Chapter Five
For the first time in Esther’s life, she knew what true happiness was. She had a job, a good friend in Fiona and things were going great with Matthias. These past several months had put a constant smile on her face. Fiona often teased Esther about having her head in the clouds. And who could blame her? Not only was Matthias thoughtful, he was witty, smart and had a great sense of humor. And the best part—he was an amazing kisser. Whenever he placed his lips on hers, he made her toes curl and body throb. With him, she wasn’t a twenty-six-year-old woman still trying to find her way in the world. No, with him she was a teenager again without a single care.
The two of them had never progressed beyond kissing and heavy petting but whenever she was in his arms, it felt like it was meant to be. But despite how great things were going for her, there was still a dark cloud hanging over her head. Esther couldn’t shake the ominous feeling swirling within her being. She feared that something would come along and snatch away her joy. And she knew exactly what that something was: Mike.
She realized things couldn’t progress with Matthias until she told him the truth about Mike. It was killing Esther on the inside to not be able to tell him about her past, that the reason she never bothered to get a divorce was because she feared what her husband would do to her. Even though Mike beat her and cheated repeatedly, his ego wouldn’t allow him to let her go. He’d told her on more than one occasion that she’d regret it if she ever left him. Besides, Esther wasn’t sure that Matthias would understand. He’d had such a difficult time with his own ex, she wasn’t sure how supportive he’d be if he learned that legally she was tied to someone else. The guilt was starting to weigh on her, especially since Matthias was so open with her.
He had shared everything with her, from the struggles he and his mother faced after his father had abandoned them, his life in Seoul and even his marriage. He was an open book and she felt like a huge fraud. Esther didn’t speak much about her past because of the shame she still carried. Growing up unloved and unwanted was embarrassing. Esther wondered if he’d think that she had done something wrong to make her own parents hate her. The rational part of her brain said that it wasn’t her fault. Her parents were simply warped, people. But then there was the scared little girl inside of her that kept herself locked away. She didn’t want Esther to see that side of her. It scared her to be vulnerable to someone else. She’d shared the details of her childhood with Mike when they’d started dating. At first, he was sympathetic and had even told her that she wasn’t to blame. But as their relationship had progressed, Mike would make subtle digs about her past, taunting her about the fact that her parents had never loved her. Sometimes that had hurt far more than the beatings.
Matthias seemed like a reasonable man but she’d been fooled before. How was she going to tell him that even though she’d left her husband, she’d never filed paperwork to make things legal out of fear that Mike would come looking for her?
Currently, she was at Matthias’s apartment watching a movie she hadn’t paid much attention to. It was nice just sitting on the couch with him, and relaxing. His arm was casually draped around her shoulders and her head rested on his chest. The sound of his steady heartbeat was calming.
“Babe, is everything okay?”
She raised her head to look at him. It warmed her heart to hear the endearment fall so easily from his lips. “I was just watching the movie.”
“Oh yeah? What just happened?”
“What?”
“In the movie? If you were paying attention, what just happened?”
“Um…someone got shot?””
He raised a brow. “This is a comedy.”
“Oh.”
Matthias grabbed the remote and paused the film. “What’s going on? You’ve been quiet most of the night and you just seem distracted. What’s on your mind?”
Esther took a deep breath. She had to tell him, but first, she had to test the waters. “I was thinking about us.”
“Oh yeah? What about?”
She moistened her lips that had suddenly gone dry. “We’ve been seeing each other quite a bit in the last several weeks and I think it’s been good.”
He leaned over and pressed his lips against Esther’s, giving her a quick peck. “It’s been very good.” He grinned as he pulled away.
“Well, I was wondering where you see this going. Are we just dating or is this turning into something more? I mean, not that I’m trying to rush things, I just need to know because we never said.”
He paused for a moment as if trying to find the right words to say. Finally, he cupped the side of her face and caressed her cheek with the pad of his thumb. “In the beginning, I wasn’t sure where this was going. I was attracted to you from the second I laid eyes on you. And as we’ve gotten to know each other better, I’ve come to find that you’re compassionate, thoughtful and smart, not to mention when I look into your eyes, I can see me being with you for a very long time. Maybe I’ve been reluctant to label what we are because I’ve been unsure about your feelings for me.”
Matthias exuded confidence by the sheer force of his presence, so it surprised Esther to hear that she made him insecure. “My feelings? I…I think I’m falling for you.” Now that the words were out, there was no turning back. Her heart sped up as she waited for his response.
