Chapter 8—Riding the Pine

For Thanksgiving dinner, Steph put on a pink sweater dress a couple sizes too big. The thing hung limply from her shapely body. Even so, the material hugged her large breasts. She threw a scarf around her neck to disguise their size. She hated her breasts. Guys always talked to them instead of her. They judged her intelligence based on them, assuming she was a big-boobed dumb blonde. Sure, she had her blonde moments—she was forgetful and naïve about a lot of things—but she wasn’t dumb.

She joined everyone in Coop and Izzy’s large living room overlooking the waters of Puget Sound and gladly accepted the glass of wine Coop offered her. He winked at her, his smile friendly and almost protective. Izzy must have filled him in. The man could be unreadable and uncommunicative, but he cared fiercely for the people who mattered to him. Steph was flattered she might be one of those people. Besides Jared and his family and the Blacks, there were a few hockey players present. Most likely guys who didn’t have family nearby. Also, the Wolfe brothers and their families were there en masse.

She avoided Jared’s family. In fact, she avoided Jared. She didn’t care what they thought. She didn’t like pretending to be something she wasn’t. She’d been stupid to agree to this charade. Let them all believe they’d had a tiff.

The incredible smells of turkey roasting filled the air, along with the screams of little children. Zeke Wolfe and his wife had three little kids who were currently playing chase around the dining room table with Otto. Paisley, Zeke’s wife, ran after them in attempt to prevent total destruction of the living room. Meanwhile, the ladies in the group were busy passing around Tyler, Emma and Tanner’s infant son. Tyler wanted no part of being held. He kept wriggling and fussing, wanting to use his newfound crawling skills to chase after Connor, who was zipping around the room on his hands and knees. Steph watched it all with fascination. Despite having five children, her mother would never have tolerated such chaos.

Steph wondered what kind of a mother she would’ve been. Would she have been overprotective, or would she have let her child spread its wings and fly?

Oh, dang. She shouldn’t have gone there. Her eyes were starting to fill with tears. She dabbed at them with a napkin and glanced around to make sure no one had noticed. Jared appeared at her elbow, surprising her. She jumped slightly.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.” He put his hand on her back in a comforting gesture. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Steph sniffled and wouldn’t meet his eyes. She heard the concern in his voice and fought to hold it together.

“You don’t sound fine. Did I do something? Or my family?”

“No.” Finally, she lifted her head. His brow was furrowed with worry, and his green eyes shone with compassion. She called forth every bit of inner strength she possessed to hold back the tears.

“Did someone else?” His hand tightened slightly at her waist. Instead of making her nervous, his touch comforted her.

“I—I just need a minute alone. It’s nothing anybody did, just missing my family.”

“Okay.” He nodded, seeming to buy her excuse. “I’m here if you need me, Steph.”

“Thank you.” Escaping into the kitchen, Steph poured a glass of water, realizing too late that she’d trapped herself with nowhere to go. Mrs. Roderick had followed her and stood across the large kitchen island, hands on her hips. Her mouth was turned down in a thin, disapproving line, and her eyes were hard and cold.

“Hi, could I help you find something?” Steph said in a pleasant tone.

“I found what I was looking for. Have a seat.” Jared’s mother gestured to one of the barstools at the counter.

“I—I have to—”

“Sit,” she ordered Steph in an authoritative voice. She obviously wasn’t used to being questioned.

Steph scrambled for a chair and sat with a thump. She clasped her hands in her lap and chewed on her lower lip, nervously searching for a way to escape.

“What are your intentions toward my son?”

Steph blinked. Several times. Her intentions? Wasn’t this a question usually asked of the man, not the woman?

“I don’t have any intentions.”

Mrs. Roderick snorted. “Of course you do. All women have intentions. What are yours?”

Steph was at a loss for words. How did a person answer a pointed question like that? “Your son and I are just friends.”

“That’s not how he explained it. Jerry tends to fall hard and fast for the wrong women.”

Jerry? She covered her mouth, so his mother wouldn’t catch her snicker. “I’m not the right or wrong woman because I’m really not one of his women.”

“I will not stand by and see him make the same mistake he made before. He’s very vulnerable right now, and he doesn’t like to be alone. He likes being in a relationship, always has.”

