Chapter Sixteen
“I should have walked out the door when I saw Tiffany in the building. I just thought it was a coincidence that Chris’s fiancé would be here. So now I see how you got my address. Those forms I filled out for Jennifer before the meeting.” Esther felt like a fool. Here she thought that she’d made a huge accomplishment but instead this was all Matthias’s doing. “I worked hard to create a line that I believe in and you made a mockery of.”
He raised a brow. “How? By giving you the opportunity to make your dreams come true?”
She shook her head. “Don’t you dare oversimplify this! You made it seem like I can’t do this on my own without getting a handout from you. It can’t be some whacky coincidence that Tiffany works here and then I meet Jennifer at the tea shop. You set this all up.”
He grunted. “Look, it’s true that I learned about your business when I found your business card on Tiffany’s desk. She had nothing to do with this by the way. And it’s also true that I sent Jennifer out to scout you but after that because I wanted to help you. But beyond that, if she made an offer for you, that was all you. I’m not in the business of just giving money away no matter how I feel about the person who’s doing the presentation. I gave Jennifer exact instructions, not to make an offer unless she felt that you deserved it. Besides, I don’t know a lot about make up so she would have been the point person anyway. So what if I got your foot in the door. Don’t allow your stubborn pride to get in the way of your dreams.”
Esther was incensed by his dismissal what she was saying. She walked across the room and got in his face. “Are you kidding me? Do you honestly think she could be objective if the boss was the one to set the meeting up? I was compromised from the second I walked through that door and you know it. Why do you keep pushing your way into my life when I don’t want you in it?”
“Because I fucking love you!” he roared. Matthias hooked his arm around her waist and crushed her lips beneath his.
Esther pressed her hands against his chest with the intention of pushing away but as Matthias deepened the kiss, a familiar stirring spiraled through her body. It wasn’t fair that this man had the power to make her panties wet in an instant. Her breasts grew heavy in arousal and her pussy tingled. She clutched his jacket as she rubbed herself against him.
Matthias wedged his knee between her legs and grinded against her center all while his tongue devoured her mouth. Esther returned the desperate kiss until finally, she broke away, needing to catch a breath.
He buried his face against her neck. “You’re mine, whether you acknowledge it or not.”
His words were like a bucket of cold water doused on her head. Esther shoved her way out of his arms, her breathing still ragged. “No! Just because my body wants you doesn’t mean I do.”
“You’re a liar, Esther and you know it. You want me as much as I want you. When I was at your place, you all but admitted you loved me too. “He closed the space between them and grasped her by the elbows. “I’m trying to fight for us baby, but I can’t keep doing this on my own. I need you to want this too.”
“I don’t want this! Can’t you understand, I don’t want this and I don’t want you?”
“Tell me, why are you fighting so hard?”
“Because our baby is dead!” she screamed unable to hold back the secret that had haunted her for three years.
Matthias froze. “What?”
“Our baby is dead and I can’t have anymore. So there, now you know.”
Confusion etched lines in his face. “I don’t understand.”
Esther wiped away a tear that slid down her cheek. “I was pregnant when Mike showed up. I didn’t know it at the time, but when he took me back home, he tortured me and threatened my life. He even pulled a gun on me. He shoved it in my mouth and pulled the trigger. I thought my life was over. But the gun was empty. You have no idea what that can do to a person’s mental health. That wasn’t even the worse. He’d throw me in the closet and leave me for hours at a times sometimes days. One day after a particularly brutal attack he threw me in the closet and the stress must have been too much for my body. I started cramping and the pain was so bad, I thought finally I was going to die. I started bleeding and the next thing I know I wake up in a hospital bed with a crying Mike beside me, playing the doting husband. He made up some excuse to the doctor that I had fallen down some stairs. But the thing is the doctor figured my injuries were too extensive for a simple fall down the stairs. The police came and asked Mike to leave the room while they talked to me. Like a frightened child, I stuck to the script. That was until the later the doctor told me I had lost my baby and because I’d waited so long to come to the hospital, I caught a really nasty infection…well, it’s basically rendered me infertile. So there you have it. I lost the one thing our love created and we can never have that again. I remembered you once saying that you wanted a large family. Well, you can’t have that with me.”
Matthias didn’t say anything right away but all color had drained from his face.
Esther trembled as she waited for him to speak.
Finally, when he looked at her directly, she could have sworn that his eyes were glistening but he blinked and they were normal again. “So you, we can’t be together because we you can’t have children? You thought I wouldn’t want to be with you because of that?”
She shrugged.
“Get out.” The words were spoken so softly at first Esther didn’t think she’d heard him properly.
“What did you say?”
“I said get out! Get the fuck out of my office and get the fuck out of my sight! Get out!” Matthias roared.
With a startled cry, Esther grabbed her purse and ran out the door without getting the rest of her items.
She’d expected him to shun her once he knew her secret but she could have never expected his reaction. It was much more extreme than she’d anticipated. But even if he had quietly ghosted out of her life it would have been no less painful. She raced out of the building, nearly blinded by her tears.
~~~~~~
Once Esther had gone, Matthias turned around and pounded his fist against the wall.
“What the fuck man? Did I just see Esther racing out of here?” Chris entered the conference room.
