Oliver
None of this is real.
Julie isn’t real, her love for me isn’t real.
My love for her isn’t real.
It can’t be. Something that makes me feel this good just can’t exist.
I’m standing on the edge of something incredible and pure, but I feel like there’s always going to be something getting in the way of my happiness.
Then there’s Julie.
I am so in love with this girl. For a million reasons even I don’t understand.
There’s too many reasons to even explain why she’s the perfect one for me. She’s changed me into someone I actually like. Someone I can stand to be alone with. Hell, I may even love myself.
…Okay, let’s not get too crazy.
She walks in the apartment like she owns the place. She makes simple things feel like they’re on fire in my brain. I watch her body dip and bend as she empties the grocery bags. She doesn’t even look back at me for confirmation; her presence demands the space she’s in without even trying. She moves like she’s meant to be here.
She is meant to be here.
She was made for me.
“Oliver? Can you help me with the high shelves?” Her voice is strained. I see her stand on her toes to try her best to put boxes away. I smile and slide up behind her; I purposely feel her warm ass on my thighs. I’m glad I put on basketball shorts. I press my body into hers and I swear I can hear her giggle. I place the boxes on the shelf and shut the cabinet, brushing her hair off her neck and kissing her collarbone.
“Oliver, I have to put the rest of these away—you’re distracting me.” She giggles louder. She turns her body to face me, letting me press my lips to hers. Her mouth tastes like peppermint and it reminds me of Christmas; that’s something I haven’t thought about in a long time.
I hate Christmas.
Christmas was never kind to me. If my father was home from his business trips, he would dress up as Santa Claus. If it was just my mother and me—which it usually was—there would be nothing other than a normal drugged-out day. Maybe if she passed out with a needle sticking out of her arm underneath the mistletoe it would count as festive.
So, I learned to hate Christmas.
As I lose myself in her taste, I swipe my arm across the kitchen counter. Everything falls off onto the floor and I pick her up, placing her on the now-clear surface. I’m done with trying to control myself around her.
I belong to her.
I am completely hers.
I will do anything and everything she ever asks me to.
“Are you okay?” She breathes rapidly, her heart pounding through her chest. “Are you nervous about looking at that house?”
I forgot about the house. I look at the clock on the microwave and help her down; I smooth out my clothes and kiss her forehead. “No, but we’re late—can you finish this later?” I motion around the kitchen. “Or we both could finish what we started later?” I gently pat her ass and wink down at her.
She giggles. “Deal.” I grab my shoes and put them on as we leave the apartment; my arm is around her waist the whole trip downstairs and it just feels so damn…
Amazing.
I tuck her into the Jeep and she doesn’t even buckle herself in. Instead, she slides over to my side and sits dangerously close to me. She nestles herself between my side and my arm. I don’t even bother moving it; I can drive with one arm. I can tell that she’s looking forward to seeing this house too.
Suddenly, all of the lies and the drama melts away and it’s just us.
Oliver and Julie.
Broken rules and mended hearts.
It feels like we’ve been together forever, like we’ve been best friends since the beginning of time. I hardly know anything about the girl; I trust her with everything I have and everything I ever will have. I mean, I’ve been dreaming about her. The girl’s face may have changed in my dream but the concept was always her.
My Julie.
Someone my grandfather would hate.
Someone my father would love.
The house is ten minutes into the suburbs of Rockford, a little closer to Randy’s house than I originally wanted. But maybe that will bring her comfort and she’ll be more willing to say yes and move in with me. Am I crazy to have this girl move in with me, though? I mean, people have fallen in love and gotten married in less time than we’ve known each other.
Married.
I sweat a little when I think of the word.
I could see Julie as my wife, cooking me breakfast on Sunday mornings in her cute pajamas as I drink coffee and take in how beautiful she looks even when she’s just woken up.
We pull into the driveway of the mini brick mansion. I can see the sparkle in her eyes as she looks at the endless windows and layout of the property. It’s in a gated community—a little posh for her liking, I’m sure. She launches herself from the Jeep to start exploring anyways.
“Oliver, this is…too much,” she says slowly as her eyes scan the house from top to bottom. “This is a lot of house for one person.”
“Two people,” I correct her and look down into her eyes. “Two.”
She nods. “Okay, even so…” My heart dances around the manicured green lawn right then. “This is amazing. Huge, but amazing.”
I smile. “Wait until you see the inside. There’s a private library and a baker’s kitchen.”
Her eyes gloss over and she can hardly wait for me to open the door. I let her inside to check out the features. With each room we pass, I can see her face light up even more and she looks like a kid in a candy store. She runs her fingertips along the marble countertop in the kitchen like a piano. I imagine her in an apron—only an apron—making breakfast after a long night in bed.