Steph wasn’t prone to fits of temper or even anger. She’d been raised to be seen and not heard. A dutiful little daughter with a pretty voice, a nice smile, and an agreeable temperament. Yet right now, irritation zinged through her, making her feel like their old orange tabby cat who raised the hair on his back and growled low in this throat when he saw the neighbor’s dog head his way.

“I am not after Jared or his money or his fame. You can relax.” As soon as Steph said the words, her hand flew to her mouth in shock. She never spoke up. She usually suffered in silence. Despite her discomfort for expressing a—God forbid—opinion, a small part of her applauded her daring.

“Good, then. We have that settled.” Mrs. Roderick huffed and narrowed green eyes so much like Jared’s, a mother bear protecting her cubs.

Steph didn’t respond.

Jared’s mom did something completely unexpected next. She smiled at Steph. “I like you.”

And just like that, she left the room.

Steph stared after her, completely dumbfounded.

Jared hurried into the kitchen as his mother exited. His eyes were huge and his expression tense. “Was my mom nice to you?”

Steph managed to shoot him a look of boredom. “Why wouldn’t she be?”

“Uh.” He slid his gaze from her to the door and back again. “My mom. She moves through a room with the force of a hurricane followed by a flash flood. And doesn’t leave much unscathed in her wake.”

“I didn’t see that side of her.”

He stared at her as if she’d lost her freaking mind.

Steph smiled sweetly at him and waved. “Later.”

She breezed by a stupefied Jared and retreated to the sanctuary of the powder room. Once inside, she shut the door and leaned her head against the cool glass of the mirror. She squeezed her eyes shut and breathed in deep gulps of air. Eventually, her heartbeat slowed, and she was able to think clearly.

She was proud of herself. Despite getting out of her comfort zone, she’d voiced her opinions to Jared and his mother and nothing bad had happened. No one had berated her for having an independent thought or slapped her so hard that her head whipped and almost snapped her neck. She’d survived, and she felt stronger for it.

For her, that just might be an epiphany.

 

* * * *

 

Jared watched Steph’s retreating back as the bathroom door closed behind her. He scratched his head and wondered why he bothered trying to figure out women. Most of them were total mysteries, even though he’d grown up in a household of females. Then again, he’d never figured his mother or sisters, either.

He’d pegged Steph for sweet and timid, but at times she’d exhibited a little spark of sass. He wished he could say he didn’t like it, but he did. A lot.

“You look like you’re either contemplating world peace or how to pick a lock.”

Jared whipped around. His face burned with the guilt of being caught staring at the bathroom door. Roberta smiled at him. The sugary innocence of her smile contradicted his past knowledge of her. She wasn’t a bad person, but she made it way too obvious she was looking for a diamond and forever. Jared sensed a trap when he tripped over one.

He might be the settling-down type, but the lack of sparks had always kept him from exploring a relationship with his sister’s friend. Maybe it was that simple. She was his sister’s friend, and a breakup would be doubly painful. His wounds were too fresh to dive into another potential powder keg. He didn’t want drama. He wanted comfortable. Roberta was a wild night out in an ear-shattering club, while Jared longed for a cozy fire and a good movie.

She wrapped her fingers around his arm and dug her nails into his bicep. He winced. Her grip reminded him of Candy’s, and the thought made him half sick to his stomach.

He glanced toward the door, willing Steph to walk out and rescue him. She didn’t.

“Why don’t we wander over to the bar and catch up? It’s been a few years. I’d love to hear about your life.”

“Not much to hear that hasn’t been playing out in the press.” He softened his somewhat harsh words with a self-deprecating half-grimace, half-smile.

Roberta giggled. “We should compare notes.”

Finally, Steph emerged, did a double take, and approached them with a tentative smile.

“Oh, Stephanie, you don’t mind if I steal him away so we can catch up?” Roberta said. “Old friends and all.”

Jared stared straight at Steph, trying to convey his feelings without speaking.

“Not in the least.” Steph’s wicked smile spread across her face, and he knew with absolute certainty that she was enjoying every minute of his discomfort.

Wonderful, just fucking wonderful.

Steph slipped around them and sashayed into the living room, disappearing from sight. With a sigh, Jared tailed Roberta to the bar set up in the corner. Currently, Smooth was manning the bar. He gave his usual shit-eating grin as he sized up Jared’s situation.

