Chapter Fourteen
Matthias felt like a huge stalker. What would Esther say when she opened the door to her apartment and see him standing on the other side, or would she even answer at all? He’d tried to respect her wishes and leave her alone but he couldn’t ignore his feelings. When they’d met at the coffee house, there was definitely something she wasn’t telling him and he was determined to find out what it was.
He shouldn’t have possession of her address and if Esther found out how he’d obtained it then his plan would be ruined before it was seen to completion. He’d tried to bide his time but he couldn’t wait any longer. All he could think about was the taste of her lips, so juicy and soft. He needed to see her.
He exhaled deeply before getting out of his car and heading to her apartment. She lived in the kind of building that a person needed to be buzzed in in order to gain entrance. Luck was on his side because someone was just coming out and was generous enough to hold the door for him.
When he found Esther’s apartment he knocked and then moved away from the peephole.
Esther opened the door wearing a terry cloth robe. Her eyes looked as if they would pop out of her head and her mouth formed a perfect ‘O’.
“Good evening, Esther.”
She shook her head as she couldn’t believe the sight in front of her. “Matthias! What are you doing here? How did you find out where I lived?”
“I have my resources.”
“Did you get my address from Fiona?”
“No. In fact, the two of us had a little heart-to-heart. She told me I was wasting my time coming to the shop because you hadn’t been by in days. Fiona said she let slip that I’d been coming by so I’m guessing you stopped going because I kept showing up and you didn’t want to run into me.”
“Well, if you were able to figure that out, then you’d know that I wouldn’t want you to randomly show up at my door. What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Let me in, Esther.”
“Are you kidding? I didn’t invite you here.”
“I didn’t need an invitation to come here.”
“You sound crazy.”
“Because you drive me crazy.” He placed his hand on the door and pushed it forward, taking Esther by surprise. Matthias slip inside and closed the door behind him”
“Get out!” She pointed to the door.
“Not until you’ve heard me out. I’m trying to figure out why you’re so hostile toward me when I’m the one who was deceived. Fool that I am, I still love you and I’m not giving up on you or on us.”
She threw her hands in the air. “I don’t understand why you can’t just leave me alone.”
He moved closer until he was mere inches away from her. “Do you want me to leave you alone?”
“I keep saying it but you just won’t listen to me. What do I have to do to make you believe me?”
“Tell me you don’t love me and mean it. I want you to look me in the eyes and say it.”
Esther looked away from him and muttered, “I don’t love you.”
“Uh uh, babe. You’ve got to do better than that.” He grasped her by the chin and forced her to meet his gaze. “Say it again.”
Tears swam in her eyes. “I…I don’t…”
“You can’t say it, can you? Because you still love me.”
Esther placed her hands on his chest and pushed him away, catching Matthias by surprise. He stumbled backward but managed to stay upright. “So you say you love me? Would you love me after seeing this?” Without warning, she shrugged out of her robe to reveal her completely naked body.
This was the first time he’d seen Esther in her full glory. Though they’d made love a handful of times, Esther never fully disrobed. When they’d made love before, it always had been in semi-darkness or with her top on, no matter how much Matthias had protested. He figured he’d eventually get her to relent so he didn’t press. Seeing her now, he understood her hesitation, but it was crushing to know she’d thought so little of him that her scars would turn him off from her.
While there were a few marks below the waist, he’d put it down to just scrapes and scratches one would have acquired simply for living. But her chest was a different story. There were burn marks, all over her torso, cuts and deep scars. There were patches of skin that had keloids from her injuries.
Matthias stared in horror as he thought of what she must have suffered through to earn each one of those scars. A wave of revulsions roiled his stomach. What kind of monster could have been capable of this?
Esther must have misinterpreted his look because she narrowed her eyes and raised her chin defiantly. “I knew this would be your reaction, which is why I spared you from seeing this in the first place. I’m a deformed freak,” she sneered. Esther placed her hand over her torso. “This right here is when my mother felt I didn’t prepare a meal to her specification. She threw scalding water on me.”
