Serena
Maggie was mortified with the whole dad and hangover thing, so she decided to sleep some more. That was what I always did, so I completely approved. We chatted a bit about a bunch of nothing, and then I went back to my room to finish my drawing of Shane.
I kept thinking about his similarities with Hawk. Was Hawk his father? He’d never said so. There was no indication he was related to Maggie. The only family history I’d known was that Ren’s parents disappeared from his life when he was ten, and Hawk had raised him ever since with his wife.
How did Shane fit into the picture?
A swift knocking brought me back to the present, and leaving all my equipment on the bed, I opened the door wide.
Shane stood there looking out of place. He was almost savage, like he was filled with deep fury that he tried to contain and didn’t know what to do with it. His eyes held mine in a tight grip, and I sucked in my breath. All his emotions stood out vividly on his face.
Rage, anger, pain.
Almost every part of me longed to soothe it and make it all better, but a tiny part of me knew doing that would change the dynamic of our relationship forever.
He held out his hand and waited, giving me time to decide if I wanted it. As if there was ever any other choice since the first moment I saw him. As my hand closed over his, the deep blue pools of his eyes darkened. He squeezed almost to the point of pain, but I made no sound.
Something was wrong, and he needed me. How could I say no to him? He pulled me along behind him, and I didn’t care where. I trusted him. Plus, didn’t I owe it to him after what he had given me at the lake earlier?
We ended up in the far stable, which was secluded since people didn’t usually work there. It was closer to the lake than the house, so there was no fear of being caught.
Shane pinned me to the wall as I stared at him, absorbing him, feeling him—everything he was and everything I wanted him to be.
“If you don’t want it, tell me now.” He sounded gutted, and all I could do was nod.
“I want you, too,” I whispered. For some reason, I was afraid to raise my voice, as though it could ruin the mood and he would change his mind.
Without any warning, he swiftly kissed me. Like the previous time, the kiss was anything but gentle. He probed my mouth with his tongue and licked deeply, capturing me in the moment and not allowing me to drift anywhere else.
Resting my hands on his chest, I was squeezed against him even tighter. Slowly, he moved us to the small space where the hay was kept and gently laid me down on it. I sighed as his kisses moved to my neck while his fingers slowly unbuttoned my shirt and opened it up. In the back of my mind, I was glad I wore lacy lingerie. His hand touched my breast over the lace and gently squeezed, and I couldn’t help but moan.
“God, you’re beautiful,” he whispered, and put his mouth to my nipple through the thin fabric. I felt as if I were touched by a wet heat, which only intensified the ache inside me that couldn’t be contained. He lazily licked around it and then sucked, using his teeth to keep it steady.
“Please!” Was it my voice that sounded so needy?
Then he shifted to the other breast and repeated the same process before slowly moving his lips down to my collarbone, nipping and soothing the sting immediately with his tongue. As if flames softly burned my skin, his touch awakened a heady awareness in me. He rubbed his stubble over my skin, leaving goose bumps in its wake, and he chuckled as my hands tightened on his hair.
“Impatient?” he growled.
When he stopped at the button of my shorts, I hissed. So deep in the fog of my desire that, for some time, I didn’t register he needed to take them off. He pulled them lower and I lifted a bit to make room for them to slip over my backside. He removed them completely, leaving me only in my panties, feeling exposed, but in a good way.
One of the horses neighed, and I shuddered. “Someone might see us.” My voice sounded unsure, as though I felt embarrassed by the fact, but at the same time, I didn’t tell him to stop.
“No, everyone’s asleep. We’re alone here.” He kissed lower and I forgot my concerns. He wouldn’t let anyone see me; he was too possessive for such a thing. He pressed slow kisses against my panties, but didn’t quite touch my center. He nibbled on the inside of my right thigh then moved lower to behind my knee and slowly kissed my feet. Then he reversed from bottom to top and did the same with the other leg. I ached everywhere and my body was on fire; I wanted him to pleasure me. I needed it.
“Shane.” My pleading voice only amused him. “Stop playing around with me and do it.”
“Do what?” he asked, nibbling on my thighs.
“You know what.”
“Say it.” His husky voice sent shivers down my spine, awakening every nerve in my body.
