Oliver
The cabin.
A month ago, it felt different to see it. Last time I was frustrated because I wanted her. Now, I’m frustrated because I’m trying so hard to keep her. I can feel hope everywhere in the air as I pull up to the house.
It feels like I’m coming home with her.
“You go inside and I’ll bring everything in.” I kiss her hand. “I have a surprise for you.” She squeals with excitement.
The cabin’s caretaker wasn’t answering my phone calls, so I resorted to a more humiliating option: I begged for some help from the Lake Reed Inn. I hope that Madrie and Paul did everything I asked for. I managed to contact them before picking Julie up, and somehow I persuaded the two of them to help get the cabin ready again. After Madrie cursed at me in another language, Paul agreed and I felt comfortable asking for another favor: to convert my grandfather’s study into a library for her.
Golden chaise and all.
I smile as she disappears into the house. I wonder if she’ll be drawn to her space and come back to thank me. Once I get all the luggage into the foyer, I hear her shuffling around upstairs. Her light footsteps beckon me toward our bedroom. “Hey, you.” She smiles when I walk into the room and she lights a fireplace match, throwing it into the opening. “It’s a little chilly in here—is this okay?”
“Of course it is.” My hands wave in the air. “What’s mine is yours, you know that. You don’t have to ask me for anything; I’ll give you whatever you want.”
Julie giggles. “That’s a little…much.”
“Nothing is too much when it comes to you. I want to make you happy.”
Her eyes look like crystal blue gems. I want to reach out and touch her skin so bad it shakes my fingers. “It’s almost fall; the leaves will be changing soon.” There’s magic in her voice. I think about her snuggled up in her chaise, book in hand and raging fire in the fireplace as the snow falls outside and covers the forest in white.
You gotta stop doing this. Calm down and be a normal person.
“We should come back when the snow falls,” I say, and she gets lost in thought. She walks around the living room and smiles. Her smile creeps across her lips in slow motion; she bites her cheek when she catches me staring at her.
“Groceries?” My voice cracks and I try to keep my cool. Food shopping wasn’t one of the items on Paul and Madrie’s task list; I wanted Julie and I to do that together. It’s my way of reliving our first day together, pathetic as it was. Julie wants roses and romance, so I’m going to give her what she wants. I grab her hand and throw her over my shoulder. This time she’s squealing with delight as opposed to last time when she kicked me in my abs.
“Oliver Jackson!” She laughs and swats my ass. “Put me down!”
“No. Freaking. Way.” I dodge her flailing arms and duck through the front door. I jog to the Jeep and I can feel her thighs bounce beneath my hands. The nearest grocery store is ten miles away, but she didn’t seem to mind. She rolls down the window and holds her hand outside, surfing the windy waves with her petite fingers. I can feel her calmness as she twirls her hair around her index finger and looks over at me. She smiles like she knows something I don’t.
We hold hands as we walk into the small grocery store in town; I smile at the way she giggles and tugs at my hair. We shop and start filling the cart to the brim with junk food and essentials we think we might need. It’s so much happier than our last grocery trip together, for sure. I see a few guys checking her out as we pass them and I get pissed off at their glances. My arm snakes around her; I stake my claim silently.
My Julie.
“Beer?” I hear Julie say to me and smile. “Or wine?”
I raise my eyebrows and shrug. “Both? We should be prepared for anything—can never have too much alcohol.”
She rolls her eyes at me and places the case of beer and a few bottles of wine into the cart. Then she nibbles on her index finger, deep in thought. “Oh! I want to bake cookies for you.” She pulls me down the aisle with baking materials and loads the cart up even more.
“I didn’t know you liked to bake,” I say. I blush because I know damn well that I had a dream about her baking and sucking the batter off her fingers.
Her body is always next to mine as we walk; she makes it a point to be right beside me—never in front or behind me—when we make our way to the cash registers. We start putting items on the revolving belt and the girl behind the cash register locks her eyes on my body, blushing when I catch her. Julie doesn’t notice and that kind of bothers me a bit…I want her to be jealous.
She’s so oblivious to men checking her out that it’s almost comical: the way she flips her hair and teases us and doesn’t even realize. I pay for the groceries and head to the Jeep. I keep hearing a phone ringing somewhere nearby. Julie looks sick to her stomach as she rummages through her bag, looking for something.
“Is that your phone ringing?” I try to see the screen as she pulls it out. “Is something wrong?”
