10
Camilla
I yawned and headed across the hall to my office, battling with fatigue. I had made it a point to arrive to the office earlier each day because I wanted to show the Congressman I was fully dedicated to my job. The building was almost empty besides the security and early comers like me. I knew I wouldn’t find anyone in my office because I was always the first to arrive.
I had a fun time on my job because I was able to learn a lot just by being here and meeting with various people. Megan told me that if everything went well, my boss would allow me to attend meetings soon, and I couldn’t wait for it.
I had met many people who found politics tedious and couldn’t understand the rush I felt when I thought about creating laws, bills, and other regulations, but then again, only the people with a true passion for politics could understand how fascinating and thrilling it could be. Working here helped me unleash my passion and do what I knew best.
Last night, I went out for dinner with Sierra and after that we went to a bar. I finally told her about Merritt and my decision to stop seeing him, and she agreed that it was for the best.
“He’s hot and all, but you worked so hard to lose everything just because of a guy. Besides, you don’t know if he’s serious about you or not. What if he’s just having fun until he dumps you and goes on with his life?”
“Wow, Sierra. You’re brutally honest.”
She shrugged her shoulders. “But that’s the truth.”
“Yeah. That’s why I won’t see him again.”
Sierra wanted us to drink to being single and free, and soon one drink turned into many until it was way past midnight.
I resisted rubbing my eyes, so I wouldn’t smear my makeup and yawned again. Today was going to be rough. I was already feeling like a zombie.
I entered my office and continued toward my desk, thinking how I should try to take a nap during lunch time, when I sensed someone in the office, and I gasped. There wasn’t supposed to be anyone here at this time…
My gaze met Merritt’s and my heart went haywire. “You scared me.”
I pressed my hand over my heart, surprised to see him waiting for me in my office. What was he doing here?
He smirked and moved toward me. “Sorry about that. It’s good to see you.”
My body responded to his presence, warmth surging through me. He was clean-shaven, his hair stylishly slicked back, and the scent of his cologne engulfed me. He was strikingly handsome. As usual.
Even though I had made a decision to stay away from him, I couldn’t help but get attracted to him. This wasn’t good at all.
“Merritt, what are you doing here?”
He raised the cup of coffee in his hand, drawing my attention to it. “I brought you a coffee.”
I took a step back. Now this was even more surprising. I was blushing, embarrassed by his semi grand gesture. He had actually come to see me and brought me a cup of coffee. Who would have thought?
“You brought me a coffee? You came here to bring me a coffee?”
“No. I didn’t come here only because of that.”
He left the cup on my desk and stopped right in front of me, messing with my breathing and my mind. He looked too good, and I felt the need to run my fingers over his cheek and angular jaw. I curled my hand into a fist so I wouldn’t actually do that.
He surprised me when he touched my cheek and lowered his head. I could feel his breath tickling my lips, and for a moment I was dazed. For a moment, I imagined erasing the last inches of the distance between us and kissing those sexy lips.
“I came here because I wanted to see you, Camilla. I missed you. I missed you so goddamned much.”
I let out a breath I had been holding and bit into my lower lip, my insides stirring with desire. He was so close and all I could think about was pressing my lips on his and losing myself in him. This reminded me of the moment we shared in the closet when he looked at me with his tender eyes that spoke volumes of his feelings.
He brought his hand to my neck and wrapped his fingers around it. I was sure he could feel my erratic pulse. He inclined his head toward me, about to kiss me, and for a moment, I was inching closer to him too.
But then my voice of reason finally managed to push through the fog of lust. This was wrong. We couldn’t be kissing here. Not now.
I pushed him away. My body, a traitor, wasn’t happy with this at all.
“No. We can’t do this now. You have to go now.”
He frowned. “Why?”
I glanced at the door, knowing it was only a matter of time before someone came inside and saw us like this. I would be faced with countless rumors by lunch, and then no one would believe me there wasn’t anything between Merritt and me.
I rushed him out of the office.
“What are you doing, Camilla?” he asked me, twisting around to look at me as I pushed him forward. I didn’t respond to him, looking down the hallway to see if there was anyone, but it was empty.
“We can’t talk here. Follow me.”
