Shane
Maggie seemed sad, even though she tried to hide it through her smiles. I told Hawk many times it was stupid they never spoke with their daughter about their divorce, and that she needed to know. Instead, they kept pretending everything was okay, but she felt something was off. I didn’t want to talk about it, because family business was one thing between us that was off-limits.
So was the whole situation between her and Ren.
I really fucking hated Serena asking questions about him, and I found my reaction to it stupid. I couldn’t keep her out of my head since I saw her during breakfast, wearing those sexy shorts that showed off her even sexier legs while she looked so lost. She was out of her element here, and I just wanted to hug her. Not to mention I didn’t sleep for a long time after rescuing her from the spider.
But all those emotions gave me no right to feel territorial or possessive of her after knowing her only a day. Even while I was training Lightning, I was so occupied with thoughts about her that I almost got kicked in the leg. I couldn’t be careless like that, which just proved one thing. My body needed sexual relief and soon. These feelings were just a natural reaction to a beautiful girl.
The thing that bothered me most was Ren and Maggie. Major Armageddon was coming with those two. I usually managed to kick him out of the house by the time she was headed home so they wouldn’t see each other, but that time I wasn’t prepared. They’d both managed to show up unannounced. As if I didn’t have enough problems with all the other shit.
The girls talked about some music, discovering they had something in common. Maybe it was good they became friends, because then Serena would be occupied with someone else, and I could minimize my interactions with her. Maggie knew everything on the ranch, so Serena wouldn’t need my help.
By the time we were finished with lunch, I left to continue working with Lightning. I heard Carter calling for me as I was about to exit the room. “Shane, phone for you!”
I frowned, because I didn’t know who might be looking for me. Granted, I had a cell phone, which I never used, so I didn’t even charge it. Maybe I should after all. I went to the phone near the living room and picked it up.
“Hello?”
The female voice on the other end of the line sounded shaky and worried. “Shane?”
Well, shit, should have known it was probably her.
“Yes.”
“Shane—” She started crying and I didn’t know what to say. I pretty much cut all ties with everyone when I left my old life behind, mainly because I didn’t want to listen to anyone’s excuses of why they all lied. “Please don’t hang up.” She knew me well, because it was exactly what I wanted to do. She couldn’t say anything to me that could make it better. And she never understood that, either. Her lies hurt me the most.
“How did you get this number?” I never gave it to her. In fact, she didn’t even know I’d found Hawk. I’d just packed a bag and left.
“I tried to find you. I didn’t even know if you were alive or not.” More crying, and I felt a slight pain in my heart.
I remembered how I used to hate making her cry, how I wanted to make everything in the world okay for her. How she sang songs to me to make me sleep better, how she used to hug me and I would feel safe when everyone called me names. Her love was there all the time, and I threw it back in her face. Back then, it felt justified, but I no longer knew what was right or wrong. Somehow everyone ended up hurt, and I had no fucking clue how to fix it all.
“I told you when I came here that I was fine. You shouldn’t have called.”
“You’re right. You should have called me yourself.” She stopped crying and sounded more like the woman who’d raised me and didn’t let me get away with any shit. Well, until one year ago, when I’d done so much shit even she couldn’t have stopped me.
“You should have told me, Aunt Tara.” We were having the same argument all over again.
“I had no choice. I don’t know how many times I need to repeat it for you to get it.”
She was right, because I would never get it. “We always have a choice.” My voice turned harsh.
“Your mom made me promise you would never know the truth.”
“This conversation is pointless.”
“Shane, please.” She was begging. “I know you’re angry, but why would you throw away your whole life for this? Please come back.”
“I can’t, Aunt Tara. Not now, and maybe not ever.” Before she could say anything else, I hung up the phone, ignoring Eknath, who frowned at me. The guy could think whatever the fuck he wanted. It wasn’t as if he spoke his opinion on the matter anyway. Half the time, I had the feeling he didn’t like me. I sure as hell didn’t get warm hugs from him like he gave to his granddaughter.
Fuck this shit.
Serena’s laugh echoed through the house, and my fists tightened. She was a distraction I didn’t need. She brought up all those unwanted emotions, and I couldn’t have that.
The bar tonight sounded like a good idea. Once my dry spell was history, she would no longer be the object of my desire.
The bar was crowded, as usual, and there was smoke all over the place. It had good booze and music, and it was all thanks to the owner, Grady. He used to be the bad boy of the town and even spent some time in juvie. Then, as far as I knew, he traveled on his bike, came home with several tattoos, had enough money to buy an apartment nearby, and got the bar from Henry. He had run it smoothly ever since.
No shit was allowed here, and he took care of everything, bartending every night. Grady was older than me by a few years, and lots of people were afraid of him. He wasn’t one you'd like to mess with. I liked the guy. We had a few drinks together, and he was the only one I could relax with. Probably because there was no small talk. He would pour a drink and ask no questions.
