Chapter 7
Callie watched from the doorway as Jack read a story to Jonathan. The two had played hard and fast today once they’d been filled with bacon and eggs. This morning’s near miss was still on her mind, making her shaky. Get a grip on yourself. You can’t take care of your son if you’re a basket case. After all, Jack wouldn’t be around for much longer. When Jonathan went down for his nap, he planned to leave.
“Now you remember I have to go back to work, right, pal?” Jack reminded the boy once more. “But I promise I’ll talk to you tomorrow on the computer. Mommy said we could do that before you go to bed.”
Jonathan held up the book to his father and said, “Wead a me?”
Jack gave a sad smile. “Sure, I can read to you. What story do you want me to read when I get back home? You know I don’t have that many at my place.”
“Night Moon.”
“I have Goodnight Moon. That’s the one I always read to you when we talk on the computer. Maybe I’ll have to get a few more. For now though you need to close your eyes and get some rest. We had a busy day, didn’t we?”
Jonathan’s eyes fluttered. He wouldn’t be able to keep them open much longer. It was past his usual nap time and he had gone without one yesterday. Leaning down, Jack kissed their son on the forehead, lingering for a few seconds. He ran his fingers through Jonathan’s hair and down his cheek for even more minutes until the boy was sound asleep. Unmoving, Jack sat on the side of the bed staring at their son. Callie stepped out of the doorway and headed downstairs.
She figured she’d let Jack have a few minutes alone with Jonathan. The leaving was always the hardest. It must tear him up inside whenever he had to go, especially as he had no clue when he might be able to appear in their lives again. The despair in him was quite evident, though he tried to hide it.
Oh, sure they communicated using various forms of technology but it wasn’t the same as actually being in the room together. If she couldn’t see Jonathan except once a year, she’d have gone nuts by now. It would have ripped her heart into tiny pieces. What it did to Jack must be intolerable. He loved their son; there was no doubt in Callie’s mind. He showed it in everything he said and did. He never mentioned love to her though.
She shook her head as she walked into the kitchen and wiped down the already clean counters. Keep those thoughts out of your mind. What you and Jack had was fleeting. It had been powerful and strong, resulting in the appearance of their son, but it had hardly been permanent. And it certainly couldn’t be now.
Even if Victor was somehow taken out of the picture, could she be with Jack? Did he even want her? He worked for the FBI, or at least he had before all this mess. She wanted a simple life, a quiet life, one where she could always be with her child and not worry about having her loved ones taken away from her. If Jack worked for the FBI or any other law enforcement agency, he would always have the potential for getting hurt or killed. She couldn’t put herself through that, relive what had happened with her parents.
Opening the refrigerator door, she removed cold cuts and mustard. She would put together a sandwich for Jack to take with him. Five hours was a long ride and he’d need some sustenance. Lunch had been a few hours ago, but he wouldn’t return to the construction site until well after supper time. She put a few pickles in a plastic bag so he could add them to his sandwich if he wanted. Tears welled in her eyes at the memory of all the joking they would do, simply over the subject of pickles.
Once the sandwich was all bagged up, she took a bottle of water and set it next to the food on the counter. When she turned around, his denim jacket screamed from the back of the chair and she sighed. Victor hadn’t said anything about it, but she was getting good at making up excuses quickly when it came to the mobster anyway.
Picking up Jack’s coat, she held it to her face. The scent of sawdust and his spicy soap assaulted her nostrils. Another reminder he was hiding in a life that wasn’t his. Luckily for him, Scott had a business where he had work all over the country. The company had belonged to his father and he could have taken it over, but he had chosen to work for the government after he’d left the military. He’d wanted more excitement and travel. Once Victor had put a hit on him, he’d traveled from one end of the continent to the other trying to stay hidden. Scott’s business had come in handy, providing a living for Jack as well as a variety of places to hide. Not quite the type of travel Jack had desired.
Callie inhaled again, wondering what life would have been like if Jack had been in the construction business and she had met him then. If his parents had still been around to help her with their grandchild. But his mother has passed away from a long illness right after high school and his dad had suffered a fatal heart attack a few years before she’d met him. Having family around would be amazing. But that was a dream, and she had to live in the real world.
* * * *
Jack took one last look at the precious boy sleeping peacefully on the bed. His heart twisted knowing it could be a long time before he saw him again, at least in real life. Seeing him on a computer screen didn’t always do it for him. He wanted to hold his son in his arms and kiss his beautiful face. Running his fingers through the thick, dark strands he noted they were so like his own. He blinked a few times at the emotion clogging his eyes, then stood and moved away, his heart cracking and crumbling once more.
