Chapter Seven

“I Love You”

 

 

“Colin, where are you taking me?” Claire saw he’d taken a right at the intersection, rather than the left that led downtown.

“I hooked us up with a private flight around the island. The instructor told me I can even take the controls to feel what it’s like to pilot the plane by myself.” His eyes became as large as fifty cent pieces, just like the little boy who’d gotten excited when his mother brought home a model plane for him to drive remotely around the side field of the house. Mallory and Claire saw very little of him that summer.

Claire’s anxiety level began to soar, higher than she ever wanted to experience from the air. “I’m not so good in planes, Colin. And that’s usually the commercial ones, with two hundred or so seats and a locked cockpit where I’m unable to see the pilot and all the buttons it takes to lift off into the clouds and stay lifted. I’m not so sure I can do two-seater tin-can models.”

“Do it for me?” He took her hand in his and pleaded, trying to stay on his side of the road.

She took a deep breath, teetering on thoughts of plummeting into the earth’s atmosphere and touching again on soil with all body parts intact. The last thing she wanted was to disappoint Colin. His father did enough of that already, and he looked so happy. His foot was tapping to the song playing on the radio and his smile was completely infectious. “All right, but the first time I’m scared, you’ll tell the pilot it’s time to come back?”

“Promise.” He crossed his heart.

“All right then. Let’s go earn you some wings!” she yelled.

He pulled into the parking space and grabbed her face for a quick kiss. “I love you.”

She opened her eyes quickly right before the contact of lip on lip. What did he just say? He must have caught that slipup, too. Instead of following through with the kiss, he was doing somewhat of a staring-off contest, and neither one was blinking.

“Did you just—”

“I did. It wasn’t planned, I promise, and if it freaked you out…” He didn’t finish his sentence.

She didn’t know what to think. She thought of her mother instantly, and what advice she’d give her. Stop being so guarded, more than likely. Claire had a problem with letting people get close to her. Especially now that she knew how completely lost she was without her mother. But she knew if she was ever going to find love, she’d have to open herself for the possibility of having her heart broken, too.

“Aren’t we still in the trying out period?” She eased back a few inches from his beautiful intense blue eyes. Not that she hadn’t already fallen madly in love with him. But she was waiting it out, for him to figure whether it was something he wanted, too. Guys usually didn’t figure it out until years into a relationship. This was sudden and completely a pinch-me moment for her.

“I mean, did you mean what you said, or was it just sheer excitement and adrenaline over being able to fly a plane and me agreeing to go with you? Risking life and limb.”

His eyes didn’t waver with his answer. They stared at her, to the very core of her, and his words rang inside her ears. “I meant it. I do love you.”

Her heart leapt with joy. A thousand fireworks exploded inside her, setting off tinier ones for the smaller parts, like her pinky fingers and piggy toes. “I love you, too.” She tried her best not to sound fourteen when she said it.

There it was—spoken to the universe. Like a corked bottle finally getting release. Lightning could strike her if it was untrue. But it was true. And a secret. Like the ones Frieda told her the house held. A secret that had been burning inside her since high school. It was in those years after Colin had grown out of a little boy playing pranks and into a young man who was hell-bent on spending his time challenging Claire to swim out to the first beacon. Although both wore the guise of feeling indifferent, inside she wanted him to want her as much as she wanted him. The mask was now off and it felt wonderful to say it out loud.

He moved forward to kiss her again. This time slower, with a hundred percent more passion. His tongue fought to get at her. His chest heaved in and out, as he touched her breasts, straddling across the center console to do so.

“Colin, are you going to be late?” She backed away slightly, wiping her lips. “Not that I’m not enjoying this immensely and maybe hoping a little tiny bit,” she held up two fingers, “that the flight will get canceled and we can return to the guesthouse. But I don’t want you to miss this opportunity.”

“You’re right.” He adjusted his shirt from riding his neckline. “We’re supposed to be in there now. Thanks again, Claire, for coming with me.” He jumped out and ran to her side and escorted her to the tarmac.

∞ ∞ ∞
 

Claire sat in the back of that single engine plane, clutching the seat she sat on. Listening to the two men talk flight lingo and praying silently to her mother in heaven to protect her for a safe landing. When she wasn’t chanting Bible verses, she managed to look below her. The small island of Kelly’s Cove looked amazingly small and compact; nothing like the hour it took to drive by car. She squinted to see the ferry trudging across to the mainland, with all the cars and passengers on board.

“Claire, you doing all right?” came Colin’s voice in her headset.

She gave him a thumbs-up when he turned around. “It’s magnificent, Colin.”

The pilot gave a few instructions on what buttons to push for the landing gear and how to pivot the controls. Colin was able, with the instructor’s assistance, to land the small aircraft when their tour was finished.

