Chapter Twenty-One

Staying Out Too Late

 

 

“Alex.” Claire knocked on the bathroom door. “What are you doing?”

“I just got out of the shower. I’ll be out in a minute.”

Claire looked at Pearl, who was dancing on one foot, impatiently waiting her turn to get ready and to the party. Claire envied her innocence.

“I thought you’d be downstairs longer. I’m sorry I took so long in the shower.” He had on his pajama pants and was rubbing his wet hair with the towel when he opened the bathroom door. Steam billowed out, and his scented shower gel floated in the air.

“Crap, you took a shower.”

“Yes, Claire. That’s what you normally do before getting into bed. What’s wrong with that? There’s plenty of hot water left for you.”

“Now I can’t go.” Pearl stomped her foot and pouted.

“Go where?”

“Your mother told your daughter what a lovely idea it’d be to go and watch the movie with the other children and have popcorn and candy.”

“Not popcorn and candy?” He threw his towel on the bed and grabbed Pearl, tickling her belly and making her laugh.

Pearl flailed her arms. “Daddy, stop. Take me there. Please, Daddy.”

He stopped and grabbed her nose. “Okay, munchkin. Just let me get my clothes on. I’ll take you.”

Claire looked at them both. How silly it was for him to get dressed to do something she could. She’d take the car, though. She was never particularly fond of walking in the night up to the house. Daylight was different. Spooky owls and weird night creatures weren’t out in the sunshine. Now she sounded like her daughter who feared dolls that ate out your eyes.

“Oh, you’re ready for bed, Alex. I can drive her. Go wash up and get your pajamas on, Pearl. I’ll wait for you.”

Pearl skipped off to the bathroom and shut the door.

“Claire, I don’t mind. Really.”

“No, Alex. I’ll make sure Mallory is all right. She seemed so sketchy earlier with all her weird talk about Jason. I think she needs time to just—” She stopped abruptly, thinking and hoping Alex wasn’t comparing their situation to Mallory’s. He’d never asked Claire about anything. Especially about the night of Frieda’s funeral. She’d been copied on an email from the hotel on Mission Point. They refunded the charges to the credit card because of the storm and the ferry being shut down. They alluded to the fact she never checked in. She certainly didn’t want him to ask about it now.

“She needs to take a chill pill. Jason loves her and I know he’s going to make things right. If she’s only patient, I know everything will be fine.”

“You think that?” He stood in front of her, searching her eyes.

“I hope with everything I can that it will be.”

Pearl flung open the door. Her smile was bigger than her face, and the yellow cupcake on the front of her shirt looked like just what the party needed.

“Okay, little girl…ahem…I mean big girl. Let’s get to that party.” Claire took her arm and escorted her out.

As they approached the living room, it was eerily quiet. The chatter from a couple of minutes ago had transitioned into silence. Alexander was lying on one of the sofas, snoring. Claire tapped Pearl’s shoulder and put her finger to her mouth to stay quiet. She imagined everyone else had gone to bed. One night down, a few more to go. She might be able to pull this off after all.

“Come on. Don’t make a lot of noise. We don’t want to wake Grandpa.”

She walked to the car with her daughter and drove the short distance to the guesthouse. Mallory opened the door and all the children pushed their way in front of her, whooping and hollering for Pearl to come in and join them.

“I’m so glad you decided to bring her, Claire. She’s going to have a great time. We just finished popping our fifth bag.” The house smelled like a movie theater.

“Sure. I don’t think I could’ve held her back. Say, are you doing any better?”

The children cleared the doorway and disappeared into the living room.

“I am. I just called him and he answered. That’s a good sign, right?”

“Yeah, I think you’re just overthinking things, Mallory.”

“Mom, come and start the movie, will ya? Carson’s eating all the Skittles and we don’t even have the movie in.” Bailey tugged on her mom’s arm.

“Well, they’ll certainly keep my mind off Jason. I’m going to do s’mores during the trailers. Wanna come in and join the party? I could use some reinforcements if the sugar kicks in sooner than I think it will.”

Claire teetered on the last step of the small porch. “No, I guess I’ll go back. I didn’t tell Alex I was staying. Maybe we’ll watch something, ourselves. Of course, with no sugar. I’ll probably be out by the end of the first scene. I’m really tired.”

“Okay. Well, don’t worry about Pearl. She’ll be just fine.” She looked over to the rowdy kids and smiled. “I better get the movie going.”

“Sure. And I know I gave Pearl a hard time, but really if she needs me, just call. It’s only a hop, skip, and jump back here. I don’t mind.”

