Chapter Twenty-Six
She should have said no. Should have kicked him out of her house. Why on earth had she climbed in the rusted-out truck and let him drive them the few hours south?
Because all she could think about was the way he looked in that hospital bed the first time she saw him. He said it’d be worse this time around. Then they’d make him watch while they moved on…to her.
Perched at the end of a bed in a cheap motel room just south of Salt Lake City, Amanda sighed. One bed. Of course, he’d only gotten a room with one bed. He wasn’t going to make it easy for her to distance herself.
Nick—she couldn’t bring herself to think of him as Snake—cared for her. That much was obvious in his desperate plea to protect her. And he wanted her. Despite everything, his eyes still roved over her as though he could see every inch of skin under her clothing. He probably could conjure up a mental picture any time he desired. He’d seen her naked enough times. Seen, and touched, and tasted…
Amanda shook her head and pressed her fingertips to her closed eyes. Nick was in the shower. So many questions were bouncing around in her head, she could barely sort one from the next. Maybe she should write it all down, make a list. It might help organize her internal chaos, and there was a small notepad and pen in her bag. But the bag was clear across the room and her limbs felt like they weighed a ton. So, she sat. And she waited. And she obsessed.
Sometime later, Nick walked out of the small bathroom amidst a cloud of steam. The thin motel towel hung low on his hips, barely large enough to encompass his waist. Her gaze was immediately drawn to his damp chest and the droplets of water that dotted the impressive muscles. She stifled a groan and looked away. Damn her body for going all soft and warm at the sight of him. It was like her body recognized its mate and immediately prepared to be with him.
No, he wasn’t going to make this easy at all.
“Do you want to take a shower?” he asked as he stepped into a pair of navy blue sweat pants. After she’d packed a few things, they’d swung down to the cabin and tossed all his belongings into the back of the pickup. Guess that meant he wasn’t planning on returning.
“Later.”
He nodded and sat next to her. She both wished he’d close the small gap between them and touch her and wished he would back away. Could she be any more of a mess?
“Do you have questions you want to ask me? I can just start talking if that’s easier.”
She stared at him. There wasn’t anything in his somber expression to make her believe he was playing her or planning to deceive her. He looked almost as lost as she felt.
Was it possible he’d really changed from the man in that article? Maybe changed wasn’t the right word. Maybe it was grown. Grown past what he used to be. Grown into a new stage of his life.
Curse him for sitting so close while only half dressed. Heat emanated from him, tempting her to burrow against his chest and pretend the past hours hadn’t happened. “I have so many questions. But I can’t seem to sort them out into any logical order right now. I’m so tired and emotionally fucked up.”
His eyes widened at her rare use of the four-letter word then he chuckled. “Okay, I’ll just talk and you stop me if you want to know more about something.”
She nodded.
“All right.” He took a deep breath and looked her straight in the eye as he began his story. “I grew up immersed in the outlaw motorcycle club life. My old man was president of a one percenter MC in California. My mom took off when I was a teenager. She got sick of him fucking anything with tits. I have a sister who was about five at the time. A few years later, my old man was killed by a rival club. I moved to Arizona and worked construction for a while. I sure as hell wasn’t able to care for a kid, so my sister went to live with some other family.”
He sighed and scratched the back of his neck. Amanda stayed quiet and let him gather his thoughts. “My family had been torn apart. The only example of relationships I had was my parents’ fucked up unfaithful marriage and other ones from my father’s club. They were just as bad. I was alone, angry, and looking to take back some control over my life. When I was old enough, I prospected with the Grimm Brothers MC. It was what I knew. They became my life, my family.” He paused and frowned as though lost in memories.
“Anything I say to you can’t leave this room, Amanda. It’s not safe for you to know. It’s shit I shouldn’t tell you. Shit I’ve sworn to my brothers to keep secret. Now that they’ve betrayed me, my loyalty to them is gone, but it’s still ingrained in me to keep this shit to myself.”
“I’d never let on that I know anything.”
He nodded. “The MC runs drugs, guns, owns a few whorehouses. I go by the name Snake, which I guess you read in the article. I made a name for myself and worked my way to the top of the food chain. I was mean, scary, cold. Basically, I tried to emulate my nickname. Black contacts, forked tongue, cold fucking blooded. My enemies knew I’d strike first, fast, and without warning.”
A shiver raced through Amanda. She hadn’t ever seen that side of him, but believed it could exist and would be terrifying.
“Anyway, I was voted vice president and served that role for about seven years before the pres got sick. Cancer. He lasted about six months. The club knows what happened to him, but outside my club, rumors ran rampant that I killed him for the position. I didn’t. Despite the bastard I was to most of the world, I loved each and every patched member as my family. But it served me well to have that news flying around so I never disputed it.”
“But you have killed?” She sounded like she’d swallowed a package of sandpaper. Stupid to ask. She knew the answer to the question, but needed to hear it from his mouth for some reason.
His head moved up and down in a slow nod. “I’ve killed. Not that this will do anything to help our situation, but I don’t regret most of them, any of them, really. They more than deserved it. It’s no secret what happens if you fuck with the club. People make their own choices. Myself included. I’ve done plenty of terrible shit, and I own that. But I didn’t just kill for sport.”
