Chapter 19

Cami

I should stop him. That’s what one voice in my head was saying as Xander’s lips moved against mine. That voice argued that I’d had a rough day and losing myself in Xander’s kiss was a mistake. The other voice in my head was urging me to drop the takeout bag and grip his hair with both hands to hold him close.

One of his hands moved to my lower back as his tongue slid along the crease of my lips, testing my reaction. When my lips parted on a sigh, his tongue slipped inside to explore my mouth. With my keys in one hand and the takeout bag in the other, I couldn’t slide my hands under his shirt like I wanted to. Even as I allowed myself to become lost in his kiss, I recognized what a mistake it would be to let things go too far. The problem wasn’t knowing it would be a mistake so much as remembering why I should care.

My tongue moved along Xander’s as his hand on my cheek glided to the back of my neck.

When Xander finally ended the kiss, we both stared at each other for several heartbeats.

“I should apologize and tell you that was a mistake,” he began, his hand massaging the back of my neck.

“Are you sorry?” I asked.

“No,” he admitted. “I guess I’m a little sorry I took advantage of you while you’re vulnerable.”

“I’m not vulnerable,” I argued.

“Forgive my poor choice of words. I just meant that you had a rough day. Working with kids who need help would be hard on anyone.”

“It can be,” I agreed. “If I didn’t maintain a certain level of emotional distance, I’d lose my mind.”

He nodded. His hand was still massaging the back of my neck, and it didn’t appear he had any plans to release me. “That makes sense. Are you mad about me kissing you?”

Breaking eye contact, I shook my head and took a step back. Xander released me. “I’m the one who’s been an asshole. It wasn’t fair of me to ask you to pretend to be my boyfriend.”

“Because you know I like you as more than a friend?” he asked.

I met his eyes and nodded. “At first, I tried to convince myself you were just flirting with me because it’s what you do with all women. Until tonight, I thought there was a chance that was the case, but it’s not, is it?”

He shook his head. “Nope. I like you a lot. That doesn’t mean I’m going to be some pushy dick who starts just showing up at your place unannounced. I did tonight, but it wasn’t to harass you. Honestly, I just wanted to bring you dinner.”

“I can’t date you, Xan,” I told him. “Maybe once I work through all this stuff, I can, but I can’t promise that.”

“And I’m fine with that,” he assured me.

The problem with Xander’s assurance was that I didn’t entirely believe him. “I should go inside, eat dinner, and go to bed.”

“I fucked up, right?” he asked. “Things are awkward.”

“No, they aren’t awkward.” I was surprised by how true that was. Xander was still my friend, and I knew he wouldn’t be a jerk about the kiss. “If I were in a better place, I’d want to date you, but I need to stop trying to be the perfect girlfriend before I date anyone.”

He nodded and looked down at his feet before sighing. When his gaze met mine again, he said, “For the record, there is nothing, absolutely nothing I would change about you. You are already the perfect girl for me.”

On those words, he turned and walked down the stairs, leaving me stunned and a little turned on. My day certainly hadn’t gone the way I’d expected.