---

Craig and I sit in his bedroom, huddled under his duvet because it’s so cold in here. I’m wearing my coat too, but he doesn’t seem to be offended.

‘Bloody heating,’ he says, putting his arm around me. ‘It takes forever to kick in. Sorry.’

But he has nothing to apologise for; I would much rather be here in his flat, no matter how cold it is, than at home, wondering what Alison will say or do next. Nobody has ever put me on edge like she does, not even Johnny. It’s the silent people you have to watch out for – not the mouthy, full-of-shit people like Johnny and Richard.

Craig’s parents have just left. His mum cooked us the nicest home-cooked meal I’ve ever had, and despite my initial reservations, I actually enjoyed myself.

‘You were right about your parents,’ I tell him, burying myself further into the crook of his arm. ‘They actually are cool. I had a lot of fun this afternoon.’

‘Mum loved you, I could tell. Dad too. And that’s a first because they’ve never liked any girls I’ve introduced them to before. Seriously. Never.’

‘Oh well, there’s still plenty of time for them to hate me.’ I’m only half-joking.

Craig pulls me round to face him and kisses me, and for once I give in and let him. I’m so used to pushing people away at this point but I don’t want to do that now. I want to make a go of it with him. But the further we go, the harder I find it to focus. My head is all over the place and I’m everywhere except present with Craig.

He stops and pulls back. ‘Are you okay, Josie? Is something wrong?’

I tell him I’m fine and force myself to kiss him harder, more urgently, to prove that I’m okay. To feel something. But with my eyes closed, it’s Zach I see, Zach I want to be with, Zach my whole body aches for.

I freeze up and push Craig away.

‘I’m sorry, I can’t do this. I have to go. I’m sorry.’

‘Why? Josie, what’s wrong? Have I done something?’

But I don’t stop to answer because there’s nothing I can tell him that will make sense or make him feel any better. Hating myself more than I ever have in my life, I rush from his room without looking back.

---

Walking home does nothing to clear my head and it doesn’t help that Craig keeps calling and texting me. I should never have started anything with him when my heart’s not in it. But I can never have Zach, so where does that leave me?

I’m about to turn off my phone when it rings again, but this time it’s Sinead. My heart almost stops. She’s only ever texted me before; it’s usually me calling her if I need more detailed information about how Kieren is doing.

‘Sinead? What is it? Has something happened?’

‘Sorry, Josie, I don’t want to panic you but, well, I haven’t actually seen Kieren for a few days. And it’s term time, so Liv should be taking him to school every morning, but she’s been leaving the house without him.’

I struggle to take in what she’s saying. ‘So you think she’s leaving him at home alone?’ This wouldn’t surprise me. And actually, if that’s what she’s doing then I finally have a chance to get Kieren out of there. There is no way social services will allow a five-year-old to be left at home alone.

‘I don’t know. I just know I haven’t seen him for ages but Liv’s still been going out. Maybe not in time for the school run, but probably a bit later. Around ten-ish.’

‘Sinead, can you remember when you last saw him? What day was it?’

There’s a long pause. ‘I’m not sure. Probably when I texted you last week. Friday, was it? I saw Liv bringing him back from school, but haven’t seen him since then. Haven’t even heard him and usually he’s out in the back garden at some point, even if it’s freezing or raining.’

Now I’m starting to panic. ‘Can you go and knock on the door? See if he’s there?’

‘Oh, Josie, what would I say? I can’t tell her I’m checking if Kieren’s there, can I? And she can’t stand me so what other reason would I have to be knocking on her door?’

‘I don’t know! Say anything!’ I’m yelling now, even though Sinead doesn’t deserve that – she’s only ever looked out for me. ‘This is important, Sinead!’

‘Look, Josie, if you’re that worried then why don’t you call the police? I can’t just go round there with no reason. No way. Sorry, love. I’ve been happy helping you all this time because I know what a bitch Liv is, but I can’t get involved in this. Just call the police.’

‘Sinead, please—’

But she’s cut me off.

For a few seconds I stare at my phone in disbelief, but then fear for Kieren forces me to act.

---

It’s late evening by the time I get to Brighton and make my way to Liv’s house. I walk past Sinead’s and try not to feel angry with her. After all, I can’t blame her for fearing the repercussions of crossing Liv. Sinead has seen what she’s capable of doing to her own daughter, so she knows Liv wouldn’t give a second thought to causing her neighbour harm if she felt it was deserved.

There’s a light on in the hallway of Liv’s house so I take a deep breath and head up the path, banging on the door when I reach it. There’s no point pretending this is a polite social call.

Within seconds she is flinging open the door, ready to curse whoever’s making such a racket, but when she sees it’s me she seems to forget what she was about to say.

‘What the hell are you doing here? I hope it’s to tell me you’re going to the police.’

‘Let me in,’ I say. I don’t set her straight, because I need to get in the house, need to see that Kieren is okay, without her realising that’s why I’m here.

‘If you’re fucking me around, Josie, I swear, I’ll—’

‘Just let me in, Liv, or I’m going straight home.’