That suited me just fine.
I visited the bar once or twice a month, when I felt like I needed a break from the ranch work. Usually, I wasn’t interested in women. None of them appealed to me much, and in the small town, getting laid was disastrous. What the fuck was I thinking coming here?
Ren was pressing into some girl on the pool table while he stood between her thighs and kissed her deeply. She was wrapped all around him, and by the look on her face, she was in a state of euphoria. He just seemed to do it out of habit. After all, he hit the bar every day, and every time, he managed to fuck someone new. I didn’t know how long he planned to do that, fucking himself into oblivion, when clearly he wanted only one person.
But it wasn’t like I could sit here and judge him while I came for the exact same thing. Disgust filled me, seeping into every bone in my body as I realized how fucking lame my plan was. As if trying to seek female company would help with my obsession with Serena. On some deeper level, guilt glazed my emotions at the idea of even touching another woman. As if I cheated on someone, which was quite hilarious, since I had no one to cheat on.
Gulping my last drink quickly, I put a twenty on the bar and left.
Serena
Peeking into the hallway, I made sure no one was awake before stepping outside my room and padding softly downstairs, while holding my designing supplies. Wincing at my sore neck, I squeezed it lightly while scattering all my equipment on the kitchen table. As much as I needed to keep everything a secret in that place, designing clothes was impossible without some hot chocolate. Thankfully I brought my favorite one with me and was about to pour hot water into a cup when a noise outside caught my attention.
Going closer to the window, my eyes widened when I saw Shane outside chopping wood rather loudly despite the late hour. Wasn't he afraid to wake anyone up? Or were people so used to it they didn't pay attention?
Not dawdling much, I prepared two cups of chocolate and walked outside, joining him at the far end of the barn where he placed another log, raised the ax high, and chopped it with one swift move. As if he was pouring all his frustration into the thing.
“What did it ever do to you?” I joked, as he froze with the ax above his head and then turned around to face me. I had to hold in the temptation of swallowing loudly, because… well, he was simply magnificent.
His hair was made into a messy bun as sweat glistened on his bare chest, exposing once again his freaking delicious-looking abs that my hands itched to touch. Would they be as hard as they seemed? His jeans hung low on his hips, allowing me to admire the lines of his abdomen as the muscles flexed in his arms.
Why did he have to be so hot?
“What are you doing here?” he barked, and I jumped from the harshness of his voice, which quickly snapped me out of my fantasy.
“I wasn't sleeping and thought you’d like a hot chocolate.” I raised the cup higher so it would get his attention. He stayed silent, scanning my appearance, and uneasiness grew at his concentrated stare. “Well, okay. I’ll just go back to my thing.” What was I thinking offering a guy hot freaking chocolate? He wasn't five anymore.
“Thank you,” he replied and wrapped his hand around mine, sending shivers down my spine, and I quickly gave him the steaming mug.
“Welcome.”
He took a tentative sip and then groaned in pleasure. “This chocolate is heaven. Where did you find it?”
A giggle escaped my mouth. “Brought it with me from New York.”
He winked at me and smiled for the first time ever, and only then I noticed his right dimple. Somehow it changed his face from not approachable to friendly. “Good choice.”
Since he was communicating with me, pushing my luck sounded like a good idea, so I asked, “Why are you chopping wood now?”
The traces of amusement left him. He finished his drink and placed the mug on a nearby bench. An indifferent look crossed his face as he picked up the ax again. “Didn’t feel like sleeping,” he grumbled, and then resumed his task, completely ignoring me.
As much as a girl could like admiring the muscles on his back with a phoenix tattoo rising from the ashes, if she had any self-respect, she wouldn't stay in the face of such rudeness.
Shane confused me on many levels, maybe because the attraction to him was so strong, but it was clear as day I annoyed the shit out of him. Not to mentioned I had important stuff to do—my designing.
“Okay, then.”
Giving up completely on any pretense of politeness, I spun around to walk back, when he called out, “It calms me down.”
Glancing over my shoulder, I asked, “Huh?”
He wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand and elaborated. “Chopping. Good way to ease any frustration and not think about my life.”
Palming the cup in my hand, I wondered aloud, “Really? It’s a bit hard to believe.”
He stepped to the side and motioned for me to join him. Confused, I placed my cup on the bench as well and came closer while he extended the hand with the ax hanging from it. “Try it.”
My eyes widened, and I laughed nervously. “Uh, no. Do you want me to kill myself?” Was he insane? I managed to cut my fingers with small knifes while peeling apples. Giving me an ax would be like giving a grenade to a monkey.
Shane cocked his head to the side as amusement lit up his face, and then he came behind me and wrapped my hands around the ax handle, placing his over mine and essentially caging me in his arms. His hot breath fanned my neck, and shivers ran through me while his scent washed every thought from my mind.
