---

I’m standing at the door of Zach’s parents’ home, holding the hand of someone who is not Zach. Coming here with Will makes me yearn for Zach, for my past, but I need to fight this. He’s gone. He betrayed me, and our daughter. Whatever Alison thinks did or didn’t happen, there is no denying that he was in that girl’s flat. Alone with her. That’s all that matters.

Since I saw Alison yesterday I’ve done nothing but stew over her words. I can’t decide what to do about it yet; it’s better to do nothing for now than make the wrong choice. Alison clearly needs help; I just don’t know in what way. So tonight is a welcome break from having to think of her and the mess caused by her world colliding with mine.

‘Are you all right?’ Will asks, squeezing my hand. I can tell from his words, and his eyes, that he’s desperate for me to be okay. For me not to have changed my mind about us living together. But he doesn’t need to worry. I am in this for keeps… just as I was supposed to be with Zach.

‘More to the point, Will, are you okay? I know how weird this must be for you, too.’

‘It is weird, definitely. But a good weird. A step in the right direction for us,’ he says, still clasping my hand. ‘Are we still going to tell them about us moving in together?’

‘I don’t see why not. Freya knows now so it’s not fair to keep it from them. She’s so excited about it she could easily blurt it out when she sees them next and that wouldn’t be fair. They need to hear it from me.’

We all thought it best if Freya stayed at her friend Megan’s house tonight, just so Graham and Pam could have a chance to get to know Will properly. Freya was only too happy to agree to an evening of pizza and chips, and probably ice cream, with her best friend.

‘Right, let’s do this,’ Will says, taking a deep breath before he rings the bell.

Pam and Graham answer the door together, with huge smiles and tight hugs for both of us, and I can see Will is immediately put at ease. They are amazingly strong people to react in this way to what some might consider their son’s replacement.

‘We feel like we know you already.’ Pam takes Will’s arm and leads him through to the dining room. ‘You’ve got a long drive home so dinner’s practically ready. I just need a minute to get it served up.’

‘Thank you,’ Will says. ‘Whatever it is smells delicious.’

Pam beams at his compliment and hurries off to the kitchen, and as Graham fills glasses with wine, Will winks at me, showing me that he will be okay tonight.

Even though it’s a Wednesday night, Pam has made a huge roast dinner – enough to feed at least four more people. ‘Better to have too much than too little,’ she says, as she puts the heavily laden plates in front of us. ‘Besides, it won’t go to waste, Graham and I can have the rest tomorrow for lunch.’

Graham rolls his eyes. ‘But we never do, do we? You always end up wanting to cook something else from scratch.’ His tone is affectionate; this banter is the norm for these two. Zach used to admire the relationship the two of them have, how they can disagree about anything and everything but it never gets between them, never changes how they feel about each other. Solid, like a fortress, he used to say.

‘Well, cooking keeps me busy,’ Pam says. ‘It’s… good for me.’ Her eyes glass over.

Over dinner, Pam fires questions at Will, even though I’ve already told her the answers to most of what she’s asking. ‘So you’ve never been married?’

Will doesn’t seem to mind being asked such a personal question. ‘Nope. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against it, and I’ve had a few long-term relationships, but it just never felt right.’ His eyes flick to me, and I offer him an apologetic smile. ‘I don’t know, is it weird that at thirty-four I’ve never been married?’

Pam chuckles. ‘Oh no, not at all – at least not these days. People are too busy with their careers, I suppose.’

‘Guilty!’ Will says, reaching for my hand. ‘But I’m trying to change that.’

When we’ve all finished eating, both the men managing to clear their plates, Will glances at me and I know it’s that time. I clear my throat. ‘We’ve got something to tell you both.’

Pam’s eyes widen, and I realise she might think this is a pregnancy announcement. I can’t let her think that – it would break her heart, I’m sure, even though she would also be happy for me.

‘Will and I are moving in together,’ I say, as quickly as I can get the words out.

‘Oh, that’s wonderful!’ Pam says, raising her glass.

We all follow suit, and I glance at Graham, just to check he’s okay too, and I’m pleased to see a wide smile plastered on his face, as he toasts with one hand and pats Will on the arm with the other.

‘Where will you live?’ Pam asks.

‘We’ll sell both our properties and find somewhere new,’ I say. ‘It might take some time but it’s quite exciting.’

‘Well, we’re thrilled for you,’ Graham says, taking another sip of wine.

‘I take it Freya knows?’ Pam asks.

Will answers this time, and I’m glad he feels comfortable enough to answer questions about Freya. ‘Yes, we told her earlier today and luckily she’s really excited about it.’