After taking a second to splash water on his face in the upstairs bathroom, he went downstairs to say good-bye to Callie. One more thing to chip away at his already damaged heart. How much longer can you handle the loneliness? But what choice did he have? He couldn’t abandon his son completely, leaving Callie to raise him alone. Although isn’t that what she was doing now anyway? It wasn’t like he had any say in his day-to-day care or helped with any of the parental chores.
The information Callie provided on what his son was up to was great, but he made no decisions regarding what Jonathan did. They hadn’t sat down together to discuss what school he would go to or who to invite to his party or what to get him for his birthday. The most he got was talking to him via computer once every week or so for too brief a time. Hardly satisfying. At least not for him.
There were a few guys who worked at the construction site whose kids lived in another part of the country so they only saw them a few times a year. But at least when they did, they didn’t need to hide and keep out of sight. They could take them to the park, movies or out for ice cream. The kids could acknowledge who their father was. Jonathan would never be able to do that, not as long as Victor was around.
He moved toward the kitchen where Callie stood holding his jacket. Was she that eager to get rid of him? Her eyes were closed as she held it to her face, a frown marring her lovely features. Memories of how her scent used to cling to his clothes, especially after she wore his shirt all night, floated through his mind. That’s what she was doing. Remembering.
Taking a few steps back, he made some noise as he entered the kitchen. He didn’t want her embarrassed that he’d seen her. She’d always been proud and that hadn’t changed. Reminiscing would be seen as a sign of weakness in her eyes.
“He’s sound asleep,” Jack said, his voice low and gruff. “I guess I should go. I’ve bothered you enough.”
Patting the jacket she’d dropped on the chair, she shook her head. “You haven’t bothered me. Jonathan absolutely loves having you here. We never do much on Sundays except hang around the house. I like to have some down time before he goes to playgroup the next day. I usually go into the office for a few hours on Mondays. That way he has a bit of time without his mom underfoot.”
Jack leaned against the kitchen table and took Callie’s hands in his. She stared at them like they might detonate. He wasn’t sure they wouldn’t. His feelings for Callie had always been a bit explosive. It’s how they had ended up with Jonathan. He could never regret it though. Two of the best things he’d ever had in his life were Callie and his son.
“I’m sure Jonathan loves every second he has with his mom,” Jack assured her as he squeezed her hands. “I know I do.” He didn’t clarify whether he was talking about his time with Callie or his time with Jonathan. He wasn’t sure she’d want to hear it with the way she kept her distance. Always sweet and polite but certainly not the passionate little Calico Cat he’d enjoyed during their brief time together.
Was she still in there? What would she do if he tried to find out? Pulling her in a tiny bit closer, he placed his hands on her shoulders. “I apologize for what happened this morning. I never expected Victor to come back here. I’m sorry you had to deal with him by yourself, and for the worry we caused by not being here.”
Her shoulders trembled slightly. From his touch or remembering Victor?
“I’ve had to deal with Victor for the last three years, Jack. I think I have it down pat by now. Having Jonathan away from me and not knowing where he was, that was a little different. But he had to be with you and I know you would do anything you could to keep him safe. You might not be around much but I know your love for our son is strong and deep.”
He swallowed the lump in his throat then cleared it. “I would do anything for Jonathan, including staying away from him. It’s what I’ve had to do his whole life. I wish things could be different but nothing has changed since he’s been born.”
He’d tried to change things. His contacts with the FBI were tenuous at best and he didn’t know who he could trust. Victor had too many friends in high places, legal places, and every time he had gone to find out information, he’d been discovered and nearly killed. Callie didn’t need to know how many close calls he’d had in the last few years. She’d never let him near Jonathan again. His mind told him he should stay away from them, but his heart, yeah, his heart couldn’t do it.
Right now his heart was telling him to pull Callie closer and hold her. Maybe even kiss her. The urge was so strong he tugged on her hand. Wrapping an arm around her waist, he settled her against his chest. No struggle at all. That gave Jack hope. For what, he didn’t know, but maybe she still cared for him enough to allow him this privilege. Could he take another?
“Thanks again, Calico,” he said, into her ear as her soft body relaxed against his. “Every second I have with Jonathan means more to me than you can know. It needs to last me for a while. I like spending time with you too.”
She looked up at him. Her eyes were confused and maybe a little scared but the longing and passion that used to be there remained. It was hidden under the pain and desperation of their circumstances, but it was there. He could see it. And it spurred him on to do what his heart had demanded earlier.
He lifted his hand to push into the brown curls, seeing the highlights shimmer from the sun streaming in through the kitchen window. Her eyes widened when he lowered his face but she didn’t pull away. Give her time to object. Don’t rush her. When she didn’t say anything, his other arm curled around her back to mold her tight against him and his lips whispered near hers.
“Tell me you don’t want this and I’ll go away, Calico.” His breath caressed her face.
