Epilogue
The house was quiet when Amanda returned from work. Most evenings, Nick was waiting for her on the porch with a cold soda or a glass of wine. She’d join him on the porch swing and they sit for an hour while they shared their days. Then they’d retire inside, cook dinner, relax a while, and spend the rest of the night either making love or just being with each other.
She absolutely loved their routine, but the hour on the porch was probably her favorite hour of the day. The happiness Nick always wore on his face when he first saw her was enough to make even the worst of days better. They had a good life. It was quiet and unassuming, but she wouldn’t trade it for the world.
That evening, though, Nick wasn’t on the porch. And he wasn’t on the first level of the house. Nor was there any call or text from him. “Nick?” she called as she ascended the steps and walked toward their bedroom.
Silence was the only response and nerves fluttered in her stomach. Had something happened to him? She’d been concerned about him for the past few days. Exactly one year had passed since the day Casper died. They hadn’t spoken about it, but there was no way Nick wasn’t aware of the date.
With a sigh, she crossed their room and stared out the window. Their bedroom was on the side of the house that faced the lake and way down by the water, a lone figure sat gazing out at the shimmering water. The person was too far away to be seen clearly, but Amanda knew in her gut it was Nick.
She jogged back down the stairs, grabbed two beers from the fridge and set out to see what was on her man’s mind.
Shortly after they’d returned to Idaho one year ago, Nick had told her more about his life with the Grimm Brothers. He’d never share all the details of his life prior to their relationship, and she’d come to terms with that. He didn’t want her thinking of him that way and she understood his need to protect her. They’d never spoken about his past with the MC again and even though he seemed happy with their life, she worried on occasion that it wasn’t enough for him.
It took her about five minutes to walk to where he sat, gazing out at the water as though searching for something. It was clear he was lost in thought and she hated to startle him, but didn’t see any way around it.
“Nick,” she said softly.
He jumped and swiveled his head around so fast he almost toppled his chair. “Shit!” He glanced at his watch. “I’m sorry, baby. I meant to be back before you got home.”
She waved it off and stepped closer to him. “No worries. Brought you a beer,” she said as she held the bottle out.
“Thanks.” He snagged her wrist and tugged her down to his lap, wrapping his arms around her as he twisted the cap off the beer. “Mind if we sit here for a while?”
She kissed him then draped her legs over the arm rest and rested her head on his strong chest. “Mind if we sit here all snuggled up with the most gorgeous view in the state? Nope. Not at all.”
Nick chuckled then tilted his beer up to his lips.
“Kat called today,” she said. It seemed a safer topic than asking what he was doing out there.
“How’s she doing?”
“Well. She’ll be staying with her parents for a little longer, but she’s working again and seems to be so much better. All the therapy really helped.”
“Good,” he said as he took another drink. “I’m glad her family was so willing to help her out.”
She nodded then fell into silence. After a while, the quiet began to drive her nuts. “You okay?” she asked, gazing up at him. His face was scruffy like he hadn’t bothered shaving in a few days. She always liked the feel of it on her skin.
He looked down and kissed her, long and slow and sweet.
“You remembered what day it is?” He asked after he pulled back.
She nodded. “Of course.”
“I’m all right, baby. Just thinking about stuff.”
Amanda sipped her beer as she worked up the courage to ask the one question she wondered about every so often. She’d promised herself she wouldn’t ask, because Nick had never given her any indication that he wanted to return to his MC life, but it had been his world for so long. Wouldn’t anyone miss something they’d put so much time and energy into?
“How about you? You okay?” he asked. “You’re usually much chattier.”
She laughed and some of the tension she’d been carrying the past few days dissipated. “You saying I talk too much?”
Nick chuckled. “No, I’m not that stupid.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure, babe.” He held the beer in one hand and used the other to rub up and down her back. One thing she really loved about Nick was how he always seemed to be touching her. It made her feel wanted all of the time.
“I know you don’t like to talk about this stuff, but it’s been on my mind given today’s date.” She breathed in then blew out a deep breath. “Do you ever miss it. I mean, wish-you-could-go back miss it?”
“Miss what? Being in the MC?” His hand stilled and he frowned down at her.
She nodded.
“Shit, babe. Have you been worried about this?”
“Not really.”
He gave her a hard look.
“Okay, maybe a little.”