Pam nods slowly. ‘Of course she is.’ Her eyes drop to her plate and she swirls food around with her fork. ‘But then I suppose because she doesn’t remember Zach it won’t be strange or hard for her.’ She looks at me and I’m surprised that the warmth has gone from her eyes. ‘Oh, sorry, you two, just ignore me. It’s all just very emotional. I really am pleased for you.’

‘Of course it’s emotional for you,’ Will says, reaching over and placing his hand on her arm. ‘But I will never pretend to be her father and she’ll always know about Zach. We’ll keep his memory alive for her, I promise. And I want you to know that I’m not trying to take his place in any way.’

But it will only ever be the good parts. Freya will only ever hear what a good father Zach was to her. I made that promise to myself when he died and I will never break it.

After we’ve all had coffee, Will helps Pam clear up while I stay with Graham. He’s always been a quiet man, but tonight he’s had a couple of glasses of wine so is more relaxed than normal. I stuck to fruit juice tonight because I wanted Will to be able to enjoy himself, so I am the designated driver.

‘He’s a nice fellow,’ Graham says. ‘Funny, but I reckon Zach would have liked him. I can almost see the two of them chatting, having a drink together.’

It’s difficult when death means you end up in the arms of someone else. If I had known Zach and Will at the same time there is no doubt I would still have fallen for, and married, Zach. But strangely that doesn’t make my feelings for Will any less than they were for Zach. Different, of course, very different, but fate has brought us together, determined that he is the one I should be with, not Zach.

‘That’s a serious face,’ Graham says, and I realise I haven’t responded to his comment.

‘I think you’re right,’ I say. ‘They probably would have got along.’ They have something in common, after all – they both chose to be with me. ‘Will’s great. And he loves Freya. I’m just so blessed to have this second chance.’

‘You’ll all be fine,’ Graham says. ‘Life goes on, doesn’t it, and you can’t stop living it. Especially when you’ve got little Freya to think of. Thanks for bringing him here. And telling us. You didn’t have to. By any account it’s not really our business.’

I lean across and give him a hug. ‘Freya is your business, Graham, and that means Will and I are too. Don’t you forget that.’

He squeezes my shoulder. ‘Well, he’s a good man, like I said, and seems trustworthy, so you’ve both got my blessing. Not that you needed it.’

‘Graham,’ I say, slowly, ‘how do you know when you can trust someone? Are we supposed to just give people the benefit of the doubt until something proves otherwise, or is it the other way around?’

He smiles wryly. ‘You sound like Zach. Let me think about that for a second.’ He takes a sip of wine. ‘I think you have to trust your instincts. They never usually steer us wrong. Why, are you saying you’re worried about Will? Because he doesn’t—’

‘No, it’s not Will, just a client. I can’t say anything more than that but I find her a bit strange – I just don’t know what to make of her.’

‘I would have thought you’d be used to difficult or unusual people in your line of work.’

‘That’s not exactly true. For the most part my clients are just everyday people who need a little help with something they’re wrestling with. I’m not a psychiatrist so I don’t see people with severe mental health difficulties. I’m not qualified for that.’

‘No,’ Graham says, ‘but you must have met some people you just can’t click with. Can’t understand.’

His words echo through my head and now I know what I have to do. I don’t understand Alison and what she’s trying to achieve. And until I do, nothing will be laid to rest.

---

‘They’re lovely people,’ Will says once we’re in bed. ‘Thanks for tonight, it must have been hard for you.’

‘Actually it wasn’t,’ I say. ‘And I feel good that we’ve told them. Now we can focus on the future. Our future.’ I say these words to Will even though I know actually doing it will be impossible until I know the truth. Everything is clearer now. I’ve got to fight for my future, no matter what happens with Alison. I need to protect Freya and Will, so I will do what I have to. Just as I’ve always done.

Will kisses me and I can feel the happiness emanating from his body. I hate lying to him. Ultimately it was lies that resulted in Zach’s death, and I can’t bear any more. Would things have been different if Zach had been able to talk to me about how he was feeling? It would have been hard to accept or even understand his feelings for Josie Carpenter, but in my heart I know I would have tried. It’s the lies that leave the bigger scar, that cause the mistrust. But I look at Will and know I can’t destroy his happiness. At this point there is nothing I can tell him anyway.

‘Don’t get me wrong, I do miss Freya being here,’ Will says, oblivious to my turmoil, ‘but it’s nice that I don’t have to sleep in the spare room.’

And then he shows me how nice it is and I get lost in our passion, shutting out everyone but him. Afterwards, we cling to each other and I feel pleasure mixed with pain.

Will doesn’t deserve someone with so much baggage – I’ve got to lay Zach to rest.

---

‘Alison? It’s me.’ I say this as though she should know who I am, though I’ve called her from my mobile and she only has my office line.

‘Mia. I’m glad you’ve called. So quickly too. Does this… does this mean you believe me?’