Julie looks at the phone and shakes her head. “No, nothing. It’s just a wrong number that keeps calling. They’ll take a hint eventually.”
I don’t believe her, but I’m not going to press the issue. I let her lie to me as she stows the phone back in her bag. She doesn’t speak as we drive back, but helps me bring the bags inside. She starts fluttering around the kitchen, putting things away with rhythm. Like she’s swaying to a song the same as in my kitchen before. I like that she feels free with me; I like that I make her feel safe and wanted.
Because I really, really want her.
No one else has made me even want to break the rules.
She is the one for me.
She holds up a package of macaroni and cheese. When she shakes the box, her tongue peeks out; it slides across her pouty bottom lip, causing my legs to go weak.
“Mac and cheese for lunch?” She winks at me. Her long eyelashes sway with her seductive wink; I almost fucking lose control. I’m not even sure how the hell I have been able to contain myself since I laid eyes on her. I grumble, “that’s fine,” and race out of the kitchen. I can’t be in here with her right now. I know she knows what the hell she’s doing to me.
I lock myself in the master bathroom to catch my breath. “Jesus, dude, get a grip on yourself,” I whisper to myself. I sit on the edge of the Jacuzzi tub and think about her.
I can’t fucking help it. And I sure as hell can’t stop it.
She knocks on the door and I nearly fall backward into the tub. “Yeah?” I gruff and hold myself up, my muscles coming to my rescue. The door opens slowly and Julie peeks her head inside. I forget that I am supposed to keep my hands to myself; I throw myself at her, pulling her closely into my body. Her honey hair tickles my nose when I bury my face into it; the sweet strawberry scent of her shampoo gives me a head rush. I tuck her into my arms and kiss her pink lips before she can protest.
“Oliver?” I snap out of my daydream. She’s standing in the doorway, looking at me with amusement because of my glassy-eyed gaze. “Are you okay?”
I choke. I can’t answer her even if I wanted to. She walks gracefully over to the mirror. Watching her own eyes in the reflection, she frowns. She doesn’t like what she sees and that bothers me. No, that infuriates me. Fuck the rules. I’ve already thrown the first rule of love—that I created myself—out the window. All I can do now is open my heart to her and not break any more of my own damn rules.
“Mac and cheese is done, but can you help me with the cookies?”
Cookies. In the kitchen. She licks the batter off her finger.
I squirm. “Yeah, I think I can do that.”
She knows something weird is going on with me. I try my best to let it go and act normal. I let her lead me back down the stairs and into the kitchen. She has ingredients lined across the countertops, neatly. And all of my insides nearly drop to the floor when I see what she’s gesturing toward.
The. Bowl.
A silver, stainless-steel mixing bowl in the middle of the counter.
“Hey, don’t just stand there.” She giggles. “Lend me a hand.”
I do what she asks; I’m afraid to disappoint her. I weakly smile down at her as I approach her side. I can’t fucking believe this is happening right now. She giggles again, hands me a wooden spoon and mouths the word, “Stir,” at me.
This is my dream coming true.
I watch her dip her finger in the cookie batter. She puts her finger in her mouth, slowly licking it off, and moans so loud I think my head is going to fucking roll off. “That is so perfect.” She purrs and snuggles her body next to mine. Her curves fit into my side like a puzzle piece.
I slam the bowl down on the counter. “I can’t take this shit anymore.”
Julie frowns. She’s confused, as if she doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing to my brain. I’m sure that she knows each time she pulls me into a different direction. “What’s the matter?” she quietly asks me as if I were going to yell at her. Her finger is still sliding across her lips; I start to reach out and replace her finger with mine.
“Nothing,” I grumble. I force myself to stop and pick the bowl back up. I continue to stir the batter like she asks. She prepares the cookie sheet and then takes the bowl from me, putting spoonfuls of the gooey goodness on the sheet in rows like an art piece.
“Are you hungry?” she asks me and breaks the haze in my head. There she is: There’s the sunshine that she fills my entire body with. She reaches into the fridge and grabs two beers. I take one from her and follow her to the table. I let her serve me and we eat in silence. She finally puts her fork down and stares directly at me. “I don’t like this.”
I put my fork down and look into her darkened eyes. “I don’t like it either.”
“Is this what life with Oliver Jackson is going to be like?”
I blink several times. Trying to figure out what the hell she means by that, I clear my throat. I take a long drink of my second beer, swishing it around my mouth to bide me some time. I don’t want to put my foot in my damn mouth. Not this time. “What do you want from me?” I ask her, making sure I watch the tone of voice I give her.