Did it matter? Killing was killing, wasn’t it? Did it make it any better to know he’d rid the world of some lowlife? No, it really didn’t. Not in her eyes. Though she had to admit to some relief in knowing he wasn’t just killing to get anything he wanted.
Geez, she couldn’t believe they were having this conversation. That she was weighing the degrees of murder.
“Shit started to go downhill when I became president. Now that I’ve been out for so many months, I can see how blinded by power I was. We got in tight with a Mexican cartel and started raking in some serious dough distributing their product. All that cash went straight to my head.
“I had a guy, a prospect, who stole from me. He had a sister. She was an innocent; had nothing to do with the club. I blackmailed her into infiltrating a rival club, the No Prisoners. Threatened her brother’s life. I shot him in the shoulder. Think I woulda killed him, too. Hard to say now that my head is in a different space. Anyway, things went all to shit when she and one of the NPs fell in love. They ended up stealing almost a million in cash from me and we kidnapped her in retaliation. At the time, I was in a haze of rage that I’d never experienced before. I know it sounds like an excuse, but I wasn’t in my right mind. I roughed her up pretty good, came close to killing her. Her ol’ man and his brothers rescued her and he beat me senseless. Instead of helping me, my own vice president recruited some other members to haul my half dead ass all the way up here. We’d been a bit at odds. He wanted to take some serious risks that I didn’t think were worth it for the club. I guess he decided to take matters into his own hands. You know the rest.”
The story had to be much more detailed than that, but she wasn’t sure she could handle more than he’d given her. It read right out of a Hollywood script. There was one question she had to ask though she wasn’t sure she could get the words out without being sick. “Did you—” She cleared her throat. “Did you, um, to her, the one you kidnapped, did you…”
He frowned and shook his head. “No.” The answer was forceful, sure. “Even in the height of my bloodlust and power high, that’s something I wouldn’t abide by. There’s so much ready and willing pussy in the clubs, I wouldn’t and didn’t tolerate someone taking one that was unwilling. Consequences were beyond severe if I ever got word someone crossed that line. But there were some who didn’t agree with me on that. Don’t know how it is now that I’m gone.”
A breath she hadn’t been aware she’d been holding escaped her lungs in a rush. At least that was something. If she’d heard he’d raped this girl, or someone else, she’d be out the door, consequences be damned. There were just some things that couldn’t be forgiven.
“I’ve done some shit in the name of the club. Never had a problem with that. Fucked up as it may be, it was for my club family and I don’t regret it. I do regret the final few months. I regret involving an innocent. I regret my treatment of her. I regret the whole fuckin thing.”
Call her a million types of fool, but she believed him. But did she trust her own judgment in believing him or was she still clinging to the deep feelings she’d developed for him?
The amount of life-altering information that had been pumped into her over the past few hours combined with the rollercoaster of emotions that accompanied that information left her exhausted both mentally and physically. She was all over the map, experiencing everything from anger and hatred, to fear and possible acceptance. It was time for a break; she was overloaded.
“So, what do we do now?” she asked.
~ ~ ~ ~
Amanda’s use of the word we gave Snake a sliver of hope that what they had was salvageable. Combined with the fact that she hadn’t stormed out the door, slapped his face, or ripped him a new one with her words, and maybe he still had a chance.
Dark circles marred the smooth skin beneath her bloodshot eyes. Her shoulders drooped and she swayed with fatigue. His woman was done for the day. And he wasn’t too far behind.
“Now, we sleep.” He scrubbed a hand down his face. Just having the word sleep pass his lips seemed to bring on a torrent of fatigue. “Then I come up with a plan to get out from under this.” Aware that he had no right to touch her, but unable to stop himself, he cupped her cheek.
For a split second, he’d have sworn she leaned into his touch, but before he had time to be sure, she’d pulled her head back.
“I will not let this touch you, Amanda. Not any more than it already has. I promise I’ll keep you safe.”
She nodded at him, her lips pressed in a firm line.
“Do you want to shower or just sleep?”
“Sleep,” she said, already crawling under the covers. She wormed her way to the far spot in the bed, against the wall and faced away from him.
A hollow feeling settled in the center of his chest. She’d barely reacted to his story. What the hell was going through her mind?
He eased in behind her and pulled the covers up over them. The foot of distance between them might as well have been a mile. As a precaution, he’d pulled the curtains the moment they entered the room, shrouding the room in a blanket of darkness. A few moments of silence passed, but Amanda’s breathing never changed. Didn’t fall into the even pattern of sleep he’d grown accustomed to.
“Nick?” she whispered, breaking through the tense quiet.
“Yeah, baby?”
“Are we really safe here?” The question held a hint of a tremor. “I’m a little scared.” That last part was spoken so low, he almost missed it.
“Yes, Amanda. You’re safe here. You’re safe with me.” He could no longer hold back from touching her and slid a hand over her hip. She still wore her clothes, leggings and a long-sleeved shirt, but he knew what lay underneath so it was good enough.
She reached back and captured his wrist, stilling the motion. Then, in a move that surprised him, she pulled his arm across her waist. He tugged her flush against his torso, closing the gap between them and spooned his big body around her much smaller one. Seconds later, the even rise and fall of her back against his chest alerted him she’d fallen into a much-needed sleep.
It didn’t take him long to follow, leaving the worries and stress on hold until the morning.