After Claire’s feet hit the ground, she let out a yell. “You did it, baby! You landed the plane.”

Colin shyly dropped his head, fighting off the glory she was giving him. “The pilot landed, but I helped.” He ended the declaration with a gusto of excitement. “Can you believe it, Claire? I landed the airplane. This calls for a celebration.”

He picked her up and whirled her around. She had never seen him so happy and content before.

“Let’s go to Mission Point.”

“That’s an hour away, Colin. Your sister said she wanted to use the car.”

“I’ll text her and let her know we’re shopping or something. She can take Mom’s car. Now let’s go.”

 

∞ ∞ ∞

 

Claire touched the dresses as if they were of museum quality. Red ones, blue ones, one that was sea-foam green with skinny straps and a cinched waist. They were all so pretty; she was mesmerized by them all. She’d never been in a shop like this back home. A gorgeous chandelier danced above her head with a hundred different little lights. The smell of expensive perfume lingered in the filtered air. She was afraid they’d charge just for breathing.

Not that any of these places were in her neighborhood, but Fifth Avenue was door-to-door packed with designer dress shops. With dresses that she could only imagine herself wearing. When Claire looked past the window displays to the inside, she’d catch a glimpse of the savvy shoppers and shop girls looking back at her. This never ended up in her pulling the handle of the front door and going inside.

The saleslady took one look at Claire’s worn sandals and off-the-rack dress and went back to helping other customers. At Mission Point, there weren’t any other stores to shop than the uppity kind. One-of-a-kind bathing suits with wraps that cost half of her monthly rent. Still, she liked to look around and dream what it’d be like to be able to afford something like the dresses that hung on the hangers.

She looked up from one of the displays toward the door when she heard the small chime inside go off. It was Colin returning for her. He’d told her he was going for a quick stroll and to check his emails.

He dangled a key in Claire’s face. It was on a flat plastic keychain. The number eight was stamped on it. “Look what I got.”

“What is it?” She held a coral-colored dress, folded in her arm. It was something she couldn’t put down until she was ready to leave the shop, having admired it since she laid her eyes on it.

“It’s a key to our very own little piece of paradise.” His face hurt from smiling so much.

“What type of paradise?” Her forehead wrinkled when she asked the question.

“The beach cottages down the way a little bit. I rented us one of them.”

She pulled him by the arm behind a rack of clothing and lowered her voice. “You did what? Are you kidding me? Your parents will freak out if we don’t go back home today. The festival is tonight, Colin.”

He took the dress she was carrying, snatched it from her arm and walked it to the sales register. He spoke loud enough for her to be able to hear him. “We’ll be back in time for it. And you’ll be wearing this dress.”

He handed it to one of the snobby sales staff and paid cash for it. Claire watched and smiled at him as he took the bag from the store clerk and handed it to her. Her heart ached with happiness.
 

∞ ∞ ∞

They laid in bed in the tiny rustic cottage off the sandy beach at Mission Point. The little dwellings had been some of the first lodgings on the island. Now they were things of novelty. Fairy-tale escapes from the modern world. Usually only rented by the older crowd, the ones who knew what a vacation truly was, because none were equipped with either phones or television sets. The owner of them, now in his eighties, had managed to save them from the wealthy tycoons who had erected the five-story hotel half a mile down the beach. It was only a matter of time before the modest huts would meet their fate and become extinct like some of the other things at Mission Point.

White paint covered the small room, floor to ceiling. The walls were constructed of wide planked wood and the only thing that stood out against their blinding starkness was the teal-colored dresser with its clear knobs. The swollen wood rubbed together when the drawers were opened. A basket-type light globe hung above their bed. You could see through the weave to the ceiling past the dim light. Pictures of the sea and lighthouses, framed to match the color of the dresser, hung on the wall. And shades made of sea grass clung to the window frames. It was the perfect size for two castaways.

Colin stroked Claire’s arm, playing with her fingertips. He’d give anything to never go back; to live in this tiny one-room sanctuary for eternity. He figured Claire could get a job on the mainland and ferry across every day, and he could fly passengers over with his very own Beechcraft model airplane. Life would be complete. Simple and uncomplicated.

“What are you thinking?” She rose up from the crux of his arm and gazed into his eyes. He could see all eight of her tiny freckles, lined up on the bridge of her nose.

She was beautiful. Even more so when she was lying naked next to him. The warmth of her body, the kisses she smothered him with when she straddled him. He could spend a lifetime looking at her milky-white body, now draped across the bed sheets.

“You don’t know how happy I am right now.”

She smiled and rolled over. He saw her cover her eyes with her hand, and refrained from kissing her long, slender neck.

