A rogue ray of light found its way through the blinds and shone directly onto my face. Nature’s alarm, that I never asked for.

I felt lost for a split second and began to panic, before the events of the previous night came rushing back to the forefront of my mind. The surprise ball, my half-assed attempt at dancing. The kiss and the drive home, and the short lived wave of embarrassment I felt once Alex and I were alone. 

Alex was a man who could have anyone. Models, celebrities, anything — but chose me instead. My entire body was killing me, a testament to his prowess. My dress, that beautiful black dress I borrowed from Brianna, laid balled up somewhere on the floor. He’d thrown it there after almost ripping it off of me. In those hectic moments, our collective judgment was clouded by a powerful cocktail made with equal parts lust and repressed carnal desires. He took me to heights of pleasure I had only dreamed of, or intensely pictured during private moments.

My eyes fluttered open and I looked around to ensure I hadn’t imagined everything. I laid alone on his massive bed, covered by a thin silk sheet that gently caressed my body. After making a mental note to buy some for my own bed, I sat up. The sheet fell soundlessly onto the bed and exposed my breasts. I felt no shame, even knowing he probably had a maid or two that could walk in at any given time. 

I simply couldn’t have cared less. Between the fog that still permeated my brain and the mild jolts of pain coming from bruises gained the previous night, I wasn’t in the best of shapes. And yet, I was happy.

I rubbed my eyes, trying to chase the sleep away. Alex was nowhere to be seen. My gaze swept the bedroom and found no traces of him, save for the clothes he’d taken off. A voice inside of me kept telling me to wear his shirt and go looking for him, and another one quickly silenced it with vicious threats. Could I have been any more of a clichè?

Heeding the advice my subconscious so generously doled out, I got up. The dark wood the floor was made of wasn’t cold as I expected, but rather warm instead. It was something so simple yet somewhat foreign that it surprised me at first. Most mornings, the apartment I lived in with Brianna vaguely resembled the Alaskan tundra.  

Alex’s house was a mixture of old and new. I didn’t quite take in the sights it had to offer yet, just passing glances as passion guided us to his bedroom. 

His love for art was undeniable. Nearly every wall housed at least a painting or more, most of which I couldn’t recognize. Art had never been my forte, and perhaps I admired those paintings for the wrong reasons. Still, their striking beauty caught my eye, underlying philosophical meaning be damned. 

I retrieved my underwear, and going against my previous thoughts, I reached over to grab Alex’s shirt to put it on. It smelled like him. Musky and strong, the perfect concept of what a man should be like. Memories began once again flooding my mind, and I had to forcefully cast them out.

I timidly made my way out of his bedroom and into a corridor that lead to the living room. The other doors I noticed, I didn’t dare open, and besides, I had no reason to.

“Alex?” I called, keeping my head on a swivel to avoid any surprises. I was somewhat on edge despite there being no real reason for it. That apartment was uncharted territory, though not a hostile one.

He could have left me alone for all I knew, gone to work as he always did. Never missing a day as if he were addicted to it, even knowing it would eventually be the death of him. I had seen that exact scene play out before, and I was sure he had too. Harris senior’s shadow loomed over his son, judging his every move from beyond the grave.

A set of hinges came to life behind me, squeaking as the door they held onto swung open. Out came Alex, followed by a cloud of steam.

The bathrobe he wore hung loosely onto his chiseled body, and the memories resurfaced once more. 

“That shirt looks good on you,” He smiled, devouring me with his eyes just like he’d done the night before.

My cheeks flushed with heat. I took the compliment as graciously as I could, though the situation was still somewhat awkward. “It’s better on you,” I shot back, trying my best to sound confident.

Alex laughed. I had never seen him that relaxed ever since I met him. It couldn’t have been just the sex, as mind blowing as it had been. Regardless, I decided not to question it and just savor the moment.

“Let’s take the day off, shall we?” He suggested, cocking his head to the side as he leaned onto the door frame.

I had no idea what time it was or how long I slept. His bed was so comfortable I didn’t hear the alarm blaring from my phone and slept right through it. 

“We’re a bit late for work, aren’t we?” I joked, secretly hoping he wouldn’t drag us to the office.

“It’s not like my boss will fire me,” Alex shot back, and a devilish grin appeared on his face as he took a step towards me. “Yours, however…”

“Mine will surely understand. It’s been a long night…” I replied, my eyes burning into his — even though they desperately wanted to wander downward.

He put his hand around my throat and squeezed gently, but firmly. The soft, sultry moan I let out sounded almost unnatural to me. I accepted it and allowed myself to relax, getting lost in the whirlwind of emotions and sensations that had my legs almost fail me. I was his, and as he pushed me back into his bedroom, I realized I was in for another long day.