Matthias smiled in response. “Good to hear because I was starting to get worried because sometimes I feel like you’re holding back on me. For instance, you know almost everything about me, like where I went to school, growing up with just me and my mother, my life in Seoul and even bits and pieces about my marriage. But whenever I ask a question about your past, like what your childhood was like, you shut down on me. I’m guessing it wasn’t a happy one otherwise, what are you hiding? But the thing is Esther, I’m falling for you as well, and though I’m taking a huge risk with you after having a disaster of a marriage, I believe you’re worth the wait. I’m willing to be patient until you’re ready to share whatever sadness you may have experienced in life.”
Tears welled in her eyes. She had to tell him now, “I…Matthias…I don’t know what to say.”
Coward, she inwardly scolded herself.
“You don’t have to say anything because I believe you’re worth the wait. But I have a bit of confession of my own.”
“Oh?”
“Whenever I kiss you. I can barely hold back. I want to make love to you so badly. Being this close to you has got my whole system out of whack. See what you do to me.” He captured her hand and placed it on the considerable bulge in his pants. Her first instinct was to pull away, not because his action disgusted her, but because it frightened her that she liked it so much. She was also afraid of what she thought of her lack of experience. She’d only been with Mike and just thinking about it was traumatic. But with Matthias, Esther knew it would be different. She wanted to explore every inch of him, had secretly been thinking about it for weeks but didn’t know how to broach the subject. Although she was nervous now that the opportunity had presented itself, Esther wouldn’t let it slip through her fingers.
“Can I see it?”
“Yes,” he whispered.
Esther undid the button on his pants and slowly pulled down the zipper. Hesitantly, she reached inside his briefs and came in contact with his bare erection. She gently wrapped her fingers around his shaft and pulled it free. Though she wasn’t a good judge of size since she’d only seen one up close like this before, it was thick and seemed to be a nice length. It was definitely bigger than Mike’s. She rubbed her thumb along the side causing Matthias to inhale deeply. “Shit.”
“You’re…so hard.”
“Exactly. You have no idea what you’re doing to me.”
Seeing Matthias at her mercy awakened something within Esther that she’d never experienced before. She spied a pearl colored drop of moisture at the tip. Emboldened by his response to her, she lowered her head and licked the mushroom-capped tip.
He bucked his hips in surprise. “Esther, you don’t have to do this.”
She lifted her head to meet his gaze. “Don’t you like it?”
“I love it, but I don’t want you to feel pressured into doing something you’re not comfortable with.”
“I am. Please, I want to.”
He ran his tongue across his bottom lip. “Then do it, baby. Suck my cock. Do whatever you want to me, baby.” And with that, he placed his hand on the back of her head and gently guided it back to his hard member.
Esther wanted to take her time exploring him so she licked the length of him from the base to the head, moving her tongue up and down. She wasn’t sure if she was doing it right but Matthias seemed to like it by the way he moaned her name.
“Oh, God, Esther that feels so fucking good. You have no idea how much I’ve wanted this.”
His words encouraged him to wrap her fingers around his shaft and sucked him fully into her mouth. She worked her mouth up and down on him, tightening her lips around his member as she went.
“Yes, babe, just like that.”
Esther gently grasped his balls and fondled them in her free hand. The taste of him was so raw, musky but not unpleasant. The more he moaned the faster she bobbed her head up and down, each time taking in more of his length.
Matthias dug his fingers through her hair, grabbing a handful and regulated her pace. “Your mouth is amazing,” he groaned.
Esther loved the power she exerted over him in this moment taking him to the brink. It turned her on knowing that could give him such pleasure. Suddenly, he froze. “Shit, Esther, I’m going to come. You’ve got to stop.”
She wanted to go to the end, the need to taste every bit of him driving her. Releasing him, she raised her head. “I want to finish.”
He caressed her cheek. “You don’t have to.”
“I want to.”
“Are you sure?”
She nodded before taking him in her mouth again, this time sucking him with more fervor. Within a few moments, there was an explosion in her mouth as he ejaculated. Esther did her best to swallow as much of his seed as possible although some of it dribbled down the side of her mouth. He was tangy, salty and a little sweet all at once and she loved it. She loved him.
With one last lick of his cock, Esther pulled away and looked at him expectantly. “Did you like it?”
“Like it? I fucking loved it.” He cupped the back of her head and pulled her to him for a long deep kiss. A warmth spread from her core to her entire body. Matthias sandwiched his tongue between her lips and explored the cavern of her mouth. The first few kisses they had shared, she’d let him take the lead, but now Esther was a willing participant. She pushed her tongue forward to meet his.