“I don’t know, I guess.” I barely hear her. She crosses her legs. “I thought this would be a fresh start for us. We could really see each other for who we are, you know? And how we wanted to be together.”
“I want to be with you, Julie, you know that.”
She sighs. “Yeah, but why?”
I’m in love with you, dammit.
I scoff. “Do you really need reasons? Or are you scared?” She stays silent. I don’t think that she even knows what she wants. I lean into her and take her hand. “Just let it go, okay? Let go whatever is holding you back. Just let yourself be happy with me. I promise you I have no bad intentions and I’m not trying to hurt you.”
“I never thought that,” she says.
I click my tongue. “Yeah, you have.”
She sits up straight and uncrosses her legs. She glides over the three feet between us and sits in my lap, facing me. I allow myself to place my hands on her back but nowhere else. “I’m sorry I am so confusing.” She buries her face in my neck. I hold her for a long time; there isn’t anything she can say or do to make me let her go. “I know the hot and cold is getting old for you.”
“Not enough for me to ever leave you,” I say and smile. I gently push her shoulders back so I can see her beautiful face. She is the most beautiful disaster I have ever seen. “I’m not going anywhere, okay?”
She brushes her leg against my dick on purpose. As she holds out her hand for me to take, her sultry laugh completely floors me. “Yes, you are.” Her voice is bubbly and light, reaching into my soul and tickling my intrigue. “Come with me, please.”
“Where are we going?”
She giggles. “To the south end of the property.”
“Julie…” As much as I want to grab her and take off toward the rock pool…“It’s nightfall already and it’s about half a mile down the trail. It’s not safe.” She pouts and stands in front of me. The roundness of her breasts nearly smacks my face. “Fine, let me get some things.”
When I give in, she squeals with delight. She bends down and kisses my cheek. I find a small zipper bag and throw in some flashlights, bottles of water, some beer, and a few snacks just in case she lets me work up an appetite. She had raced upstairs to grab some towels and when she comes back into the room, she’s biting her bottom lip. I can tell she’s trying to get out of it.
“Ready?” I ask her, and don’t wait for an answer before I tug on her hand and pull her out of the house. We walk toward the middle walking trail at the end of the backyard.
I leave her alone with her thoughts, mainly because I am on high alert for any animal larger than me. Even I can’t take down a bear with only my hands. As we walk slowly and carefully in the darkness, nothing is illuminated unless it’s by our flashlights.
It takes the better part of twenty minutes to get to the rock pool. At first I think the lights from the house are ricocheting into the clearing. I’d forgotten that Heather had outdoor lighting installed to make it look like stars in the night sky above us. I click off the flashlight and look at Julie. She’s already begun the low self-esteem binge she’s famous for by hunching so far down into her sweater I can’t see one curve on her body.
I start to take off my boots and socks, hoping she’ll get the hint and join me. The natural bubbles in the rock pool let off light steam. The warm mist tickles the bare skin of my feet as it laps onto the rim of the pool. “Do you want to go back to the house?” I ask her.
She shakes her head. Her pale skin glows with the soft lights. I can tell she’s debating her answer. Her decision weaves in and out of her glassy eyes. “No, go ahead. I’m just taking it all in…did you do all of this?” Her fingers swirl in the air at the lights above us.
Take it, Oliver. Take the credit: Don’t mention Heather.
“Yes,” I lie.
“It’s gorgeous.” There’s a twinkle in her eyes; I can tell she’s happy. Her broad smile grows.
“Yeah, it kind of is.” I agree with her, taking off my shirt. Her eyes glisten as she looks my body up and down. I like when she looks at me like that—I like that she makes me feel like I’m the only person on the planet. Like she only has eyes for me. I sure as hell only have eyes for her. I smirk toward her and laugh, “Like what you see?”
She laughs. “Oh, God, this again?”
She gasps as I step out of my pants. I keep my boxer briefs on, not that it matters. I get into the rock pool slowly and feel the heat, making my whole body relax. “You have to come in here, it’s amazing.” My words link together as I drift backward. I let the water consume me. “But it’s up to you.”
Fear flashes across her face. I am going to leave it all up to her—this was her “make it or break it” moment. She either wants to be with me or she doesn’t.
I’m leaving it up to her.
Don’t let me down, Julie.
Don’t let me down.