She then pointed to her hip. “This is where I had surgery to repair my hip after Mike stomped on it because I gave him a warm beer. I don’t walk with a limp anymore, but it still aches when it rains.” Esther pointed to a spot just below her collar bone. “This is where Mike put out a cigarette on me because I didn’t fetch something for him fast enough.”
Esther placed her hand on her knees. “These little scars right here is when my father made me kneel on broken glass to show contrition for yawning in church.
“Here—”
“Stop, Esther.” Matthias couldn’t take it anymore. Learning how she’d suffered hurt him because he wasn’t there to protect her. It didn’t matter that he didn’t know her then.
“No. You wanted to know everything, so I’m telling you. Here,” she ran her finger down the center of her breasts, “is where Mike tied me to the bed and proceeded to threaten me with a knife. He left this beauty as a reminder to never look at another man. Mind you, I was only looking at the other man because he was our waiter at the restaurant. And—”
“I said stop.” Matthias walked over to Esther and pulled her into his arms. He buried his face against her neck and nuzzled. “Baby, I’m so sorry that you experienced that.”
“You wanted to know why I did what I did so I’m just telling you the gory details. I foolishly thought I could be free of Mike so I ran away. The last thing I intended was meeting someone else. I would have gotten a divorce if I didn’t think he’d come looking for me. So I apologize for not telling you because I selfishly wanted to be happy for once in my miserable life.”
Matthias felt ashamed that he could have ever doubted her. He’d seen that pleading look in her eyes three years ago but he had chosen to ignore it. He would give anything to go back to that day and kick Mike’s ass and keep her safe with him. But he’d failed her. “I don’t hold that against you anymore.”
“So what? This changes nothing. What the two of us had is in the past.” Esther attempted to pull out of his hold but he wasn’t letting go this time.
Matthias tightened his grip on her. “No, Esther. We’re going to work this out. We belong together. I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life. Did you think a few scars would deter me? I don’t care about them. If anything they make you even more beautiful because it tells me you’re a survivor and you’re strong and I love you even more for it.”
When Esther didn’t reply, he lifted his head to see tears streaming down her face.
“Esther, I love you, and there’s nothing you can say or do that will change that.” He kissed each side of her face, tasting her tears, before pressing his lips against hers. She remained unresponsive at first, but as he ran his tongue along the corners of her mouth, she softly sighed, allowing him to give her a proper taste.
Matthias cupped the back of her head to deepen the kiss. She was so sweet. He couldn’t get enough. All he could think of was being one with her. He broke away from Esther only to scoop her up in his arms. Her apartment was a nice size but he had no problem finding her bedroom.
Gently, he laid her on the bed. He took in the full beauty of her form, wishing he had insisted that he see her like this five years ago. Esther had a beautiful body from her full breasts, wide hips, thick thighs and small waist. When God molded woman, he’d made Esther. He quickly undressed and joined her on the bed.
Her eyes were wide and expectant. She trembled like a virgin on her wedding night and he found that endearing. He was sure that it was because she was self-conscious about what she must have labeled her imperfection, but they had no bearing on him.
He ran his hand along the length of her body, enjoying the way her body reacted to his touch. “You’re so beautiful.” Matthias leaned and kissed her torso in the center of her burn mark. He then proceeded to kiss each and every one of her scars making her whimper as he went along.
“Matthias,” she sighed.
It felt good to hear her say his name that way again. He was so hard right now and more than anything he wanted to bury his cock inside her tight sheath but this night was for her. He wanted to take his time exploring every inch of her body.
Cupping her breasts in his palms, he tested their weight, sucking one blackberry-colored nipple into his mouth. It came alive beneath the ministration of his tongue. Licking and laving the taut bud making Esther squirm.
“Feels so good, Matthias. Missed this so much. Missed you.”
Releasing the turgid peak from between his lips with a wet pop, he gave her other breast the same attention. She ran her nails down his back. The way Esther purred like a kitten made him even harder than he thought possible.
“More. I want to feel you all over me.”
Matthias lifted his head to meet her lust-filled gaze. “Your wish is my command, babe.” He lowered himself until he rested between her thighs and he was eye level with her pussy. It looked fat and juicy. Her labia was already glistening with moisture.
“Beautiful,” he whispered as he parted her folds and flicked her clit with his thumb.
