I stared at the names of the six people I’d lied to and then condemned. Bringing them on was little more than saving my own skin. Last night, after Tori had agreed, I’d sent Aaron and Alexandra away, and had Blair carry Lucas back to his dorm before he woke. Supernatural strengths had its perks sometimes, like getting rid of domineering asshats who’d gotten themselves knocked out for being idiotic. As pissed as I was at Aaron for pulling that, I was even more upset with Lucas. He should’ve known better.

The body next to mine moved. I glanced over at my sister, squished into my twin bed with me like we were still children, her long blond hair scattered across my pillow. I would’ve thought she was still sleeping had her breathing not changed.

“Good morning,” I said slowly. Throwing my legs off the bed, I yawned. Then walked to the bathroom and prepared for the day.

“Thank you,” she whispered. My roommates were still asleep, but nothing short of Tori’s foghorn alarm would’ve woken them.

“What for?” I asked, brushing my hair out. It was even longer than before, falling past my butt. I really needed to cut it, but somehow could never bring myself to do it.

“Letting me stay. Our time is limited now.” Her heart picked up again. She was still so tied to her emotions. I needed to fix that. There was peace in ambivalence; her pain came from feeling.

“I thought we would spend the day together,” I said. Her eyes went wide. “If you’d like,” I quickly amended, trying to leave the choice to her. She was big on that now—choice—and Alec’s little stunt had only exacerbated the need.

“I would like that,” she said softly.

I pulled my hair into a tight ponytail, and shed yesterday’s clothes. Pulling on a pair of yoga pants and a sports bra was second nature to me. Just going through the motions. I went to strap on the knives.

“What are you doing?” Lily asked.

My hand stilled. “Forgetting myself,” I said. “You should get dressed. I have a long day planned for us.”

“Really?” She looked up brightly, no sign of the darkness. Yet.

“Really.”

She dressed quickly in clothes similar to mine, but opted for the more modest route with a t-shirt. I smirked, holding the door open for her as we left. Campus was still quiet, but not quite dead. People scurried by on the sidewalk. I heard every word as they stared at the scars lining my body. I’d chosen my clothing to make a statement, and a statement I made.

“Where would you feel most comfortable training?” I asked, and Lily shot me a curious look.

“Away from prying eyes,” she said eventually.

Good choice.

I veered left and off the path, breaking into an easy run. She was slow, and her surprise made her slower, but eventually she started catching up. I kept my pace moderate, remembering how long it’d been since she’d done anything aside from cry or mope, with the occasional thrown kitchen knife. She hadn’t trained with Blair and me over the summer, but I couldn’t cut her too much slack now. Not with how powerful she was. I couldn’t let her continue to go unchecked and untrained—not when I wasn’t going to be here to clean up after her anymore.

Miles passed, and when we reached the farthest point from campus, I stopped. The woods were wild and untamed in this part of the grounds. I led her deeper into them and away from the path we’d taken to get here. Her panting was an assault on my ears in the morning silence. We were far enough out that no other soul would hear us.

“We’ll train here every morning until I leave.” Her head shot up, and hope blossomed in her eyes.

“You’re keeping your promise.” It wasn’t a question, so I only nodded.

“You have a lot to learn, and I don’t have very long to teach you,” I said.

The wind swept through the woods, lifting her damp hair away from her eyes. “I’ll train harder than anyone you’ve ever taught before, even Blair,” she insisted.

A smirk touched my lips. That was a high bar she was setting for herself. Blair was my protégée. Even more than Lucas, the girl had enough ice in her to keep those emotions locked down. To stay in control. She found solace in neutrality, and it made her the perfect soldier. In three months, she’d mastered something a year hadn’t taught Lucas, and a lifetime hadn’t taught my sisters.

“We’ll see.”

I swept my foot underneath her. She moved quickly, though, and jumped to recover.

“Good. Your reflexes aren’t bad. It’s a start,” I said, moving in to grapple.

She dodged my hands and ducked to go under my arm. I spun and locked my arm around her throat, pulling her into a chokehold.

“Stop,” she gasped.

I didn’t, instead applying more and more pressure as I pushed her to her limits. She had them, but they were farther than she believed. I needed her to see that she was in control of what happened to her, and her emotions, her powers.

“Se-Selena,” she choked out. The tendrils started down her arm, reaching into the air for me like wisps of smoke.

