Chapter Eleven
Matthias looked at the business card he’d stolen from Tiffany. There was a picture of makeup brushes, lips in the corner, and in the middle with gold-gilded letters was Esther’s name. He brushed his fingers against it. So she was finally making her dreams come true. What had been a brief conversation they’d once had during a walk in the park had become a reality.
Taking walks had always been one of Matthias’s favorite pastimes because it was a good way to get the creative juices flowing or just to clear his head. But the walks were even better when Esther was with him. He’d stopped by the shop earlier to take her for lunch. Afterwards, he had suggested that they take a walk around the local park to work off some of the meal they’d eaten.
As they walked hand in hand, he gave hers a little squeeze. She was so soft to his hardness, fire to his ice. She was his compliment, and even though they’d only been together for a relatively short time, he found himself falling in love with her a little more each day.
Esther was the one who broke the comfortable silence. “Sometimes, I think you’re too good to be true, Matthias,” she said with a sigh.
“Oh, why do you think that?”
“Because you’re the sweetest person I’ve ever met. You’re good-looking, level-headed, have all your teeth.”
He chuckled. “Having all my teeth is a big deal, huh?” he teased.
“Well, nothing against toothless people but I don’t want to imagine you without your teeth.”
“Is that so? What if we grow old together and eventually I have to wear dentures. Does that mean you’d abandon me?”
She tapped him gently on the shoulder. “That’s different. Do you really see a future for us?”
“Absolutely. I know it’s early in this relationship but I feel things for you that I haven’t with any other woman. After my disastrous marriage, I didn’t think I’d be inclined to take a second trip down the aisle, but I can see me walking toward you.”
Esther dipped her head, her expression indiscernible. “I can imagine that, too.”
“Where do you see yourself ten years from now?”
“Besides still being with you, hopefully? I’m not sure. I mean, I adore Fiona and I love working at the shop but it’s not some place I want to be for the rest of my life. I want to do something that I’m really good at. I was thinking of some form of cosmetology. I’m pretty good with makeup and there are several routes I could go in that industry. It’s just a thought, though. I’m not really sure how I’d get started.”
“I do know a little something about starting a business so I’d be happy to give you advice every step of the way.”
“You don’t have to, Matthias.”
“I want to. I’d like to see all your dreams come true.”
“It’s just talk for now. I don’t know if I’m good enough.”
“I wish I was a good judge of your skills, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say you’re pretty good.”
“And how do you figure that?”
“You’re a natural beauty and you don’t need a lot of artificial enhancements to make yourself look better. But when you are wearing makeup it gives you sort of a glow. You don’t smear it all over your face.”
Esther laughed, making that wonderful sound he loved so much. “No one smears makeup on their face unless they’re trying to make some kind of statement.”
“But that’s the thing. I don’t know a lot about a woman’s beauty regimen but I do notice when they’re wearing too much gunk on their face because they look like clowns.”
Esther turned to face him and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Well, it’s good to know that you don’t think I look like a clown.’
“No. I think you look beautiful.” Matthias dipped his head until their lips met.
These memories had had a firm grip on his brain in the last couple of weeks, and Matthias felt like he’d explode if he didn’t get some kind of outlet. He had to see Esther or go crazy. Knowing that Chris and Tiffany had run into her had only made his need to see her more urgent.
He eyed the number on the phone and unable to wait another second, he picked up the phone and dialed it. He expected to get a voicemail but just hearing her voice was enough at the moment, to his surprise, when he heard a breathy, “Hello?” he froze.
“Hello?” she spoke again.
Matthias was tongue-tied, having not heard her voice in so long.
“Well, I’m going to hang up, obviously this is a wrong number.”
“Esther.”
He was met with silence on the other end of the line. “Are you still there?”
“Matthias?”
“Yes, how are you?”
“I’m well, thank you, just a little surprised that you’d be contacting my business cell. How did you get this number? Never mind, don’t answer, you got it from Chris, right?”
“Actually, I took it off of Tiffany’s desk.”
“I’m guessing you didn’t call for a free makeup consultation unless you’ve made some life changes in the last few years.”
“No.”
“Then why are you calling?”
“Because I had to talk to you. I’ve been by the shop and few times and you’re never there.”
“That’s because I don’t work there anymore. I’m sure Chris has already filled you in on what I do for a living.”
“Yes. You’re doing what you had hoped for. I hear you’re doing things pretty big too. I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks but…Matthias, I’m surprised to hear from you at all. The last time we saw each other you pretty much made it clear that you hated my guts.”
“Never said that,” he denied.
“Maybe not in so many words but I could definitely see it in your eyes.”
“You can’t exactly blame me. There was a lot you didn’t tell me. Things that I deserved to know.”
He was met with silence.
