“Momma!” London screams from the entryway of my room. My body jerks at the suddenness of her shout, and then I swipe the fallen hair on the bathroom counter into the sink. I roll my eyes at my behavior, like London won’t notice immediately that I just cut and dyed my hair.
Three days ago, I took one hell of a stance to get my life back on track. Then Aria, like she knew exactly where we would be at, ruined that once again.
However, I woke up this morning with that same fire burning in my stomach telling me I need to take control of my life. She cannot have this kind of power over me. It’s not the type of person I am.
As petty as it may seem, that same thought told me I needed to make a change. My hair is the first step. I keep telling myself I didn't do this because of Aria having the same cut and color, but deep down, I know I did. I can’t fathom being compared to her in any way, or to know she wants what I have so badly, she’ll try to become me. It makes me sick to my stomach.
I stare at my reflection, knowing the minute London walks in, my secret will be out.
I was supposed to be taking a bath. I lied.
I move to the dock and turn the music down just as London barges in.
“Momm—”
I turn around and put a smile on my face. “What do you think?” I flip my hair out with my hand.
Her shocked face turns into a beaming one. “I love it!” she shouts. “Can I do my hair like that?”
“I think Daddy would have a conniption if we colored your hair.”
She frowns, but recovers. "If we do it and then tell Daddy, he can't tell us no, right?"
My girl.
Always thinking outside the box.
Before I can answer, we both hear his voice. “What can’t he tell you no about?”
Lonnie jerks around. “Nothing, Daddy. Look at Momma! Isn’t she pretty.”
Law walks into the bathroom, and his eyes widen as he takes in my new look.
He loved my hair long, so I’m not sure how he will react to the sudden change.
“This is what we do when we say we are taking a bath?”
I dip my head down. “I just wanted something different.”
He laughs. “Len, baby, your hair isn’t what I love about you. Do whatever the hell you want to it.”
“But do you like it?”
“Babe, you’d be gorgeous however you decide to do it. But to answer your question, yes, I like it.”
I lift my gaze to his and smile, then glance to Lonnie. “I also want to take self-defense classes,” I whisper.
Lawson’s brows pull together. “Self-defense classes?”
“Yeah,” I scrunch my forehead, “I don’t think it would be a bad thing.”
He moves to me. “Don’t think that’s necessary.”
“I do. I think it is very necessary.”
He rubs the back of his neck. “Babe.”
“Don’t. Please. I told you, I’m taking my control back—of my life…my mind. I need that peace of mind. I won’t be defenseless again.”
“If that’s what you want, then go for it.”
“It’s what I want.”
“We’ll talk more about this later, but get all the information on the classes.”
I nod. “Already did.”
“Of course you did.” He smirks, tugging on a loose strand of hair hanging in front of my face. “I do love your new hair.”
I let out a breath of relief. He's letting me have this. He knows the reason behind it, and he's giving this to me.
“So, tell me more about these classes,” Lawson says as he walks into the bathroom. I am lying on our bed, preparing to go to sleep. In all honesty, I didn’t think he would bring them up again. I figured he thought it was just a wild idea I wouldn’t follow through with.
“Well, you know Todd’s gym here in town?”
I watch his eyes find mine in the bathroom mirror as he raises his hands to lather on shaving cream. “Yeah,” he answers, but it's a moment before I proceed with what I need to say. I love watching Lawson shave. While most women like a little bit of scruff or the full beard, I like my man clean shaven. My hand running over the smooth skin soothes me. The way I can smell his aftershave when he’s close to me, the way it lingers on his pillow…these small things give me the strength to keep fighting for my marriage. I haven’t turned to ice yet. I haven’t shut all my feelings off. And with these small but huge acts, I don’t think I ever will. I hope like hell I never do.
“He does self-defense classes on Saturdays. It’s a three-week program from ten to one in the afternoon.”
He turns the faucet on and places the razor under the water, wetting the blades. He takes two swipes down his cheek before he answers. "This is what you want to do?" he asks--a simple question.
“Yes.”
“Right. Then go for it.”
“Really?”
He stops mid-stroke up his neck, and his eyes find mine once more. “Yeah. Did you think I would tell you no?”
I shake my head. “Not exactly.”
“Not exactly what?” His eyes move back to focus on the path of his razor.
“Well, to be honest, I thought you might give me a little more grief about it.”
"No. I can't fault you for wanting to be able to protect yourself better. Even if this shit didn’t make you feel you have to do this, I would still be on your side.”
My heart thumps in my chest.
God, I was so blind. He loves me. He truly loves me. My judgment was clouded by thoughts of infidelity. I let my mind get so far out of control, I couldn't see that my husband never stopped loving me. We fell into a rut, a rough patch we couldn't seem to get out of—hell, I’m not sure we’re out of it yet. But one thing is for certain, the love we have for one another never stopped.
We just stopped noticing it.
What we have is not something we don’t deserve, it’s something we have worked our asses off for. Marriage isn’t easy. There are many factors that can rattle the walls of our foundation, but watching him skillfully taking the razor over his cheek, I can’t help but feel the profoundness of our love.
“I love you,” I whisper. I don’t mean to say it out loud, and at first, I’m not sure he even heard me. When he’s finished wiping the remaining bits of cream off his face, he turns around, resting his ass against the counter, and crosses his arms over his chest, his eyes full of adoration. The beautiful chocolate turns molten.
“You felt it?”
“Felt what?” I raise a brow in question, not quite sure we are thinking the same thing.
“The tug of our rope pulling us together again.”
I suck in a breath.
He felt it too.
I nod, and whisper, “I felt it.”
He moves from the bathroom and reaches me in less than ten steps. Taking my face in the palms of his hands, he bends in and crashes his lips to mine.
The kiss goes from heated to scorching. It’s as if we haven’t touched one another before, like there’s been an immense buildup of sexual energy.
I’ve missed this.
This was us every single time we touched.
And even though it feels as if we are connecting on an emotion level, Lawson doesn’t take it slow. He devours my body in a way any woman would want to be devoured. Hard, fast, and slow and gentle when he deems it time. It’s all magnificent.
Once we’ve both reached our release, Law, still inside me, pulls the covers over us and settles me against his side.
Long ago before Lawson and I were together, I never cared for a dominant alpha since I am more of a dominant woman, but now that I’ve had Lawson’s dominant side for so long, I yearn for it.
Sometimes someone else taking control isn’t such a bad thing.
And for the first time in a long time, I fall right to sleep with nothing weighing on my mind.