“No, Claire. You really don’t. Look at me.” He moved her face toward him, looking into those endless brown eyes of hers. “I’ll never be the same.”

She laughed. “I think you just had a really good plane ride.” She cleared her throat. “And possibly a satisfying time with me. It’s like loving whatever you’re eating, after you haven’t eaten all day. I get it. And it makes me happy you’re happy.”

“I wish you wouldn’t belittle my feelings for you.” He moved his hand from holding her arm and fell backward. His eyes were fixed on the ceiling.

“I’m sorry, Colin. It’s just that I’m not used to someone telling me how I’ve possibly changed them. For the better. If I can be truthful, I’ve never had a guy tell me he loved me. It’s new to me and it’s difficult to express the way I feel about you. I feel like any minute I’m going to open my eyes and realize I’m back in Queens and I’ve been delirious because the air conditioner is broken and I don’t know reality.”

He situated himself on his side, looking at her intensely. “Well, you’re not in Queens. You’re in this cottage with me. And I love you. Get used to hearing it.” He tried to read her thoughts. He wasn’t sure what her blank look was saying to him. “Unless you don’t feel the same. Maybe I’m scaring you off with telling you how I feel. It’s only because I’ve never in my life been able to say what I truly feel…what I want.” He touched her chin. “Are you feeling differently, Claire? I’m a big boy. Please tell me if you’re having doubts about us.”

She fell back on the pillow. “If you only knew how much I loved you, it might scare you. Because I know it scares me.”

“Tell me then. Tell me how much you love me.” He rose back up and took her hand she had rested on her chest, and began rubbing it back and forth tenderly.

“I’ve never loved anyone else, other than my mother. I’ve had what I considered a more-than-a-friend guy once, whom I thought I loved. And then, of course, after he got what he wanted, it was soon over. I regret that more than anything, but I had no idea that something like how I feel with you even existed.” She took back her hand and sat up in bed. “I wanted to love someone in my life, you know, and have them love me, but I didn’t think it would seriously happen. I thought I’d get sucked into my career, maybe date a co-worker and out of sheer obligation to cohabitate and procreate, I’d one day marry him. He’d probably have something I’d have to bear, like gingivitis, and I’d constantly feed him gum to get through it. Perhaps our children would fulfill me more than him, and that would be my life. It beat out the fantasy of going home alone every night to an empty apartment and looking forward to Thursday Bingo nights at the citizen’s center.”

“Wow. High aspirations, huh?” He grinned.

“Well, yeah. I didn’t exactly have a model of the all-American family. You could say I’ve lived single my whole life. Mom didn’t really date. She did once. I remember her introducing me to some guy. Then he never came around. And after that, it was just me and her. Our Thursday night wasn’t Bingo, but the all-you-could-eat buffet at Neko’s Family restaurant. You had to get there at eight o’clock—that’s when it became free. Neko liked to advertise free but made it unbearable for people to wait so late to eat.”

“I guess my model of family was different. Mom and Dad tolerate each other. I saw family life, but I can’t say they were role models for happiness.”

“That’s a shame.”

“Yeah. Mom deserves to be happy.”

“So do you.” She laid back down and stared blankly at the crystal knobs on the dresser.

“Is something wrong?”

“It’s just that Mallory is happy with Jason, but I think she feels she can’t be because her dad is against any thought of them being a couple. And your mom isn’t completely happy. And now you. And me. I love you, Colin.” She pierced him with her eyes, and rubbed his cheek. “I can’t see how you could ever tell him about us. You can’t even tell him you don’t want to run the company.”

“I will. I just need to find the right time.”

She sat up and pulled the sheet to cover her bare chest. “I’m worried.”

He moved closer to her and stroked her chin. “Don’t worry.”

“No, I’m worried because I let my guard down. You have the power to break my heart now, Colin. I know I’m not what your dad envisions for you. He can barely tolerate me during one week of the summer.”

“That’s not true.”

“Colin, it is. I overheard him one year yell at your mother for always inviting me and Mom.”

“He’s an ass. Don’t concern yourself with him.”

“How can I not? He’s the head of your family. I’m afraid how far you and I go won’t be determined by us—it’ll be your family that kills it. And I’m not sure I can take another death. I’m still paralyzed by having my mother taken away.”

Colin slowly moved in for a sensual kiss. When his eyes opened, he said, “Claire, I love you. No one can change that. I’m not going to be taken away.”

“I hope not.”

“I’ll tell him tonight. About us and about my career path. I won’t have you worried about this anymore. I don’t want to see those little worried lines on your forehead. Although they are cute.” He smiled and kissed her head.

They held each other, soaking up the moment of what true love felt like—without limitations.