Chapter Twenty-Two
Amanda loved everything about falling snow. The cold crisp air, the beauty of the swirling flakes, the undisturbed blanket of white that lay over the lake and mountains. But her favorite thing about a winter storm was the knowledge that she was warm and cozy in her home while the outside world remained cold and uninviting.
Large quantities of snow were the norm for February in Idaho, especially at their elevation. Storms could make travel and restocking supplies difficult, but Amanda had lived on her own in this area long enough to know to be prepared.
“Hey Kat,” she said as her friend and roommate came into the den, a stack of file folders tucked under her arm. “Nick had some stuff to work on so I told him I was going to try to wrangle you into a girls’ night of wine, brownies, and Rom Coms. What do you say?”
“What’s he doing?” Kat plopped on the couch opposite Amanda and didn’t bother to look at Amanda.
Amanda shrugged. “What? Oh, I’m not sure.”
“You didn’t ask?” Kat’s voice was flat. She’d changed over the past few months. Drastically. Gone was Amanda’s fun and crazy best friend. In her place was a sullen woman who spent every minute she was home poring over stacks of documents, filling notebooks with scribbled notes, and clicking away on her laptop. She was also gone more and more. Every time Amanda tried to engage Kat in conversation about her trips or how her investigation was going, she was shut down almost before the questions were out of her mouth.
“No I didn’t ask. He’s allowed some privacy, Kat.”
Her friend looked up and rolled her eyes. “Is that the real reason you didn’t ask, or are you afraid of the answer?”
Amanda opened her mouth but no sound came out. The antagonistic question came out of left field. In the months since Nick arrived, Kat never indicated any type of issue with him or hesitancy over their relationship. She was barely there enough to speak two words to him. “What? I-I’m not sure what to do with that Kat. I—” She blew out a breath. “Do you have a problem with Nick?”
“Do I have a problem with a man who I know nothing about? Do I have a problem with a man who has more than one weapon in his saddlebags and who the hell knows how many in his cabin? Do I have a problem with someone who keeps secrets? Do I have a problem with Nick Gould? I don’t know, Amanda, maybe if his name actually was Nick Gould, I could give you a more accurate answer.”
Disbelief flooded Amanda’s system, kicking up her heart rate and making her breathe heavier. She wanted to direct that anger back at Kat, but, how could she? While her friend may be wrong to attack Amanda’s relationship in such a blatant and hostile manner, she’d hit a few nails on the head.
For nearly five months, she’d been pretending it didn’t matter that Nick never talked about himself, never shared his past, never opened up. And hadn’t she sensed from the beginning that Nick Gould wasn’t his real name? Was she blinded by her emotions? Heck, was she blinded by sex?
“I mean do you know anything about the man you welcomed into our house? The man you sleep with every night? There are some shitty people out there, Mandy, and for all you know, he could be one of them.” She’d spoken with aggression rather than friendly concern.
I’m rotten to the core, Amanda. Even if I stayed, I’d drag you down to my level somehow.
Nick’s words from months ago reverberated through her mind. She wanted to argue, wanted to rage at Kat, but how could she when Nick himself had tried to warn her away?
Staring down at her hands, clenched in her lap, she fought to come up with an explanation for her relationship with Nick. “Look, Kat, I may not know all the details, but I do know Nick has a rough past. He’s been honest about that. In all the months he’s been here, though, I’ve never had a reason to be alarmed or a reason to fear him.”
Except that one time he threatened Dr. Michaels at gunpoint.
“Does his past define who he is? Does it mean he doesn’t deserve a good life? Does it mean he doesn’t deserve love? I don’t think I have the right to judge him or anyone in that way. He’s a good man, Kat. Haven’t you seen that?” It wasn’t vital for Amanda that her friend be head over heels for her boyfriend, but she loved Kat like a sister and the thought of her despising the man Amanda had fallen in deep with was upsetting.
Kat’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head. “Love? Are you saying you’re in love with him?”
“I-what…um, no. I’m just…it was just a figure of speech.”
Kat sprung out of her chair and paced in front of the couch, her arms flying about as she spoke. “Mandy, you have no idea what these people are like. What they are capable of. It would shock you.”
Amanda furrowed her brow. “What people? We were talking about Nick. One person, not people. Who are you talking about, Kat?”
“Bikers!” Kat threw her hands in the air like the answer was so obvious. “They are mean, they are nasty, they treat their bikes way better than they treat their women. Hell, they treat the dirt they ride over better. And they are ruthless, Mandy. Ruthless maniacs.”
Pain darkened Kat’s eyes and she appeared lost in a terrible memory for a few seconds. Amanda shoved her personal frustration aside, rose from the couch, and placed a gentle hand on Kat’s arm, slowly so as to avoid startling her. “Kat? Has something happened to you? Did someone hurt you?”
“Huh?” Kat shook her head and stepped back from Amanda’s touch. “I’m fine.”
“Okay.” Keeping her voice low, Amanda sat back down. “But that doesn’t really answer my question. Did something happen on one of your trips?”
