“You’re going to be mad at me,” Haven said as they sat side by side on the bed in Cora’s room, watching an addictive cooking competition show. Shows about cooking had been among Haven’s favorites for as long as she could remember, and television had been her main source of entertainment growing up. The one nice thing she could ever remember her father doing was buying her a small flat-screen TV for the kitchen so that she could try new recipes along with the chefs on TV—and that was only because her cooking benefited him.
Cora sat the bowl of popcorn down on the bed between them. “I doubt it,” she said. “About what?”
Haven clicked off the TV and shifted to face her friend. Her conversation with Dare that morning had been weighing on her all day, but Haven couldn’t put off telling Cora any longer. Better to find out from Haven than from Dare, in case he cornered Cora, too. “Dare asked me a bunch of questions this morning.”
“I figured that was coming at some point. Did you stick to what we agreed to say?” she asked.
Haven fingered a pulled thread in the bedspread. “Not entirely.” She just hadn’t been able to lie or hold back all the key pieces of information when Dare’s concern for her seemed so genuine.
“Oh, Haven, what did you tell him?” Cora asked.
“Not everything,” Haven rushed to say. “I didn’t tell him about the reward.” From the minute they’d been rescued by the soldiers at the storage facility, she and Cora had agreed not to tell anyone about the reward. They hadn’t known who to trust and didn’t want to give anyone financial motivation to say they’d help them while all along they were planning to use them to cash in. The one thing they didn’t know was how much the reward was for, but Haven had no doubt that her father would want her badly enough to pay—or do—whatever it took to get her.
Cora sighed. “Well, that’s good, but what is it you did tell him?”
“My dad’s name, where we’re from, and that I was going to be forced to marry,” she said.
“Geez, Haven. If they can find your father, they can find out about the reward,” Cora said, her tone more worried than angry.
“I know, and I’m sorry. But I think we can trust Dare, don’t you? He says that everyone here wants to protect us, and we’ve been here for over two weeks and no one’s done anything to make that seem untrue, don’t you think?” God, she really needed Cora to feel the same way.
After a long moment, Cora released a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah, I think that’s right. But we can’t be too careful with you, Haven. You can’t go back there for any reason. Ever.”
“Neither can you,” Haven said.
A shadow passed over Cora’s expression, but it disappeared so quickly that Haven wasn’t sure she’d seen it at all. “No, I don’t want to go back either. But you . . . you’re the one who would be in real danger. I’m not mad at you, I’m just worried for you.” Cora reached across the bed and squeezed her hand. “I could never be mad at you. You’re a good person. Of course you’d want to tell the truth to someone who’s helping you.”
Relief flooded through her. “Right. Thanks.”
“But can we keep the reward to ourselves for a little longer? Just until we get to know the people here more and see what our plan is going to be?” Cora asked.
“Of course,” Haven said, pretty much willing to follow Cora to the ends of the earth. After all, Haven would still be in Georgia and probably married to a horrible, disgusting middle-aged man by now without her.
“Okay, then,” Cora said, settling back against the pillows again. “Don’t worry. Okay?”
Haven took a handful of popcorn. “Before I agree to that, can I ask you something?”
“What?” Cora asked.
“Are you . . . is everything okay?”
“I’m fine. Why?” Cora frowned as she took a bite.
“I don’t know. Sometimes I get the sense that something’s bothering you. I know I’ve asked before, but I want to make sure I’m not being so self-involved over here that I’m not there for you, too.” It wasn’t the first time Haven had asked in the weeks since they’d run away. Though Cora was almost always upbeat and funny, there were moments when Haven’s gut said it was an act. Just like it had been when she’d told jokes about her empty lunch boxes when they were little.
“Something is bothering me, Haven. Making sure you stay safe. I know you’re here for me, too. I promise. So don’t worry. Really.”
“Okay,” Haven finally said.
But that night as she lay in the quiet darkness of her bedroom, worrying was all Haven could do. God, if she wasn’t the oldest twenty-two-year-old on the face of the planet. Sometimes she felt absolutely ancient. Finally, she gave up on sleep, slipped into her clothes, and crept down to the kitchen. The clubhouse was dead quiet, which Haven appreciated, since it meant she could get elbows-deep in baked goods without worrying about disturbing anyone or being found out.
She gathered everything she needed for lemon-almond bars, which were great for breakfast or as a treat all day in case there weren’t a lot of guys here in the morning. As she added the dry ingredients to the butter mixture, her mind calmed enough to drift. Soon, she was thinking of the list she’d been working on when Dare joined her on the porch. As if their conversation hadn’t been awkward enough, Haven had been hyperaware of the fact that she’d been standing two feet from him holding a notebook full of firsts she wanted to experience, adventures she wanted to have, and goals she wanted to achieve.
