Her hair was still black as night, but her eyes were brown, so that was something. She moved almost hesitantly as she trailed her fingers along the cotton sheets of Alexandra’s bed. She sat with her legs close together, quivering ever-so-slightly, and I didn’t think she even realized I was awake.

“You’re alive,” she said, looking nowhere in particular, making me jump just a little.

Silently, I crept across the cement floors; Johanna trailed me quietly, more ghost than girl. Her head snapped up when I sat down directly across from her.

“Did you think otherwise?” I asked. The dark energy that coursed through her veins came to the surface, swirling across her skin like moving tattoos. I doubted she noticed.

“I heard them. The voices. The whispers that beg you to kill. I felt their darkness, and your pain… I saw your demons,” she whispered, her voice more impassive than I would’ve expected given the horrors she’d endured.

“How are you feeling?” I asked slowly, scared that her eyes were seconds from turning purple and my other, Violet, was going to come out.

Her lips quirked up in a weary grin.

I loosed an unsteady breath, my chest relaxing a fraction as I waited for her to reply.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that? You did tell me not to do it.” Her voice was still too unfeeling, but this wasn’t Violet. Of that, I was sure.

“For good reason. You nearly killed yourself, girl,” Johanna said.

Lily jumped a little, more skittish than normal, but that wasn’t terribly strange given the ordeal she’d been through. She glanced sideways at the mysterious, golden-eyed sphinx, who’d settled quietly against the side of the bunk while we spoke. Even I had only noticed her out of the corner of my eye, and she never made a sound.

“Who are you?” Lily asked. Her tongue clicked, and she scrunched her nose. She didn’t appreciate Johanna’s input, but was trying to be polite.

“A friend,” Johanna said, glancing between my sister and me.

Lily laughed, but it was hollow. “Selena doesn’t have friends. Well…not outside her roommates and Lucas,” she said with a snort.

I would’ve facepalmed right then, if I hadn’t tensed up instead. I glanced across the aisle at Aaron, and waited for the outburst. He lounged against the concrete wall, his arms folded across his chest. Had he intentionally picked the spot next to the door for a reason, or like me, did being in this concrete prison make him edgy? His eyes were black again—I thought I saw a gleam of gold, but it was gone so fast I couldn’t be sure—and he gave no indication that he cared. I didn’t know how to feel about that, given that I still didn’t even know what being my signasti meant. Maybe if I avoided it forever, I would never have to find out.

“She’s friends with Blair,” Johanna pointed out.

“Blair is blood. It’s not the same,” Lily mumbled.

“Johanna’s a friend, Lily. Let’s just leave it at that,” I said as I turned back toward her.

“Where’s everyone else?” Lily asked, more perceptive than I’d been.

I must’ve been so wholly focused on her that I hadn’t noticed that the rest of my team wasn’t here—apart from Johanna and Aaron.

“The others needed some fresh air, after everything that happened,” Johanna said, mostly to me. It wasn’t like Lily knew most of them—I barely did myself. After the war zone simulation, some things were going to be changing around here.

“Did something else happen?” Lily asked, her skin going ashen.

“Can we have the room for a little while?” I asked, glancing at Johanna and then Aaron so he knew the request extended to him too.

Her eyes glowed gold for a moment before she said, “We need to talk, but it can wait for now.”

She took one last look at the two of us, before walking through the door Aaron was holding open. His eyes settled on me for a moment, all-consuming. I shook my head, turning away to clear my thoughts. The door clicked shut behind him, and with it, the ability to breathe easy returned.

“So you know?” she asked, wasting no time at all.

“What are you talking about?” I said, wanting to gauge how much she knew before I went there.

“That he’s your signasti?”

What the hell?

“How do you know?” I snapped, mentally backtracking to the last time we’d spoken. It was before I went off in the simulator the first time, when I tried to kill him. Which meant there was only one person who could’ve told her.

“Blair came to me after your panic attack, and the fallout in the bathroom… I figured you had enough crap of your own going on that it was best just to give you space. Until Tori came and found me, and now…here we are,” she said. Her eyes darted to the sides, like she was still seeing shadows. She rested a palm across her chest, taking deep, steady breaths. Her heart pattered in her chest, like a hummingbird in a cage of bone. She didn’t need to know I could hear it, though; it was best to let her adjust as the swirls receded again.

“Blair told you? I thought it was Alexandra, given how much she blamed me,” I said.

I wasn’t as bitter about it as I had been, though, not after the war zone. For a girl who didn’t know how to be anything but selfish, she’d sacrificed herself to the fire to save us. I was just glad I’d gotten to her in time.