“I said I’m fine,” Kat snapped. “Nothing happened that I didn’t allow to happen. We’ve talked about this so many times, how can you still not get it? Don’t you understand what this means to me, Mandy? How it can propel my career forward? I’ll do whatever it takes to break this story. Whatever. It. Takes.”
Amanda felt like she was standing on a land mine and if she flinched the wrong way, this entire conversation was going to blow up in her face. “Kat, your ambition and drive to accomplish your career goals are admirable. But none of that should take the place of your safety.”
“Maybe you should have thought about my safety, both of our safeties, before you invited that biker into our house and between your legs.”
“Wow, Kat, low blow.” What the hell had happened to her lifelong friend? This was not the same girl she grew up with. This was a hardened and bitter version of Kat.
Kat shrugged and gathered her files. “Sorry if the truth hurts. You know I’ve heard talk about a biker with a snake tattoo—”
Amanda held up her hand. “Stop! Just stop. So because he has a tattoo of a snake you think he’s some kind of monster? I’ve had enough of this, Kat.”
“Fine.” After she’d collected her papers, Kat marched up the steps toward her room. “I’m not up for watching movies tonight,” she called over her shoulder.
Clearly, she wasn’t up for anything but starting a fight. As worried as she was about her friend, Amanda couldn’t help but let the irritation creep back in. She followed Kat’s path to the bottom of the staircase. “Just because he rides a motorcycle doesn’t mean he’s some kind of big bad outlaw biker, you know,” she yelled up the steps.
“Well, be sure to not talk about it when you’re doing nothing but fucking!” Kat called back seconds before her door slammed shut.
Even though Kat was on a different level of the house, Amanda staggered backward as though she’d been struck. Sure, Kat had a salty sailor mouth, but in the almost twenty years they’d been friends, Kat had never spoken to Amanda in such a way. This was not just about Nick. That much vehemence couldn’t be about a man Kat barely knew. Something had happened to change her friend.
She couldn’t be in the same house as Kat right now. Fuming, she jammed her socked feet into her snow boots, stuffed her arms in her puffy coat, and yanked a hat over her head. “We do more than just fucking,” Amanda muttered. “We talk. We talk about a lot of things. We just don’t talk about Nick.”
With a frown, she threw open the front door and trudged through the snow toward Nick’s cabin. Smoke billowed from the chimney and a small smile curved her lips despite her ire. When it became too cold to continue repairs on the roof, Nick had worked his tail off and surprised her by turning the old fireplace in his cabin into an amazing floor-to-ceiling stone hearth. It was beautiful and put the fireplace in the main house to shame. In fact, the renovation was giving her countless ideas for things she could do to spruce up the main house.
There was no way Nick could be the depraved guy Kat assumed he was. Would an evil man spend weeks crafting an amazing surprise like that? Not likely.
When she reached the cabin, she pounded on the door with all the pent-up energy her anger created. Seconds ticked by with no response, so she hammered on the door again.
“I’m coming, keep your fuckin’ pants on.” Snake’s frustrated voice came through the closed door. “What the fuck do you wan—Amanda? Christ, babe, you knock like a fucking cop.”
She blew past him, ignoring his attempt at pulling her into his arms and jammed her hands on her hips. “And why would the cops be stopping by?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know, they’ve been by a few times since my accident. Usually to let me know they’re still chasing their tails. I’m expecting them to drop the case any time now.”
Right. His assault was still an open investigation. Of course. Kat had her all wound up and doubting everything.
“What are you doing here, babe? I thought you and Kat were going to watch movies that would make my dick shrivel up.”
Amanda snorted out a laugh despite herself. The house was toasty warm from the roaring fire. Nick wore nothing but some low riding sweats. She swallowed hard. He was just so…yum. And he treated her well. He couldn’t be as bad as Kat suspected.
I held a gun to his dick and threatened to blow it off.
No! He wasn’t a bad man.
And how many times was she going to repeat that to herself?
~ ~ ~ ~
Amanda stood before him, hat askew, winter jacket unzipped and hanging off one shoulder, boots unlaced. It looked like she fled the house in a frenzied rush. Both cheeks were bright red from the cold walk to his cabin and snowflakes dotted the hair that hung below her hat. Snake wanted nothing more than to peel her out of her winter gear and fuck her in front of the fire until the flush on her face was no longer from the cold. But Amanda seemed to be there for reasons besides mutual orgasms.
“I’m worried about Kat,” she said as she clomped toward the couch in her boots and dropped down. Snake followed her and drew the hat from her head, tossing it to an empty armchair next to the couch.
“Worried?” He asked as he eased the jacket off her shoulders and flung it toward the hat. “Because you sound more angry than worried, baby.” He dropped to his knees and slid the boots off her feet. Her toes were cold despite the thick socks, so he rubbed them between his hands.
“I am angry. Pissed even. You see,” she said as she gestured to him where he knelt before her. “Would some crazy, murdering, outlaw biker who treats women like a piece of property do this? I highly doubt it.” She flopped back against the cushions and groaned. “That feels really good, Nick.”
He froze and stared up at her. “What are you talking about?” Because apparently murdering outlaw bikers would do exactly what he was doing, that and more.
