Chapter Sixteen
“What are you doing?” Amanda mumbled as she dug through a box of bathing suits at the bottom of her closet. “Are you out of your stinkin’ mind?”
She held up a black, ruffled one piece. No, not sexy enough.
Yep. Out of her ever-lovin’ mind.
And there it was, the turquoise string bikini she bought before a trip to the Caribbean with Kat, then chickened out and never took out of her suitcase. Of course that was the one she’d pick to wear for Nick.
Because she had lost her mind.
Who knew she was such a glutton for punishment? After what he’d said to her last night, and how he’d said it, there was absolutely no reason to sit in a hot tub with him. Yet, there she went, trotting off to his cabin like an eager puppy.
She donned the bathing suit then stood in front of a floor length mirror. It made her look…hot. The triangle top cupped her breasts, making them look full and enticing while the bottom…well, the bottom was pretty tiny. There was no way Nick wouldn’t see this for what it was, a ploy to seduce him.
Before she lost her nerve, she tossed on a cover-up, grabbed a towel, and darted out of the house.
The sun had just begun to dip behind the mountains, streaking a gorgeous palette of pinks and oranges all through the clear sky. The view from the hot tub would be spectacular at that time of day.
“Nick?” she called as she knocked on the rim of the screen door.
“I’m out back,” he hollered.
As she wandered through the house, she smiled at how much they—well mostly Nick—had accomplished. The carpets had been ripped up, wood floors sanded, buffed, and glossed to shiny perfection. In the kitchen, the cabinet doors were stacked in a pile, most having been sanded and re-painted. She just needed to settle on a style of drawer pulls and handles. This cabin was going to be fantastic once the work was complete.
“Nick, you’ve really made some progress in here. I hope you’re not overdoing—” The words died in her throat the moment he came into view.
Holy hotness.
All he wore was a pair of shorts and his back was to her, muscles bunching as he hefted the cover from the hot tub. Then he turned around and her mouth went dry.
“Hey, I guess it will take a few minutes to heat up. You want a drink? I think I have beer or…beer.”
She couldn’t speak. All she could do was stare at the male specimen before her. His chest was broad and defined, as were his arms. Somehow, despite having been near death just a few months ago, he was in unbelievable shape. Sure, there was a long scar on the left side of his abdomen from the surgery to remove a bullet and repair some damage to his spleen, and there was another scar on his left shoulder from the second bullet wound. Actually, his body bore a few other marks as well. Signs of a life roughly lived. If she wasn’t mistaken, another bullet wound scar marred the right side of his rib cage, this one much older than the others.
What drew her, though, were the tattoos. His arms were covered and there were quite a few on his chest and back as well. The most fascinating was a long snake that ran down the length of his torso, starting at his neck and disappearing into the waistband of his shorts. She was dying to find out where it ended. It was actually a bit intimidating, with its mouth open, revealing fangs dripping with venom.
“Amanda?” One eyebrow arched high on his forehead and a smirk tilted his lips.
Busted.
Well, he had a body made for staring, so he’d just have to get used to it. She had to struggle to remember what they’d been talking about. “Oh, beer sounds great.” If only her voice didn’t sound so strained.
It only took him a few seconds to return with two bottles. “I’ll get in first, make sure it’s hot,” he said, shooting her a wink.
“Thanks,” she said as she took the offered beer. His behavior was so confusing. Aside from a bit of awkwardness, he acted as though last night never happened. The kiss, the blow job, or the embarrassing rejection. How was she supposed to act around him now?
“Shit, you were right. I should have listened to you from the start. Damn, this feels good on my leg,” he said with a groan as he sank into the water. “Temperature is perfect. Get that sexy ass in here.”
His gaze was on her, leaving her no choice but to strip off her cover-up under his watchful eye. Suddenly, the bathing suit felt like scratchy burlap against her skin. What was she thinking wearing something so skimpy?
Well, shit or get off the pot as Kat would say. A deep breath helped fortify her courage, then she grabbed the hem of the cover-up and yanked it over her head.
“Holy shit.” Nick’s whispered curse cut through her musings.
“What’s wrong? Is the water bothering your leg?”
He chuckled. “No, babe, the water is fine. But there’s something else bothering a different part of my body.”
“Huh?”
“That fuckin’ thing you’re wearing. Christ, it’s like two inches of fabric.”
He made no apologies for the hot gaze that roamed over every inch of her, pausing at her breasts and the bit of fabric between her thighs. Never had a man looked at her like that. Like his hands wanted to be everywhere his eyes were. Her nipples hardened under his attention and she swallowed hard. “My bathing suit?” Butterflies flitted through her stomach. So he was attracted to her. More mixed messages.
“If that’s what you want to call it. Get in the water before you give me a fuckin’ heart attack.”