“Can Coop afford to let you bartend? Is there any booze left?” Jared got the first word in before Smooth hit him with his best shot, which was usually damn good.

“Enough for a lightweight like you. What’s your poison?”

“I’ll have a beer,” Jared said.

“Chardonnay for me,” Roberta said.

“You got it.” Smooth handed them their drinks and winked at Jared. To his credit, he kept the rest of his devious thoughts to himself.

Jared followed Roberta to a loveseat and sat on the arm rather than next to her. She patted the cushion and arched her brows.

“I’d better not. Steph gets mean when she’s jealous.”

“I find that hard to believe. She’s timid and mousy. The poor dear could use some tips in the fashion department. Her clothes are way too big. Perhaps she’s recently lost a lot of weight and hasn’t replenished her wardrobe?”

“I don’t know.” Jared didn’t like the direction of this conversation. Instead, he instinctually sought out Steph in the crowd. She stood in a group with Bella, Paisley, Avery, and Emma. Izzy hustled around the room, playing hostess. The entire meal was catered by a friend of the family Jared didn’t know, but his stomach rumbled repeatedly every time he took a whiff of the delectable aromas wafting from the kitchen.

This holiday was the kind of chaos he’d grown up with, and he felt right at home. A football game played on the big screen and most of the guys, along with some women, were gathered around, drinking beers and commenting on this or that play.

Jared would rather be with the guys right now than listening to Roberta.

“—since I only live a few hours away, maybe we could get together sometime.”

“Yeah, sure,” Jared said distractedly, not certain what he’d actually agreed to.

Steph threw back her head in laughter at something Bella said, and, knowing Bella, it was most likely outrageous and sexual in nature. He rarely saw Steph smile, let alone laugh. She had a gorgeous smile—one that lit up the room and made everyone around her feel good. Her laughter was contagious, and he found himself smiling in response. Sometimes he’d catch her looking into the distance. Her sadness melted his heart. He wanted to know what made her melancholy at times and wary at others. He had a clue, but he didn’t know the details.

He shouldn’t want to know such things. She was off-limits. Even if she hadn’t signed a no-fraternization agreement, Coop had said she needed time to recover. Jared understood what it took to recover from a bad relationship. He was still a work in progress.

“You’re a hundred miles away. Have you heard anything I’ve said?” Roberta asked, studying him closely.

“Uh, sorry. I’ve got a lot on my mind.” He forced his gaze back to Roberta. He might not want to be here with her, but his uninterest was no excuse for rudeness.

She closed her eyes for a moment, as if contemplating something. “You’ve never looked at me like you look at her.” Her resigned expression struck a nerve, and guilt jabbed him in the ribs.

“Am I that obvious, Berts?” He truly wanted to know the answer. He wasn’t carrying a torch for Steph, but he’d be a fool if he didn’t admit to being attracted to her.

Roberta nodded and smiled. “Yeah. In fact, I wonder if you ever looked at Candy like that.”

“I—” He’d been crazy in love with Candy, or so he’d thought. Candy knew how to use her body to set the hook and reel a man in. A guy would be gutted and fileted and on her dinner table before he knew he was the main course. With Steph, it was subtler, deeper somehow, beyond the physical. Or he was just fucking crazy. Definitely fucking crazy.

“You want to be with her. I’m wasting my time. Go to her.” Roberta forced a smile.

“I’m sorry.” Jared gave her a quick hug. “Good seeing you again.”

“You too.” Her voice was flat and dull.

He watched her go as her words turned over and over in his mind. Was he in denial? Was there something between Steph and him everyone else could see while he refused to acknowledge it? He was confused but certain of one thing. He wanted to spend more time with Steph, get to know her as a friend first, and later, who knew? Steph needed someone willing to take it slow. He wasn’t even sure what it was, but he could do the slow thing. In the meantime, if the sisters found someone who ticked off all his boxes and interested him more than Steph, so much the better. He didn’t know what he was doing or where he was going, but he’d always been one to fly by the seat of his pants. Why should today be any different?

Pushing his way through the crowd, Jared slid up next to the group of women. The conversation stopped, and all eyes swung toward him.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Bella said. They continued to stare at him, as if expecting something.

