*Mia*

 

Summer vacation came to an end way too quickly. I missed being able to hang out with Noah all day, every day at the beach, surfing, sunbathing, kissing. There was a lot of kissing. My senior year of high school had started, and my eighteenth birthday had come and gone. I was officially and legally an adult. I think my dad was a little sad about that fact, no longer his little girl. Especially when I joked with him, saying he could no longer tell me what I could and couldn’t do. Earning my mom a control your daughter kind of glare.

We celebrated by having dinner and cake at my house. Surrounded by my family and Noah, only missing Mason who went back overseas to once again fight for our country. Giselle showed up with her new boyfriend, who didn’t seem like her typical type. Polar opposite of my brother. I could tell Uncle Dylan didn’t like the man very much, staring him down with a killer look in his eyes. Waiting for him to make one wrong move.

I immediately wondered if my brother knew what she was up to. Knowing it wasn’t going to go over well if and when he found out. I felt bad for the poor guy, but I also didn’t want to see my brother end up in jail for taking him out. There was definitely a shit storm brewing, and for the first time in a while, I wasn’t the cause. I had to be grateful for the small miracles.

Everyone belted out, singing happy birthday to me, telling me to make a wish and blow out my candles. For some reason, at that exact moment, I thought about a penny, which didn’t make any sense. You’d think that feeling would have become a natural reaction for me by now, but it didn’t. Not even after all this time.

After filling up on my homemade cake my mom made, I opened a ton of gifts. Getting jewelry, a new laptop, some clothes and a bunch of gift cards. I couldn’t wait to go shopping. It was a great way to say goodbye to seventeen and welcome eighteen with open arms. Spending my birthday with all the people I loved and wanted to be with the most.

Noah gave me a beautiful necklace with a heart-shaped pendant made of diamonds. Saying as soon as he saw it, he had to get it for me. That nothing was as pretty as I was but this came close. We were exclusively in a relationship, spending every waking hour together.

The first time he called me his girl was in front of my mom and dad. We were messing around in the pool while my parents’ grilled out. They didn’t say anything, but I did see my dad corner Noah in the kitchen, through the sliding glass door later that evening. It appeared they were having a heated conversation, although I didn’t hear what it was about. I imagined it was his typical threats, which Noah had become more than accustomed to.

Since I turned eighteen, they weren’t on my ass as much as they used to be. I didn’t have a curfew anymore. I could come and go as I pleased. I could stay out at friends’ houses as long as I communicated where I was and what we were doing. I knew they weren’t stupid. I’m sure they assumed I was staying with Noah, but they never called me out. I think a part of them started to like him and possibly even trust him. He kept me safe, and I was happy. Which was ultimately all they ever wanted for me.

Even though my life had changed, my memories had yet to return. It had been almost a year since I was found, and no closer to the truth that was barricaded in my mind. The case of my disappearance was still open but had become stagnant. Creed was still on the run, and my uncle and dad were still chasing him. I knew they’d never stop.

To be honest, the more time that went on, the more I realized my memory might never return. At that point, I think I started to become fine with that intuition.

It was what it was.

My therapist and I began talking about the future, instead of living in the past. I had to start thinking about college and all that came along with that. With my help, Noah passed his GED with flying colors. His ma was so proud, watching her baby receive his certificate. We spent hours upon hours getting him ready for it. He didn’t give himself enough credit, he was extremely bright when he put his mind to something. Most of the time I had to bribe him with pervy favors. Like if he got this answer right I would take off my shirt, or if he got it wrong he wouldn’t be able to kiss me for an hour.

It motivated him in the right direction for the most part, although it just led to us making out more often than not.

We hadn’t had sex yet, and he hadn’t pushed me to do anything I wasn’t ready for or comfortable with. He was being patient with me, and I thought that was super sweet of him. We could spend hours just making out, lying together, letting our hands roam. He’d touch me under my clothes testing my boundaries, but he never took it any further. As far as I knew, it kept him satisfied just being able to feel me and love me in that way for now.

I hadn’t seen or heard from Creed since my prom, over five months ago. That all changed when my phone dinged at midnight on my birthday, scaring the shit out of me. An unknown number lit up my dark room like a beacon in the night, calling for me to answer.

I swiped the screen over, reading his simple message, “Happy birthday, Pippin. Don’t forget to make a wish.”

His words made me smile, but that quickly faded as did the light on my phone. I worked so hard to keep him out of my mind, and every time I thought he was gone, he’d make his way back in. Almost like he sensed I was moving on. Other than that night, it was like he dropped off the face of the earth. I debated on texting him back more often than not, just to know he was alright. Also, resisting the urge several times to ask his ma if she’d heard from him, afraid of the response I’d get.

