs over his, then pulls me up to where I’m sitting astride his lap. Then he lays it on me.
“I can’t take that pain of that dream away, just like I can’t take the pain of what is happening in our real life away. The only thing I can do is hope to God that through my actions and my words you believe you and London are the most important things to me. There is nothing between that woman and me. There never was. Whatever she has going on inside her head is completely one-sided. Never, I mean fucking never, let her get inside your head like that again. You doubted me once with her.” I quirk an eyebrow, and he hurries to add, “With probable cause. You had every right to, but now, baby, don’t doubt that. Please.”
I take a deep breath in and nod before releasing it. “Deep down, I know there was never anything happening between you two. With everything going on between us, it was easy to assume. It was an easy thing to blame everything on. I’m scared, Law. I’m scared she’s going to end up with what’s mine. To see my Lonnie girl run to another woman, whether it’s a dream or not, breaks my heart.” Just uttering the words out loud has my stomach roiling. “It physically hurts me to know there is a possibility that could have been real life.” I pause a moment, taking another breath. “That’s where we almost were.”
“Jesus, fuck,” he mutters. His hands slide up my sides and come to rest on either side of my neck. He puts pressure there, his nonverbal command for me to lean forward. I do. “We would have never let ourselves get that far gone, baby. We have too much to ever let something so final come between us.”
His fingers drift to the back of my neck, and my forehead presses against his. “I love you, Selena. So fucking much. It fucking tears me up inside knowing we haven’t been us for some time now. We’ve drifted apart, and even though we have a long way to go and a shitstorm of debris to walk through, with you by my side, I have no doubt we will make it to the other side together.”
“Promise?” I whisper.
And just like before, he whispers those words I need to hear, “Every fucking day of my life.”
“I love you, Lawson,” I whisper back to him.
“I know you do, baby. Now, take this pain you’re feeling and put it in that fire fueling your strength.”
I nod. Because he’s right. I need to take this and not let it play my heart against him.
We are in this together.
Always.