Esther arched her back and cried out. “Yes, just like that.”
Needing no further encouragement, he took the throbbing bud into his mouth and sucked gently at first, but he couldn’t control himself for long because he attacked her pussy with the vigor of a beast. He’d been denied this pussy for so long, he couldn’t help himself. He needed this as badly as he needed air to breathe.
Esther gripped his hair and grinded against him. As he ate her out, Matthias slipped two fingers inside of her channels. She was just as tight as he remembered.
He continued to work her with his fingers and mouth until Esther squirted.
“Oh my God!” she screamed.
Matthias gave her one last stroke with his tongue before raising his head. “Did you like that, babe?”
“You know I did. I haven’t come like that since…the last time we were together.” There seemed to be a hint of regret in her voice and he would be damned if he would allow her to be ashamed of what they’d done. If this didn’t prove they belonged together, Matthias didn’t know what did.
He moved up the length of her body and would have entered her right then and there but he remembered he didn’t bring protection. He hadn’t brought any with him because he had come with the sole purpose of talking to her. He grunted in frustration.
“Why did you stop?” She gave him a questioning look.
“I didn’t bring any condoms.”
“Just do it.”
“But are you on any birth control?”
“I won’t get pregnant. “
He assumed that meant she was on birth control.
“I just want to make sure—
”Just fuck me.”
He stiffened. Esther had never referred to their love-making as just fucking but Matthias didn’t have time to analyze it, or maybe he just didn’t want to because he could feel the heat radiating from her core and it was driving him insane. He positioned his cock at her entrance, he locked his gaze with her and asked, “Are you sure you want this?”
Her answer was a quick nod.
It was all the encouragement Matthias needed before he slid into her warmth with one powerful thrust. Jesus, she was tight, even tighter than he remembered. He inhaled sharply as her walls clenched his dick like in a vice. “So damn good,” he moaned.
She raised her hips, driving him even deeper. “Please,” she begged
Matthias wanted to savor this moment so he laced his fingers through hers and pinned them against the bed as he slowly moved in and out of her pussy. “Mine. Always,” he whispered.
Esther wrapped her legs around his waist, locking them together in a dance of ecstasy. Being inside of her just felt like…home. His heart beat in time with his thrusts, creating a steady rhythm. Matthias held on as long as he could because he wanted this to last as long as possible but when she squeezed her muscles around him, he was a goner.
He spilled his seed deep inside of her but he kept going as much as his body would allow.
Esther’s release followed shortly after and seeing her face light up with desire was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen. He rolled to his side and pulled her with him. Neither one of them spoke for several moments as they recovered from this explosive encounter.
It was on the tip of Matthias’s tongue to tell Esther that he loved her but she spoke up first.
“I think you should go.”
“Excuse me?”
“I said you should go.”
Matthias sat up. “I heard you the first time. I just wanted to make sure I heard you correctly. What you mean?”
Esther didn’t bother looking at him, but he gripped her by the shoulder forcing her to face him. “Exactly what I said. Look, Matthias, just because we had sex, it doesn’t mean anything had changed.’”
“The hell it does. You all but admitted that you still love me, and I love you. What’s the problem?
Esther sat up. “The problem is, you showed up at my home uninvited after I told you to leave me alone and now you think just because we fucked, I had changed my mind.”
“Stop fucking saying that. We made love, Esther, because we’re in love.”
“Has it occurred to you that sometimes love isn’t enough? And what is love, anyway? Mike used to say he loved me all the time. And even though my parents were trolls of the worst kind, they would tell their friends how much they loved all their children, even me. That word gets casually thrown around way too much.”
If you would have punched Matthias in the stomach, it wouldn’t have had the same impact. “Did you just fucking compare me to the degenerates who abused you?”
When she didn’t say anything, he gripped her shoulders and made her look him in the eyes. “Are you?”
Esther stared pointedly at the hands on her shoulders. “You tell me.”
“Why are you trying to push me away?”
“Why won’t you just leave me alone like I asked the first time?”
“Do you want me to leave you alone? Fine. I’ll go, but this isn’t the end.”
He rolled off the bed and grabbed his clothes and stormed out of her bedroom.