Chapter 21
Micah
This ringing in my head
Is this a cure or is this a disease
{‘Show Me How To Live’ -Audioslave}
You know that feeling when you feel like you’re in an alternate universe? No? Let me tell you, it’s a weird feeling. I wake up groggy and I don’t know where I’m at. I slowly try to open my eyes because I know what I see around me isn’t going to be the sanctuary of my bedroom.
Little bits of memories start to come back to me.
Zant.
I remember his green eyes. Why is he here? Why is he back? How long has he been back? Why has he not contacted me?
I know that I’m lying down. I hear voices and there is a soft glow in here where I’m at. I look over and see Macy and Kelly. They are whispering. It is in fast harsh tones. They are angry about Zant being here and apparently, he left me. Again. I don’t see him anywhere and I know they would be screaming at him if he was in the room with us.
I moan a little involuntarily and they immediately move toward me.
“How are you feeling, Mi?” Macy says. She has a worried tone to her voice. She probably thinks that I am going to lose my mind and start sobbing. It wouldn’t be the first time that I sobbed over Zant Taylor.
I clear my throat and answer her. “I’m ok. Where am I?” I sit up and swing my legs to the side of the bed. I refuse to look at them. Pity is the last thing I need to see in them. They have shown that to me more times that I care to count in the past few years.
“You’re in a back room in Club 3. When Jake saw you faint, he offered to move you to this room so you could wake up and Kelly and I wouldn’t have to figure out how to get you home.”
I nod my head and think about getting up. I think it’s a better idea to stay seated for a little bit longer. I look around the room. It is a small bedroom of some sort. This must be some sort of private room for sex or something. I shudder when I think about what has happened on the bed that I am sitting on. It’s then that I decide it’s time to get up.
A half hour later, I’m back in my apartment with Kelly and Macy. After getting up and making sure that I was alright, we found Jake. He called us an Uber and helped us into the car. He really is a nice guy from what I can tell. I’m going to have to talk with Kelly about him later. He may be just what she needs.
We decided that curling up on the couch in our pajamas and watching a movie is the perfect ending to this, more than weird, night.
I am really upset for Macy. I know this is not how she wanted to spend her 21st birthday. Despite her telling me that how we have chosen to end it is perfect for her. I know she must be upset and I vowed to Kelly that we were going to make it up to her soon. Kelly agrees with me.
I know that they are feeling just as weird as I am. The words that should come, don’t. The anger that should come, doesn’t. There are just a million questions and who knows when, or even if, we will get the answers.
I wake up on the floor of my living room the next morning. Macy and Kelly are curled up on each end of the couch. Their feet are touching. Who knows when I ended up on the floor. I just remember starting to doze off. Kelly was already asleep at that point.
Coffee is much needed this morning. Too bad we didn’t end up getting drunk last night like we planned. Reality kind of stole that from us, but we will be glad for that small favor today. Today, I need to figure out what I am going to do about Zant. Do I let him keep running from me or do I confront him? I’m so lost.
I reach up and pull a mug out of the cabinet and then turn to the refrigerator to get the creamer. Kelly is sitting at the bar when I turn around. I grab a mug for her and set it by the coffee maker.
“How are you this morning, Mi?” Kelly knows me well and she knows that I am confused. That isn’t what she is asking me. She is asking me how I am doing down deep. She is asking me how I am holding the pieces of my heart, that I still have, together. “Kelly, to be honest. I don’t really know. Why is he back? How long has he been back? Why did he run from me again? What did I ever do to make him leave me?” At that last question, I feel the tears slide down my face. Kelly comes around the bar and wraps me up in a hug. I know she doesn’t have the answers. I know that she can’t fix this, but I need to ask the questions out loud.
I hear Kelly start to whisper in my hair, “I have no idea Mi. But, I think we need to find out. We need to get you some closure. Regardless of what his reasons are.” I can’t agree with her more. I need answers. I need them to move on with my life. ‘Cause who knows if Zant will even be a part of my future. In any capacity.
After our first cup of coffee, Macy wakes up and makes her way to the kitchen to join us. “What are we doing today you guys? Are we finding Zant and asking him what the hell his problem is? Cause I think that is what we need to do today.” Leave it to Macy to just put it out there. She can be feisty at times.
Zant better have Levi and Chance around for backup when we do come across him. I’ve got two bulldogs with me that want a piece of him.
We didn’t go see Zant. Kelly left a little after we had coffee. She just said she had some things to do. Macy stayed with me until lunch. We just watched TV and ate junk food. Everything kept spinning through my head.
It’s been over two weeks since the Club 3 incident. I went through the motions of working at the book store. Work is usually my happy place. I love my job. The application that I filled out was for a part time job. I wanted something to keep me busy on the weekends. I didn’t get the job so the search is still on for that. I still have the book store job to tied me over until I can get more income.
Tonight, is Wednesday, Macy and Kelly are coming over for takeout and girl talk. We picked up this ritual years ago. We meet at one of our houses every other Wednesday night just to catch up with each other and stay in the loop of each other’s lives. Back when Zant left, these times are what kept me sane. I knew I could count on them to show up and distract me from my self-induced pity party that I liked to get into.
I hear the door as I’m getting drinks out of the fridge. Perfect timing and all that.
“Micah, where you at girl?” Macy yells as she gets closer to me.
“I’m in the kitchen getting drinks. What did you guys decide to get to eat?”
“Chinese.” Kelly says and she enters the kitchen and puts the bags on the counter. She and Macy unloads the bags as she continues talking. “Alright, what has been going on? How are you? Tell me everything.” I wonder if she even takes a breath in between the questions.
I just look at Macy and roll my eyes.
“I’m fine y’all. I’m not falling apart. I really am ok. I’ve had time to cope and all the little lessons that I learned years ago, come in handy daily.” Telling them this should help calm them but by the looks on their faces, they don’t believe me.
I understand and it’s ok. I will show them.
After we eat and catch up, they leave and I get ready for bed. My routine consists of brushing my teeth, taking my makeup off, and getting into my sleep shorts and a tank top. Once all that is done, I climb into my huge king size bed.
What? A single person can’t have a king size bed? Whatever! I sleep like the dead in that oversized marshmallow.
I snuggle down and as sleep envelopes me, my last thought is of those green eyes.
I wake up and it’s dark outside. I’m in my childhood home and bedroom. I look around, everything is right where it was when I was in school. Jr. High and High School pictures of friends are all over my walls. I feel like I’m in déjà vu.
I hear something outside my window. I get up from my bed and moved towards the window. Right then, it opens and I see Roy Taylor’s face.
I slowly back up. This isn’t real. This isn’t real. This isn’t real. I keep trying to get farther back from him. My body is in shock. I know this feeling. I can’t move. I can’t breathe. Oh My Gosh, I can’t handle this again.
I start to scream.