Chapter 5
Callie looked around the kitchen, noting Heather had done a great job of cleaning everything. There was nothing left to do. Sitting at the square wooden table on the side opposite Jack, she laced her hands together in her lap then repositioned them onto the surface of the table. Why was she this anxious? It was Jack. She texted him almost every week, had video chats a few times a month if possible, and sent him constant e-mails and shots of Jonathan. Why was sitting here so hard for her?
Maybe because Jack was here in the flesh. The gorgeous, manly flesh. The snug t-shirt that showed off his lean muscles left little to the imagination and she was glad he was sitting because the faded jeans he had on molded to his hips and thighs dangerously. It had been one of the first things she’d noticed when he’d walked in. His long legs had always caused butterflies in her stomach. Too much man for her to take in at one time. Especially when she knew it was taboo to have him now. Things had changed way too much.
He took another big bite, chewed, then looked her in the eyes. It was unnerving.
“How have you been, Callie?”
“We’ve been fine.”
“Jonathan’s awesome, I know. But how have you been? Are you getting by? Do you need me to send you more money?”
She shook her head. Jack shouldn’t have to worry about her or Jonathan. He had enough to do in keeping away from anyone who worked for Victor. “You send us more than enough each month. You don’t have to do that. My parents were well off and left me plenty to buy this house. Plus I make an excellent salary. I got my CPA last year and because my boss allows me to work from home most days, I don’t have day care costs. I can get by without what you send. You can keep it if you need it.”
“What do I need money for?” Jack grumbled. “I usually stay in the office trailer on the construction site. Aside from food and a few clothes, there’s not much else I require. I want to make sure you and Jonathan have enough to live on without having to give up too much.”
“We’re fine,” she assured him. “With all I get from your cousin, I’m doing great financially.” She wouldn’t mention all the things Victor bought for them.
“My cousin?” He frowned, confused. “Why is Scott giving you money? I told you I can send more. Scott pays me well enough I can afford to take care of my son.”
“No, Jack, that isn’t what I meant.” Reaching out, she touched his hand, immediately feeling the electricity coursing through her. She didn’t pull away, teasing herself with the contact. “Scott doesn’t give me anything directly but Holland Construction has me do all their accounting work. And Scott has even sent a lot of his contractor friends my way. They all ask for me to do their books and my boss is thrilled at how much business I’ve brought in to the company. It’s one of the reasons he lets me work from home most of the time. I need to go in a few hours a week but that’s all.”
He nodded and finished the last bites of his sandwich. She took the opportunity to study him. His shoulders sagged and there were dark circles under tired eyes. But not simply he-needed-a-good-night’s-rest tired. It looked like he had the weight of the world pressed down on his shoulders. And he did. What must it be like for him to always be looking behind him, wondering if someone would come along and take a shot at him? It scared the hell out of her knowing it could happen. One more reason for her to try and remain detached when it came to Jack. She couldn’t get any more emotionally involved than she already was.
He stifled a yawn, wiped his mouth on a napkin then rose. After putting his plate in the sink, he washed his hands and turned to lean against the counter. “Thanks for the food. I guess I’d better be going now. I’ve taken up enough of your time. And thanks for letting me put Jonathan to bed and for all the news you send me. I appreciate it.”
His shoulders rose and fell in a sigh then squared once again. How could she send him off to another five-hour drive? He’d only arrived here a few hours ago and it would be well past midnight before he reached his destination. That was insane, especially noting the fatigue blanketing his face.
“Why don’t you stay here tonight?” Damn, what the hell am I thinking? Longing crossed Jack’s features and she regretted her words. She still desired him but this couldn’t happen again. “You can sleep on the couch or the recliner. It’s quite comfortable.”
Conflict warred across Jack’s face, along with disappointment. Had he expected to share her bed? The memories of when they’d done so in the past flicked through her mind. Was Jack remembering similar things? Like their first time together?
