Chapter 25

I love you past the moon and miss you beyond the stars. - JmStorm

Roxy

Vince had told me almost a year ago that we’d had the worst few months of our life. Back then, I agreed with him in every sense of the word. We’d had it rough, but we survived, all of us did. We pushed past the ugly deck of cards we were handed and played another game, hoping it would be better than the last.

In a year, so much can change. I told him that there was something good bound to be coming our way, we all deserved it, and for everything that we’d been through… something had to come. Something glorious.

Something did come, and her name is Kathryn Aimee.

Her birth was supposed to be something that we celebrated, and it was for the most part… but it’s hard to celebrate when the woman you named your daughter after has been gone for three weeks. No one has heard a peep, not even once. We didn’t know where she was, Bolt was out driving across Montana looking for her… while Dracus decided to get himself lost in the bottle. Vince and I were trying to be the best parents that we could, all the while worrying about Aimee.

A lot can change in a year, and after the night where Rage had his “fun” Aimee was never the same, the day of the abortion we lost a bigger piece of her, and over time… slowly she had been chipping away. She was no longer the light, bright, vibrant woman we all loved. She became distant, reserved, didn’t want to speak to anyone.

Dracus told me day after day it wasn’t my fault. In moments where I found myself thinking about it all it’s as if he could read my mind, reminding me that it wasn’t. Yet, I still felt it. I don’t think I’ll ever feel like it isn’t my fault.

I’m sitting in the living room floor of Boone’s house, Kathryn in her bassinet beside me as I watch television. Dracus is sitting in the chair behind me, I’m seated between his legs as he massages the back of my neck. Vince is talking amongst Boone, and my brothers. At this rate, everyone in the club knows about our “odd” relationship with Aimee, Dracus, and Bolt.

The phone rings from the kitchen, and Lloyd goes to answer it, as he does, I can’t hear a word of what he’s saying, only the soft murmurs of “uh huh” and “… are you sure?”. Immediately that throws up a red flag and I turn to look at my brother, not before putting my knee on Dracus’ leg and giving him a quick look. He’s sober right now, but I know he won’t be for long. Since Aimee’s been gone, he drinks most of the time… I’m surprised he isn’t drunk right now…

He hangs up the phone and turns to us, looking specifically to me and Dracus, then to Vince. “I’m afraid that wasn’t a good call. That was the Sherriff. He drove out to Whitefish last night and went there to see a Jane Doe who turned up in the river. He confirmed that it was Aimee. He couldn’t tell us too much, but it looked like she committed suicide.”

I look to Vince, then up to Dracus… the tears are welling up in my eyes, and he startles up and darts out the door. I sigh, looking to Vince. “Watch Kathryn… please just let me handle this.”

He nods as I chase after one of the men I absolutely adore. He’s rude, dark, and a bit twisted… but behind that front he has a heart of gold, a heart that he doesn’t let me see too often.

“Drake.” I say his name loud, enough to see him turn back and look at me. He hates it when I call him by his real name, we got into our first fight when I insisted that I call him Drake instead of Dracus, but both he and Bolt agreed that I’d call them their road names and nothing else. I was out voted.

“Roxanne. Leave me the fuck alone,” he grumbles, continuing to dart away from me.

“No. Fuck no!” I snap at him. “I leave you alone and you’ll… you’ll…,” I murmur… not wanting to confess what I’m thinking.

“What? I’ll drink myself into oblivion to forget about all the pain that is in my life? Or maybe, oh I know! I’ll go off and kill myself too!”

I stop dead in my tracks. He can’t just joke about something like this. His face drops when he realizes what he just did, quickly he walks towards me. The second he’s within reach I swing my hand back and slap it against his face, my palm burning from the hit.

“Don’t you ever joke about something like that,” I tell him, my lips trembling, trying not to break down, even though I know it is bound to happen.

“Rox. I didn’t – “

“You did,” I interrupt, so beyond angry with him.

“Yeah. I did… okay, I’m sorry.”

“I… I can’t lose you too. Please. I just can’t. I can’t lose anyone else that I love. Please stop the drinking… please Drake. I am so fucking scared.” He walks towards me, pulling me into his chest, rubbing my back with his hand.

“I’ll stop, okay? I promise. I’ll stop.”

I cry into his chest. I cry because we’ve lost the woman we all love, because we will never hear her laugh or see her radiant smile ever again. I cry… because the group of us have lost one of the best things in our life.

I know we are strong, and we will overcome this loss together, but that doesn’t lessen the burn.

Our hearts will ache for eons.