Mortified wouldn’t begin to describe how she’d feel if anyone besides Cora read it. And she wasn’t even thrilled with Cora reading it. Not only did it make her feel really exposed, but it felt a lot like saying your birthday wish out loud. If Haven admitted her dreams to someone else, maybe they wouldn’t come true.
Haven put the crust in the oven to bake, then set about cleaning up and preparing to make the filling, her thoughts spinning around how Dare had talked to her before he’d stormed off the porch. The way he’d gotten up in her face should’ve scared her, but it hadn’t. Haven had liked it. That was hard to believe, but true. Besides Cora, Haven didn’t think she’d ever had another person so passionately defend her. And it had done strange things to her. For a heartbeat, she’d wanted to kiss him. Just thinking about it made her pulse race even now.
What would it be like for that harsh mouth to kiss her? For that gravelly voice to whisper into her ear in the dark? For those rough hands to touch her, skin on skin?
And what the heck would she do if Dare ever tried to do any of those things?
She wasn’t a virgin, but she wasn’t exactly experienced, either. She and Zach, her first real boyfriend, had loved each other. They’d been together for four months when they’d gotten caught in his truck at one of the river overlooks. She never learned how her father knew where they were, but the memory of him ripping open the driver’s door and finding her straddling Zach’s lap remained crystal clear in her head. That night had been the last she’d ever seen Zach, and it had been the real beginning of her father’s twisted need to control everything about her life—by whatever means it took to bend her to his will. First, by punishing her. Second, by forbidding her return to school. And third, by threatening to harm Zach if she ever saw him again. That had been nearly eight years ago. Eight years without a man’s touch—or, at least, without the touch of men she actually wanted.
Haven shook the whole train of thought away as she pulled the warm crust from the oven and poured the lemony filling into it.
It was a moot argument, of course, since there was no way Dare would think of her that way. He was older and world-wise and the leader of this club where all these people looked up to him—she saw it in how they interacted with him every day. Still, thinking about Dare was enough fun that he’d inspired a whole section of her list. After all, being inexperienced and sheltered didn’t mean she was an angel. She wanted to experience all kinds of things. She wanted to feel something good. And maybe now that she was free she could.
Finally, it was time for the third and final layer of the bars—the crumbly almond topping. She sprinkled the crumbles over the whole baking dish and slid it back in the oven one last time. The kitchen smelled sugary sweet and just a little tart. It made her mouth water.
By the time the bars were done, cooled, and ready to be cut into squares, it was close to dawn. Haven took one for herself and moaned as the creamy-and-crunchy sweetness of the bar filled her mouth. So dang good.
She enjoyed the Ravens’ kitchen so much she almost regretted that at some point she and Cora would have to leave. Hopefully that wouldn’t be for some time. Her gaze ran over the room for a moment. Number one on her list remained having an amazing kitchen of her own someday. That wouldn’t excite a lot of people and it sure as heck wouldn’t make most people’s must-do/must-have lists, but Haven would gladly forego the rest of the house to have a killer kitchen of her own.
She flicked the light switch, plunging the room into darkness.
If they were really safe, maybe she could finally start believing her dreams might come true.
BY FRIDAY MORNING, Haven felt stupid for ever contemplating kissing Dare. He’d avoided her all week, and she didn’t think she was imagining it. One day he’d come onto the back porch while she was sitting out there and promptly turned around without a word. Another time he’d come into the kitchen while she and Cora were helping Bunny with something, and he’d never acknowledged or even looked at Haven the whole time he was there. And when she’d belatedly come down to dinner the night before, Dare excused himself from the table not long after she sat down. Granted, it wasn’t like they were friends or anything, but it had seemed from the couple of interactions they’d had that he at least cared about her, so it didn’t feel like she was blowing any of this out of proportion.
Not that it mattered, she guessed. Obviously, he didn’t owe her anything. Just the opposite, in fact—she owed him and the Ravens everything.
Like the full truth about the reward?
Lying on her bed with her notebook open in front of her, Haven tapped her pen against her lips. Yeah, probably.
Just then, Cora knocked on the door and came in. “I’m here on serious business,” she said, stretching out beside Haven, who scooted over to make room.
“I’m all ears,” Haven said, folding her hands over the open pages.
“There’s gonna be a party here tonight. I really want you to come down with me.” Cora gave her a hopeful look.
Butterflies whipped through Haven’s belly, but it was time to put something on her list into action, and attending a party was definitely on there. “Okay,” she said simply.
“Wait, what? Really?” Cora’s eyes went wide.
Laughing, Haven nodded. “Really.”