She’d invited him over one Friday night after work to watch a movie with her. Angelo had been away for the weekend and she’d wanted some company. Not that Angelo spent a lot of time with her anyway. He had other friends he’d rather be with. Jack had agreed and they’d gotten Chinese food and watched an old classic.
She’d started to cry at one scene and he’d teased her. She’d playfully slapped at him and the resulting tussle was something she’d never forget. Before the movie ended, they’d stripped to their underwear and were kissing as passionately as the couple on the screen. They hadn’t stopped at kissing, and had ended up in her bed all night.
Callie swallowed, remembering how gentle and tender he’d been. Her inexperience had been evident and he’d taken his time, making sure she was fulfilled and satisfied before he took his own pleasure. Callie had fallen irrevocably in love with him then, though she’d never said the words. Would they have made a difference? Or scared him enough to back off?
Heat rose to her cheeks and she stood to wash the plate he’d left in the sink. He’d always been able to make her blush for the tiniest things. Even her memories of him did it. Nothing had changed.
“It’s probably not a good idea for me to stay, but thank you for the offer. I’ll get a large coffee before I hit the highway and I’ll be fine. I’m on a motorcycle so the cool breeze will keep me awake. You don’t need to worry about me, Calico.”
Callie dried her hands then moved closer. Danger, danger. Bad idea. Reaching out, she laid her fingers on his arm.
“You look exhausted. A motorcycle is hardly safe when you’re tired. If you left now, I’d worry about you until I knew you were back safely. So if you stay here, I can go to bed, fall sound asleep, and be well rested. You can do the same and leave in the morning, after you’re well rested.”
Did that sound reasonable? She was trying to keep emotion out of it, though with Jack it was never easy. Unfortunately, nothing with him had ever been easy.
“Are you sure, Callie? I don’t want to put you out but I also don’t want you staying up worrying. I’d feel guilty keeping you from your beauty rest.”
“Because I really need it?” She narrowed her eyes at him. Crossing her arms over her chest, she playfully pouted. “Maybe I don’t want you to stay anymore.”
His hearty laugh took Callie’s breath away. She hadn’t heard Jack Holland laugh in far too long. Occasionally he’d chuckle if Jonathan did something silly during their video chats but it was usually much more subdued. His desire to be with his son, instead of seeing him on a video screen, always came through.
“No, Callie,” he replied, his eyes intense as he became serious. “You could go for months without sleep and still be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. That hasn’t changed.”
Her cheeks grew warm from his flattery. She never could resist when he complimented her. A grin slipped onto her face as she rolled her eyes. “Buttering me up so you can stay? Well, you can. I know Jonathan would be thrilled to see you again in the morning.”
He looked concerned. “Is that a good idea or should I leave before he wakes up?”
She shrugged. “I’m not sure, but if you can spend a few more minutes with him, wouldn’t you want to?”
Jack took a step closer and she held her breath. Was he going to touch her? Did she want him to? Her body screamed yes while her mind shouted no. In the past, her body had always won out.
“I want to spend every minute of every day with our son.” His voice was like sandpaper as he ran his hand down her arm. The shiver was involuntarily and she hoped he didn’t notice. He couldn’t know how much his presence still affected her. They needed to keep their distance, for their own safety and protection.
She allowed herself the luxury of his touch for a moment longer, then stepped back. “I know you do. And Jonathan needs you to see him whenever you can manage it. It would mean the world to him to have you here when he wakes up. If you’re super good, maybe I’ll even cook some bacon. I remember how much you love it.”
“Bacon.” He grinned, nodding his head. “You offer bacon and there’s no way I can refuse. You’ve got yourself a house guest for the night.”
“Be warned, your son takes after you in lots of ways. He can eat more bacon than most two-year-olds. He might give you a run for your money.”
Jack laughed again and pain sliced through Callie’s middle at the infrequency of it. He should be able to be happy and laugh, share in the life of his son. She turned so he couldn’t see her expression.
“I’ll get you a blanket and a pillow. You can decide on the couch or the recliner.” She moved down the hallway and reached in the closet to grab the items. Turning to go back to the living room, she bumped into Jack who had followed right behind her. He reached out to steady her, his hands burning a path up her arms. “Oh, here you go. Will you need anything else?”