“Who do you think trained with me every morning? Blair took over for you and kept me updated. Honestly, I think she just needed someone to talk to. She felt like she couldn’t tell you, but it’s not like she really has any other friends,” Lily said. Her eyes were a clear, undiluted brown, not a hint of darkness in sight.

I clenched my fists in my lap, swallowing hard. Blair shouldn’t have needed to take over for me. Lily shouldn’t have been the only one she felt she could talk to. Here we were, though, because I kept shirking my responsibilities.

“Now’s not the moment to feel guilty. Save it for your pillow at night,” Violet whispered, and I rolled my eyes skyward.

“Heartless,” I scoffed.

“They used to say the same about you.”

I shook my head, clearing away her voice and the whispers so that it was just Lily and me.

“I’ve been a crap friend the past couple of weeks, and an even shittier sister,” I said.

She smiled, almost amused but also a little sad. “Well, I can’t imagine it was easy finding out you’re soul bound to your sister’s now ex-boyfriend,” she said, reaching out across the narrow aisle between us to take my hand.

“I don’t even know what it means, Lily.” I sighed deeply, and moved beds to sit next to her.

Lily stilled, her hand fell away from her chest, and the shaking stopped entirely as she said, “You haven’t talked to him?”

“No, there hasn’t been time. And even if there had been, I doubt talking will make him go away,” I grumbled. I stared at the empty room, silent apart from the sound of breathing.

Lily grabbed my face roughly and forced me to look at her. “You need to talk to him. If you don’t even know what a signasti bond is, or what he’s gone through, how can you dismiss it so easily?” she asked, her voice rising a little.

“Get off me—” I said, pushing her hands away, but she didn’t yield. She wasn’t weak, no matter how tired she looked.

“You need to talk to him. I did some reading, while you were busy—and I think this bond is part of why you’re having issues controlling yourself. It’s making the demons worse.”

What? The bond was making—That prick. Why was she feeling sorry for his ass?

“How?” I asked, trying not to be too snippy with her just yet.

“If you’d talk to him, you would know,” she snapped.

Okay…

“Seriously? If he’s making it worse—”

“Don’t try to manipulate me, Selena. It’s hurting you, but by the same token, it could also help you,” she said. Dropping her hands into her lap, she pushed back to lean against the wall.

“What if I don’t want help?” I asked, being pedantic now because I was tired of being told what to do.

“Too bad. That ship sailed a while ago.” She smirked, not even taking me seriously.

“I don’t want his help. He can burn in hell.”

She tensed, just a little. Oh crap…

“It doesn’t help him that when you look at him you see a demon, quite literally. He’s probably the only person who can help you, and he’s also your biggest trigger,” she said.

I stilled, because her observation went beyond what she could read on my face. She was recalling what she’d seen in my memories.

“How are you really?” I asked.

She stretched her arms out, splaying her fingers before settling back again. Taking her sweet time deciding how to answer.

“I’ll be okay,” she said eventually.

I could live with that, but I didn’t like it. Being okay eventually meant she wasn’t okay right now.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked, not really sure how to proceed with this type of conversation.

She snorted again, glancing at me. “Do I want to talk about your nightmares? Hmm…let me think about it,” she said. “Smartass.” She laughed again, this time a deep throaty sound that reverberated off the ceiling of our empty cell. “They’re not my fears, or my demons. While part of me feels like I should be asking you that, the rest of me knows it’s not my place. I took a chance when I tried to shut you down, and your mind bit me in the ass for it,” she said. “I’ll live.”

I could tell that part of this was an act, that she wanted to be more okay than she was. Maybe there was some truth in the saying fake it till you make it, though, so I let it slide.

“Well, what do you want to talk about?” I asked, trying to give her as much space as she needed to sort it out. She didn’t look like she was falling apart, and like I had with Alexandra, I needed to trust that she would tell me if she ever hit that point.

“So, this is where you’ve been living?” she asked, taking in the more-than-humble abode that was the barracks.

“Yep, me and the fifteen other unlucky people who got dragged into this mess,” I said.

The concrete walls didn’t seem as foreboding as they had a few weeks ago, though, and the space wasn’t quite so cold. On the surface, it was easy just to see the gray stone walls, and feel like you were in a prison. It was the little things, though, like our unmade beds, and the occasional trinket here and there that gave the smallest of glimpses into the minds of those who lived here.

“It’s…cozy,” she lied, cringing as the words fell short.

“Liar.” We laughed for a moment, before she went quiet.

“Do you have a bathroom?” she asked, more hesitant again.

I was going to tell her we pissed in a pot, just to see the look on her face. She was fingering her now-black hair, though, so I was pretty sure this wasn’t a normal bathroom break.

“Yeah. You want me to come with you?” I asked, though I wasn’t really prepared if she had a breakdown or a panic attack.