She giggled and climbed in the hot tub, settling on the bench opposite him. Sitting next to him seemed too intimate and she was confused enough, so different sides of the tub it was.
They sat in silence as time ticked by, each sipping their beer and staring out into the fiery ball of the setting sun. She’d kill to know what was going on in his mind, but was too chicken to ask.
“This is relaxing,” he eventually said. “Feels nice.” He sounded surprised by the revelation.
She nodded. “It is. Before you moved in, I was down here a few times a week. Perfect way to leave a stressful day behind. What do you usually do to relax?”
He was silent so long she figured he just wasn’t going to answer the question when he finally spoke up. “Ride, I guess.”
“A motorcycle?”
“Yeah, a little bigger and more powerful than the one you have here. Most valuable thing I own. Been a long time since I’ve just…enjoyed shit like this.”
An opening. The first tiny glimmer into Nick’s makeup. Amanda held her breath, afraid to respond and have him clam up on her.
“Sit closer?” he asked.
For a moment, she stared at him, then stood and waded across the tub. When she would have sat next to him, he snagged her around the waist and drew her onto his lap, one knee on either side of him. Hotter than the water, his firm leg muscles provided the perfect resting place for her thighs and rear end.
Every one of her senses felt heightened and hyper alert. All around her the warm silky water lapped at her skin. The masculine scent of Nick’s after shave drifted through the air. High above them, birds chirped in the trees. And just inches from her, a pair of gray eyes stared at her as though she was some kind of wondrous creature. She wanted to savor every second, every sensation because who knew how long it would last?
“Am I hurting your leg?” she whispered after he made a subtle shift.
“No.” After polishing off his beer, he coasted his hands up and down her back. She wanted to purr like a contented kitten, but was too uncertain of what his actions meant to fully give in to the incredible sensation of being stroked by his strong hands.
“I’m not a good person,” he said, his voice somber.
Her breath stilled. Holy cow. Nick was actually opening up to her. She had no idea how to respond. No idea what to say to keep the words coming. She held his gaze, giving him her undivided attention. “What do you mean?”
He sighed and his hands came to rest on her lower back, well, really her upper ass. “My life is nothing like yours. Nothing like this. We live in worlds that are so different it’s almost comical. The things I’ve done, the things I do…” He shook his head. “Let’s just say there’s no way in hell you’d be in here with me now if you had any clue.”
She swallowed. It’s what she’d expected, but still, to hear it was sobering. How was she supposed to reconcile the man she spent time with, the man who held her tenderly and allowed her to cry all over him with the man he was talking about? Then, she supposed she got a glimpse of that man earlier in his confrontation with Dr. Michaels. “Are you, um, are you a criminal?” Heat rushed to her face. What was wrong with her mouth? “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that.”
He shifted his gaze and he stared out into the mountains. “I can’t give you details about most parts of my life. Can’t and won’t, for both of our safeties.”
Well that pretty much answered her question. Her stomach sank. She couldn’t start something with him. It would be insanity. But then, hadn’t it already started? Did the vivid memory of his flavor on her tongue mean it was too late to turn back now?
“But the short answer is yes.”
Wow. An admission was the last thing she expected from him. “Do you miss your life?”
He shrugged, still focused on the scenery. “Being here, with you, living in your world for a while is fucking with my head. I’m not sure I can even answer that question.”
“You could…stay. Start over. Live an easier life.” A shuttered expression crossed his face. Oh God, did he think she was asking him to stay with her? As in have a relationship? “I don’t mean here, necessarily, although you’re welcome for as long as you want. I just mean in general.”
The smile he gave her when he returned his gaze to hers was sad, resigned. Shadows swirled in his stormy eyes. “If I could stay anywhere, it would be here with you, Amanda. What happened to me, my injuries?” His Adam’s apple rose and fell with the force of his swallow. “I can’t let that slide. I have to go back. It’s how it works in my world. I wouldn’t be who I am if I let that slide.”
A veil of sadness fell over them and she recalled the first time she saw him lying in the hospital bed looking so damaged. Visions of something similar happening again, thoughts of him inflicting the same on someone else made her want to cry. She may be naïve, but she wasn’t stupid. People lived by different moral codes. Just because someone didn’t abide by hers didn’t make them evil or unredeemable. What right did she have to judge his chosen life?
“I’m rotten to the core, Amanda. Even if I stayed, I’d drag you down to my level somehow. You’re such a sunny spot in my life, and at some point, I’d ruin that. I’d block all your light. Not on purpose, but it would happen.”
“Now, that I don’t believe.” She shook her head and took his face between her hands. He thought and felt deeply and she was drawn to that. “You’ve been here for weeks. I think if you were that terrible, it would have presented itself by now.”
“And what do you think last night was? You gave me something spectacular and I treated you like shit. That’s who I am.”
“The truth? I think last night was your way of trying to protect me from yourself.”