“Are you still there?”
“Yeah, I’m here. You’re right, I owed you the truth and for that, I’m really sorry that I hurt you, that wasn’t my intention.”
“When you said you loved me, did you mean it?”
“Of course I did.”
“I want to see you.”
She sighed. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Matthias.”
“Why not? If for no other reason, you owe me the explanation you didn’t give me three years ago.”
“What’s to explain? I was a married woman. I left my husband but hadn’t officially resolved the marriage, end of story.”
“So that’s all I get? You hurt me and then you get to just brush it off as if it wasn’t a big deal to you?”
“It was a big deal to me. I had feelings for you, Matthias.”
“Then let’s meet and talk things out. I just…look, I’m not going to lie and say I haven’t thought about you over the years but the way I’ve handled my life since you’ve been gone hasn’t exactly been healthy. I need to see you so that I can have that talk we never got to have. At least allow me the opportunity to move on with my life like you obviously moved on with yours.”
“Fine. We can meet at the coffee house downtown, the one that doubles as a bookstore.”
“I could just swing by tea shop if that’s more convenient for you.”
“Uh, no. I’d rather meet at the coffee shop. If you’re doing anything later this afternoon, then I can meet you there around six.”
“Sounds like a plan. I’ll be seeing you.”
“Yeah.”
By the time he ended the call, Matthias’s heart was racing. He didn’t think he’d have such a visceral reaction to the sound of her voice. It sounded huskier and sexier. He wondered how he’d react when he finally saw her again. Would it be like no time had passed at all or would he finally be rid of these inconvenient feelings?
Leaning back in his chair he sighed. “What am I getting myself into?”
~~~~~~~
This was a huge mistake. She should have hung up the second she realized who was on the other line. It had been her intention to avoid Matthias at all costs. Esther figured it wouldn’t be that bad considering how large this town was and she’d be busy with her work.
Why didn’t she just leave the sandwich shop as soon as she saw Chris? To make matters worse, she’d handed out her business card to Chris’s girlfriend. She didn’t think the card would somehow end up in Matthias’s hand. Or maybe she had secretly wanted it to. She was so confused where Matthias was concerned. She wanted to concentrate on growing her brand without any distractions and he was a huge one. Three years ago, she would have jumped at the opportunity to be with him, but that was before something inside of her had broken. Matthias deserved something better than what she could offer him. But maybe she was jumping the gun. It was possible he only wanted to see her to tell her off.
Esther glanced at her phone to check the time even though she’d only looked a few minutes prior. He’d be here at any moment. Just then the front door of the shop opened and she felt his presence before she actually saw him. She gripped her coffee cup to stop herself from shaking as he came into view. A gasp escaped her lips. He was just as beautiful as she remembered. He didn’t look much different except for the way he wore his hair, which now was shorter in the back but longer on top and shaved close to his scalp on the sides. He didn’t see her sitting in the corner at first so she stood up.
When he spotted her, he froze. Their eyes locked and Esther smoothed her hands over her clothing in a self-conscious gesture. She was dressed casually today in a pair of distressed jeans with strategically cut holes in her knees and a yellow blouse. Matthias resumed his stride and as he moved closer, she got a whiff of his cologne. It was the scent she instantly remembered. She squeezed her thighs together, surprised to feel this instant reaction to him after all this time.
“Matthias.” She nodded her head in greeting, inwardly congratulating herself for keeping her voice steady.
“Esther, you look well.”
“Thank you. Uh, are you going to order anything?”
“No. I’ve already had my ration of coffee today. “He gestured to her table. “Shall we sit?”
Esther nodded and returned to her chair. Seeing him again brought all the feelings she thought that she’d buried come racing back. She gripped her cup again. “So how have you been?” Esther asked to break the awkward silence.
Matthias didn’t answer right away. He simply stared at her as if drinking in all of her features. She shivered in her seat, feeling that stirring with her core again. Memories of his hands and mouth all over her body flooded her mind, making Esther squirm in her chair.
“Look, Matthias, I’m not sure why you asked to meet if you’re not going to speak.”
“You’re wearing your hair differently.”
Esther ran her fingers through hair that fell to her shoulder blades. “Uh, I just blew it out to switch things up for a while.”
“The curls suited you, but this is nice as well.”
She moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue. “Matthias...please, tell me why you wanted to see me.”
“You’re still beautiful.”
He wasn’t making this easy for her and if he kept it up, Esther wasn’t sure what she would do. She pushed away from the table and stood up. “I came here because you wanted to talk and as you stated on the phone that I owed you this meeting; all you’re doing is making me uncomfortable. I have to go.”
When she would have walked away, he grasped her wrist. “Wait, I’m sorry, seeing you again has been a bit of a shock.”