There were times when I would catch myself thinking about him, hoping he was safe. Praying he was alive. Holding the key he gave me tight in my grasp. Trying to figure out why my mind wouldn’t bring him back, and I had yet to fully grasp that question.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about over there?” Noah probed, walking back into his living room with popcorn in his hands. Ready to play the movie.

His mom went away for the weekend with some of her girlfriends. Saying something about it being long over do. Noah had suspected that she was seeing someone and just didn’t want him to know. Probably too nervous, thinking about how he would react to the news. Fearing for the guy’s life.

To be honest, I would be, too. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was dating again, she was beautiful. Inside and out. I knew Noah still held onto the resentment he had toward her, and I’m sure she knew it as well. Even though there was bitterness on his end, I knew he loved her, and she loved him more than anything. Proving that every day. Their relationship was amazing for mother and son. I think over time his anger for what she put him through would fade. I hoped it would be the same for his brother, too.

Noah never talked about Creed, and I never brought him up, either. His mom didn’t even mention him around me. Which made me think she knew more about where he was than she let on.

“You always bite your lip when you’re deep in thought,” he remarked, once again pulling me away from my thoughts. 

“Is there anything you don’t notice?”

“Not when it comes to you.”

I smirked, grabbing some popcorn out of the bowl as he took a seat beside me. “I was thinking about my Jeep if you must know. Thanks for picking me up in your mom’s car tonight. My Jeep should be out of the shop tomorrow morning. Can you take me to pick it up?”

He raised an eyebrow, grinning. “That mean you spendin’ the night?”

I shrugged, smiling. “It depends. Did you rent a man movie? If I have to sit through another violent or bloody film, there better be some hot ass guys.”

“Why? You got one sittin’ right here.”

“Really?” I looked around the room and then back to him. “Where?”

He put the popcorn on the coffee table and grabbed my foot, tugging me to him. Making me squeal and giggle all at the same time.

“You’re lucky you’re so fuckin’ pretty,” he rasped, laying on top of me.

“What about my awesome witty comebacks?”

“What about them?”

My mouth dropped open. “That’s not nice.”

“Someone wasn’t bein’ very nice a few minutes ago,” he retorted, kissing along my neck. His facial hair was inflicting all sorts of feelings in my core.

“Don’t hate because you’re not funny!” I giggled, angling my head down so he couldn’t get into the crevice.

“Now I ain’t funny? I’m fuckin’ funny!”

“Oh yeah, fuckin’ hilarious. You ain’t fuckin’ funny,” I mocked him, using the way he talks.

“Don’t say fuckin’… sounds too dirty comin’ out of somethin’ so sweet.”

“Awe! That was so sweet! But you’re not the boss of me! I can say whatever I want! Fuckin’, fuckin’, fuckin’, fuck!”

He chuckled when he realized I wasn’t going to let up and let him at my neck, so he lifted my dress instead. Blowing raspberries all over my belly, causing me to thrash around like a crazy person.

“Who’s fuckin’ funny now?”

“Definitely not you! I’m only laughing cause you’re torturing me!” I accidentally kicked the popcorn off the table, sending it flying everywhere.

He continued his assault, tickling my sides for I don’t know how long when he suddenly just stopped, catching me off guard. I caught my breath for a few seconds before I leaned up on my elbows to see what he was doing. Instantly jerking back, realizing his eyes were dead set on my faint C-section scar that could only be seen if you knew it was there.

The same one I still stared at all the time.

I froze in place, not knowing what to say or do. We had yet to breach the subject about the past, pretending as if it never existed to begin with. When he moved his hand, I stopped breathing. Knowing exactly what he was about to do. His fingers lightly touched along the faded memory of the day I was still so terrified and overwhelmed to remember. Although, the tips of his fingers were barely grazing my skin, that didn’t stop me from feeling the sensation all over.

Especially stabbing at my heart.

“Her name was Madison, we were goin’ to call her Maddie for short,” he said so low I could barely hear him. As if he was no longer in the present with me, he was somewhere else entirely stuck in the past. Lost in his own mind. “She was beautiful, Mia. I’d never seen anythin’ more beautiful in all my life.” His eyes filled with tears. It was the first time I saw him so vulnerable since her funeral. So exposed and so raw.

“You got to meet her?” I asked in the same low monotone he was speaking in.