She sighed. “Kat’s changing. Becoming paranoid. She’s so obsessed with breaking some big story and taking down an outlaw biker club that she’s mixing up reality and fantasy. I swear, she’s making up garbage that makes no sense. For some reason, she’s convinced that you’re this lunatic outlaw and that I’ve put us both in danger by being with you.”
Not far from the truth. Not far at all. He’d worried Kat would let Amanda know her suspicions about him. Looked like he’d been right to worry. Fuckin’ Kat was going to ruin everything. Suddenly the foot in his hand felt like a hot poker and he dropped it as though burned. He chose his words carefully. “Why would she think that?”
Amanda shrugged then draped an arm across her eyes. “She said some nasty stuff about how I know nothing about you. How we never talk about anything, all we ever do is have sex. Something about a dude with a snake tattoo.”
An uneasy feeling slithered through Snake’s gut.
Her arm dropped and she frowned at him. “The thing of it is, she’s right.”
He opened his mouth to protest, but she waved him off.
“Not that all we do is have sex. And not that we don’t talk. I talk. I tell you about my day, my life, my childhood. But you don’t talk. I don’t know any more about you now than I did months ago. Why is that, Nick?”
Well, fuck. This conversation was inevitable, but not one he wanted to have. For a moment, he thought of lying, or distracting her with sex, but one look at her determined expression shot that idea out the window and into the snowy night.
He rested back on his heels and studied her. She wasn’t going to tolerate a bullshit answer, so he went with the truth, or as much of it as he was comfortable revealing. “Amanda, I don’t tell you details about my life because it’s safer if you don’t know. It’s also ugly. And you and your life are so far from ugly, I can’t bring myself to dirty it.”
“Is it really that bad?” she whispered.
Amanda always looked at him with a certain glowing admiration mixed with desire. He fuckin’ loved that look. Lived for it. And it made him want to lie to preserve it. Because he’d kill it eventually, but wasn’t ready to destroy the way she saw him. Not yet. Maybe not ever. “It’s really that bad.”
She nodded and looked toward the fire. “Are Kat and I in any danger having you here?” she asked without turning back to him.
It was a hard question to answer with complete certainty. If Casper were to find out he was alive, then yes, they’d all be in grave danger. But what reason did Casper have to come searching for him? None whatsoever. He was dead as far as Casper knew. “I don’t think so.” He grasped her hand and she finally looked at him. “No one knows I’m here. No one is looking for me. The people who attacked me are many states away. They have no reason to believe I’m alive. Amanda, if I thought you were in any danger, I wouldn’t be here. You got a glimpse of how far I’m willing to go to protect you with Michaels.”
She nodded, her mouth in a firm line. “You’d said something before about knowing who assaulted you?”
With a slow nod, he answered. “I know.”
The flat expression on her face was indecipherable. Snake couldn’t read what was going on behind the serious eyes. “Are you, I mean, will you be going after them at some point?”
The lie teetered on the tip of his tongue. One word, one easy “no” would set her mind at ease. But something about this woman made him want to be a different man. A better man. So he went with the truth. “I’m not sure. Part of me, a large part, wants to. I can’t say no. But I haven’t made any concrete plans yet.”
“Hmm. Well I guess that’s something.” She slid off the couch and to her knees in front of him. “I told Kat that I don’t judge you by your past. That it doesn’t run who you are now. Who you are with me. Because you’ve been nothing but wonderful since I’ve known you. I just want you to know that. And I’m not interested in your past as some sort of morbid curiosity.” She put her hand over his heart and it sped up as though pleased with the attention. “I want to know you. Know what made you. I just want to be close to you,” she whispered as a pretty pink blush tinged her cheeks as though she was embarrassed by the admission.
He engulfed her small hand in his, holding it over the left side of his chest. With the other hand, he cupped her cheek and tilted her head until their eyes met. “I know I’m a closed off bastard, Amanda, but I’ve let you get closer to me than any woman ever has. I hope that means something to you, because it’s a big fucking deal to me. And I’ll do better with time, tell you more, I promise. I’m just not ready to bare it all.”
“So we have time?” she asked, open and vulnerable to his response.
“We have time. I’m not going anywhere and no one is coming to take me away from you,” he answered before he took her mouth in a gentle kiss.
They explored each other for many minutes, tongues teasing and retreating until Snake was so hard he ached to be inside her. While their mouths were fused, he maneuvered them so they were in front of the fireplace, Amanda on her back, and him pressing her into the soft, plush rug she’d purchased.
“That mouth,” Amanda said on a gasp when they came up for air. She rubbed her thumb over his slippery lower lip. “Can I ask you one more question?”
“Sure, babe.” She looked gorgeous with the flickering firelight dancing across her porcelain skin. Christ, the woman was turning him poetic.
Her face turned bright red and she averted her eyes. “Except for that one time, the night I knocked down the wall in the other cabin, you’ve never let me go down on you. Uh, I guess I’m just wondering if I did a horrible job of it, or if you hated it so you haven’t let me do it or something.”