“Will do.” She smiled and shut the door.

Claire walked to her car and was startled by a noise she heard.

“Psst, Claire. Over here.”

She searched in the darkness to see where the voice came from. It was hard to see. The moon was only the size of a fingernail that night. But she didn’t have to see him to know it was Colin calling for her.

She walked to the side of the house where his voice came from. He stood next to a tall pine.

“Colin, what in the world are you doing here? I thought you were at the house. You should be at the house.”

“I saw you leave, and I followed you. I wanted to see you. Alone.”

Claire looked around, making sure no one was around. Not so long ago they stood in the same forest and she lied to him. Told him there was someone else, when all she wanted to do was run away with him. To live as high on love as she could get. To run as fast as their feet could take them. Out of the reaches of his father and mother. To that cottage, where they laid, skin touching, and nothing mattered except how they felt complete with each other. To some people it took years, some never getting the chance—but they’d found each other. They were the lucky ones.

Now, too much time had passed. Too many other lives waited and depended on them to continue this bigger lie, this unfortunate mix-up of who they truly were and who they needed in order to survive. She took a deep breath and felt her soul take her feet over to the tree where he waited for her. Attached by the invisible string that linked their hearts.

“Colin, if Alex—”

Colin pulled her closer, drawing her into a kiss, passionately taking a breath while parting her lips and entering her mouth. Her core burned with obsession for him. Her fingers disappeared in his hair, and she pressed her eyes shut. Why was the only thing she lived for so forbidden? And felt so good and right?

His lips traveled down her neck, suckling and kissing every inch of it. Her toes curled as a moan pressed from her throat. A bird took flight to the sky from a nearby tree, screeching and flapping its large wings. The sound scared Claire. Its noise broke their embrace and Colin looked into her eyes—he was drunk and dazed with arousal. He parted his lips and moved forward again. She gripped him by the shoulders.

“Colin, we can’t do this. Our children are in that house. Our spouses are at the beach house, more than likely wondering where we are.”

He buried his head in her neck. “Claire, I know I told you I wouldn’t contact you, and I’ve made good on my word. But fate keeps bringing us back together. Are we supposed to ignore it? Am I forced to see you with Alex and be all right when he pulls out your chair or listen as the bedroom door closes with both of you on the other side of it, knowing it’s me who’s supposed to be in there with you?”

“I’ll find a reason to leave tomorrow and return to New York. I’ll say work needs me.”

He pulled back from her, dead seriousness in his eyes. “Don’t leave me, Claire. Although it’s torture in the purest form to have you so close and not be able to touch you, at least I have you near. Don’t go. Please.”

He got in his pocket and pulled out something. Claire couldn’t see what it was. He opened her hand and put a necklace in it. “I wanted to give this to you in New York, but didn’t. I want you to have it now.”

She opened her hand and looked in it. It was an oval pendant. She strained to see what was on it.

“It’s Saint Raphael. He’s one of the seven Archangels of God. He protected the love of Sarah and Tobias so that one day they’d have the chance to be married and be happy together.” He took the necklace and undid the clasp. “Wear it and always think of me. He will watch over you until we can be together.”

She held up her hair as he locked it around her neck. She kissed him and looked longingly into his eyes. Suddenly they heard footsteps on the ground coming toward them. It was Mallory, holding a flashlight. The light blinded them and they shielded their eyes.

“Shit. Claire, what are you doing? Colin?” The light shone on each one of them separately. “Seriously, guys?” No one said anything. “Alex called and is worried about you, Claire.”

Claire stepped away from Colin. “What did you tell him?”

“When I saw your car still in the driveway I told him I’d call him right back. Maybe you had engine problems.” She sighed. “You better come in and call him before he comes. And Colin, you’d better go home to Emily. I don’t want to have to cover for anyone else.” She kicked the ground. “Shit, you guys. This sucks. I’m suffering here as one of the other people. The girl who’s wondering where her own husband is.” She shook her head and turned to walk away. “I can’t believe you two.”

Claire buried her head in her hands. “What are we going to do now?”

“Don’t worry, Mallory won’t say anything.” He kissed her forehead. “I’ll go back now so Emily doesn’t wonder where I’m at. I told her I was going for a walk on the beach.”

Claire took his hand in hers. “Colin—”

She didn’t know what to say. There was nothing to say. She was so exhausted from not being able to live her life the way she wanted. To have to hide in the dark, among the trees, the coconspirators of her secret. Just to feel Colin’s hands, again, on her. To touch him and drown in the smell she’d always known to be his. If only she felt any of this for Alex. She tried, but knowing her heart was taken before she met him, it could never truly be.