“Please,” she whispered. Her smile fell at the bathroom door. She was playing with her hands, rubbing them over her stomach and pants.

“Just remember: it’s only hair. We can always dye it,” I said solemnly.

She nodded, pushing the door open for herself and turning to face the mirror.

Her mouth plopped open as she ran her fingers through her dark waves. It didn’t look like she was panicking, but I wasn’t really sure what she was thinking either as she turned to see herself from every direction.

“I look like you,” she gasped. A wide smile broke across her face, and I let go of the breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding.

“Is that a good thing?” I asked, even though I knew she thought so. Best to keep her excited. Happy.

“We actually look related now. Come see,” she insisted as she dragged me in front of the mirror with her.

Two black-haired beauties stared back, one with eyes like chocolate, one with eyes like steel. Our faces had always been similar, but she was right—we looked even more alike now. Her skin had a light tan from her mornings training, making her eyes stand out. While she wasn’t as muscled as I, she was definitely getting there.

“You don’t look so bad,” I said, grinning so she knew I was kidding.

“If you mean bad as in badass, why, yes, I do.” Her reflection winked at me in the mirror, but my own smile didn’t meet my eyes.

“Speaking of being badass…we need to talk about your training,” I said.

She nodded, turning and sliding up onto the counter so that she was facing me. “I’m leaving with you guys when you go.”

What?

That was not where I’d expected this conversation to go. I opened my mouth to object, but she held her hand up to explain first.

“Ever since we came back, no one will speak to me. I tried to go to the boxing gym, and even though the coach would’ve taken me, no one would fight me because they didn’t know what you would do if I got hurt. Boys won’t talk to me. Girls just whisper about me. Even Bella won’t sit next to me in class anymore, because she’s afraid of being associated with me. I’m completely and utterly alone here.” She paused, swallowing hard before continuing. She didn’t break, and she didn’t cry—I had to give her that—but her eyes were as cold as the sterile bathroom walls.

“You and Alexandra are my only family, and you’re leaving me to go fight in a war. I know you don’t want me fighting—you’ve made that pretty clear—but you need to think about what I want. And understand that when I say I’m leaving, it isn’t up for debate. This is me telling you I’ve made up my mind, and you can either help me or not.”

We stared at each other, but I didn’t know what to say. I’d told her I wanted her to get better, so that she could take care of herself when I couldn’t. I’d told her she could choose her own happiness. Now she’d made her choice, and I couldn’t just say no because I didn’t like what she had chosen.

“The others aren’t going to like this,” I warned.

“I don’t really care. I can hold my own, and I’ll do what I can to contribute even if I’m not on the front lines. At the very least, it couldn’t hurt to have a healer around,” she pointed out.

I couldn’t disagree there.

“You sure this is what you want? No doubts?” I asked, not believing what was coming out of my mouth. My book nerd, dorky sister…was dropping out.

“Things have changed, Selena. Everything has changed. We lost our parents, and so I clung to you and Alexandra. Then we came here, and I clung to Bella and my other friends. Sooner or later, though, I’ve gotta stand on my own two feet. I have to move on.” she said quietly, running a shaky hand through her hair. “It’s not that I don’t feel the sadness anymore, because I do. It’s always there, making me feel too much and reducing me to this withering, worthless bundle of tears and snotty shirts. I hate her, this girl who can’t control herself or the anxiety.” She paused so long I didn’t think she was going to continue, and I would’ve left it if she had.

I didn’t know what to say to her, and every time I’d tried in the past, it just came out wrong.

“So, I evolved, and in finding a purpose I’ve made her go away—at least for now. I still feel the crippling sadness, but now I know it has an end. Nothing lasts forever. Mom used to tell us that, but my brain never seemed to grasp it. After six years, it’s like waking up from a really long nightmare. I still feel it. I still see it. I know it’s not real, though, and that’s made all the difference.” Her voice was like snow falling on a sunny day, soft and beautiful.

“We’ve both got our issues to work through. Maybe when all of this is over, we can settle down somewhere and try to have a life,” I said.

The faraway look in her eyes cleared as a bittersweet smile made its way to her lips. “We already have lives. Sometimes, it’s a matter of choosing to live, and that’s why I’m coming with you.”

The world was changing, and so were we. For better or for worse, it was time to start living.

“We’ll continue your training like normal, and when the time comes for us to leave, I’ll make sure you’re coming with. Be ready, but don’t tell anyone yet,” I said.

“You promise not to back out on me?” she asked.

“I promise.”

She nodded once, holding up her pinky. I almost laughed at the idea of a pinky promise; we hadn’t done that in so long. But if that was what made her believe me, a pinky promise it would be. I took her little finger in mine and hugged her tightly to my chest, hoping I hadn’t just agreed to something I couldn’t do.