She looks behind her for a second before moving aside, and I step forward, my heart threatening to burst from my chest. I haven’t set foot in this place since the attack.

‘Go in the front room,’ she says. But she doesn’t follow me; instead, she takes her time closing the front door and then makes a show of sorting out the shoes that are piled up there. I don’t know what game she’s playing – Liv never tidies up anything.

Even before I open the front-room door, I know for sure it’s a trap, but I go in anyway, because I need to know Kieren is okay and his safety comes before my own.

He’s slouched on the sofa, staring at the TV, one of his legs casually crossed over the other as if he feels at home here. Richard. He doesn’t even flinch when he sees me and barely glances in my direction.

‘You’d better be here to tell me you’re putting things right,’ he says, wiping his nose with his sleeve, his eyes still fixed on the TV.

I stay in the doorway and Liv barges past me, plonking herself on the sofa next to Richard. They are too cosy, too comfortable with each other; I sense it immediately.

‘Where’s Kieren?’ I ask, unable to keep the anger from my voice. Something isn’t right here; they are too smug.

Liv snorts. ‘What’s it to you? None of your bloody business!’

‘He’s my brother, and I’m more of a mother to him than you’ve been since the second he was born, so it is my business. Where is he?’

Richard leans forward and rests his arm on Liv’s knee. ‘You don’t just get to come in here and ask all sorts of sodding questions. Now, what are you doing about the police? Because the way I see it, you’ve now got two things to tell them you were wrong about.’ He’s too calm and I don’t like it. Too in control. They know something I don’t.

‘What are you talking about? What’s the second thing?’

He leans further forward. ‘I don’t appreciate the police knocking on my door in the middle of the bloody night, asking whether I was in London that night months ago. Prying into my business. I already told you, bitch, that I have an airtight alibi. But you still thought you’d try, didn’t you?’

So they did chase it up after all. That’s something, at least. ‘Yeah, I’m not letting you get away with that, or your pathetic threats. I’m still here, aren’t I, Richard? So I guess you were full of shit.’ My words mask the fear I’m feeling inside. After all, I don’t know this man, and if he’s anything like his cousin he won’t think twice about hurting me. And what have they done with Kieren?

‘You think you’re such a tough bitch, don’t you?’ He laughs, and beside him Liv joins in. She’s being exactly how she was with Johnny and that can only mean one thing: there’s something going on with these two. ‘Well, you weren’t so tough when Johnny was beating you half to death, were you? A bit of a mess, by his account. You’re not as hard as you think you are, Josie.’ A smile spreads across his face. That night in the car I didn’t notice the thick scar under his eye, but now I see it clearly. This man is no stranger to fighting.

Ignoring my fear, and Richard’s statement, I turn to face the woman who will never be my mother. ‘Just tell me where Kieren is.’ I try to keep my voice calm, even though my panic is rising.

Liv scrunches her whole face and suddenly she looks twenty years older. ‘Who do you think you are? If you’re not going to help Johnny then you can get the fuck out. I’ve tried to warn you, but whatever happens to you now is your own fault. Just get out of my house, Josie.’ She hisses her words at me.

‘Okay,’ I say. ‘That’s fine with me.’ And when they both turn back to the television I walk away and shut the door. Then I run to the stairs and climb them two at a time. I’ve got to know if Kieren is here, and I’ll deal with whatever those two do to me after I’ve checked.

Within seconds I hear heavy footsteps following me, and Richard shouting at me to get downstairs. But I don’t listen. I fling open Kieren’s bedroom door – preparing myself to expect the worst – and I’m shocked to find him here, asleep in his bed. The commotion makes him stir and he slowly sits up, squinting into the light from the hall. ‘JoJo?’ he murmurs, his voice thick with sleep. ‘You’re here!’

But before I can ask if he’s okay, Richard grabs me by my hair and drags me backwards, throwing me towards the stairs, my head crashing into the wall. But I ignore the pain. ‘Why is Kieren in bed already? Why hasn’t he been at school?’

Liv is on the stairs now, her eyes almost popping out of her head, wild with all the hatred she has for me. ‘He’s ill, you stupid cow! Now get out of here – or this time it’ll be me calling the bloody police.’

‘I’ll see her out,’ says Richard, grabbing my arm and pulling me up.

And then I hear Kieren’s voice again and turn to see him standing behind his bedroom door, his face the only part of him visible. ‘JoJo,’ he says, his eyes filling with tears. ‘Don’t go.’

‘It’s okay, Kieren,’ I say, shrugging out of Richard’s grasp. ‘I’ll see you soon. Don’t you worry about anything, I’ll be back.’

‘No, you won’t,’ Richard says once we’re downstairs. He shoves me towards the front door, then leans down and whispers in my ear, his sticky breath hot against my skin. ‘I’ll kill you, Josie. Do you understand? Johnny should have done it in the first place, but don’t worry, I’ll make sure it happens. I won’t even have to get my hands dirty.’

And then he gives one final shove and I’m outside, the heels of my palms scraping against the pavement as I break my fall.