The desire in his eyes as he stared at her told her what he needed. She needed it too, but she couldn’t allow it to happen. He reached for the pillow and blanket then moved back to the living room. She closed her eyes and released a sigh. After a few hours she was already deluding herself. Throw yourself in his arms. Kiss him senseless. More foolish thoughts followed. She wanted to lose herself in his touch and turn back time to before he was on the run.
Let’s face it. You weren’t meant to be together. Fate wasn’t on their side. It probably never would be.
When she walked into the living room, his six-foot-plus frame lounged on the too small couch, his booted feet draped over the edge. “Are you sleeping there? You can take off your boots, you know.”
His tired eyes opened a fraction and one side of his mouth crooked up. “Simply testing out the sleeping arrangements. Kind of like Goldilocks seeing which bed is too hard and too soft. This one’s good but I think I’ll check out the recliner. As I recall it was quite comfy last time I was here, though I only stayed in it until Jonathan fell asleep.”
He got up, moved to the recliner and pushed until he was horizontal, his feet on the foot rest and his head reclined. Comfortable and half asleep. Leaving him there to lock up the back door in the kitchen, she looked around then checked the front door as well. In this neighborhood in Connecticut, things were fairly safe but she’d spent too long in New Jersey and some habits never died.
Not wanting to disturb him, she whispered, “Good night, Goldilocks, see you in the morning.”
“Mmmm,” was about all she got in return. He must have found this bed not too hard at all. As she walked up the stairs, her mind drifted to her bed. Perhaps if he had tried that one, he would have found it to be just right.
* * * *
Callie woke feeling refreshed and tingly. She’d been having the most decadent dream where she and Jack had been sitting in front of a fireplace wrapped in each other’s arms. When she ran her hand down her torso, desire still curled at the apex of her thighs. When was the last time she’d felt this way?
Memories returned. Jack had come to the house last night. He was even now possibly sleeping on her recliner downstairs. Glancing at her bedside clock, she startled when it showed it was after eight. Jonathan never slept this late. Was something wrong?
She jumped out of bed, padding barefoot to his room. His gate was still in place but as she clicked it open and pushed it aside, she saw he wasn’t in his bed and his pajamas were lying on top of the overflowing hamper. Had Jack changed him or had Jonathan dressed himself? He would occasionally choose his outfit for the day, with Callie’s help of course.
And where were they now? Jack wouldn’t take Jonathan away, would he? He’d said last night that he wanted to see his son every day. Not something he could do with his circumstances. Grabbing Jonathan and moving somewhere across the country wasn’t an option. Victor would still find them. Another country? No, he wouldn’t do that to her. Her mind whirled with fear and questions. Racing back down the hall, she stopped short when sound floated up from the first floor. The TV set.
With a deep sigh, she set off down the stairs, relief washing over her. The music indicated a children’s show. Her son was still here. Had he come down by himself? She peeked into the living room, her heart filling with joy at the sight.
Jack and Jonathan sat in the recliner watching the television. Jonathan rested against his father’s chest and her heart twisted. I want to be there. Want to feel the comfort and strength of his arms around me again. He’d held her many times when she was nervous about what Angelo and his father did. Such a coward. She wished she could dig deep and find half the courage Jack had.
Absorbing the scene, she stayed still for a few minutes. Jonathan’s times with his father were so sporadic that she didn’t want to interrupt even for a second. She understood how precious it was, even more so, knowing how little time she and Jack had spent together over the years. Neither could be blamed for that. They’d met at the wrong time.
In her last term in graduate school, she’d met and become friends with Angelo. He was fun and she’d enjoyed the times they’d spent at his estate. His father’s reaction to her, as though they were dating, had confused her, though. Angelo had never kissed her other than a chaste peck on the cheek and typically took her out to dinner once a week then dropped her off early. Soon, she’d understood that Angelo hadn’t preferred women and their friendship was more for show to keep his father happy. Regardless, she’d enjoyed her time with them because everything in their lives said ‘family was important,’ something she hadn’t experienced a lot in her life.