He wiped his mouth on his sleeve, worried he might have drooled or something. “So, what are you ladies discussing?”

“Whether Coop or Smooth has a better slap shot,” Bella answered.

“Oh.” He hadn’t expected them to be talking hockey, more like fashion or decorating, and mentally smacked himself for being sexist.

“What do you think?” Avery asked.

“I, uh, it’s close, and I’d rather not answer.” He’d take the fifth on that one. Coop was one of the premier players in the NHL, if not the best, but Smooth could score with the best of them.

“Coward,” Bella said.

“That pretty much sums it up,” he said agreeably. “Could I get any of you a drink?”

“If you’re offering, I’ll have a cosmo.” Bella grinned wickedly. One by one, they gave him their orders, except Steph.

“I’ll have water,” she said when he turned his eyes to her.

“I’ll be right back. Don’t go away.” Those last words were meant for Steph, but when he returned, she was nowhere to be found.

Bella took pity on him and jerked her chin slightly toward the glass wall of French doors.

“Thanks.” Jared winked and strode to the closest one. He wasn’t completely sure what he was doing, but he was doing it anyway.

 

* * * *

 

This particular Thanksgiving was unusually mild and sunny. Steph waited until Jared went to the bar. Once his back was turned, she slipped outside to the deck to clear her head. Whenever he was around, she couldn’t think straight.

She leaned on the railing and stared at the panoramic view in front of her. If she had a home like this, she’d never tire of the view. She’d cherish the incredible exquisiteness of nature every single day and marvel at how lucky she was.

Someone cleared their throat behind her. She stiffened, having a very good idea of who that someone was. Squeezing her eyes shut, she willed him to go away. Her feelings toward him were jumbled, and he needed to stay a friend, nothing more.

Jared stepped beside her and leaned against the railing. He stood so close that his hip and elbow touched hers. She scooted away from him.

He smiled apologetically at her. “Sorry.”

She shrugged, shivering slightly, more from his presence than from the temperature.

“Are you cold?”

“I’m fine,” she said stiffly. She could feel his eyes burning a hole into her, but she refused to look at him.

“Are you sure?”

“It’s okay. I’m not like most females you’re probably used to.”

“I know. I consider that a plus.”

The poor sucker had no idea what he was getting into. “How so?” she asked in spite of herself.

“You’re sweet and kind and modest, and you don’t have any idea how pretty you are.”

Unfortunately, she did. Her mind wandered to that forbidden place. She pictured all those men’s faces turned upward toward her. Their eyes gleamed with lust and malicious intent and never quite made it to her face.

“Did I say something wrong? My words were meant as a compliment. I’m—I’m really sorry.” He sounded sincere and a little disconcerted.

“It’s not you. It’s me. I’ve lived a—sheltered life. I’m not used to being complimented.” And look where that naïve innocence had led her. As much as she longed for those days again, part of her never wanted to go back to being that gullible girl who fell for a sweet-talking manipulator.

“I need to remember that. I’ll try to be more sensitive.”

“We’re friends, Jared. Only friends.”

“And I’m proud to have you as my friend. I owe you for doing this for me.”

“You don’t owe me anything. After all, what are friends for?”

He grinned at her, a big, wide grin that started with his mouth but involved his entire face, especially those sparkling deep green eyes. A girl could get lost in those eyes and never want to find herself again. If she didn’t exercise caution, she’d be doing just that.

She was a fool. This man could have any woman he wanted. He didn’t need a baggage-laden mess like her. She’d keep him where he belonged—in her fantasies, where she could control his every move.

He dug in his pants pocket and pulled something out. He gently picked up her hand and put something in it, closing her fingers one at a time over the object. His touch was brief and shouldn’t have been any big deal, but tell that to her body. It was humming from her head to her toes. She craved more, even if what she wanted was wrong.

Steph looked at the penny in her hand and lifted her gaze to meet his with a question in her eyes.

“A penny for your thoughts,” he said with an engagingly crooked smile.

Oh, he couldn’t know her thoughts. Not now. Not ever. She’d be mortified if he knew what she was thinking right now. His touch dredged up all kinds of wicked ideas and forbidden desires.

She couldn’t. She wouldn’t.