‘I don’t know what to believe, Alison, but I want to figure out the truth.’

I’m pacing my office, looking out at the park every time I pass the window, hoping it will keep me calm. It’s raining this morning so it’s not as busy out there as usual.

‘Can you meet me at my house?’ she says. ‘Dominic’s away on a course, so it’s safe.’

I hesitate. Do I really want to do this? It feels like I’m about to jump off a cliff, free fall a thousand metres. ‘Okay, I need a couple of hours, though. I’ve got a client this morning.’

Thankfully, Megan’s mum is taking the girls to London Zoo this afternoon and then she’ll drop Freya at home so I have a few hours clear. And Will has back-to-back meetings until six.

‘Thanks,’ Alison says. ‘Thank you so much.’

---

Their house is pristine, cold and soulless. I don’t like clutter but I could never live like this. There are no pictures on the clinical white walls and the dark wood flooring makes me feel claustrophobic. It doesn’t feel like I’m in someone’s home, more like I’m in a surgery or hospital, waiting for some sort of unpleasant procedure.

‘Not my choice of decor,’ Alison says as she takes my coat. ‘Dominic’s very particular about his surroundings. He hates mess of any kind.’ She sighs. ‘It’s hard work, keeping this place up, but now I’m not working I suppose it gives me something to do.’

‘You’ve given up work? Why?’

‘I just need a bit of a break, some time to sort all this stuff out. It’s easier this way. That’s the beauty of temping.’

‘Why do you stay with him?’ I ask. It’s not the first time I’ve put this to her, but she still hasn’t given me a valid reason for putting herself through this. ‘Especially if you think he hurt Josie.’

‘Up until now, it’s been because this is my life. Yes, it’s messed up, but it’s my mess and I can’t imagine just walking away from it. What would I do?’

I want to tell her this is not the way to look at things but I don’t get a chance.

‘But all that’s changed now since the picture. I want him to rot in hell. For what he did to Josie and for everything he’s done to me. Come with me, I want to show you something.’

She heads down the hall and I follow her into the kitchen, my stomach churning. I’m alone with a woman I don’t know if I can trust.

And then, just as I’m wondering what she wants to show me, she is pulling up her jumper, revealing a skinny torso covered in fresh, reddish-purple bruises. ‘Dominic did this last night before he left. Something to remind me of him until he gets back, something to make sure I don’t go anywhere.’

I rush to her and grab her hand. ‘My God, Alison! You can’t let him do this to you.’

‘I don’t know what to do, Mia. I’ve got no evidence to prove he did anything to Josie. I’ve searched the whole house, and his computer, several times – but there’s nothing. Like I said before, I can’t risk going to the police with just that photo because then he’ll get away with it and I’ll… I’ll end up like her.’

‘But that might happen anyway, Alison. Look at you.’

‘No, it’s no good. And I’m sorry I wasted your time with this. I just can’t prove your husband didn’t kill himself.’

I am not an impulsive or reckless person. Everything I do in my life is carefully considered, all the pros and cons meticulously weighed up, but Alison needs help and I can’t afford to take my time over this. ‘Pack some things, you’re coming to stay with me. We can sort out how to get you out of this mess once we’ve got you away from Dominic.’

Alison’s jaw drops. She hasn’t been expecting this from me. ‘No… I can’t let you do that. You don’t even know me, it wouldn’t be fair.’

‘I’m not leaving you here, Alison. I can’t make any promises but I can at least try and keep you safe for a couple of days until we manage to work something out.’

There is such a long silence that I think she’s going to refuse again, but then she slowly nods. ‘Maybe then. Just for a couple of days until I can work out what to do.’

While she heads upstairs to pack some clothes, I pace Alison’s sterile kitchen and call Pam. ‘I’m so sorry to do this, Pam, but I need to ask a huge favour. Could you have Freya with you for a few days? Just until the weekend?’

‘Of course. Is everything okay, Mia?’

‘Yes, sorry, everything’s fine, but I think it would be good for her to spend some more time with you. I know you both get lonely there. And I’ve got lots of extra work to do so it would really help me out.’

Thankfully Pam doesn’t ask what exactly I need to do that I couldn’t fit into my normal working hours. ‘Well, yes,’ she says, ‘we love the house being filled with Freya and her noise, but are you sure you’re okay? You and Will are fine, aren’t you?’

‘We’re great. He loved meeting you both last night, thank you for that. So is it okay if I drop her round this evening?’

‘Oh, that soon? Um, yes, of course. I’ll get her room ready straight away.’

Pam knows I’m keeping something from her; I have never been disorganised enough to have to spring something like this on them, but how can I tell her I’m letting one of my clients stay with me for a few days? She would never understand. But while I want to do my best to help Alison, and at the same time get to the truth of everything, I will not let her be around my daughter.