Then there’d been Jack. He’d been the Cabrini’s chauffeur, known to her then as Matt Waters. The first time she’d seen him her cheeks had burned, his attractiveness setting her heart racing and making her palms sweaty. Searching inside her purse for some non-existent item had been how she’d kept Angelo from seeing the blush on her face. Jack had smiled and opened the limousine door for her. Each time he’d driven her and Angelo somewhere, her brain turned to mush and she couldn’t concentrate on the conversation.
Then she found the doctored accounts on Angelo’s computer. Her plan was to walk away from the relationship as soon as she informed the police. They convinced her to continue for a short time to see if she could get them any other information. Her contact would be an undercover FBI agent. Jack. They’d kept her involvement limited due to possible leaks. Her feelings for Jack swayed her common sense and she threw caution and sanity to the wind. She agreed to continue seeing Angelo, but only for a short while.
She looked back to the two sitting so happily together, wishing they could stay like this always. Jonathan glanced up and called out to her.
“Mama, see, Dah dee.”
“I see him, sweetheart. Are you enjoying your show?”
Jack looked up and she shivered at the expression of longing on his face. Glancing down, her cheeks heated at the fact she had on a snug tank top and shorts and nothing else. It had been so hot last night she hadn’t bothered with anything heavier. Now she wished she’d thought to grab a robe before she came down. Not that Jack hadn’t seen her in less, but there still was no reason to tempt fate.
Jonathan reached down beside Jack and his fist came back up filled with small colorful rings. She moved closer and Jack smirked. “I grabbed a box of cereal for us to snack on. I wasn’t sure what time you would be up. Hope that’s all right.”
Crossing her arms over her chest, she frowned. “I usually don’t let him eat that sugary cereal. It gets him a bit hyper.”
Jack’s eyes twinkled. “Then why do you have it here if you don’t let him eat it?”
Her eyes narrowed. He knew well and good that she had a little addiction to sugar-coated cereal. It had been something he’d teased her about constantly.
Her lips turned into a smirk. “Hope you plan on staying long enough to get all that extra energy you just let him ingest out of him.”
Jack’s throat moved convulsively and he gazed down at the boy in his lap. Damn, she shouldn’t have said that. Too much of a reminder that he couldn’t stay. Remorse filled her heart as she watched father and son. Jack looked back up at her.
“I’ll stay as long as I can. As long as you want me to.”
Forever. Could you stay forever? Impossible in their case. She nodded and smiled. “Jonathan will like that. Are you still hungry? I could make some breakfast that doesn’t include fifty pounds of sugar.”
Throwing a few colorful bits in his mouth, he replied, “I think you promised me bacon if I remember correctly.”
Jonathan’s head perked up and his eyes gleamed. “Mama, baten. Luh baten.”
“I know you love bacon, sweetheart. Your daddy loves bacon, too. Let me go see what I can find in the fridge. I haven’t been shopping in a while. You sit with daddy and watch your show for now.”
Jonathan’s eyes had already swung back to the TV as he mumbled, “Otay.”
“Don’t go out of your way for me, Calico,” Jack said. “I can get by with sweetened cereal. Someone got me hooked a few years ago. Hmm, who was it now?”
She swatted at his head then walked into the kitchen. Rifling through the fridge, she sighed; she had cooked up the last of the bacon already. But she also needed milk and eggs and a few other things.
Poking her head back into the living room, she smiled at the two boys munching on cereal and laughing at the antics of the cartoon characters on the screen. She hated to take Jonathan away from this to buy some food but…
“I’m sorry. My cupboard’s a bit bare right now. I can run to the store to get a few things. I hate to pull Jonathan away from you, though.”
Jack’s eyes clouded over, pain flashing across his face. He took a deep breath as he responded. “Jonathan can stay here with me, Callie. I know you don’t trust me with him alone but I would never do anything to hurt him, and I’d never take him away from you. I’m not in any position to offer him anything.”
