Chapter 13

She loves hard because she knows how it feels to be loved so little.
– iliketoquote.com

Roxy

I’m not a very religious woman, but today I think I transformed into one. I prayed over and over through the drive to Montana. Vince stayed awake for a while, and even though his words didn’t make much sense, I knew that him being awake and talking was a good thing. The second he passed out is when I began to worry. I could see the blood loss, it was evident, and by the time we arrived, it looked like a murder was committed inside of his car. I drove well over the speed limit, hitting about a hundred and ten on the interstate. Surprisingly enough, I wasn’t pulled over at all.

I didn’t give a rat’s ass if an officer tried to pull me over. The fact of the matter is that he’d have to chase me down to my brother’s club, guns a blazing.

The moment I spotted the Reapers MC clubhouse, I drove straight through the rusty old piece of shit gate they had up, not giving a damn. I didn’t have the luxury of time or being well mannered. The only thing I was focused on was getting Vince help, the kind I could actually trust.

I slam on the brakes and bring the car to a sudden stop, unbuckling my seatbelt and tearing out of the driver’s side, running over to the passenger side to get to Vince.

A gust of wind came from nowhere, blowing me further into the car as I try to maintain my balance and wrap my arm around him. It was no use, Vince was a big guy, and I couldn’t do this by myself. I turn around and see a group of men surrounding me, finding my voice, I tell them exactly what I need. “What the hell are y’all standing around for! Give me some fucking help!” A few of them look at me funny, and two men come darting over and help get Vince out of the car.

“What in God’s name is going on here?” I recognize his booming voice as he walks through the crowd towards me. It’s not just any man. It’s my brother, the Prez of the Reapers MC.

Lloyd “Fist” Monroe has changed greatly since the last time I had seen him, no longer was he an immature boy. Now, he’s a strong man, reminding me a lot of his father, Boone.

“Roxanne?” He speaks my name lowly, blinking a few times as he gives me a once over. It’s been so long I’m surprised that either of us can recognize one another. We were kids the last time we saw each other, and it was only because our fathers felt it was important that we met. Without him and Cracker, I was an only child. My mother didn’t do many things right, but I did have to be thankful for the fact she gave me two older brothers – two brothers who I knew would step up when the time called for it.

“Lloyd…,” I mutter, the emotions finally getting to me. I’ve had to hold my shit together for so long, and now I feel as if I may break down into a billion tiny pieces in front of him.

He takes long strides over to me and places his arms on my shoulders, giving me a good squeeze. “What the hell happened?” He looks at Vince as he speaks to me and I just cannot bear to explain everything right now. I don’t have the energy for it.

“Please, help him,” I whisper it out, like a soft cry.

“You got it, kid. Anything for you.” Lloyd throws his hand up in the air, and men come from behind him to help get Vince. “Get the Doc, now!”

***

I’ve been sitting in the clubhouse on an old paisley covered couch for what feels like a century when in reality I know it’s maybe been a few hours. Lloyd has done everything that he could to help me and Vince. He hasn’t come out of that room that I keep staring at. It’s the room where they took Vince – the room where I can see shadows going past the door every few minutes, like they are working or pacing. It’s one or the other.

“Dad called me and told me you were here. I didn’t believe him, and I didn’t believe that piece of shit either.” George’s voice is music to my ears. He’s the kind one, the sensitive one, the one who knows how to make a joke. Lloyd is the leader, the ass, the man who isn’t afraid to make the tough decisions.

“I wasn’t planning on coming here,” I tell him, half lie – half truth. I never planned on coming here, but when shit hit the fan, I knew that this was the only safe place I could run to. Running anywhere else meant one thing and one thing only, Rage would have found me or one of his minions would have and then delivered my head on a platter to their dictator. The only place I had the chance of safety was here, in the Reapers’ clubhouse. My brothers would do anything they could to protect me. It was their vow, and I knew that their father, Boone would do the same. I may not have been his daughter, but even as a child I remember him making a promise to my dad. I was there and witnessed the entire thing. He offered to be there if my father couldn’t, in every way that a father would.

After our mother ran out on both of our families, our fathers developed a friendship and didn’t want to see any more pain between the group of us kids, they made a pact to take care of each other’s children given a horrible scenario occurred. Thinking of it now, I could have went to the Reapers after my father was killed. I would have been taken care of, provided for. I would have had a good life. The thing was, I didn’t think I needed the help. I thought that I could handle everything on my own, and when that wasn’t the case, instead of going to Boone, or my brothers – I went to Rage and Vince.

“I know. I think we all knew you’d come around when you needed us… I’m not gonna stand here and judge you for the choices you made, Rox. We’ve all done some dumb shit, but you marrying Rage killed us. We knew him, heard stories about the things he has done. You think it was easy for Lloyd and I, just sitting back and letting you make your own mistakes? You shoulda seen how many times Dad nearly shot us both for “meddling” in your business. He always made sure that we knew you would come to us when you wanted, so we stayed back out of respect for you.”

There’s not much I can say to him right now, the guilt of not speaking to him or Lloyd for so long is slowly breaking me. I always knew they were here for me, and I should have tried to communicate with them. They both had so much love for me, and I ignored them – almost as if I was pushing them away.

“I’m s-sorry,” I murmur, lip shaking through my apology. I draw my legs to my chest and sit further back into the couch. Within a moment, George is next to me, pulling me into his arms, and just like that, my soul comes crashing down into a million pieces.

“Dammit kid, knock that shit off.” He rubs my back soothingly as I cry, allowing me to let it all out. “He’s gonna be in there for a few more hours at least. Let them work, you need to get some rest, Rox.”

“No, I can’t. I can’t sleep right now.” I shake my head at the mere idea of not being awake to hear if Vince is okay or not.

“Then, you need to eat,” George decides for me, getting up and darting out of eyesight. He comes back after a few minutes with a soda and a burger. I take the soda, sipping on it slowly, letting the drink set lightly in my stomach. I can’t bear to eat though, not yet. My stomach is still in knots.

“I can’t eat right now,” I say to him, and he sighs and puts the plate on the table before us, returning to his seat next to me and pulls me against him.

“You always were a stubborn pain in my ass.”