He sighed. “Well then I’ll make this easy. No. No, I do not wish I was back in Arizona with the club.”
Even though in her heart she knew he’d say that, it was still good to hear. She really had a good life with the man she loved and couldn’t ask for anything more.
~ ~ ~ ~
Nick couldn’t believe she’d been stressing over his desire to remain with her. He felt like a heel. At some point, he must have given her a reason to believe he’d rather be back with the Grimm Brothers.
“I’m sorry if I made you worry about this.” He ran his hand up and down the feminine curve of her back. Touching her was one of his greatest pleasures, even if it wasn’t in a sexual manner. It was his way of reassuring himself that this new life he had was real. That Amanda was real and by his side.
Despite the fact that he hadn’t thought of himself as Snake in months, the life he now led still felt foreign on occasion. At least once or twice a month, he’d wake in the middle of the night, confused and convinced he was back in Arizona. The sense of relief that always accompanied the realization that he was in his bed with his woman was staggering. Now that he had more than just a taste of happiness, the thought of it disappearing sickened him.
“You didn’t do anything, I promise. I’m really not sure why I was thinking about it. I guess it’s just because you spent your entire adult life with the MC. It had to be hard to leave. And with this week bringing back some intense memories…” She shrugged against his chest. “I guess it just had my mind running away with me.” She pressed a kiss to his chest then rested her cheek against him.
“I guess we should have talked about all of this more, and that’s on me, but baby, you have to believe that I’m happy here with you. More than happy. Happy really doesn’t come close to describing how I feel. It’s just…sometimes I feel like there’s no possible way this could be real. I don’t deserve this, any of this. I especially don’t deserve you.”
“Nick,” she whispered.
“I worry that it will all be ripped away. And that will be my punishment for all the things I’ve done. You’re right about this week. The past few days have just churned up all sorts of shitty feelings and memories.”
“I don’t think it works that way. I don’t think just because you’ve done things in the past that are questionable that you’ll have everything good in your life taken away.”
He grunted. “Nothing questionable about some of it, babe. Some of it was just downright wrong. And you ever heard of karma?”
“The man I know is completely different from the man you describe yourself as being in the past. You’ve done a one-eighty. You’ve atoned for what sins you could and have done a lot of good with your life over the past year. How many people have you helped with their repairs for a fraction of what you should be charging them? You’re a good man, Nick. I don’t think the universe is just waiting around for a chance to get even with you. Besides, you were beaten to within inches of your life, shot, and left for dead. Don’t you think you’ve been punished enough?”
He let her words roll around in his head for a few moments. Amanda, amazing woman that she was, must have sensed he needed a moment because she remained silent, supporting him with her quiet strength.
He glanced down at her beautiful face. Maybe she was right. Maybe the universe would spare him from further retaliation. He had to run with it because he didn’t want to waste a minute of the time he had with her. Waiting around for the other shoe to drop would do just that.
“Beautiful and wise,” he said in a playful tone.
Amanda chuckled. “You are one lucky man.”
“I am.”
Her head tilted up and she winked. “That’s what I just said.”
After letting his near empty bottle fall to the ground, he cupped the back of her head. “No, Amanda.” His voice was dead serious now. “I mean it. I’m one lucky shit. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that if I hadn’t met you, I’d have gone off in search of revenge and taken my club back. There’s a good chance my life would have ended with prison time or an early death. You saved me and I’m the luckiest sonofabitch around.”
He held her head still and lowered his mouth to hers in a passionate kiss that went on for many minutes. When he pulled back, they were both panting for breath and Amanda’s eyes had the glimmer of unshed tears.
“I love you, Nick,” she whispered despite the fact that there wasn’t another soul around.
Love wasn’t strong enough a word for what he felt for her, but as no one had invented a better one, he stuck with it. “You’ve got nothing on how much I love you, baby. Nothing.”
Amanda smiled his favorite smile. It was her beyond-happy smile. She wasn’t even aware of it, but he had names for a few of her smiles. This was one reserved only for him.
She settled against him once again, wrapping an arm around his mid-section. “Can we stay like this for a while?” she asked. “It’s so peaceful.”
He dropped a kiss on the top of her head then stared out at the water. In that moment, his inner turmoil calmed until it rivaled the stillness of the glassy lake. “We can stay like this forever.”