But those green eyes… They captured her, and she went willingly as their slave. The mischievous sparkle in Jared’s eyes darkened. She knew what desire looked like, and she saw it in the swirling depths dragging her under like a whirlpool of emotions she couldn’t resist.

“Steph,” he said in a husky whisper. Her name on his lips, said with such raw passion, sent need rushing between her legs. He took a step closer, not taking his eyes off her face. She didn’t retreat as she usually did, but leaned toward him, her body straining to get closer, even as she fought to hold it back. He raised his hand and tentatively placed a finger on her slightly parted lips. He held it there for a moment and gently slid it downward. The callus on his fingertip was rough on her sensitive skin. He cupped her chin in his palm.

“Don’t look at me like that unless you mean it,” he said.

She heard a moan and realized belatedly that it came from her lips. He was going to kiss her, and she wanted him to in the worst way. Her traitorous body demanded it. He leaned closer until his face was a mere inch from hers. She could clearly see an old scar between his eyes and feel his breath on her lips.

“Jared.” She had intended to ask him to stop, but her breathless word didn’t relay any such message.

He touched his lips to hers, like a whisper in a summer breeze, but the effect hit her harder than a deep-tongue, all-body-parts-involved, full-on kiss. Her knees buckled, and she grasped the closest thing she could find—him. Her fingers tightened around the edges of his jacket. She clung to him as if she were sinking and he was her life preserver.

And all he’d done was touched his lips briefly to hers.

That was all.

“Steph?”

His voice pulled her from her stupor. She flung herself backward, stumbling. Regaining her balance, she whipped around and ran for the house. One final glance over her shoulder showed Jared, his mouth dropped open as if he were going to say something and his hands held out to his sides.

She slipped through the crowd, grabbed her coat, and retreated to her studio. After bolting the door, she turned off all the lights and huddled under the blankets.

What had she done?

 

* * * *

 

Jared wasn’t sure what had happened on Thanksgiving. So many thoughts, so many feelings, so many regrets that weren’t really regrets.

Not surprisingly, Steph begged off the rest of the week with the flu. Jared didn’t blame her. Not only was his family tough to take, but he’d been out of line. That kiss… He shouldn’t have done it, but he couldn’t get it out of his mind. He’d barely grazed her sexy lips, yet he got a raging hard-on every time he thought about how she felt, how she gazed up at him as if he were the only man on earth, how she trusted him, if only briefly.

He texted her a few times and tried to call once. She didn’t respond other than an I have the flu. He tried to put his Steph problem out of his mind for the remainder of the week and deal with his family first.

Roberta left for Portland on Friday morning, claiming something had come up.

The Sockeyes won on Friday in overtime and lost on Saturday by one goal. After the game, he sent his mom and sisters off to the hotel with plans to meet Sunday morning for breakfast. Jared and Heath drove back to his apartment and debated what to eat for a late dinner. They were considering pizza or a nearby pub with Irish stew when there was a knock at the door.

“I’ll get it,” Heath called from the tiny hallway as Jared popped the top off a couple brews. “Oh, shit,” he heard his brother say.

Jared froze. “What is it?”

“Mom and the girls.”

“At my door?”

“Uh, yeah. You’ve been found out, bro.”

Jared heard the door open and braced himself. In ten seconds or less, he’d be attacked by a barrage of probing questions.

With a stiff smile, he carried the beers into his small living room. Heath was gathering everyone’s coats and stuffing them in the small, overflowing closet.

His mother, hands on hips, gazed around the messy, cluttered living room. She wouldn’t mind messy or cluttered—after all, he’d gotten that aspect of his personality from her. Neatness was not a priority.

“This isn’t quite what I expected.” She swept her gaze around the room again. For once, his sisters said nothing, staring at the small space with open-mouthed shock.

“It’s cozy,” Darcie finally said, rather lamely.

“Cozy? It’s a dump.” Leave it to Georgia to not sugarcoat anything.

“I, uh, I’m saving money for the perfect place,” Jared said.

His mother looked him up and down, sizing him up. When she raised her eyes to his, she knew. The older car, the less-than-designer clothes, and now this place. “Did that woman get your waterfront condo?”

“Yeah.”

“Still, you could afford something better than this.” Georgia’s face wrinkled in puzzlement. “Hell, I could afford something better than this.”

“The divorce was costly,” he said. “I need to be careful with finances until I get back on my feet. It’s just a place to sleep.”