“Did you already buy this house?” There’s hope in her voice.
I nod. “The realtor will be here soon with the papers. It’s all ours.”
My Julie.
She clicks her tongue as she steps through the glass doors leading to the bright green grass of the endless backyard. “It looks like the cabin, only brighter.” She crosses her arms over her chest. “Maybe we can put a rock pool at the end of this property.” She winks at me and it makes me blush. “Only if you want to.”
I grab her sides and pull her closer. “Oh, I want to.” She lets me kiss her in the backyard. The sunlight beams down on us, inviting us to have a happily ever after.
Someone clears their throat behind us: the realtor, a plump older woman named Pearl. Her curly white hair and the dimples that form in her cheeks when she fake smiles remind me of Mrs. Atchley.
“Mr. Jackson, nice to see you.” She holds out her hand for me to shake. “And you must be Miss Remington.”
Julie frowns and looks at me. “Julie.” She shakes her hand, not letting go until the woman nearly peels her hand away from the girl.
“Julie.” Pearl squints her eyes and fake smiles, her white curls dancing around her head. “Well, has Mr. Jackson shown you the house? Do you have any questions or concerns? Anything else I can do for you before you sign the paperwork?”
“None that you can solve, I’m afraid,” Julie says and looks at me. “I think Oliver and I should talk a bit more before I agree to anything.”
Pearl looks sick to her stomach. “Oh, I thought you two had this figured out already.”
I clear my throat. “Can you give us a few minutes, Pearl?”
The woman nods and disappears into the house. I follow Julie inside, watching her pace around the kitchen. She fiddles with the strings of her t-shirt. I can tell she wants to say something but is holding back; the air between us grows weird and tense. Her mouth opens and closes a few times before I stop her and hold her still.
“What is the matter with you? Are you going to tell me why you’re pacing around this kitchen? Is this too much for you?”
Her eyes look blank. “I just need some fresh air.”
I groan. “You were just outside getting fresh air and you were fine.”
Julie looks sick, like she’s about to lose her breakfast. “I’ll just be a minute,” she says and runs outside. I watch her put her hands on her knees and double over, taking deep breaths. She vomits in the bushes near the window. I turn my head away to give her some privacy.
I can feel the war waging between her head and her heart.
She turns and sees me watching her. She brushes off her t-shirt and quaintly walks back into the house, standing a few feet from me. We can hear Pearl somewhere in the house talking to someone on a cell phone, but I don’t care about her right now. The person I care about wants to call this off and I’m not okay with that.
“There’s something you should know.” Her eyes darken. “Something that might change your mind about all of this.”
“Whatever it is, I don’t care.” I already told her nothing will make me leave her.
She acts like my words cut her like a knife. “Oliver, just—”
I can’t help myself. My entire mind blows into pieces right there. “Julie, do you want to do this or are you trying to get out of it?”
“Oliver, listen to me—there are things you don’t know.”
Again, I don’t care.
“Yes or no, Julie? Are you in this with me or not?”
She doesn’t answer me and I know I’m losing her.
I walk toward her and pull her to my chest. I hold her there until her breathing has slowed down and we’re both calm. There isn’t any other place in this entire world I want to be in this moment; we’re standing in the kitchen of our new beginning. I push our bodies apart and place my hands on both sides of her arms, holding her steady. I fear she’ll run from me when I can finally tell her how I feel out loud. It takes me a few tries in my mind to get it right. Once I feel confident enough that I won’t sound like a total fool, I take my chance.
“Julie—”
Her eyes widen.
“I love you. I am in love with you.”
Julie gasps and she looks as pale as a ghost.
“I want to live with you. I want to be with you. Does this really come as a surprise that I would want you to move in here with me?”
She shakes her head in silence.
“I broke the very first rule I ever promised myself, Julie. I let someone in and it turned out to be the greatest decision of my fucking life. I can’t breathe without you. I know I can’t think or even live without you.” My brain hurts. I want to cry, but I don’t dare even start tearing up. I finally get tired of the silence and take her sides, squeezing them gently to get her to focus. “Say something,” I say to her. “Just say something—anything.”
I think she’s going to be sick again. Her face loses all color and her lips quiver like she needs another trip outside. I’m not going to let her go this time.
“Julie, say some—”
“I’m late,” she says.
I shake my head. “Late for what? I didn’t know we had anything else to do today. Why didn’t you say so?”
Her face looks green and she isn’t smiling. “Like as in late, late.”
The world spins. Her voice echoes in my mind, bouncing off the walls of my skull. Her words haunt me to my bones.
She’s late.