Something was up with Evan.

It was subtle, but Simon found he could tell. Strange how you could get to know someone that well, that quickly, that these little signs of discomfort were visible to you.

Sipping his wine, he gazed at Evan across the table, watching him attack a thick steak. Around them the restaurant was quiet, subdued voices, the light tinkling of glass and silver. Simon never got to come to places like this, before he met Evan. He was wearing a suit…with a tie. A tie, to dinner. It was intimidating, being surrounded by wealthy people with their confidence and ease, but Evan, for all that he seemed a little down, fit perfectly.

Should he probe? Evan had been quiet, almost sullen, since his meeting with Ash, and he hadn’t wanted to talk much about it. Sure, towards the afternoon, he’d brightened up, making plans for them to come out to dinner (again, in the city, away from town, away from the Crays). But Simon had gotten the distinct feeling Evan was putting on a happy face for him, like he was worried about being a burden on Simon’s mood.

“So,” said Simon.

Evan looked up, his fork poised to stab the steak again. “So?”

“I was just wondering how the talk with Ash went. You seem a little off tonight.”

“The usual, you know,” said Evan, cutting the steak with perhaps more vigor than was strictly necessary, his knife scraping against the edge of the plate. “My family’s like this poison gas cloud, you need a little while to clear your lungs after being around them.”

“Was Ash mean to you?” That sounded like such a ridiculous question, but Simon wanted to defend Evan, wanted him to protect him from his family.

Evan set his fork down. He seemed to be having trouble making eye contact. Damn, what did they say to him?

“That’s one way to put it, I guess. But Simon, seriously, I don’t want you to worry about it. I can handle myself with them. Just need a little recovery time afterwards, that’s all. Stupid fights with stupid people, that never leaves you feeling good, does it?”

“I guess it doesn’t,” Simon said. He thought of his own stupid fight with the guys. He still couldn’t believe he’d told them the Battle didn’t matter. That was like sacrilege to them. Surely there was a better way to introduce the subject of him dating Evan, but he’d been caught off-guard.

“You can see why Maura doesn’t want me to tell the world about Reg,” Evan said. “Days like this, I see her point. It’s not so much about the money. She’s not worried about him being spoiled, growing up like me. It’s that my family is full of insane angry people. Hell, you know how they are, you grew up with them.”

“I knew how they were as teens,” agreed Simon.

Evan took that in for a moment. The moment stretched, until finally he said, “She worries Reg will be treated like a pawn in my uncle’s little game. She’s not wrong. I certainly feel like one.”

Pain weighed down his voice, and Simon felt so much sympathy for him. He reached out and took Evan’s hand, giving it a hard squeeze.

Evan sighed. “My uncle. Jesus. Can you imagine, having a relative that forces you to keep everything about your life secret, forever? Out of fear that he’s going to fuck everything up?”

“I don’t even understand how Archibald and your dad came from the same family,” Simon said.

The mention of his father seemed to strike Evan deeply. Pain marked his features. His hand slipped from Simon’s.

“Maura wouldn’t even let me tell Dad about Reg. Wouldn’t let him know he was a grandpa. That’s how fucked up my family is, Simon. His own flesh and blood, and he never knew, because she was so scared of Archie. Damn, I didn’t come out here to be all weepy and depressing, I’m sorry.”

Simon grabbed his hand back. “No, that’s beautiful, it really is.”

“Reg is a great kid, he’s beautiful, he’s smart. My dad would have loved him so much. But she forbade it.”

“I mean…was that her right?” Simon asked. “He’s your kid too.”

“He’s my biological child, yes…but that’s different from someone being your kid, if you see what I mean. We never meant for me to be his father. I was just the handiest, most convenient source of genetic material.” His voice was cold and bitter. “There you go, that should be my business presentation, selling rich-boy sperm to childless women.”

“Didn’t you ever think for asking for custody or—”

“No. God no. Simon, look at me. I’m a disaster. Forget about how bad my family is, I’m no prize either. Besides, I knew going in what the agreement was. She was really clear what she wanted. It’s not her fault I saw this tiny little baby wrapped in a tiny blue blanket, and wished things could be different. She’s his mom, and she has really, really valid reasons, and I have to respect that. It just hurts so badly.”

It was one thing to learn Evan’s secret. That had brought them close. But to hear about his pain over it, to hear how it had damaged him, made Simon’s heart open up even more than it already had. He wanted to rescue Evan from all of this. Somehow.

“I know it doesn’t do any good to say it now, but your dad wasn’t like the rest of the family,” said Simon. “Maybe if she’d known him…”

At the mention of Leonard, Evan again let go of Simon’s hand. Clearly his dad was on his mind. Simon wondered how much of it was due to the new job, being among his dad’s notes, all the reminders of him. Evan shook his head.

“Bygones,” he said. “It doesn’t matter. Not really. Can’t change the past. You can only try to learn from your mistakes and live in the present. Boy, doesn’t that sound responsible? It’s a whole new me.”

“You don’t have to do that, you know,” Simon said.

“Do which thing?”

“That. The cheerfulness. It’s okay to be mad, or sad, or whatever it is you’re feeling.”

“Trust me, whatever I’m feeling now, it’s definitely not okay.”

“That’s my point,” said Simon. “You don’t have to be all I learned an important lesson about it. You can just feel like shit if you need to. I’ll still be here.”

Evan looked up at him. There was something in his gaze that Simon couldn’t name, a strange, curious intensity. “Will you? Because my mind is in a pretty dark place right now. I wouldn’t blame you if you took a break, until I was interesting and charming again.”

“You interest me anyway, no matter what,” said Simon.

Evan gave him a lopsided smile. “You’re a weird person, Simon Bowden.”

“Come back to my place,” Simon said. “I’ll show you how weird I can get.”

“Dude, don’t you live with your brother?”

“He’s off with his buddy, white-water rafting or something. I have the place to myself.”

Evan bit his lip and looked away.

Damn it, thought Simon, what’s going on here? What’s wrong? Was he being too needy with all that you interest me anyway stuff? God, what if he was pushing Evan away while he thought he was trying to draw him in?

“I’d love to,” Evan said, “but I really can’t. I need to get home. Lot more work to do on this presentation, so I can impress all these toxic folks.”

“You’re so industrious,” said Simon. “If you change your mind, come over. I’ll miss you.”

Evan looked like he was about to say something, like the words were caught in his throat, then he closed his lips and shook his head. When he looked up again, it was with that smile that seemed pasted on, a performance of happiness, rather than the real thing. “Okay,” he said. “It’s a deal. But if I don’t see you later tonight, I’ll catch you tomorrow at work.”

Tell me what’s wrong, please! thought Simon, but he put a smile on his own face too. I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me. “That’s fine. Get some rest. We’ll hit that presentation first thing tomorrow.”

Evan lifted his wineglass. “First thing tomorrow.”