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I stare at Zach. ‘What… what are you doing here?’

He frowns. ‘What do you mean? You called me. About a thousand times. Why didn’t you answer when I called back? I’ve been worried sick about you, Josie. What’s going on?’

This must be a dream; I never called Zach. He can’t really be standing at my door. I grope around in my pocket for my phone and check my call history. Sure enough, there are six calls to Zach and three missed calls from him, as well as two text messages asking if I’m okay.

‘Oops!’ I say. ‘Sorry, I must have drunk-dialled you.’

His face falls, disappointment sketched all over it. He thought I was better than this, above this kind of juvenile behaviour. ‘Josie, I thought you’d stopped drinking, that you were making a fresh start.’

‘What’s the point?’ I say. If Zach thinks I’m a stupid little girl then why not live up to his idea of me?

He hasn’t made any move to come in so I’m not surprised when he tells me this probably isn’t the best time to talk. ‘You need to get some rest, Josie. Let’s catch up tomorrow.’

But there won’t be any catching up or chatting or anything else tomorrow. Tomorrow I will just be pushed aside again, into a neat little compartment in his head. Somewhere safe, where he won’t let me out. I can’t let him go. I grab his arm and pull him inside, expecting resistance but it doesn’t come. He sighs but lets me drag him in and shut the front door.

‘I shouldn’t be here,’ he says, ‘especially if you’ve been drinking.’ But he doesn’t stop me guiding him into the living room.

‘That’s all you ever say, Zach.’ I slump onto the sofa and pat the seat next to me. ‘Just sit and keep me company, that’s all. Come on.’

He checks his watch. ‘Maybe for a little while. But it’s pretty late and I’ll need to get back home soon.’ Finally, he sits down, but he chooses the seat at the other end of the sofa. ‘So where’s your flatmate? Alison, isn’t it?’

‘She moved out. Couldn’t bear to be around me any more.’ I laugh, even though there’s nothing funny at all. That’s the beauty of gin.

Zach ignores it and tries his best to pretend I’m sober. ‘Well, that’s a good thing, isn’t it? You two didn’t get along, did you? At least this is one less thing for you to stress about.’

But he’s wrong. ‘At least she was someone. Someone always here when I came home. Now there’s just silence. And no food.’ I start to giggle again, and even though I’m angry with myself for doing it, I can’t seem to stop. And the serious expression on Zach’s face sets me off even more.

He ignores it. ‘But what about Craig? I bet he’s here all the time.’

I throw my head back against the sofa. ‘Let’s just say things didn’t exactly work out there.’

There’s a pause, and even in my drunken state I wonder if Zach’s happy to hear this, deep down in that part of him he’s trying to suppress. ‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ he says, and I long to tell him it’s because of him. Because he’s the only man I want.

‘Ask me why, Zach.’

Again a pause, longer this time. ‘I don’t think I should, Josie. It’s not my business, it’s between you and Craig.’

But it is Zach’s business. I almost tell him this but stop myself just in time – I’m not that much of an arsehole. ‘Drink?’ I hold up my bottle of gin.

He shakes his head. ‘Ha! No, thanks. And I think you’ve had enough for both of us.’

I take a long swig from the bottle. ‘I’m only just getting started, believe me.’

‘Josie, slow down. Why are you feeling so sorry for yourself? This isn’t you.’ He makes a swipe for the bottle but even in my state I’m too fast and pull it away.

‘What’s brought you to this?’ he adds, when I don’t answer. ‘Has something happened with your mum? Is your brother okay?’

‘Don’t call her that – she’s no mother to me, you know that. Or to Kieren, even though she’s pretending she’s a good one to him. Oh, God, how can I let him be in that house with her? With them.’

‘What do you mean them? Please don’t tell me that man’s out of prison?’

‘No. No, it’s not him, but I think she’s shacking up with his cousin – Richard. He’s the one who came all the way to London to threaten me into withdrawing my statement to the police about Johnny.’

‘That’s just… crazy.’

‘I know. It’s like something off Jeremy Kyle, isn’t it? You couldn’t make this shit up. But, I’m really worried, Zach. Kieren might be all young and cute now but he’ll grow up soon enough. I’ve got to get him out of there. I can’t stand by and let something happen to him. It could be tomorrow, or years down the line, but I’ve got to do something.’

Zach moves closer to me and places his hand on my arm. ‘You have to stay calm, Josie. Look, you’ve already reported everything to the police and social services – I think you have to let them deal with it now.’

‘But eventually they’ll stop thinking about her, they’ll give up because she’s putting on this motherly act, and that’s when it will happen. And this time it could be worse than what happened to me!’ I sound hysterical, and Zach keeps his hand on my arm. But he should let go of me. He really should.

‘Listen to me, Josie. You’ve got to be strong. Like I know you are. Things will work out in the end, they always do. Trust me. Think of what you’ve already been through and survived.’

And looking at Zach now, I do trust him. Even through my lens of alcohol, I can see he has never meant me any harm, has only ever looked out for me.

I don’t know I’m making the biggest mistake of my life until I’m actually doing it, but suddenly I’m moving closer to Zach, leaning into him and pushing my mouth against his, desperate to taste him, to draw him into me, to never let him go.

It must only last a second, maybe even less than that, and then he’s shoving me away, his face creased with panic. ‘Josie, you shouldn’t have done that. We can’t… I love my wife. More than love her, she’s my whole world.’

Suddenly I feel sober, hearing Zach’s words filled with so much anguish and pain. I’m so ashamed of myself that I run from the flat.