“No. By the time I made it back, she was already gone.” His mind was reeling. I could see it clear as day, the visions playing out in front of him. “She was so fuckin’ tiny. Her body fit right in my palms,” he paused, looking down at his hands like she was still in them. “She had your lips and round face, your complexion, too.” I watched as tears streamed down his cheeks, feeling so helpless. He didn’t bother wiping them away, too consumed with what he was telling me. As if he was there with her and not here with me. “She had my black hair, though. Her skin was so fuckin’ soft, and she smelled like nothin’ I’d ever breathed in before. She was so fuckin’ perfect. I loved her immediately. Didn’t think I could ever love somethin’ so much until that moment. Except, maybe you.”

I sucked in air, taking in everything he was saying, reliving it through his eyes. Not noticing I’d been crying right along with him until a tear fell to my lips.

“I dream about her all the time. Thinkin’ about somethin’ that will never be. You see, Mia, your purgatory is the fact that you don’t remember anythin’… mine is the fact that I do.”

“Noah…” I whispered, my voice breaking.

“I don’t want you to remember. I pray every night that you don’t. Cuz I know the day you do, you’ll fuckin’ hate me. Just as much as I hate myself for not savin’ our baby girl.”

I grimaced, his words too much for me to bear. I sat up, taking him along with me, straddling his lap. It was my turn to wipe away his tears. Using my lips, my fingers, wanting to take away his pain and sorrow.

“I could never hate you,” I murmured, caressing all over his face. Silently praying he would believe me.  

There wasn’t an inch of me that didn’t ache for him, that didn’t want him. I craved his touch now, more than ever before. I licked my lips, needing the moisture to soothe the burn his words and breath caused against my mouth. His eyes followed the simple gesture of my tongue.

“It’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault. I may not remember what happened, but I know in my heart who you are and what you mean to me. You can’t keep blaming yourself for something you had no control over. You didn’t pull the trigger. You would never hurt me. I know that without my memory. Do you understand me?”

He pulled back a little, narrowing his eyes at me. Searching my face for I don’t know what. He just nodded, answering my question as he reached up to sweep my hair away from my face, never letting his eyes waver from mine. I didn’t hesitate, leaning in and kissing him. Wanting and needing to take away his memory of that day, knowing in my heart it wouldn’t matter, it would always haunt him. I felt as though it was the least I could do to try.

Allowing my touch to speak for itself.  

In a matter of minutes, our kiss turned into something else entirely. Something we both wanted but had yet to make happen.

“Pretty girl,” he rasped, against my mouth. “What are you doin’?” Feeling the urgency of my lips claiming his.

“I want you,” I simply stated in between kisses. Not wanting to stop comforting him, even if it was just for a second.

“Mia…” he groaned in a husky, torn tone. Waiting for me to say the words he desperately yearned to hear.

“Please… Take me to bed. I’m yours.”

He abruptly stood, carrying me up with him like I weighed nothing, wrapping my legs around his waist. Roughly smacking my ass, causing me to yelp. He carried me into his bedroom where he laid me down on the bed, hovering his huge frame over mine.

Looking deep into my eyes, he breathed out, “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” I sat up enough to take my dress off, discarding it on the floor. Leaving me topless and exposed, wearing only my panties.

I knew he had seen me naked before, but right now, it felt like the first time all over again. I was so nervous laying there, waiting for him to do what he pleased with me. My heart beat at an uneven rate, threatening to erupt from my chest. Maybe it was the predatory look on his face or the fact that I had just seen another side to him. It also could have been from knowing I was going to touch him, feel him, and see him in ways I didn’t remember experiencing with this man.

“You’re so goddamn beautiful,” he praised with a sincere tone, standing above me at the edge of the bed. Pulling his shirt over his head, revealing his hard, toned, muscular body, covered in nothing but art.

It was then that I saw it, the name Maddie tattooed in small cursive lettering over his heart.

“When did you do that?”

“The day after she died.”

“How is this the first time I’m noticing it?”

“You weren’t lookin’ for it before.”

His eyes shifted, taking in every last inch of my body as if it was the first time he was really getting a good look at me.

“Spread your legs for me, baby.”

I timidly obeyed, willing my already shaking legs to move. Opening them, anxiously waiting for what I knew was to come. He released a loud growl that escaped from the back of his throat, adding fuel to the flames already burning inside me. Grabbing onto my thighs, he pulled me to the edge of the mattress and sank down on his knees.

I rapidly closed my eyes, and the familiar uncomfortable feeling returned with a vengeance. I was finding it hard to breathe as he kissed and licked his way up my thighs. Not understanding why the intimacy of what he was about to do felt so wrong. I bit my lip, pleading with my mind to let me go, let me live in the moment right here, right now with him. Enjoy the sensations his mouth would stir inside of me.  

“Mia,” he muttered, making me look down at him. “Can I taste you? You wouldn’t let me before, but fuck, baby... I need to. I’m fuckin’ starvin’.”