“How costly?” his mother asked.

Jared sighed. Even Heath watched him with undisguised curiosity. Any member of this family was subject to full disclosure, like it or not. “We were married when I signed my second contract. She gets half my salary for the term of the contract and the condo. Not to mention, I pay off all the debt she ran up while partying with her friends.”

“Jared, why would the courts allow something so one-sided?” his mother asked.

“They didn’t. Exactly. I wanted out. If I’d fought, the divorce would’ve dragged on for a couple years. She was threatening to ruin me, cause public drama in ways I might never recover from. I knew what she was capable of, and I gave in.”

“I can somewhat understand that. It’s only money,” Heath said sympathetically. Jared shot him a thankful half-smile.

“That bitch,” Georgia said. “I could take care of her for you. I know some people.”

Jared chuckled, briefly imagining his tough sister slamming Candy up against the boards. “I’m sure you could, but I’m done with her. I bought her off to get her out of my life forever. I have another couple years to pay off this debt and what I owe her. For now, I’m saving all I can to get it over with as quickly as possible and wash my hands of her.”

“Thank God you didn’t have children, or you’d never be rid of her,” Darcie said.

“Tell me about it.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” His mother frowned and patted his arm. “We’d have understood and supported you.”

“No, you’d have wanted me to go for the jugular and not give her a thing she didn’t deserve. This is a no-fault community property state. I didn’t stand a chance in court.”

“How does Stephanie feel about your near-poverty status?”

“It’s not that bad.”

His mother gazed around the tiny apartment one more time. “It is.”

Jared sighed. “She’s fine with it. She doesn’t care about money.”

“I hope you’re right.” Georgia, forever the skeptic, studied him through narrowed eyes. “Though I will say I like her better than Candy.”

“Roberta would be perfect for you,” Darcie said. “She wouldn’t care if you were making minimum wage. She’s always been there.” She had to get a plug in for her best friend.

“Roberta and I aren’t happening,” Jared said. “There’s no spark.”

“Yeah, sparks have served you well in the past.” Darcie was known for her sarcasm, and she didn’t disappoint.

“I’m starving.” Georgia was already tired of the current discussion. She didn’t have much patience when it came to her brothers’ woes with women, especially when they ignored her advice, which was just about always.

“We’re heading to the Irish pub for a late dinner. Let’s go. I’ll treat.” Jared was more than happy to escape the confines of this small space, made smaller by his larger-than-life family.

“Are you sure?” His mother’s expression was one of concern.

“I’m fine, Mom.”

“Jared, I don’t want you to break the bank for us. We can buy our own meals.”

“I’m fine.” Or he would be as soon as his next paycheck cleared the bank in a few days.

There was a mad rush to pull coats from the closet and put them on, then they were outside in the misty, chilly evening. At least it wasn’t raining.

His mother fell into step beside him as the others walked ahead. “I’m worried about you, Jerry.”

“I’m fine.” He tried to keep the irritation from his voice but wasn’t successful.

“Are you?”

“You seem to be floundering.”

“I’m getting my life back on track.” He stared straight ahead, prickly and defensive.

“How’s Stephanie?”

He stumbled and scrambled to regain his footing. He hadn’t expected such an abrupt change of subject, unless Steph was a well-concealed non-change of subject.

“She’s better today.”

“Too bad we won’t get to see her before we leave.”

“She’s sorry for that. Doesn’t want to spread the crud around.”

His mother shrewdly assessed him. “You’re not fooling me.”

“What do you mean?”

“You might be enamored of her, but she’s not ready. At least not the way you want her to be.”

“Why do you think that?”

“She practically runs from you when you’re nearby, but you’re always watching her with this longing in your eyes.”

“Mom.” He hated being psychoanalyzed in such a fashion. God knew, he should be used to it.

His mother laughed. “I know you. You fall fast and hard. Unfortunately, you married the last woman you fell for. You like being part of a couple. Candy was all wrong for you in so many ways, but so is Steph in different ways.”

“Like what?”

“She’s emotionally unavailable.”

“You think so?”

“Honey, I know so. That one might appear sweet and uncomplicated on the outside, but she’s hauling around some major baggage.”

The worst part about his mother’s advice was that he feared she was right.