Somehow she found herself lying down on the couch with Matthias on top. He placed his hands beneath her blouse and cupped her breasts. Her nipples pebbled beneath his touch. Finally, he broke the tight seal of their lips and nuzzled her neck. “I want to make love to you so bad, but turnabout is fair play. I’m going to eat your pussy.”
Without waiting for her to respond, he moved down the length of her body and raised her skirt until it was around her waist. Her thighs quivered in anticipation. This was new territory for her. Mike had been her only lover and he was disgusted by the idea of performing oral sex on her, even though he’d forced her to do it on him more times than she cared to remember. As he eased her panties off, she released the breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding.
His breath against her pussy sent flames shooting along her veins. “Oh,” she sighed, pulling away, but Matthias gripped her thighs to hold her steady.
“You have to be still, baby because I want to taste you properly,” he commanded. Gently, he ran his tongue along her slit before parting her labia. Matthias teased her, flicking and circling it, making her knees weak and head spin.
“Oh, God,” she cried out as he captured her clit in his mouth.
Matthias hooked his arm under his knees and buried his face in her pussy. He sucked and licked and feasted on her like a man who hadn’t eaten in months. Esther buried her fingers in his hair, riding his face as he took her to heights she didn’t think possible. Her body quaked and she thought her entire body was on fire.
These feelings were brand new and she wasn’t sure how to handle them. Spots danced before her eyes, and it seemed as if her spirit was leaving her body as what felt like a volcano erupted within her. She screamed her release, but Matthias was relentless. He relentlessly continued to lick and suck on her pussy, drawing designs with tongue. He even slipped a finger inside her channel.
“Matthias! I can’t take it!”
He raised his head, drenched in her juices. “Oh, you’re going to take it until I’ve had my fill. I’ve waited for this and I’m just getting started.” He dove back in, showing no mercy.
Esther rolled her eyes back in her head so many times to the point that she thought they’d get stuck in that position. Matthias gave her another orgasm before he seemed satisfied.
“Oh, my God. Oh, my God, “she chanted over and over again.
Esther’s next conscious thought was being lifted off the couch and carried. The next thing she knew, Matthias had laid her on the center of his bed. She was still coming down from her high as she watched him remove his clothing.
She thought he was beautiful when he was fully clothed, but without any, he was truly a work of art. He was all lean and sculpted muscle. Once he was completely naked, Mathias joined her on the bed.
“Let me help you get these off.”
Esther was hesitant about him seeing her in the nude. She bore so many scars and burns from her beatings she couldn’t bear for him to see them. She caught his hand when he attempted to take her top off. “No. Please. I want to keep this on.”
“But I want to see all of you.”
She shook her head vehemently. “I can’t I just…I don’t mind you seeing me from the waist down but I wanna keep my top on.”
He frowned. “I don’t understand. You’re beautiful. I want to see all of you.”
Tears sprang to her eyes. “Let’s do it this way. And then we can do it your way the next time. I promise.” She pressed her lips against his, hoping to sway him. She just couldn’t take the humiliation of him seeing how pathetic her former life used to be.
Matthias stared into her eyes and he looked as if he wanted to argue with her but instead he sighed. “Okay, this time. But I don’t understand what you’re so afraid of. From what I can tell you have a beautiful body. You’re not hiding a secret conjoined twin, are you?”
“What?”
His grin gave away the fact that he was teasing her, which immediately put her at ease. He rolled to the side of his bed and reached into his drawer to retrieve a condom. Esther watched in awe as he unwrapped it and rolled it on his member with expert ease.
He slowly made his way back to her and fitted his body on top of hers. Matthias settled between her thighs and positioned his cock at her entrance. “When this is over, you’re mine.”
There was a moment of discomfort as he pushed into her sheath. When he was fully seated within her, stretching her walls to their limits, it felt like this was meant to be.
“You’re so tight. So perfect,” he whispered as he began to move, slowly at first as if trying to find his pace. Each stroke gave her the confidence to move with him. She gyrated her hips in sync with his, creating a beautiful dance as old as time. As they continued, Esther drew closer to nirvana. Matthias stroked her face as he moved. “You’re so beautiful.”
His words brought tears to her eyes. Matthias had said that to her before but this time, she believed it.
When she hit her peak this time around, it was on another level. She screamed, “Matthias!”
He wrapped his arms around her and pumped frantically before reaching his own climax.
Later as they lay wrapped in each other’s arms, Esther was at a loss for words. That was…”
“Incredible,” Matthias finished for her.
“Yes,” she whispered.
Esther had never felt so content and happy. But she wondered how long this feeling would last when he learned the truth.