Brynne

My father is sitting up, flirting with the nurse who’s taking his blood pressure when I walk into his room. He looks better. There’s a bit of color in his cheeks. But not as much as the pretty young thing who seems to be enjoying his attention.

Sunlight floods through the large windows, and countless bouquets and balloons make it look more like a floral shop than a hospital room, which makes me chuckle, because one thing my father hates is flowers and shows of affection.

“Hi.” I push the stroller into the room.

“Brynne.” The light humor that was in his eyes a second ago disappears.

“Is this a bad time?”

“I’m just finishing up here,” the nurse says, patting my father’s arm.

I wait in silence until she leaves, watching the door slowly shut behind her.

Noah stirs in his stroller, letting out a small cry, breaking our silence.

I unbuckle him, and lift him up to my shoulder.

My father tries to shift on his bed, but he winces and falls back into his semi-upright position.

“Don’t strain yourself,” I say.

“I want to see my grandson,” he says in his typical clipped manner. “Bring him here.”

I sigh, a small smile tugging at my lips, because some things will never change. I remove the distance between us, shifting Noah so that my dad can see him.

Something flickers in my father’s eyes. A touch of emotion that I rarely see.

He raises his arms to take Noah from me.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea-”

“And I didn’t ask for your advice. Now, let me hold him.”

I exhale heavily and place Noah in his arms, who looks up at him and starts to babble happily.

“He’s a good-looking boy,” he says.

I nod, swallowing past the lump in my throat.

Noah’s little fist wraps around one of my dad’s fingers and he continues to gurgle and coo.

“Thank you for bringing him.” He doesn’t look up at me when he says it, just continues to watch Noah, affection filling his dark eyes, and for a second I swear I see tears there.

My breath is shaky when I suck it in. “I know I should have told you sooner.”

“We’ve both done things…Made mistakes.”

“Yeah.” I lick my lips, shifting uneasily beside the bed.

He looks up at me, holding my gaze. “I know why you blame me for Sam.”

“Dad. I-”

“Let me finish. I need to say this.” His brows draw down, his expression serious. “I wasn’t there for either of you when you were young. Not the way I should have been. I can give you excuses, but I won’t.”

I sit down on the chair beside the bed. “I know it must have been hard after Mom died.”

“I’ll admit I didn’t know what I was doing. And I was…” He motions for me to take Noah, who’s starting to squirm in his arms.

I pick him up, then place him back in his stroller, turning it so that my dad can still see him.

We sit in silence for a few long moments.

“I was gutted after your mother died.” He holds my gaze with the same hard eyes that I’d never understood. My eyes. Soft, brown, rimmed with flecks of gold. But it’s the soul behind them that I recognize now. Filled with pain. Loss. Sorrow.

Maybe Kane is right, and I’m not so different from him as I thought.

“You never talked about her.”

“I should have.” He rests his head back on the pillow, his eyes closing for a brief moment. When he opens them again, they’re misted over. “You look like her. Except your eyes. You always had my eyes.”

“And your stubbornness,” I add.

He chuckles. “Yes. And that.” His smile quickly fades, and he says, “Maybe if your mother had a bit of your spirit…”

I frown at him. “You always said I was like her.”

He shakes his head. “I was worried you were.”

“I don’t understand. You loved her.”

His lips tug down and he wipes his palm across his face. “More than anything in the world. I would have done anything for her. Would have given up my career if she’d asked. Done anything to still have her here with me. I blame myself every day…”

“She was in a car accident. It was no one’s fault.”

He shakes his head. “It wasn’t an accident.”

“But you said-”

“I tried to protect you and Sam. It was hard enough losing your mother. You didn’t need to know that she…” He glances away, grimacing.

“That she what?” Goosebumps prickle my arms.

He lets out a long, quivering breath. “She was passionate. So full of life. Then there were times…” His eyes close briefly, the lines in his face becoming more pronounced. “She was pulled into a darkness. A place I couldn’t reach her. It got worse after she had you and Sam. The sadness. It ate away at her. Until…”

“She killed herself?” Ice spreads across my skin. All I can think about is Sam.

He gives one small nod.

I sit back in the chair, pressure building in my chest.

“She was bipolar. I didn’t know when we got married. Not that it would have changed anything. I loved her. Loved her highs. The way she thought she could conquer the world. But her lows…they were brutal. And each time she hit rock bottom, I knew I was only one step closer to losing her for good.”

Bipolar. I don’t know much about the disorder, other than what I read in my first-year psychology textbook. It’s one of those mental health issues that still has a stigma around it.

“I know I was hard on you, Brynne. I tried to make you strong.” He reaches out for me to take his hand, but I sit there, numb, trying to process everything he’s saying. He gives a small, sad smile. “But you always were tougher than I gave you credit for.” He sighs, pulling his hand back. “It was Sam that I should have been worried about. But by the time I realized what was going on with him, it was too late.”

My head is spinning as I try to make sense of what he’s saying. “You’re saying Sam was…No. I would have known.”

“He was diagnosed a year before…” My father swallows hard. “But I knew before then.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“He didn’t want me to. He loved you so much, Brynne. He didn’t want you thinking bad of him.”

“I wouldn’t have. Maybe I could have helped.”

“It’s what he wanted. I don’t even know if I should have told you now. But I think there’ve been too many secrets between us.”

“Does Kane know?”

He nods, making my stomach sink. “He was the one who came to me. Told me there was something going on with Sam. I didn’t want to believe it at first. But the drugs. The wild, reckless behavior. They were just a symptom of the disorder. If I would have been paying closer attention, I might have been able to help him.”

My stomach twists.

“I failed you both. And I’m sorry.”

I don’t correct him. Maybe I should. But I don’t.

“The ironic part was I lost you both because I was afraid to lose you.” There’s desperation in his words, and a resignation that stirs a small ounce of sympathy for the man.

I reach across and take his hand. “You haven’t lost me. I’m still here.”

His fingers squeeze mine. “I want to be part of your life. Part of Noah’s life. If you’ll let me. Maybe I’ll be a better grandfather than father.”

“There’s still time to be my dad. Unless, of course, you have plans to trade Kane,” I joke, making him smile.

He chuckles. “Trust me, the thought went through my head. But I don’t want him taking you and my grandson to another city. That’s assuming you two are together.”

I shake my head at his lack of subtlety. “We are.”

“Good.”

I raise an eyebrow. “I didn’t think you’d have a problem with him. He’s already a son to you.”

“He is.” His expression goes serious. “But that’s not why I approve. He cares about you. Always has. I’ve watched that boy with you. I’m just surprised it took him this long to make a move.”

“You might be surprised, but it was actually me who made the first move.”

I laugh and he shakes his head. “No, darling. That doesn’t surprise me at all.”