Jack didn’t think she trusted him? Had he known her fear when she’d woken this morning? Was that the impression he got from her?
“Of course I trust you, Jack. And I know you’d never do anything to hurt him. I don’t know why you ever thought that.” Liar, you live in fear someone will take your son from you, whether Jack or Victor.
Jack ran his hand over Jonathan’s head. Her son was still so engrossed in the TV he was unaware of the tension between the two adults in the room. As he got older that wouldn’t be the case. “The few times I’ve been here, you always hover in the vicinity, like you’re afraid I might take off with him.”
“Oh, Jack, that isn’t the reason I stay close. I love seeing you with our son.” This child was what kept them connected to each other, if only tenuously. “I want to get as many memories for us as possible. You’re so good with him and you both enjoy being together. I love seeing it.”
Jack smiled and his eyes echoed some of his happiness at her words. “So, why don’t you run to the store and Jonathan and I can continue to hang here. I promise we won’t have any wild parties or get strippers while you’re gone.”
Chuckling, she rolled her eyes. “All right, you goof. But you might want to check if he needs to use the bathroom a few times. He’s not completely potty trained yet and you don’t have a change of clothes. Check out where he’s sitting right now.”
“I made him go when he first got up. I’ll check with him again in a bit. You won’t be too long, will you?”
“No, but I have to get dressed first and grab my phone so I can transfer some money into my checking account.”
Adjusting in the chair, he reached into his back pocket, pulled out his wallet, and handed her a few large bills. “Here, take this and you can do your bank thing later.”
“Jack, you don’t need to give me money. I told you I can take care of myself and Jonathan.”
He reached out and took her hand. Pulling her closer, he stuffed the money into her palm. “Take it, please, Calico. Let me feel useful in some small way. If I can’t bring home the bacon, at least let me pay for it.”
She accepted the money. “I need to get dressed then I’ll go. Thank you.”
Jack still held her hand and her awareness of him was at an all-time high. He rubbed his thumb over her fingers. “No, Callie, thank you. For allowing me to stay a little longer today. Now go get that bacon.”
She let his hand fall and leaned down to kiss Jonathan on the head. Jack looked envious. “Sweetheart, Mommy’s going to run to the store. You can stay here with daddy. Is that good with you?”
The boy shoved another handful of cereal in his mouth and nodded. Then he leaned back and looked up at his father, feeding him a few bites of cereal. The look in his eyes was filled with adoration and Callie nearly cried. Why couldn’t they be together all the time? Jonathan needed his father in his life. She wouldn’t even admit, though, how much she needed him too.
* * * *
Callie had been gone for about fifteen minutes when the phone rang. Jonathan looked up at Jack, maybe thinking he would get up to answer it. Ruffling the boy’s hair, he said, “We’ll let the machine get it. It’s probably someone for Mommy.”
The answering machine clicked on and Callie’s sweet voice asked the caller to leave a message. The voice that responded was one Jack hadn’t heard in a while. One he never wanted to hear again. Victor Cabrini.
“Callina, I believe I dropped a cufflink at your house yesterday during Jonathan’s party. I’m on my way up to Boston for the week and thought I would stop in and see if I could find it. It was one that my wife gave me right before she passed. I’d hate to lose it. Hopefully you’re there and I’ll be able to check. I’m a few minutes from the house. I’ll see you then,”
The blood in Jack’s veins turned to ice. He needed to leave and fast. Victor couldn’t see him here. The man still had no knowledge that he and Callie had been together and he couldn’t know. All three of them would be in danger if he did. He glanced down at Jonathan who was bopping his head to the music on the show he was watching. What would he do with his son?
“Hey, pal, let’s go for a little walk. We can watch the rest of the show later.”
Jack lowered the foot of the recliner and shoved his feet into the work boots sitting next to it. Jonathan needed shoes too. As he reached down to tie his shoes, he heard a car pull up in front of the house. He peeked out the front window. Victor’s limo. Shit. Out of time.