“I need your mouth.” Lacing my fingers in his hair, I tried to nudge his head in the right direction, but he took his own path.
“Here?” He went back to my lips and kissed me gently, barely touching the inside of my mouth and nibbling on my lower lip. I struggled for more, searched his lips with my mouth, but he moved away.
“No.” Why couldn't he just give in?
“Probably here.” He kissed my collarbone and shifted his lips lower to underneath my breast. I was frustrated because, although what he was doing made me feel amazing, I was aching for something more. But I knew he wouldn’t let go until I said what he wanted.
Whatever.
“Kiss my pussy.” The minute I said it, he pushed his shoulders between my legs, and I felt his hot breath against me. The anticipation was killing me.
Finally, he pushed my panties aside and gently gave me an open-mouthed kiss, licking me as he gently probed his tongue inside, mimicking the act of lovemaking and providing me with more pleasure than I had ever felt before. My skin burned, as sensations rose hard inside me seeking something I couldn't name. His touch provided relief and longing at the same time, and the combination was driving me crazy.
Grabbing his hair painfully, I dug my heels into his shoulders as he moaned against my pussy, his fingers squeezing my ass cheeks tighter as if he was afraid I’d try to get away.
He put his thumb on my hot center and gently applied pressure. The burning intensified, and with each lick and his manipulation of my clit, I was getting closer. His tongue entered me, repeating the process again and again. He wanted to destroy me with pleasure apparently, and I couldn’t help but moan, though I tried to hide it with my fist. I didn’t want anyone to hear me, but it was damn difficult.
Feeling my orgasm was near, I pressed hard on his head, which made him chuckle. I groaned in frustration, because the pleasure was there, but I felt like I couldn’t reach it. He pushed his finger inside, and I tried not to wince at the new sensation. It wasn’t painful, just slightly uncomfortable. Then he put his second finger inside me and sucked on my clit, focusing all his attention on it. That sent me over the edge, and I couldn’t hold back anymore as a cry of pleasure echoed in the night despite my efforts to suppress it. Everything disappeared for a second. I was taken away, like I was falling into an open hole from which there was no way out.
Breathing heavily, each nerve in my body was sensitive from his actions, yet I wasn’t satisfied. My need for him just intensified.
My body craved him deep inside me, to claim what was rightfully his.
My eyes studied him from my drowsy state, painfully aware I still had my bra on as the pointed peaks of my nipples pressed against the lace. His lips were wet from my arousal, and somehow that made me hotter, and I had a desire to taste myself on him.
He lifted his shirt, exposing his perfect six-pack and tanned skin with a slight scar under his heart. Kneeling, I kissed it gently, pulling a groan from him, and then my tongue followed a path to his stomach and back up to his neck and lips. My taste on his lips didn’t repulse me; in fact, I wanted to know his taste as well. Before I could voice my thoughts, he ended our kiss and let me go.
“Stop, baby, or it’ll be finished before it’s started.” I was confused until he started to pull off his jeans with his underwear and boots. Oh my God, Greek gods had nothing on him. I glanced down to his cock, which was hard and thick. My eyes had never seen a real cock up close, so I had nothing to compare it to, but it was big, and for some reason, it excited and scared me at the same time.
He ripped open a condom with his teeth, and my lust-filled mind found it incredibly sexy.
The head of his cock was slightly red and I could see blue veins, while the whole thing looked painful enough. His arms slid around my back as he unclasped my bra before removing my panties and lowering us again. He rested between my thighs, and I circled my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. He placed his hands on both sides of my head and just stared at me.
I tried not to let my nerves get the better of me. Slowly, he pushed inside me, and I winced because it was slightly uncomfortable, but I soon forgot myself in his kiss. As he pushed forward all the way, I couldn’t stop the cry of pain. He froze, and I tried to get away from him and the pain, but he held me tight. If that was sex, then the whole thing was overrated, and I was better off with the foreplay.
“Hold still.” There was such authority in his voice that I instantly calmed, and the pain became slightly bearable; just the ache was there. It was better not to move. “You should have told me.” I was afraid to look at him. It was important to tell him I had never done this before, but I didn’t want him to treat me differently.
