The cell doors to my personal hell opened for the last time as I stepped past the cool gray metal bars. I walked the halls with a guard, a smug smile on my face as I passed all the unlucky motherfuckers still doing time. I lost a year of my life in this shithole, bored and fucking ready to lose my goddamn mind. Stupid fucking bar fight. Goddamn Outlaws.

I had plenty of anger and little remorse for that night.

The only part I regretted was the moment I didn’t whisper the three words that were buried in my heart to Rae. That moment when our eyes met in the drizzling rain, the flashing blue and red lights illuminating her fair skin, was the second I knew she was mine forever and I didn’t say it.

I didn’t tell her. I fucking should have yelled what my heart wanted her to hear.

I love you.

Fuck. My hand rose to my chest instinctively to stop the raw throbbing ache.

She was mine. Always. Forever. Time didn’t change shit.

I was almost free of this place, and there wasn’t time to dwell on my loss. I needed to focus.

Once I signed out, and my belongings were returned, I headed out the door with a sarcastic salute, happy to piss off the big guy with the crew cut just one last time. Big fucker had caused me a lot of difficulty in here but now I was out and he could kiss my ass.

Later asshole.

R.J. was parked in the lot facing the door, leaning against the hood of my Nova with a big stupid smile on his face. Man, I missed him. We hugged for a moment in that sort of awkward one-armed bro embrace and then I leaned back, eyeing him up and deciding he seemed better than the last time we were this close. He’d been in the infirmary right before he was released. Got shanked by some racist fucktard. I took care of it, having quite a few connections inside.

Helps when your dad is Mack ‘the Knife’ Harding.

No, he didn’t do shit to help me on the inside, but his reputation was enough to put off most of the trouble and help me gain alliances I needed to survive. You never know when you’re gonna need a favor.

“How’s it going, bro? You don’t look so pale anymore.”

He shrugged, cutting his glance sideways as I slid into the driver’s seat. It had been way too long since I drove my baby. Since I’d ridden in either of my favorite girls.

Fuck. My dick was getting hard just thinking of Rae.

“So, heard anything from or about Rae?” he knew I was going to ask. For the last year I’d been trying to find her, but there’s only so much you can do from the inside. I really was a stupid fucker, hoping she’d learn about my incarceration and come to visit me.

She never showed up, not that I blamed her. I wouldn’t want to come here either.

Hope is an unrealistic thing. It sinks its teeth in like some ravenous beast and doesn’t release you, just leaves a scar from the bite once you’re wise enough to see its folly.

Trust me, I had a lot of fucking scars.

“Nothing, but I don’t think she’s far. I’ll keep digging.”

“I was kind of hoping she might come see me. Maybe she saw the news or something,” I admitted.

“Well Edge, we both know that’s too dangerous, and I’m sure she does too.”

I nodded. Sore subject for us both.

“How’s it been at home?”

“The same,” he answered quickly, which didn’t surprise me.

“You good? Need anything?”

“Nah bro, I stay at the clubhouse most of the time.”

Funny, when we were kids we avoided the subject of R.J.’s home life like the fucking plague. Never talked about his drunk ass hoe of a mom or the deadbeat dad who rarely showed up except to shove him around and demand money. We both sort of had shitty fathers, but his was worse.

Now we talked about it from time to time, and I think it was good for him to let some of his anger and hate release. R.J. was just as crazy and messed up as the rest of us, but he was quiet and internalized shit, it made me worry about him. His childhood had been rougher than most, and since middle school, we’ve been tight.

Patching the club together made us more than best friends.

We were blood brothers.

I parked the Nova next to my Harley and noticed R.J. must have cleaned it up for me while my other brothers kept her running in good condition. He’d only got out two months prior to my release so his hog must have needed TLC too. Parked next to mine, the sleek black and silver paint glistened under the sunlight. I thanked him as we approached the back entrance to the clubhouse, dreading the next few minutes.

Welcome Home Edge.

The wide banner was strung up crookedly above the entrance as if I was happy to set foot back in this hellhole and Rafe’s controlling bullshit. A party was in full swing, not bothering to wait for me, not that I cared. I wouldn’t be fucking any of the girls here, so it didn’t matter. The only thing I wanted was alcohol and plenty of it.

There’s not much to be had in prison.

Sobriety had been forced upon me but not for long.

These parties were all the same – girls, booze, and drugs. I spent a good amount of time at the central bar, pushing so much pussy off my lap people were going to think I was gay, and drowning my regrets and sorrows in alcohol with R.J., Ghost, GQ, Jake, and Valan. Although Jake’s arm was around Hay the entire time, his eyes darted around the room at all the free tits and ass on display.

A guy could look and appreciate, right?

“How was the clink?” Ghost teased, tossing back another shot. Lucky fucker only spent six months inside with me. For some reason I served the longest time. Might have had something to do with my bad attitude.

“Fuck you,” I countered, chasing my beer with a shot of Jaeger. A familiar buzz was starting to cloud my brain but not enough to make me slow down. I was just beginning to enjoy myself.

He laughed and slapped me on the back, gesturing for more from the cute little bartender. She actually reminded me of Rae quite a bit. Same long dark hair and pretty brown eyes, but she didn’t have Rae’s glow or her innocence, and she wasn’t the woman I was desperately in love with. Had I been a guy with less morality I could have taken her up on her numerous offers, but I wasn’t cheating on my girl.

