My shopping bags crinkle loudly as I dangle them from my forearm and dig our hotel door key out of my pocket. It’s kind of crazy how much stuff I got for just a single night out. I’m guessing Ryan thought it would be as simple as buying a dress, but every girl knows it’s more than that.

The door opens to an empty room. I peer around, listening for the shower or some noise to tell me Ryan made it here before me. Nothing. I’ve got the place to myself. I hope he’s okay. It seems weird he’d take longer than me to get some clothes. Dropping my bags on the end of the bed, I pull my phone out and check the app he loaded onto my phone. The blinking circle tells me he’s heading back this way. He’ll be here soon.

Well, I can use this time to get ready. It’ll take me longer than him anyway. I pluck my purchases up and bring them into the bathroom, spreading everything out on the counter in front of the massive mirror as I start the shower. It doesn’t take me long to shed my weathered clothes and step inside. Closing my eyes, I let the heat of the shower envelop me.

All my worries are carried away on little lazy clouds of steam as I grab one of the complimentary soaps and pull it out of the little box, sliding it over my body. Any tension that was left in my muscles washes away with the suds down the drain. Squeezing out a tiny shampoo bottle into my hand, I try to imagine what Ryan will look like when he’s all cleaned up. Will he shave the scruff on his jaw? I try to picture his dark hair neatly combed, but it just makes me laugh. Someone like him wasn’t meant to be contained by the thread shackles of a suit. He was born to live and die in his leather jacket and perfect fitting jeans that are snug in all the right places.

Grabbing the conditioner, I finish up with my hair before rinsing it out and turning off the water. I want to make sure I leave some for Ryan. Although, I’m guessing in a fancy hotel like this, you can expect hot water for hours. Not like in my cheap, rundown apartment over the bar.

Wolfe snarling up at me from the floor of that place strikes me like lightning. A jolt of fear travels through me and I freeze to the spot as my breathing becomes quick little puffs. Suddenly, through the film hazed mirror, I see myself. I see the panic that man can send me into covering my face like the ugly scar that covers his. My body is hunched over, cowering at only the thought of a guy. I look weak and pathetic. For the first time, I can truly see what being with Wolfe reduced me to. I can see myself as he saw me. Defeated. Scared. Broken.

I pull a deep breath into my lungs and watch myself grow in the mirror as I force my shoulders back and stand tall. I won’t let him do this to me. I’m not that person I just saw reflected back at me. I’m strong, smart, and brave. I refuse to let some violent degenerate change who I am.

“I fucking refuse,” I murmur to myself in the mirror.

“What’s that?” I hear Ryan’s voice muffled by the bathroom door and notice how my eyes sparkle and my body opens up. Wolfe can destroy who I am and bring me down to the worst version of myself, but Ryan is the exact opposite. Just a couple words from him build me up and fiery strength burns in my veins.

“Nothing, just getting ready. I won’t be too long,” I answer, smiling like a silly teen with her first crush.

“Take your time. There’s no rush.”

I hear him flick on the television and I begin getting dressed. It’s funny. I spent just as much on what I’m going to wear under my outfit as I did on the actual dress. I pull the tags off a see-through lace bra and matching, naughty panties. The soft green looks flattering against my hair. I sit on the edge of the tub and slide some thigh-high stockings on before securing them with the long garter strips that hang down my upper thighs.

Standing up, I’m happy with my appearance. And I’m pretty sure Ryan’s gonna love this little surprise later. I softly run my fingers down over the crotchless underwear and imagine his face when he realizes my sexy secret.

I slip on my lavender dress and use the hairdryer mounted to the wall. It takes a bit to dry it enough that it doesn’t look like I did when we got caught in that rain storm yesterday. I brush it out and clip it up with a sweet pin of a dragonfly I found in a cheap costume jewelry shop. Then it’s just a coat of mascara and some lip gloss and I’m all set.

I take a deep breath and open the bathroom door, finally ready to reveal myself to Ryan. He turns toward me and his mouth drops open as his eyes lick every inch of me.

“Wow.”

“Good wow? Or?”

“Holy shit, you look amazing. I have half a mind to throw you down on that bed and fuck you right now.” He starts walking toward me, but I hold up my hand.

“Let’s save that for after the party.” I laugh as an almost pained look flashes over his face. I’ve never met a man who’s made me feel as beautiful and irresistible as Ryan. The way he wants me, it’s as undeniable as his blue eyes or his boyish smile. It’s like his desire for me is a part of him and nothing I can do or say would ever change it because it’s just in his DNA.

“Fair enough,” he finally answers. “I’ll only be a minute. I’m gonna get cleaned up. I still won’t look good enough to be escorting you around tonight, but at least I won’t look like some kind of hobo on your arm.

“You’re a hell of a handsome hobo,” I tease.

“Thanks.”

He grabs his bag and disappears inside the bathroom and I plop down on the edge of the bed as I hear the familiar sound of the shower starting back up. Being in a hotel suite like this, getting ready for a date, it makes me think of what it would be like if Ryan and I had a real future together. One where he wasn’t just going to drop me off at my nana’s and take off for the open road.

Would he ever stay? Would he ever think of settling down and giving this, giving us, a shot? Would it even be fair to ask him to? When I asked Ryan to take me on this trip, I told him I wouldn’t put him out. And he seems pretty set on his freedom. It hurts to think a man I already feel so much for, a man who makes my reflection shine and my skin glow with excitement will soon be a memory.

I hear the water shut off with a squeak and I wipe my fingertips under my eyelashes, flicking away the mist building up inside. Well, if Ryan is destined to be a memory, I better make it the best one I can. And that means no crying and feeling sorry for myself. Tonight will be about cutting loose and giving the future me, the me without Ryan, something worth remembering.