His thumb and index finger lifted my chin and I had no other choice but to face him. His eyes were soft, concerned, but beneath there was also heat, and suddenly, I craved more, because the stillness was unbearable. Shifting my hips from side to side earned a groan from him as a shot of pleasure was sent through my body.
Interesting. Repeating the action brought the same result. Maybe sex wasn't such a bad thing after all.
“Move,” I whispered.
“Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.” Lacing his fingers with mine, I nodded and he leaned down to give me a soft kiss. That was all the answer he needed. He started to move, slowly at first, gently, and I could feel each thrust inside me. The pressure was building and our breathing became more rapid as I placed my hands into his hair and continued kissing him. When he finally let go of my mouth, I mewed my disappointment, but he shifted his attention lower and sucked on my nipple.
As much as I loved what he was doing, I needed more. I needed something else to reach the peak. Shane seemed to know what it was, because he maneuvered one of his hands lower and applied pressure on my clit, and I lost it. I couldn’t help but scream, and he put his mouth back on mine so I wouldn’t wake the dead. After several more thrusts, he finished, groaning into my neck. His body became limp against mine. I tried to catch my breath and didn’t mind his heaviness.
My legs squeezed him tightly while my hands gently played with his hair, but at the same time, my body was numb. We were both sweaty, and the smell of that and sex was in the air, combined with smells of the barn.
I finally did it.
I always imagined it a bit differently. I thought I would have silk sheets, music, roses all over the bed, and I would have known my first man for at least a year. I wanted it to be special.
How I did it wasn’t special.
It was out-of-this-world amazing.
My hand softly ran down his back and up, enjoying the tight muscles under it. That was my way of showing him my gratitude, because even if I didn’t have experience, I knew he cared about my pleasure more than his own. Finally, he let me go, rolling to lie beside me. Turning my head to him, I caught his stare.
He touched my cheek and slowly caressed me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Wasn’t that the million-dollar question?
“I wasn’t sure you would continue.” He was silent, and I didn’t know what to make of it. Was he sorry he was my first? Maybe he thought I expected something from him? Maybe it wasn’t good enough for him? He preferred someone more experienced? “Look—”
He cut me off. “I don’t think anything could have stopped me except you saying no.” Relief washed over me. I didn’t want him to regret anything we did. “But it doesn’t change the fact I needed to know. I would have been more careful. You have your first time only once.”
Rolling closer to him, I pressed a gentle kiss to his mouth. “It was perfect. But I'm sorry. I should have told you.”
We lay there silently as I took in our surroundings. After some time, I started to get cold and he noticed, so he brought me my clothes. Putting my panties and shorts back on made me wince. I still felt sore. We dressed in silence, and he put some things in order before reaching for me and pulling me into his embrace. As we stepped out of the barn, the beauty of the night hit me. Everything was so silent and peaceful. The sky was full of stars, and I had never felt more happy or alive than at that moment. He hugged me closer and placed his lips to my hair.
He was right, you have your first time only once, but what he failed to realize was I wasn’t sure it could have been any better.
“What happened?” I whispered, and at once, his body tensed against mine. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to ask so soon after our magical moment, but I needed to know what made him feel on edge tonight. I knew it had nothing to do with us.
“Hawk is my dad.” I had guessed as much. He was silent for several moments as he gathered his thoughts. “My mom used to roam around the world having her fun, visiting different places, and enjoying her life. Once, she came to town, and according to her, she met the most handsome man she had ever seen in a bar. He was lonely and wanted her, too. They spent the night together and the next day parted ways. After a month, she realized she was pregnant and was actually happy. Mom’s dentist fell in love with her, and they became a family. Unfortunately, they died in a car accident when I was five.”
My heart hurt when I thought about a small, lonely boy who lost both of his parents to a tragic accident. I lost only one and didn’t know how to move on from it, doing all kinds of stupid shit just to escape the pain. What would it have been like to lose her in one day without a proper goodbye? I had my dad and everyone else.