Without waiting for his answer, I headed to the end of the hall where we could stay hidden from any potential onlookers. He was right behind me.
“Look, you can’t be in my office and you absolutely can’t kiss me there.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “Why not?”
“Why not? Are you serious?”
“Yes. You wanted to kiss me too, so what gives?”
“I can’t believe you! What if someone saw us? Think about this. They would start rumors, and the rumors would eventually reach my boss. And he will be so pissed if he finds out that we’re sleeping together.”
He uncrossed his arms and frowned, not saying a word.
“Don’t you understand how important my job is for me? I can’t risk losing it, and that’s exactly what would happen if the Congressman found out. I would lose everything I have, and I can’t let that happen. Not to mention Carter! Jesus, he’d freak.”
I placed my hand on his shoulder. “I appreciate your help in getting my job, I really do, but we can’t keep seeing each other. I’m sorry, Merritt.”
“So this is it between us?”
“Yes. We’re going to have to cool things off for a while. I…” I glanced away, taking a deep breath, and dropped my hand from his shoulder.
“I feel great being with you. I won’t deny that. And yes, I wanted to kiss you back in my office and do so much more than that, but I can’t let my emotions ruin something I’ve wanted my whole life. I can’t have you and my job at the same time, so I have to make this choice. I hope you can understand this. Please, understand it.”
Something heavy settled in my stomach as I returned his serious gaze. Now that I had said this, I wished things could be different. Maybe if he hadn’t been a congressman... Maybe if I hadn’t worked here but somewhere else… Maybe if Carter didn’t also work on the Hill…
After a couple of moments, he nodded and smirked. “Yes. I understand. I mean, I’m disappointed because I wanted to ask you to go out with me, but I understand because I’d feel the same. I wouldn’t let my private life destroy my career. So I won’t pressure you.”
Wait. He wanted to ask me to go out with him? Oh lord help me.
My chest was tight with emotions as I tried to figure out what was going on, but the imminent joy from his words dissipated when he backed away.
I was supposed to feel relieved that he wasn’t to make a big deal about this, but I didn’t feel relieved. I felt cold. I felt like I’d made a colossal mistake, which wasn’t fair. This job was important to me. I couldn’t compromise this for Merritt or anyone else.
But why did it have to be so complicated? It was supposed to be just sex and nothing serious. He wasn’t serious about me, right?
“I don’t want to create a problem for you, so I won’t be searching you out again.” He offered me a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
“So are we okay?”
“Yeah. We’re fine.” Why didn’t that sound convincing? “You’re smart and hard-working, and I’m sure you’re going to go places, Cami. I wish you all the best. Goodbye.”
Smiling at me in a way that screamed “fake”, he turned around and walked away, and I couldn’t do anything but watch his back as various emotions went through me.
And I realized that he wasn’t okay with this at all. He was actually sad that I wouldn’t go out with him, and the revelation rooted me to my spot.
He cared about me, just like I cared about him.
I headed back to my office, feeling unusually defeated. I couldn’t lie to myself and pretend I was okay with not being able to see him again. I was so close to succumbing to him and his kiss, and a big part of me regretted not doing what my heart obviously wanted.
Was I making the right choice? Choosing my career over him?
I groaned when I entered my office and Megan turned to face me. “There you are. I saw your bag on your desk when I got here, but you were nowhere to be found.” She tilted her head to the side, noticing my distress. “Is everything alright?”
I sat down on my chair. “I’m not sure.”
What if we could make it work? Our relationship and my job? Carter would get over it, eventually. Maybe there was a way for us to be together, and I wouldn’t have to give up on him.
But was I ready to fight for both? Even Sierra agreed it would be for the best to forget about Merritt and be smart about this, especially because there was a lot at stake here.
“Are you sick?”
I smiled at Megan, masking my displeasure. “Just tired. I haven’t slept much.”
“Tell me about it. I can’t catch up on sleep these days at all. That’s what you get when you have a baby in the house.”
I just grinned at her and looked at the cup of coffee Merritt had left on my desk. As if following a cue, a sense of longing washed over me. I needed to think about this carefully. I would give myself a few days.
Maybe I would get over him
And hell, maybe I wouldn’t.