“Why? You’re the one who contacted me.”
“Because when I called you, it was for the purpose of getting closure, but now that I see you again, I realize that I never stopped loving you. I’ve been fooling myself for three years thinking that I was over you and I acted out in unhealthy ways. I worked myself to the point of collapse, slept with a bunch of women I wouldn’t be able to pick out in a lineup. But you’ve always been on my mind. I might be a fool for letting my heart rule my head after you broke it the first time, I want you back, Esther. And I think you want me, too.”
Chapter Twelve
When he had talked Esther into this meeting, Matthias’s intentions were exactly what he’d told her. He wanted closure, and that he was willing to listen to her side of the story three years ago. But the second he laid eyes on her again, all those emotions he’d kept locked firmly away came flooding back. He didn’t know how he managed to convince himself that he could move on with his life without at least telling her how he felt.
Esther was just as beautiful as he remembered: her beautiful dark skin, those huge eyes, and tempting lips. The hair she once wore in a riot of curls was now straight and long but still appealing. He saw that she still favored bright colors that looked great on her. His dick twitched in his pants and his body tensed. The woman did things to him that he couldn’t explain.
At a loss for words, he couldn’t stop staring at her. But there was something different about her. There was wariness in her gaze, a sad droop to her mouth. It was a subtle change but one he hadn’t missed. What had that monster done to her?
Esther yanked her hand out of her his grip. “Matthias, this isn’t what I’d come here for. I just came to talk.”
“Then sit down and talk, Esther.”
She shook her head. “No. This isn’t going to work. Look, I know Fiona told you a little bit about what happened but here is the shortened version. I met my husband shortly after leaving my mom’s house. I never had a good relationship with either of my parents but when my father died my mother became even more abusive and demanding. I was basically her slave so one day I’d had enough and left. And shortly after breaking away from her I met Mike, who was so sweet and loving in the beginning. But then he became my biggest nightmare so I got away from him too. I didn’t plan on finding you or falling in love but I did. My one regret is that I wasn’t honest with you to begin with, but I was scared because you were honestly the best thing that ever happened to me. And as you’ll remember, Mike showed up again. He died and then I was free. Right now my focus is making my business a success. I can’t afford any entanglements.”
She spoke with an odd detachment in her voice, as if she was telling someone else’s story besides her own. Matthias knew there was a lot she was leaving out. “So that’s it? I get that shitty version of events and then you walk out of my life again?”
She sighed and rolled her eyes skyward. “It’s for the best. I’m sorry this meeting didn’t go the way you wanted to but that’s really all I can give you right now.”
Matthias shot out of his seat and closed the distance between them. When Esther would have stepped away, he hooked his arm around her waist and yanked her body against his. His cock immediately stiffened and it took all of his will power not to thrown her on the ground and fuck her senseless right in the middle of this coffee house.
“But that’s not all I’m willing to accept. I spent the last three years of my life miserable, pretending I didn’t give a damn about you, but it was all a lie and I’m not going to keep playing make-believe and I won’t allow you to either. That connection between us is still there. I feel it and I know you do too.”
Esther shook her head vehemently. She didn’t want to relive the feelings she once shared with him. They were associated with a time she wanted to put firmly behind her. But it was difficult because though her mind said get away, her body screamed yes. “I don’t.”
“Then I guess I’m going to have to call your bluff.” Before she realized what was happening, he gripped her by the hair and lowered his mouth to hers. Esther locked her lips, blocking the probe of his tongue.
“Open, your mouth. Don’t deny this.”
Matthias nipped her bottom lip, making her gasp. The slightly parting of her mouth allowed him the entrance he sought. The fiery lick of desire worked its way through her system until she found herself melting against the hard wall of his body. She didn’t realize how much she’d missed this. Missed him.
She didn’t know how long the kiss went on but by the time he raised a head, she was breathless. Esther’s mind was in a haze. It took several moments before she realized they were standing in the middle of a public place with several onlookers. Their expressions ranged from amusement to mild disgust. Esther pulled away from him. “This shouldn’t have happened.” Using all of her strength, she pushed her way out of Matthias’s arms and raced out of the coffee house.
She headed to her car only to realize she’d left her purse at the table. “Dammit,” she screamed.
“Forget something?”
With a heavy sigh, she turned to see Matthias holding on to her pocketbook.
She held out her hand only to have it yanked from her reach. “I want to see you again.”
“No. I can’t do this with you.”
“What are you so afraid of, Esther? Talk to me.”
“Why are you doing this to me? I don’t understand what you want out of this. We didn’t exactly part on good terms; in fact, I wronged you. You should hate me.”
“Do you want me to hate you?”