The sun was high up in the sky, inching downward with each passing minute. Alex drove me back home, thus saving me a late walk of shame that would have taken way too much time using public transportation.

Parting ways felt slightly awkward. We both needed some time to recharge our batteries and fight off dehydration. Aside from that, we both also needed a fair bit of clarity.

We had spent almost a full night and the following morning drunk on lust. Chasing away the loneliness that haunted us by shining the light of physical affection at it. Blinding that monster we both hated and feared. In the heat of the moment we never stopped to think about what we were doing. Who would have? We were simply following our instincts.

Alex waited for me to enter the building before driving off. I leaned against the large door after closing it behind me and took a deep, deep breath. Held it there. Exhaled. As soon as the air left my lungs, something else attacked me from within. A maelstrom of longing, nausea and fear that snuck up on me and ambushed my senses as soon as it saw me standing alone.

I sauntered off towards the elevator and after a short ride, which I spent going through my purse in search of the keys to my apartment, I finally arrived back home.

Brianna was sitting in front of the television, eyes glued to her phone as always. I was surprised and slightly impressed her neck wasn’t in perpetual pain given her posture.

She raised her head to look at me, her gaze scanning me from my messy head down to my toes. A wide grin spread onto her face, but it quickly faded, replaced by a flash of anger.

“I was starting to get worried!” She exclaimed, locking her phone and setting it down onto the table. “But how’d it go?”

I chuckled and sat down beside her, sighing as the soft cushions embraced me. “It was great,” I admitted. There was no point in hiding the truth, that night had been damn near perfect. Even if I didn’t know if it had been only sex, or something more.

Brianna seemed happy for me. “At least one of us is getting some!” She joked.

I rolled my eyes, mimicking frustration. “Oh come on, now.”

“It’s true! And hey, as long as you had fun, I’m happy for you,” Brianna nodded, a genuine smile on her shining lips. She’d always been honest with me, sometimes even too much.

I stood up, groaning as I did so. Still sore, and loving it. “Thank you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to take a shower.” 

The hot water cleansed my body. The memories, however, I kept replaying every time I dragged the soapy sponge across my bruised flesh. Each mark a badge of honor, earned in the most agonizingly beautiful fight I had.

Everything was still fresh in my mind, I could almost feel him grip my flesh so tight his knuckles turned white. I missed it, more than I thought could be possible. He’d given me a taste and got  me hooked, though I knew I had to be careful. If Alex was to be my drug of choice, I had to make sure not to overdose. 

That night had also been my induction in the hall of stereotypes. The secretary falling for her boss, a classic. It normally required the boss to have a wife that didn’t satisfy him, though in Alex’s case, his wife was his job. I couldn’t just swipe away years of built up stress and negativity. Life is never that easy.

The shower gave me enough time to reflect on that situation. Going back to work could either be as awkward as that ride home, or feel completely normal. I toyed with the idea of that night becoming a regular occurrence, and had to stop myself from prolonging an already lengthy shower. My body needed a break, but my mind loved to torture me.

I exited the bathroom feeling  rejuvenated and joined my housemate on the couch she still hadn’t moved away from. I was impressed by her ability to do nothing for extended periods of time — it would have made me go crazy.

“So…” She began, curiosity mounting in her tone. “Is it gonna be weird tomorrow?”

“Good question. We’ll see, I guess. I’m not too sure,” I replied. It certainly wouldn’t be a regular day.

“Well if push comes to shove, you can always quit,” Brianna suggested. “Other companies would do anything to hire you.”

I sighed. “I guess. Honestly though, I don’t really know what I’ll do. Hell, what I want to do, even.” The somewhat dejected tone of my voice must have activated her motherly instincts, and Brianna turned to face me.

“Whatever it is, you’ll be great at it,” She nodded. The fiery conviction in her eyes reassured me somehow. 

“Hope so. We’ll see what will happen tomorrow,” I repeated, trying to convince myself I would be fine. 

“Are you regretting sleeping with him?” For the first time, I sensed a hint of shakiness in her tone. Almost as if she was afraid to ask the question, or perhaps afraid of my answer.

“No,” I shook my head. “Not in the slightest. Maybe it wasn’t the greatest idea I ever had, but—” She cut me off mid sentence.

“Then own it. Mistakes can always be corrected, and if you had fun doing them, well… More power to you.” 

She was fundamentally right. Still, I never said sleeping with Alex had been a mistake. It had been a conscious decision and I enjoyed every second of it, though I didn’t consider the potential fallout.

Reynolds and Harris. Dogs and cats. What happened had to remain a secret.