He grew quiet then, and resumed running his hands over her back. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe pushing you away was my one act of goodness, and today I’m back to being a selfish bastard. Because, despite everything I’m telling about my life, you’re looking at me like you want me to fuck you and I can’t think of anything but sinking my dick into you and making you scream.”
Yes! God, how she wanted that and more. A large part of her brain shouted warnings about what a terrible idea that had the potential to be. But her long-neglected body was winning the war. And once her heart jumped into the fray, well, she didn’t stand a chance. Despite all logic and self-preservation, she was falling for this complex man with the dark past and surly demeanor.
A witty quip to lighten the mood would have been perfect in that moment. A wink and a sexy, sassy remark was just what the moment called for. But Amanda was speechless, caught up in the look of abject desire Nick sent her way. Instead of words, she slid forward on his lap until the tightened points of her aching nipples pressed into the hard planes of his chest. The position had the added advantage of settling her sex directly over his rock-hard erection. Grinding against him was instinct, something she didn’t have to give any thought to because her body just reacted to his nearness.
“Fuck, Amanda, are you sure about this?” He thrust upward as she rocked back and forth against him, riding the length of his cock through the layers of clothing. “Make a decision now because in about ten seconds, there won’t be any stopping. I’m warning you now, I won’t go easy on you. I’ll make you scream. I’ll make you beg. And I won’t stop at just once. You may have a hard time getting up for work tomorrow.”
Each word might as well have been a physical caress because they inflamed her desire just as much. Nick was exactly the type of man she’d always been attracted to but steered clear of. The bad boy. The experienced womanizer. The man who wanted to rock her world. She’d stayed away because she assumed they could never give her what she wanted. Stability, companionship and an eventual family. Well the last good guy she dated turned out to be a monster, so it was time to see if her new reality lived up to the fantasy.
“You better not stop. Not until we’re both too tired to move.” Her voice was breathy, full of need and longing.
He tilted his head and a slow grin curled his mouth. “You like to be fucked, baby? Hard? So hard you can’t do anything but spread your legs and take what’s being given to you?”
Did she like that? Who the hell knew? She’d sure never had sex like that before. Nothing so raw. But her fantasies…yeah, they were exactly in line with what Nick was promising.
“I-I don’t know. No one has ever…” How embarrassing. Her face flamed and she shrugged.
“Shit. No one’s ever fucked you like that, have they? Well, baby, say the word and you’ll find out just how much you like it before the night is up.”
Nerves fluttered through her stomach and her brain shouted warnings. But she ignored it. She couldn’t pass up this opportunity to be with a man whose raw sexuality was focused on her. Not when she could feel the promise of what was to come nestled between her thighs.
Even if it was only one night, even if it ended in heartbreak, she’d be a fool to pass up an experience she might never have again. How often was it that people had chemistry like she had with Nick? Couldn’t be that often as it only happened to her once in her twenty-seven years.
“Yes, Nick.”
One of his eyebrows took a slow journey upward. “Yes, what?”
She wasn’t a prude. Just because she hadn’t had sex like Nick was describing didn’t mean she was a simpering virgin or didn’t enjoy sex. She didn’t avoid swearing because she looked down on those who did. She just hardly swore. It wasn’t acceptable at work and that just bled into her life. But it’s what Nick wanted to hear. He seemed to enjoy pushing her beyond her comfort zone. Well, fine, she could give him that.
She inhaled and stared straight into his eyes. They’d darkened to the color of a threatening rain cloud. In three seconds, when she said the words, there’d be no taking them back. She’d be jumping off a cliff without knowing what she’d land on. It could be the jagged rocks of heartbreak. One thing she was sure of, though, the journey down would be very pleasurable. For once, she’d throw caution to the wind and give in to her baser desires.
“Fuck me, Nick. Fuck me hard. Fuck me any way you want,” she said in a throaty voice she barely recognized.
That was all the encouragement he needed. With a low growl, he snagged her around her back, stood, spun them, and set her on the ledge of the hot tub. Before she had a chance to get her bearings, his mouth was on her in a scorching kiss that robbed her of breath and short-circuited her mind.
Two mental steps behind him, it took her a moment to register the sound of tearing fabric. In contrast to the heated water her legs dangled in, cool air wafted across her exposed breasts only seconds before Nick yanked his mouth from hers and latched to her breast, ripping a sharp cry from her.
His mouth was hotter than the water and he didn’t hold back with the force of his suction. He wasn’t kidding when he said he wouldn’t go easy on her. He was going to take everything she had and leave nothing but a sated shell of a woman.
It was then she realized that she wouldn’t have to travel very far down this road before Nick had the ability to crush her heart.
So be it. If it happened, she’d deal. At least she’d have the knowledge of what it was like to be with a man who turned her on harder and faster than any other.