“It would probably make things easier. Look, I’m very sorry for deceiving you all that time ago. I want you to know that you meant the world to me, but things have changed since then. I’ve changed. I’m not the same woman I used to be. Matthias, you deserve so much better than I can offer you. So do yourself a favor and forget about me. May I have my purse, please?”
Matthias hesitated for a moment before handing it to her. He flexed a muscle in his jaw and it was clear that he was upset.
“Goodbye, Matthias.”
With her purse in hand, she headed to her car. Esther forced herself not to look back even though she was tempted to. Hurrying to her car, she got in and pulled off. Esther turned the radio up as loud as her ears could stand to drown out the thoughts of him. She’d wanted so badly to stay within the confines of his arms but she couldn’t do that to him. If he knew the truth, he’d eventually end up resenting her and that resentment would eventually turn to hate. Esther didn’t think she could bear it if Matthias looked at her that way.
As she drove back to Fiona’s tears clouded her eyes, blinding her to the point where she actually had to pull over. Why did he have to kiss her like that and make her long for things she could never have again?
Did you think you could fucking cheat on me with that piece of shit and you wouldn’t be punished for it?” Mike smacked her so hard Esther hit the wall.
Her head spun and she felt dizzy. She prayed that she’d pass out so she wouldn’t feel the pain of his blows. He grabbed a handful of her hair and yanked Esther to her feet only to smack her again.
Esther didn’t bother to fight because she’d lost the will. Several days of this and no reprieve; she had nothing left in her. When he’d pulled the gun on her and pulled the trigger, she thought for sure she was dead. But the gun was apparently empty. Still, that incident had done something to her.
“So, you’re not going to fucking answer me? I should fucking kill you. You had me looking for your ass all these months and you were fucking around with some other man.”
If Esther didn’t think she’d pay for it, she would have pointed out the fact that Mike was not only unfaithful to her on several occasions, he’d taken a sadistic joy in rubbing it in her face.
He slapped her directly in the mouth. “So you have nothing to say for yourself, you bitch? I got something for your ass. You’re going to stay in this closet and think about what you did. I don’t know who the fuck you think you are that you can just up and leave me, embarrassing me in front of my friends and family. If my friend hadn’t been visiting relatives out of town and spotted you, you’d probably be whoring around.” He emphasized his words with a punch to the chest, sending her crashing to the floor yet again.
He gripped her by the arm and dragged her to the walk-in closet in their bedroom. He shoved her in. Since the light was on the outside of the door, she was shrouded in darkness. She heard him push a chair against the door to keep her locked inside. “Stay there, bitch. When you’re hungry and thirsty, just think of what you did and chew on that. You don’t deserve to live.”
She heard the sound of retreating footsteps. Esther lay in the dark, in a tremendous amount of pain. Mike had beaten her before, but never with such viciousness. She thought about ways to get away from him but he would be watching her like a hawk. Since she’d been back, she’d learned that he’s been let go from his job and was living on the largesse of his parents.
She licked her swollen bottom lip and tasted the coppery flavor of her own blood. One of her teeth felt a little loose as well. Her muscles were sore and her ears rang. Suddenly an excruciatingly pain ripped throughout her entire body. It was a cramp in her stomach. It hurt even worse than Mike’s blows. She cried out as another ripped through her body followed by another one.
It felt like she was dying and then she felt something sticky and wet seeping from her panties. It was too dark to take a look, but Esther was certain that the mysterious fluid was blood. This was it, she was surely going to die now.
~~~~~~~
Something had happened to Esther, and Matthias didn’t know what but he intended to get to the bottom of it. Seeing her again didn’t provide him with closure at all, in fact, he decided that was the very last thing he wanted from her. For the majority of his life, his actions were always dictated directly or indirectly by others. When he was little it was by his shithead of a father. As he was growing up, it was his mother. She had by far been one of the gentlest and sweetest people anyone could meet and wouldn’t have dreamed of forcing Matthias to do something he didn’t want to. But it had been his goal to please her.
Everything up until the day he died was for her. He’d gotten good grades and obeyed the rules because he wanted to cause her as little stress as possible. And when his grandfather came calling, he’d even agreed to that sham of a marriage because he knew it would make Eun-hee happy. Matthias had even bent over backward to make Shin-hye happy because he felt that in order to make the best out of the situation he might as well give it his all. He’d run the pharmaceutical company because it had pleased his mother and grandfather. But once Eun-hee had died and his marriage was resolved, Matthias was determined to live for himself. Perhaps that’s what had attracted him to Esther in the first place. She represented the freedom he never felt he had. He’d wanted her on sight which was why his pursuit had been relentless. And seeing her again, he still wasn’t ready to let go. Esther belonged to him whether she acknowledged it or not. She might be willing to walk away from what they’d shared, but he wasn’t going to let her.
She could run from him but he fully intended to catch her.