Shane didn’t notice my tears and continued talking. “My mom had a sister, Aunt Tara. She was single and very young, so no one expected her to take me in, but she did. She raised me with love, and although we didn’t have much, she did everything in her power to provide for me, and I had a good life. But something didn’t add up for me. I finally found my mom’s diary where she wrote about the guy from here. I was raised for twenty-two years thinking I was the son of Peter Alexander, though I’d heard people talk. I decided to come here and left everything behind. Not many Native American guys live here, so it wasn’t hard to put two and two together. I found him. What I didn’t know was he was married at the time of the fling, and his wife didn’t take it kindly. You can probably guess the rest,” he finished, and looked at the sky.
It was a heck of a story, and I could feel his pain. It was clear he felt responsible for Hawk and Beth’s marital problems, and there was Maggie to consider as well. That brought another question.
“Ren, he calls you a brother. Why?”
“He was the son of Hawk’s friends. They died in a plane crash and he would have gone to foster care, but Hawk stepped in and took him when he was ten and Maggie was seven. Hawk and Elizabeth raised him as their own as much as they could. For him, it’s a grand joke to call me a brother.” He looked down with a mocking smile. “Funny, isn’t it? He and I had the same experience with losing our parents, but it was him who Hawk took in. I started to believe in all the talk about destiny.”
Yeah, part of me did, too. Hawk had raised someone else's son as he should have raised his own. Life was a complicated thing.
I didn’t know if I should bring up the next subject on my mind, because last night it wasn’t met with great results, but I felt like it was the appropriate time.
“Miranda?”
“Yeah, Miranda. I—I just felt like shit after everything went down. Before coming here, booze and women were always my thing.” I couldn’t help it, I winced, and he must have felt it, because he hugged me tighter and whispered, “I’m sorry, babe, but my past is my past. I can’t change that.” I didn’t want him to change it, but still, no girl ever wanted to hear about her boyfriend’s past. “She was at the bar and made a play for me. I looked at her and thought she would do for the night. She didn’t act shy or as though picking up a guy in a bar was new for her. We went to the motel room. Almost nothing happened beside a few touches here and there. Next thing I know, the door opened and Ren appeared. I knew their story. They were high school sweethearts, she was his one and only, and they were supposed to get married, but I didn’t realize who she was until that moment. He threw the lamp closest to him against the wall, and without another word left the room, slamming the door loudly. Miranda sat on the bed and sobbed, murmuring something, but I was too angry to listen. Then the next thing I knew, she ran away.”
He grew silent as he rubbed his hand up and down my arm, and I pressed closer to him. It was awful, everything he was saying. I couldn’t imagine how Ren had felt at that moment. He’d probably thought all his dreams were crushed and he had nothing left.
“Ren changed after that, as you saw. He used to love the ranch. It was his thing, especially the horses. He’s a true whisperer. Animals love him, and he even helped manage the business side of things. I have a feeling Hawk planned to leave everything to him. Not to mention, he has a trust fund from his folks he wanted to use for the wedding and expanding the ranch. The whole ranch life was his fucking dream. But he stopped caring. Miranda came to the ranch many times to explain herself before she left for college, but then she came back. I have a feeling she wants him back, but he doesn’t want her.”
“Maggie?” I was too afraid to ask her, because she was so shy and maybe some of the memories might hurt her.
“As far as I see it, she’s had a crush on him her whole life, but he never saw her. Until last Christmas. Something happened between them. I saw them on the porch talking under the mistletoe, and God knows what they did. After that, their relationship became what it is now.” What a complex situation, like the whole family was bruised, but they had no idea how to heal themselves.
It was the perfect time to tell him the truth, to let him know why I was there. He was opening up to me and I owed him the same in return. But I couldn’t do it. I was afraid it would change everything; being a Devlin always did.
I wanted to know one more thing, because I was completely lost.
“Your aunt… you said you don’t keep in touch. Why?”
“She lied to me. All this time, she lied. I can’t get past that, no matter how much I want to.”
His voice was harsh and cold, and I knew it wasn’t up for discussion.
Closing my eyes, I swallowed and tried to bury myself in him. I knew the minute he discovered the real me I would lose him. So although I would tell him the truth soon, because lying seemed almost impossible after the intimacy we had shared, I preferred to have a few days of peace before he pushed me away.