Maybe she secretly hoped Mallory would tell Alex and Emily. Then again, she’d have to live with a different misery—the one of betrayal. It would kill her to hurt her daughter, and Alex didn’t deserve any of this. Not the lack of emotion when he held her, and not the lie.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He kissed her lips gently and walked into the darkness, heading in the direction of the beach. She heard the crackling of sticks underneath each of the steps that took him farther away from her.
 

∞ ∞ ∞

 

Claire looked at Mallory as she made the call from Frieda’s kitchen. Knowing what a liar she was, and feeling completely rotten about it. “Hi, Alex. I’m all right. I guess I lost track of time talking to Mallory and when I went to leave, the car flooded. I’m not used to driving. Cabs have spoiled me.” She bit her lip and paced, watching the children on the sofa in the other room. They took turns dipping their hands in the popcorn bowl. “No, there’s no need to come. I waited a few minutes and tried to start it again. It’s working now. Mallory just thought I should call first.”

She said good-bye, clicked it off and handed it back to Mallory. Her look was difficult to endure. The judgmental stare, the twisted lips, and shaking of her head. It would’ve been easier to get a smack across the cheek.

“What? Stop looking at me like that, Mallory.”

“Oh, you need more than a look from me, Claire. How long has this been going on? Is this something new? Don’t tell me it’s been going on for a while?”

“It’s new.” Claire couldn’t tell her the truth. She wouldn’t understand. She got the guy of her dreams. She stood up to her dad and married him. The only one who made the sacrifice was Jason. Instead of social work, he was a slave to Mr. Prescott. Who knows? Maybe he was cheating on Mallory. Claire hoped not.

“You need to go in and look at those children who have no idea what their parents are doing to ruin their lives.” Mallory pointed at the silliness the kids were doing while imitating what was on the screen.

Not the kid guilt card. Claire used that one on herself all the time. Couldn’t Mallory think of something else? Like how the divorce would be long and painful, followed by plagues of frogs, disease, and being stoned in the middle of Central Park? If only it were that easy. The stoning would be easy compared to the mental torture of ruining Alex and Pearl’s lives. Not to mention Colin’s family.

“I know all about that, Mallory. Don’t you think that’s what stops me from calling Alex at work and confessing I can’t go one more day pretending to be happy?” She raked her fingers through her hair. “I’ve rehearsed it a million times in the mirror. Trying out the right words, looking completely consumed by guilt and self-destruction when saying it. The fact that it’s not my happiness that matters is what stops me. I know it’s the other lives that wouldn’t be able to stand up to the pitfall of my mistake. I can bear it better than they could.” She became angry, her jaw locked. “But, when is it that I can be happy? When can I wallow in selfishness and say ‘to hell with everyone, I want to feel complete’? I want a chance at living happily ever after.” She looked down. Her hands fell to her sides. “The fact is no one deserves to be unhappy. But least of all Alex and Pearl. He’s a good man and I wish sometimes I never moved into that apartment he had for rent.”

“Do you even love him? I see the way he does things for you, Claire. I think he loves you very much.”

Claire swallowed hard. “He does. I know he does. And I love him, Mallory. Just not the way I love Colin. It’s more of a I’d-lay-in-front-of-a-train-for-him kind of love, and the kind I feel for Colin is he is the train. He consumes me.”

Mallory stayed very still, standing against the sink in the kitchen. The kids were murmuring about the movie in the next room. “It’s your and Colin’s cross to bear, Claire. As a woman who’s potentially being cheated on, I can tell you I’d rather be lost in the dark than be told by him how much happier he’d be with someone else.” She pushed herself off the counter and walked over to get her drink. She took a sip. “We aren’t stupid, you know. We sense when our spouses aren’t there with us. When they’re someplace else in their minds. But it affords us the chance to change and become someone who can get them back. Without having to know definitively where they were or who they were with. Because the details would kill us. All we have is the hope of being able to salvage something and move past it, still married and still keeping our family together.” She touched Claire’s shoulder. “So don’t think you’re the only one suffering here. Alex is suffering just as badly. Spare him the confession and try to make the most of your marriage. Forget about Colin.”

Claire quietly walked from the room to go give Pearl a kiss good-night. She turned and waved at Mallory on her way out the door. Her window of opportunity to think fate wanted her with Colin had been closed by the vantage point of the other side to the affair, the devoted spouse.