His words struck a chord deep inside of me, mimicking the way I was feeling. And I wasn’t referring to the filthy things he said, but to the fact that this was the first time he would be doing this…

Is that why it felt wrong? Because I didn’t let him before? Why didn’t I let him?

I nodded, unable to speak. Forcefully pushing away the sentiments as best as I could.

My head fell back the second I felt his tongue on me. The closeness of his mouth to my most private area was a feeling that had me grabbing the sheets in a frenzy, and he’d barely even started to touch me. I expected him to be rough, but he was being so gentle, taking his time to devour me. Making me wet for him and only him.

“Oh God,” I whimpered in pleasure.

He growled, returning his tongue to my heat. Lapping at me, eating me like I was his favorite meal. Making me go crazy with passion and desire while I battled the unrelenting feelings raging war in my head. They were merciless and unforgiving.

He sucked on my clit harder, side-to-side, causing me to scream out his name in ecstasy. Within seconds he was making me come over and over again, plunging his tongue in and out of me. Using his thumb to work my clit, sending me further and further over the edge till I was free falling, leaving behind everything my mind was adamant on showing me.

I shook the entire time as he let me ride out my orgasm against his lips. Only releasing me when I was done and couldn’t take anymore. He kissed his way up my body, stopping when he was just above my faint scar. Causing tears to threaten my eyes when I felt his lips brush against it, letting them linger for what felt like hours but was really just seconds. Before continuing his descent up to my breasts.

With one hand, he grabbed the back of my neck, keeping me close to his body. Exactly where he wanted me. I moaned when his lips crashed into mine, bucking my hips off the bed, arching my back. Silently requesting him to keep going. He smiled against my mouth, pleased by my subtle request. Ready to give me what he wanted, what he craved, what he had been waiting for. Kissing me long and hard, he reached over to his nightstand drawer and pulled out a condom. Never once breaking our connection.

My shaking hands moved hastily to his belt, undoing it as fast as I could. Moving to unbutton his jeans next. Using my feet to help him slide them down, along with his boxers. He chuckled, taking in the expression on my face when I saw his hard cock jut free. I bit my lip as he rolled the condom down his shaft and into place. Crawling his way back up my body when he was done. He caged me in with his arms around my face, gripping the back of my neck again, not wanting to lose our connection.

“Don’t close your eyes, baby. I wanna look into them as I make love to you.”

I kept my eyes open, my mind and heart battling against each other to close them. His hold tightened on my neck as he angled his dick into my opening with his other hand. Gently starting to thrust inside of me, resting his forehead on mine, causing our mouths to part in sync from the feeling of becoming one.

He stopped when he was fully inside of me, just wanting a moment to look into my eyes. To memorize the sensation of him wrapped up in me. My arms went around his neck as he slowly started to thrust in and out, wanting me to get used to his size and girth.

“Fuck, you feel good,” he groaned, thrusting harder. “How do you feel this fuckin’ good?”

I winced, but he didn’t see it, too caught up in the moment, in us. The one I knew he had been waiting for since the first time we did this over a year ago. Everything he was saying was like I’d heard it before, but it wasn’t from him.

Was it Creed?

He grabbed my leg, angling it higher. It was much deeper that way, making me clench and tighten around his shaft, which earned me a loud, ravenous growl in return. He never once let up his hold as he continued to move at a hard and fast pace that had me weakening beneath him. Feeling every last inch of him moving in and out of me. Hitting my g-spot perfectly which had me panting, moaning, and screaming all at once. Trying to push through the unease my mind was conjuring up. Struggling to push away the thoughts of someone who wasn’t there.

Our bodies were so wrapped up in each other, tangled together on the white sheets.

He kissed me deep and heady, savoring the new sensation of our skin-on-skin contact. I started to move my hips forward as he thrust in. Our bodies moved in time with one another, getting faster and harder with each second that passed.

I was literally trying to fuck Creed out of my mind.

“Fuck,” he growled, rotating his hips more demandingly.

I was close to losing it…

My mind.

My heart.

My soul.

My orgasm.

It all intertwined, mixing with the pleasure and the pain. The confusion and the sensations. The want and need.

The past and the present.

And then I couldn’t take it anymore.  

In one swift motion, I rolled us so I was on top. Needing to be in control of my mind, my heart, and my soul. I couldn’t feel him on top of me any longer.

It hurt too damn much.

“I’m going to come,” I panted against his mouth.

He gripped the back of my neck, pulling me down on him to look deep in my eyes. Kissing me passionately, sending me over the edge. Taking him right along with me. He hid his face in the nook of my neck, kissing my sweaty skin.

Making a single tear roll down the side of my face when I heard him say, “I love you.”