Her eyes softened and her lips parted, though no words came from her mouth. No need for any. He’d heard her loud and clear. Touching his mouth to hers, it was like coming home after a long absence. The taste and feel were so familiar he almost cried with the joy of it. He flicked his tongue against her lips then skimmed the bottom one. A soft cry escaped from her throat and he captured it with a kiss.
Sliding her hands around him, she ran them up his back and clenched in his t-shirt. Their mouths opened and closed in rhythm as they rediscovered the desire that had been dormant for too long. Intense emotions welled up inside him, knowing this was his Calico, his sweet Calico, melting in his arms. Just like she used to.
Deepening the kiss, he thrust his tongue inside her parted lips, wondering if she would pull away at the intimacy of it. Instead, her tongue grew bold and parried with his. He pulled her even tighter, allowing his hands to roam her back. Her loose shirt shifted and he took advantage by slipping one hand underneath the soft cotton. Her skin was like silk.
The memories of all the times he had touched her silky skin caused him to grow hard. It wasn’t simply her back he’d explored then but all of her. From the tip of her freckle-dusted nose to the ends of her polished toenails. Last night, they’d been pale pink peeking out from her sandals. In the past, it had been delicious sharing a bath with her and sucking on every one. What they’d done after had been freakin’ wonderful too.
Grinding his hips into hers, he skimmed his tongue down her neck, stopping at the hollow of her throat. She grabbed his head and held it close, running her fingers through his shaggy hair. Focusing on the one spot he knew would send her spiraling out of control, he licked and sucked. Sure enough, her moans escalated, sending him into a passionate frenzy too.
He slid one hand down her back to sneak under her waistband, feeling the soft curve of her backside on his roughened fingers. His dick was so hard all he could think of was pushing her back on the table and sliding into her warm center. Oh, she’d be wet and ready for him. Always had been whenever he’d needed her. And he’d needed her often. Not that he’d admit to needing anyone. He’d been a hardened FBI agent. But undercover work was lonely and she’d given him warmth and companionship when no one else could.
Now more than ever he needed it. His life the last three years had been exceedingly lonely. No visiting friends, seeing his cousin was sporadic, and every part of the life he’d known had been taken away from him. The few moments he got to interact with Callie and Jonathan were hardly satisfying. But if he connected physically with her now, would it be enough to get him through the next few months? It might make him want her, need her more.
Callie seemed to come to the same conclusion at around the same time. Pushing at his chest, she eased back though kept her hands resting there. Her tear-filled eyes gazed at him, her lips turned down trembling. She lifted one hand to brush aside a lock of hair on his forehead.
“We can’t, Jack. We shouldn’t…”
He stroked his thumb down the side of her face, his own eyes reflecting hers. “I know. It’s not fair to either one of us, but God…I want you, Calico. Don’t ever doubt it.”
She covered his hand with hers, nodding. Leaning down, he kissed the top of her head, inhaling her floral scent. Lilacs, she always smelled of lilacs. Maybe he’d get himself a lilac-scented candle for his trailer. But the reminder of her might be too hard for him to take when he knew he couldn’t be with her.
“Take care, Calico. Make sure you tell Jonathan how much I love him and miss him. We can talk on the computer tomorrow night. I’ll have a story to read to him.”
He backed away. If he didn’t leave now, he might lose it right in front of her. As he started for the back door, she pulled on his arm. When he turned, she held out a paper bag and a water bottle.
“Something to eat along the way. I put extra pickles in, too. You know I won’t put them in my sandwich so you might as well have them.”
Her smile wobbled as he took the bag and said, “Thanks. I’ll text when I get back so you won’t worry.” Then he walked out the door. He didn’t say good-bye. He never did. Didn’t want to think it ever would be good-bye. The screen door closed behind him and he stood there for a few moments trying to get his emotions in check. This leaving thing sucked.
Taking another deep breath, he started for the few stairs down to the yard but glanced back before he left. Callie sat at the kitchen table, her head lying on her crossed arms, her shoulders heaving up and down. Sobs drifted out to him and he almost went back in. No, don’t. You’ll only prolong the inevitable. He wanted to offer comfort but he’d still have to leave. There was no other choice for him.
He crept through the backyard to the tree line then disappeared into the woods. When he got to his bike, he secured the bag of food in the storage container and slipped his helmet on. As he started up the bike and eased onto the road, he thought of what life would be like if he didn’t have a price on his head. Heaven.
Thoughts rolled through his mind as the miles passed. Maybe it was time to try again to get evidence that would put Victor away for good. No one had been able to get anything incriminating enough to stick. The man had too many people in his pocket. But if Jack could find out the names of a few of them, maybe it would be one step closer to getting his life back. It’s not like he had a life right now, always running and hiding. What did he have to lose?