“Raise it up and chop,” he murmured next to my cheek, his five o'clock shadow scratching my skin lightly as my breath hitched. “I’ve got you.” Then he inhaled my scent, murmuring, “Since you gone country and all, might as well commit.” His husky voice could hypnotize anyone, so I simply had no choice but to comply with his request.
Taking a deep breath, my hands raised the ax of their own accord, and with Shane’s help, I cut into the wood, but it just stuck in the bark. “Shit.”
Shane chuckled, and pulled it free. “Not bad for the first time. Try it again.”
All I wanted to do was rest my head on his shoulder as his voice soothed to me, but unfortunately it wasn't an option. So I did it again, and that time I cut it almost in half, and that was when the excitement seeped in.
“Almost!” I squealed, and without his help, I raised it again, and that time it split in two. The pieces flew in different directions as a whoosh left my mouth from the effort.
Oh my God! How freaking exciting, even though it seemed so stupid.
“Yeah, baby!” I shouted, then covered my mouth with my hands, as it dawned on me where we were. Shane was right. For a brief period, the chore wiped away all thoughts about my problems, or obstacles rather, and left just the ache in my muscles from a new thing I learned to do. “Thank you, Shane.” It wasn't that the experience itself was so profound or deep, just the fact he had tried to do something nice for me when he didn't have to. I couldn't help but be grateful for his kind gesture.
Without thinking, I jumped into his arms, circling his neck with my arms and wrapping my legs around his waist. Hugging him close was heaven, having all those hard, rigid muscles against me, but then realization hit me.
What the hell was I doing?
“Sorry,” I mumbled and moved to let him go, but his right hand clasped my back as his left one traveled up from my waist to my neck, squeezing my nape as my breath hitched.
Tugging my head back, he exposed my neck to his mouth and his lips lightly skimmed it while he murmured, “Soft as silk.” Then he nipped it gently, leaving a sting as if he wanted me to feel it for some time. Digging my nails into his shoulders, I couldn't help the moan of pleasure that escaped me, and then our eyes connected as he brought our mouths closer, just a fraction of an inch away from each other, as longing settled deep in the pit of my stomach.
“We shouldn't do this,” I whispered against his lips while his arm around my waist tightened. “This would complicate things.” Even to me, my voice sounded unconvincing.
“Right,” he murmured, as his hand laced in my hair. “Can’t help but want it though.” And with that, he covered my mouth with his as we collided in a kiss so passionate and deep I wondered if the whole world stopped to let us have the moment.
His tongue slipped inside my mouth, seeking mine, and we both groaned as they tangled in a duet. I hugged him closer if it was possible, while we both inhaled loudly, and we didn't let go until my lungs started hurting from lack of oxygen. I moved away, breathing heavily.
Resting my forehead on his, I couldn't help but wonder when first kisses became so good. His hard-on nudged against my core, and I whimpered. He growled while his hands squeezed my ass harshly, for sure leaving red marks, but who cared at that moment?
“I want to fuck you against the fucking wall and not think of the consequences,” he said, which aroused me even more, because no other guy had spoken to me like that before. Palming his face, I sought his mouth again, that time being more aggressive about the kiss, thoroughly allowing him to taste me more.
Common sense, promises, or dreams didn't exist in that moment, as all my body craved was the sexy warrior who inspired such a range of emotions from me that I had no idea where it all came from.
Somewhere in the distance, a horse nickered, snapping us both from the bubble we had created, and cold slipped in between us as we both stilled.
Reality crashed in, pouring on us like ice water and destroying what could have been a beautiful moment. “We can’t,” I whispered. After a beat, he nodded, and I tried not to analyze the deep disappointment settling inside me from him giving up so quickly, which was so freaking unreasonable, in my opinion.
Slowly, he slid me down his body, allowing me to once again feel his desire for me while my pointed nipples brushed against his chest. I bit my lips so no sound would escape my mouth.
I wasn't sure we would be able to stop if we started again.
Taking a step back from him, I avoided his eyes while picking up the two cups and practically running toward the door, when he called for me.
“Serena?”
With my focus on the door, I asked without turning back, “Yes?” My voice shook slightly from all the emotion.
“For my sanity and the safety of everyone else, don’t allow anyone to touch you. We can’t do this for multiple reasons, but you are still mine. Even if I can’t have you,” he said possessively, awakening a deep longing in me. I closed my eyes, cursing the unfair situation we had ended up in.
Why did I have to meet a handsome guy with whom I shared unspeakable chemistry, when I was playing someone else and had to constantly lie? The relationship wouldn't have had a future.
“Okay.” Not glancing back to watch his reaction to my words, I dashed into the kitchen, put the cups in the sink, and grabbed my equipment, hoping like hell to fall asleep quickly.
His final words echoed in my mind until the kingdom of dreams claimed me.
We can’t do this for multiple reasons, but you are still mine. Even if I can’t have you.