“I’m angry, what the fuck do you think it looks like.”
“I told you it wasn’t a good idea to set that meeting up through Jennifer.”
Matthias glared at his friend “The last thing I need to hear is an ‘I told you so’ right now.”
“I’m sorry, but you can’t cause property damage just because you’re upset.” Chris pointed to the wall which now had a huge dent in it. “What happened? Why did Esther look like she was in distress and why do you look like you’re about to rip someone’s head off.”
“I’m pissed because I’ve done everything I could to prove to her how much she means to me and she continues to push me away. And then she thinks so little of me to think that…” As angry as he was, Esther’s condition was none of Chris’s business. Esther was the woman who he wanted to build a future with. He loved her with everything within him. He wanted to be her partner, her support and the slayer of her dragons. But apparently, she thought so little of his feeling for her that she would keep something like this from him. A part of him understood why she’d be scared to tell him about something so traumatic but the thing that killed him was that Esther actually believed that he wouldn’t want her because she was unable to give him a child.
“That what, man?” Chris prompted.
“She’s been through a lot. Bad things happened to her and one thing, in particular, she kept from me because she believed I’d stop loving her because of it.”
Chris raised a brow. “And did you?”
“Of course not man. Why do you think I’m so furious? She thought so little of me and my love for her, she deliberately sabotaged what we could have. I love that woman to distraction. She’s all I think about. The last three years of my life was miserable because she wasn’t in it. And to hear her say that we couldn’t be together because of something that doesn’t matter to me, hurts. It fucking hurts.” Matthias angrily raked his fingers through his hair. The tears that he’d held back in Esther’s presence seeped from the corners of his eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Matthias.” Chris patted him on the shoulder. “I sympathize with what you’re going through. When I saw you with Esther, you were so happy and I was glad for you because you’d been through a lot. But from what you’re saying, so did Esther. I respect you for not telling me everything about Esther because you want to protect her privacy, but when I saw her run out of the office, she looked crushed. Whatever it was that she told you, couldn’t have been easy for her either. And so far all I’ve heard from your lips was me, this and me that. Maybe Esther was right to keep her secret from you.”
One of the traits that Matthias liked about his friend was his honesty. He could always count on Chris to tell him the truth. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that while you’re busy being hurt about whatever it is she did or kept from you, it’s obvious she’d hurting too. Remember how it felt three years ago when she left and how you lived your life those subsequent years? If you truly love her, you have to ask yourself this question: is your hurt feelings more important than being with her?”
Matthias couldn’t argue with that logic. He hung his head in shame.
“I know it hurts, but love isn’t always easy. It hasn’t been all flowers and light with Tiffany either but I love that woman and I’d rather weather any storm with her by my side than live without her. I suspect you feel the same way about Esther. “
Matthias leaned against the wall with a heavy sigh. “I really fucked up.”
“Then fix it. And go get your woman.”
~~~~~~
“Sweetheart, it’s going to be all right. I’m sure you miss interpreted his reaction.” Fiona stroked Esther’s head which lay in her lap.
Esther had been devastated after her encounter with Matthias. She figured he wouldn’t want her after he knew that she could never give him what he wanted, but Esther hadn’t been prepared to be so forcefully ejected out of his life. She’d been such a wreck by the time she arrived home that she threw herself on the bed and cried her eyes out.
Though she’d been determined to keep Matthias from finding out about her infertility, part of her did hold out hope that it wouldn’t matter to him. And maybe it was that hope that had kept her from telling him in the first place because she was too scared to know for sure.
Matthias had been so furious. He hated her and there was nothing she could do about it. She was angry when she’d told him about losing the baby but now she realized how callous the delivery had been. Maybe he had the right to know from the beginning but she’d been too big of a coward.
Fiona had called and when Esther answered her phone, she couldn’t pull herself together to sound normal on the phone. Hearing Fiona’s compassionate on the other end of the line sent her into another round of body-shaking sobs. Fiona had rushed over to Esther’s apartment. Though her friend was a huge comfort, Esther’s heart was breaking and there was nothing she could do about it.
“He meant it. You should have seen the look on his face. Matthias just looked at me like I was lower than dirt on the ground.”
“It doesn’t sound like the man who dropped by the shop all those days just to catch a glance at you. The man was head-over-heels in love with you.”
Esther sniffed. “The operative word is was.”
“Honey, I know. I’m so sorry that happened to you. To go through all of that and then to lose something so many women hold dear. I know it hurts but not being able to have children doesn’t define you. I want you to know that no matter what happens from here, you are worthy to be loved. I’ve bought this up before but I think maybe it’s time that you seek professional help.”
“Maybe you’re right. I’m such a mess”
Fiona leaned down and kissed her on the head. “It may be hard at first but each day, things will get better and you’ll come through this stronger than ever.”
“Thank you, Fiona. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t come into my life.”
“Don’t thank me. We’re friends and friends look out for each other.”
Just then there was a knock on her door. Esther raised her head. She made a mental note to contact the rental office about people getting in without buzzing the security door.
“I’ll get that for you, dear,” Fiona volunteered.
Esther sat up so that Fiona could answer the door.
Fiona gasped when she saw who it was through the peephole.
“Who is it?” Esther asked.
“It’s Matthias.”