“Aw, you rock,” Cora said, throwing an arm over her shoulder in a move that nearly tackled her.
“Well, let’s save the proclamations until we see if I end up freaking out.” Haven tapped the notebook. “But I’m serious about this. I don’t want to waste any more time. I feel like I’ve missed so much. I just want to live.”
“You will. You are,” Cora said. “It will all get easier when you realize not everyone’s like our dads and their goons.” She peered at Haven’s notebook with a mischievous glint in her eye. “So what else can you check off tonight?”
“Well, if it’s a party, I was thinking I could try some drinks.” At almost twenty-three, she’d never had a single glass of wine, beer, or anything else. She might hate it, but she’d never know unless she tried.
Cora tapped her finger against her lips and nodded. “Okay. I like it. We need to make sure you eat beforehand, then. What else?”
“More?” Haven asked, laughing.
“Yes, more. Live dangerously, within reason, of course.” Cora winked.
Haven scanned the first of four pages she already had filled up. Some of the items were silly and frivolous, while others were serious and big and Haven had no idea how she’d make them come true. But there was so much she’d never done or been allowed to do.
Have your own kitchen
Have your own home
Go skydiving
Get GED (go to college?)
Get a pet
Get a job (what do I want to be?)
Thank the teachers who tried to reach out to me
Put the past behind me
Conquer fear and anxiety
Volunteer to help people (a soup kitchen?!)
Find a way to repay Cora
Make a mess and don’t care!
Go skinny dipping
Fly in an airplane
Visit another country
See a castle
Haven flipped to the page of Dare-inspired items.
Kiss a guy
Kiss a lot of guys!
Have fun at a party for once
Wear makeup
Drink
Ride a motorcycle
Learn to drive a motorcycle
“Kiss a guy?” she asked, looking at Cora.
“I was hoping you were going to pick that one. Why not? It could just be a kiss on the cheek. Or maybe it’ll be more, who knows?” Cora waggled her eyebrows.
Haven closed the notebook and flopped flat on the bed. “This list is juvenile.” Not to mention impossible. The idea of checking things off the list was fun, but how heartbreaking would it be for some things—maybe a lot of things—to never get done? Maybe it would be better not to dream, not to want. Maybe she was wanting too much.
“No, it’s not,” Cora said. “This list is about you thinking about what you want out of a life you’re just now being allowed to lead.”
Haven sighed and let Cora’s words sink in. “Okay, well. Then kissing a guy is a ridiculous idea,” she mumbled into the pillow. After a moment, she rolled her head to peer up at Cora. “Who would I even kiss? And what would I do, just walk up to someone and be like, I’m gonna kiss you now?”
Cora laughed. “Just see if an opportunity presents itself. Being open to it happening is half the battle. So now the question is what you’re going to wear.”
Haven lifted her head and pushed her hair behind her ears. “I want to look pretty.”
“Well, that’s easy, since you’re gorgeous anyway.” Cora ran her fingers through the end of Haven’s hair.
Haven rolled her eyes, uncomfortable with compliments no matter who they came from. In her experience, compliments had almost always stemmed from unwanted attention and came with a price tag—like you owed the guy something because he thought you were pretty. “I mean, I want to look good. Really good.” Her stomach did more loop-the-loops.
“You want to look hot,” Cora said. “Also easy. Does that mean I get free rein on putting you together for tonight, then?” she asked, her face alive with anticipation.
“Don’t make me regret it,” Haven said. For the next forty minutes, Haven wore and did and went along with everything Cora suggested. She ended up in her new tight jeans and clingy black shirt, with her hair styled in big loose curls that Cora pinned up on the sides to create a cascade of curls down her back. Haven didn’t have anything more adventurous than the black sandals Bunny had bought for her feet, but Cora did her makeup so beautifully—another check for her list—that she looked like someone else altogether. “Oh, my God. Is it too much?”
Cora looked over her shoulder into the mirror. “Not at all. Man, you look stunning. I do good work.”
“You do great work. It’s like it’s not even me.” Haven turned her head back and forth, trying to look at the back of her hair.
“It’s totally you, Haven. Just you, glammed up.” Cora grabbed her shoulders. “We’re gonna have so much fun tonight! Let me do my hair real quick and then we’ll go down for dinner.”
“Okay,” Haven said, moving away from the mirror so Cora could do her thing.
While she waited, she sat on the edge of her bed and picked up her notebook. She flipped through the pages of items on her list and chose to see it Cora’s way. Because it was time for her to live her life and stop being scared of everything. At least, it was time to try. With a grin, she grabbed the pen and flipped to the first page. Inspired by Cora, she wrote two words at the top, and underlined them for good measure:
Live Dangerously!