After leaving Rafe and the blonde sucking him off on the couch when I first arrived, I had to get out of dodge before I punched his smug face. My hatred and loathing hadn’t diminished while behind bars. In fact, it might be stronger. I wore my leathers like a proud RRMC member because I was and loved my brothers but I couldn’t stand our Pres.

Fucking asshole.

He’d get what was coming to him.

I’d make sure of that . . . and soon.

Rafe had about ten years on me and R.J. He was a new patch when we were kids. In fact, he shadowed Ron and Mack quite a bit. More than once Rafe spoke of his admiration for both men. Over the years I’ve become suspicious of the part he played in Ron’s death and Mack’s exile. Now that I was free, I was going to take care of business.

The night of the bar fight, and my subsequent incarceration, I’d found out from Akando there was much more to the story and my father’s past. It was time I sought answers and Mack was the first person I wanted to see.

I’d had a lot of time to think staring at those cold gray bars. And some things just weren’t adding up. More than that, I owed retribution to the Outlaws, starting with Striker. Bryce would be my next stop. We had a lot to discuss but I knew he’d meet me, even if we hated each other.

I owed him one for putting that hickey on Rae.

Fuck.

Everything always comes back to her. I could think of dog shit or the weather or even eating steak, no matter how random, and I’d still end up thinking or saying her name. I don’t know what it is about her, but she’s my Kryptonite. I’m weak as shit whenever she’s near, and it’s always been that way. Rae’s buried under my skin, down deep, entrenched and unwilling to move. She was part of me, an extension of my heart and soul, and without her, it was hard to breathe. It was like my lungs couldn’t function unless she was near.

Shit. Now I just wanted to take my drunk ass to bed and sulk.

I slipped from the barstool pleased that I could walk without the room spinning. Guess that high tolerance wasn’t affected by my life behind bars all that much. A snicker passed my lips and I turned to leave, telling everyone I would see them later.

I would have been fine if not for Hayley.

“So Pete,” she slurred, placing her hand on my arm, “you heard from Rae?”

And there. Right there was the second I sobered up, faster than a whore could suck off a flaccid dick, and I was pissed.

“What?” I thundered, ripping my arm away. Did she know something I didn’t? Like where the hell my girl was staying?

Hay blinked, quickly realizing her mistake as Jake pulled her close and whispered low in her ear. She looked up at me, tears filling her bloodshot eyes, that small voice I knew so well quivering, “I’m sorry Pete. I thought if anyone could find her, it’s you. I miss Rae so much.”

Fucking hell. Now I had to do damage control.

Jake was staring me down, expecting me to handle this shit without losing my temper. I took a deep breath and exhaled, rolling my shoulders before I replied, “No, I haven’t, but I plan to soon.”

“I’m sorry,” she was hugging me before I could stop her.

“It’s alright Hay. We’re good,” I assured her.

Jake led her off to their room and we shared a look, one that promised he had my six on this.

R.J. was still throwing back shots with Ghost and Valan. GQ was watching me, as he often did, taking shit in. We patched the same year in the RRMC so although we hadn’t known each other but four and a half years we were close. GQ knew my heartache with Rae, and often he was the only one I could sit and talk with. Even R.J. was too close. Sometimes looking at my best friend reminded me of everything I’d lost.

It sucked and I didn’t mean to do that, but I was fucking stupid sometimes and missing Rae was an all-consuming loss that gutted me nearly every day.

I smiled at GQ and shook my head, indicating I was good. Not tonight. I had a specific reason for wanting to be alone. The sooner, the better, before midnight.

Five steps from my door I heard a shuffle behind me. I spun and caught Rafe’s fist with my hand before it could reach my face and clocked him in the jaw, knocking him off balance as I grabbed his shirt by the collar.

“I’m not the same kid I used to be Rafe,” I smirked, slamming him into the wall and enjoying the look of surprise on his scarred face. The years hadn’t been kind. He was haggard and worn and stunk like piss. I turned my nose up, close to retching, “You’d better watch your back, Pres because I’m not taking your shit anymore.”

He laughed and tried to throw his head forward but I slammed my palm into his forehead, and the back of his skull bounced off the drywall.

“Edge,” he slurred, obviously enjoying the party entirely too much. “Glad you’re back.”

Disgusted I tossed his lanky frame to the side. A man his age should take better care of himself. He was the club president. No wonder this place was out of control. Rafe was a goddamn disgrace.

“Go sleep it off Rafe and take a fucking shower. You stink.”

I didn’t stick around to find out what he did next. In my room, I locked the door and walked to my desk where I found the paper grocery bag left for me by GQ on my dresser. Peering inside I saw exactly what I had asked for, down to the candle.

An hour later I lay on my bed, unable to relax. My thoughts drifted to Rae as they did every single night but tonight was on purpose. I checked my watch for the third time in the last twenty minutes.

Would midnight fucking get here already?

I sat up, drumming my fingers on my thigh, agitated. Before I could think much about it, my hand gripped the wooden frame on my nightstand. I’ve kept a picture of Rae in my room since the day I patched. Her soft brown eyes twinkled up at me with the same love and innocent trust that haunted my dreams. I sank down in the bed and placed the frame on the pillow next to my head, staring at her for long moments.

My heart ached, my throat dry from the overindulgence and evening’s festivities, and my thoughts more than a little jumbled but I didn’t move. Just once I wished I would wake up and find all this mess was nothing but a horrible nightmare.

My eyes fluttered as I set the alarm on my phone for midnight and then closed, remembering the following morning after Rae was relocated . . .