Chapter 8
Feelings that come back are feelings that never went away.
– QuotesofLife101.net
Roxy
It’s been three days since I’ve been here and since Vince and I shared that kiss, a rekindling of our past relationship – if that’s even what we call it. My feelings are so mixed up in my head right now. Part of me is happy that I’ve let go of the pent-up emotions I had towards him, and then there’s the other part of me that’s terrified out of my own damn mind because I know that me being up here in his cabin is going to be nothing but a ticking time bomb until Rage finds me – or us.
I sink further into the comfortable fluffy couch that sits in his living room, underneath lies a beautiful carpet that is filled with reds, blues and yellows. It reminds me of something that a Native American tribe would have made, something that maybe he bought at a reservation. The entire cabin is light and bright, cream see-through colored drapes cover the windows, the wood is a light oak hardwood and the walls match it perfectly. I have to wonder if the house looked like this when he bought it or if he designed it to suit his needs.
I turn the channel until I am watching old re-runs of Chuck Connors playing the Rifleman. Ever since I was a kid, I always enjoyed watching older television shows, whether it be westerns or gangster movies. There was always something beautiful about the level of acting that the older actors had opposed to the newer ones nowadays.
The past three days haunt me like no other. I can see every choice I made, how I let my heart out on the line and slept beside him that night – continuing to do so every single night we’ve been here. If I think long and hard about it, I have to wonder if I want to be so close to him because of all the years we spent apart. Years of us avoiding each other as much as we could. He flat out admitted it, and subconsciously I was doing the exact same thing. I don’t think I would ever admit what I was doing to his face, though.
We’ve been living in a fantasy, there is no denying it. For three entire days we haven’t once discussed the ugliness of my reality, but I suppose maybe it is our reality now. There isn’t a moment that passes by where I don’t think of my son. In anything I do I can find a reminder of the life that was growing inside of me. In the light color of a soft shade of blue, or even staring at the deflated soccer ball that is right next to that one pine tree out back. There are constant reminders, and it is nothing but pure torture.
Every minute I have to remind myself that things happen for a reason. I truly believe that. If I have learned anything through life it is that one statement. Things do happen for a reason, the only problem is that sometimes we don’t really know why, but it’s our job to figure that out.
“You alright there, firefly?” I smell him before I see him, the scent of his masculine body wash floats through the room. A mixture of mint and something earthy. I wanted to know what that other smell was so badly, it served to hit my nostrils, bringing me out of this thought filled haze.
“Yeah, mhm,” I mutter, bringing my legs up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. “I’m just thinking”
“Never would’ve guessed,” Vince tells me sarcastically. I hear his bare feet padding against the wood floors until he’s next to me on the couch, wrapping an arm around me, pulling me to him.
He’s shirtless, in a pair of worn denim jeans. Right now, I’d love to just enjoy the sight of him, but I just can’t force myself to do that. There are just too many unknown factors. I keep waiting for that other ball to drop, for Rage to come blazing in here and take me back home. I wonder about what’s going to happen when he finds out that Vince, or Tex as the brothers call him, was the one to take me away. I’m not only scared for me, but for Vince too.
“You need to stop your worrying and let me handle things,” Vince tells me, rubbing my shoulder softly with his fingertips.
“That has to be easy for you to say. You aren’t me. It would be dumb of me not to worry right now, foolish even. By worrying I think we can both agree that we can come up with some sort of game plan. Don’t you? Do we even have one?” I ask, not trying to sound too irritated with him because I’m not bothered. I’m terrified. I am scared for our lives. The only thing I want right now is for both of us to be safe, and I don’t even know if that is a fraction of a possibility.
“Plan is for you to rest,” he tells me, simply looking at me straight in the eyes before he stares at the television.
“And then?” I ask, furrowing my brows, waiting for him to reply.
“You rest. That’s the end of this discussion.”
“This isn’t the end of our discussion. You just want me to sit here and rest without knowing what the plan is? We need to have one, Vince,” I urge, pleading with him.
“Damn Roxanne. I’m telling you to fucking relax and rest, so why can’t you just do what I’m telling you? You always did what Rage told you to fucking do,” he snaps out, his words filled with lead. I don’t think I’ve ever been hit so heavy with what he’s said to me.
“Are you going to start beating the obedience into me too?” There is no part of me that will allow a man to treat me the way Rage did, and I know Vince damn well knows this. At this point in my life, I would rather die than ever be in a situation like I have been in with my dear husband.
“Is that some fucked up joke? Do you think I am anything like him?!” He roars it out at me, ripping his attention from the television to stare at me dead in the eyes.
“No, I don’t. I know that you are so much better than that so I’m just wondering why you’d pull that shit and say that to me. We need to know what to do next. You know we won’t be able to sit here and hang tight forever. I know that you know that, so I’m gonna ask you again. What are we going to do?”
Vince runs his finger over my cheek and rubs along my cheek bone slowly. “You’re going to rest cause you’ve been through a fuck load of a lot, and I’m going to worry about everything that needs to be taken care of. I know I don’t have to remind you of everything you’ve been through the last week, so I won’t. Just do me a favor and don’t fight with me, firefly. My only concern is you. You trust me, right?”
I look up into his eyes and nod as I speak. “Yes, of course. I just need to know what to do if things go south because we can’t just expect that they won’t. This is Rage we’re dealing with.”
Vince nods. “Your brothers live a few hours away, yeah?” Vince is the only person I ever told about Lloyd and George. I can’t even remember why I did, but right now I’m glad that I did because I didn’t even think about this option.
“Yeah, a few,” I tell him.
“If shit goes down, you’re gonna go down that hill into the back of the woods and find the car about half a mile away. I’ll show you in a few days after you’ve had more rest, and we’ll go over what to do, but baby, if shit goes down you’d sure as hell better drive your ass up into Montana and not look back. Promise me.”
Every particle inside of me doesn’t want to promise him, but I know that I have to or he won’t drop it, he’ll make me bend to his will at some point. “I promise.”