“Control it, Lily,” I whispered into her ear, easing up ever so slightly.

The black faded as she struggled to pull my arms away. Only when I saw my blood under her nails did I stop. I expected her to drop to her knees and weep. I thought she was going to feel sorry for herself.

When she came back swinging, it was one of the proudest moments of my life. Her form was good, and I watched in slow motion as her fist steadily approached my face. She needed this; she needed the power.

I took the punch.

The darkness in her eyes receded as my pain washed over her. She moved in to strike again, the killing gene taking control. The neverending madness had gotten a taste of blood, and wanted more.

“Control.”

She blinked, and her fist stilled not even inches from my face. I stared down at her, blood and snot dripping from my face. Making her take in the sight. If she was going to survive the gene, she needed to live with the consequences.

“Control,” she repeated. She stepped back, her knees wobbling. Her eyes betrayed the worry seeping into her expression.

“Stop that,” I reprimanded. “Your emotions will get the best of you, and that’s something you can’t afford. Not anymore.”

She clicked her tongue in dismissal, but her eyes changed as she watched me in fascination. “Your nose…”

“It’s nothing.” I stepped away, hastily wiping the blood and guck from my already healed face.

“That’s not nothing. That’s imposs—”

“Yes, it is. Just as it should’ve been impossible for you to manifest a second ability four months ago, but here we are.”

Her mouth snapped shut, as she turned away. “What’s wrong with me?” Her voice was thick with some unnamable emotion. This was the meltdown I’d been waiting for, and I suspected we’d do it another hundred times before she even started to understand.

“Control,” I repeated.

“That’s not an answer, Selena! I don’t even know what you mean—”

“But you will. One day it will click, and until then, we train. You told me you’d train harder than anyone before you. It hasn’t even been twenty minutes, and you’re falling into yourself. Into the abyss.”

My words pulled her back, as she frowned at me.

“You think I can’t tell when you’re falling into it? You think everyone else can’t see you falling apart?”

Her eyes pricked with tears that betrayed the thin line of anger that was her mouth.

“You must have control in all things. I gave you the summer to feel bad for yourself, and what happened in the warehouse. You’ve had three months to get better, and you can’t even control your emotions.”

Tears now rolled freely down her cheeks. “I’m sorry—”

“I don’t want your apologies, Lily! I need you to be better. I-I am leaving, Lily, and I won’t be able to take care of you. So, I need you to take care of yourself for me, until I get back. Can you do that?” My voice softened, but I clenched my fists. How did I make her see this? How did I make her better? I didn’t know, and the impossibility of this situation had me desperate.

Lily looked at me, and the tears stopped. Her eyes were like glass, fragile but clear. She closed them, and the girl who opened them again wasn’t brittle and crumbling apart. She was stronger, because she had to be.

“Again,” she said.

I didn’t question it, and we went round after round. Sweat trickled down my back, and she flung droplets off her face with every shake of her head. The sun climbed higher into the sky, but true to her word, she trained as hard as Blair. I was impressed by her strength, and any would-be wound on her body healed in minutes. She had the potential to be great, but it wasn’t greatness that pushed her forward. It was an insatiable urge to cause pain, because it was the one thing that would quiet her own, if only for a moment.

“Enough,” I said eventually.

The sun had reached its apex hours ago, and the world would be looking for me. I held out a hand and pulled her to her feet.

“You think you can run?” I asked, walking back to the worn path by the wall.

She nodded, trudging after me.

“You did good today, but you’re slow and your endurance isn’t there. You need to run everyday. I’ll meet you here at six every morning.” I didn’t wait for her response as I took off down the path. My blood pounded like a battle cry through my veins, urging me forward.

“Wait!” she called, and I slowed to a stop.

“What, Lily?”

“You didn’t teach me how to keep the darkness away. If anything, I just want to kill—”

“I did, but control takes time, and you have to learn moderation,” I reminded her, already turning away.

“But—”

“You need to shut the emotions out. Don’t allow yourself to feel, because feeling is dangerous for people like us. Feeling is how someone dies. Your mind is what will save you, and as long as you don’t let your heart get in the way, the clarity will come.”

I left her with those words, and hoped I was right. Rome may not have been built in a day, but it also wasn’t built in a month. Like it or not, time was of the essence, and the clock wasn’t on our side.