Chapter Nine
RUTH
Bone-chilling weight pressed against me. Cold had a presence, it often compressed against our bones and made our teeth chatter, but this—this was a different kind of weight. This cold held me at the edge of a mountain, and in the distance, I saw the shadow—the demon’s piercing ruby gaze tipping me off the cliff. I recognized his frost, and he blanketed me in it.
I reached out; the weight pushed down on me harder until my heels were no longer on the dirt and gravel fell off the cliff where I would soon join it.
“It isn’t time,” I yelled.
I didn’t think he’d answer, but he did.
“Sing.”
When I didn’t, the dirt gave beneath my feet and I tumbled.
Sucking in a breath, I bolted upright in my bed. Falling in a dream was horrible enough, but the presence of the demon was the true horror as I blinked my eyes and took in my bedroom to gain some reality.
Only the demon was my reality.
Taking in another deep breath, I lifted my legs and rested my head on my knees. Everything was okay. I accepted my fate a decade ago so why did I let it get to me now?
Every day of the past year, my emotions were on repeat. More or less, I’d wake up and remember my fate and go through the emotions. First came fear, then anger and resentment, then the unfairness until finally the acceptance came. It was when I reached that point in my head, I was able to crawl out of bed and go about my life.
I raised my head and saw my notebook on the pillow to my right where I left it last night. I was onto something. The vibe of this new song was different yet exciting nonetheless, and that’s what made me want to get out of bed.
Grabbing the notebook, I pulled away the covers and slid my legs off the bed. I paused when I felt my foot touch something. I looked down to see a Red Grace stuck to the bottom of my foot. Red Grace was the name for a herbaceous peony—a flower. I only knew the name of it since I spent a day searching for it on the internet after my first encounter with the demon. He’d been here last night. Fear slithered up my back, but I simply took a deep, painful swallow and stood.
It was nothing new. Over the years, I’d encountered a lot of them. That’s how I knew he’d been around. I didn’t know if he left them to keep me reminded or not, but if he did, it worked.
The flower put a renewed sense of urgency in me, and more than anything, I wanted to get down the words stuck in my head before my time was up. I just had to figure out what they were.
_______
“Ruth!”
“Liz…” I said skeptically as she darted out in front of me.
To say I was surprised by Liz’s ambush on my way inside the rehab center Saturday morning was an understatement. It couldn’t have been easy for her father to find Ma’s new whereabouts after their first try to tarnish my reputation by saying I was the one in rehab. It hadn’t worked out in their favor, and the rumors died out quickly.
But that was three years ago. Liz James approached me after her world fell apart. Reporters caught a whiff of her addiction habits and nasty tendencies to cause trouble that had fatal consequences. She had caused a big scene, saying I was the reason for her downfall. It was pathetic and sad when she was to blame along with her dirt-dealing father. Other than the song “Sun”, I hadn’t bothered with Liz James. The need to set out and do what I wanted took the forefront of my life.
And now by the looks of Liz’s career and life, I knew my choice had been the right one.
Jayne whipped out her phone without a second notice as she spotted the blonde bombshell that used to be my best friend.
I eyed her carefully. “Come to blame me for your new problems?”
Liz’s hands snagged the edge of her shirt and held it tightly. But this wasn’t about anger. No. She was shaking, and her eyes were full of guilt. Wait! That couldn’t be right. “Ruth…” Was that a hint of pleading in her voice?
My spine stiffened with suspicion, and my gut churned with dread. I could handle almost whatever she threw at me except… The first year of my career, maybe, I kept waiting for this to happen, but not now.
“I’m sorry,” she choked out.
My nostrils flared as I breathed in loud enough for Jayne and Liz to hear. “Whatever your game is, Liz, leave.” I closed my eyes and mustered up strength. “I’m over what happened between us and believe me when I say that I wish you the best.” The best is something Liz and her father never gave me when they stripped me of my songs, love, and pride that day. “But I don’t want to see you.”
“Ruth, I fucked up our friendship.” She was crying.
Shit, why did she have to cry? Now I was uncomfortable and slightly ticked.
Liz continued, “I was always jealous and scared around you. I couldn’t help it! But I know now what I did was wrong. We would have been great together—our little duo. I’m sorry I screwed it up.”
Rupert and Max appeared. Jayne must have called them out of the car. Rupert respected my privacy when I came to visit Ma while Jayne was in a league on her own and stayed attached to my hip. She wasn’t going anywhere if she thought I might need her even if that meant getting yelled at by my ma.
“Is there a problem?” Rupert asked, and I shook my head.
“I miss you,” Liz declared. “I want us to be friends again. I want us to sing together—”
Did she not hear herself right now? I scoffed. “Now it makes sense.” I crossed my arms and glared. “I heard you were trying for a comeback and how much easier would that be if friends slash enemies slash friends again hit the print and web. I don’t think so.” I dropped my arms and sauntered away. “Goodbye, Liz.”
“Ruth!” she exclaimed desperately.
I gripped my fists as we rounded the corner, and Jayne hit the button for the elevator. “Rupert, can you guys make sure she leaves?” Jayne asked them, and as soon as they left she grabbed my shoulder and pulled me in for a hug.
“What are you doing?” I asked, my fists falling at my sides.
“Because,” she mumbled sadly. “I saw you out there. Admit it to yourself or not, she caused your heart to react and for a second you wanted to believe her tears were real.”
I closed my eyes and sighed. “You’d be a whole lot more comfortable if you had more than a B-cup.”
She smacked my shoulder and huffed. “Sorry, Ruth. Not all of us our gifted with a front and a back.” She squinted at me as she said it.
“You know Ma’s going to curse you again when she sees you?” I asked her.
“That woman loves me. She just won’t admit it.”
______
Jayne and I munched on Chinese takeout once more while we watched The Oppressors practice through the glass. I admired their dedication to come in on a Saturday just to rehearse. It reminded me of myself and anyone that loved music the way I did could have easily been a long-lost friend.
I watched Jayne as she wiped the corner of her mouth with a napkin and a pang of sadness filled me entirely. “Jayne...”
She turned and lifted one eyebrow at me. “Hmm?”
“You know you don’t have to stay with me twenty-four seven. You’re my personal assistant, but that doesn’t mean you need to stay by my side, especially when I’ve not been doing anything since coming home from the tour.”
She smiled. “I stick around because you’re my best friend—one who pays me to handle her shit is a bonus.” She winked, and I rolled my eyes. “Why? Do you want me to leave you alone?”
“No!” I said quickly.
“Good. It’s not like we have any male relationships outside of our work environment, anyway.”
“Are you still hung up on Dean?” Dean was her former boyfriend who she’d been with the majority of the time while working for me until last year when she caught him cheating. She hadn’t taken it well, and that was when we got closer. I’d have to thank Dean sometime. His actions helped me find this beautiful person.
She scrunched up her nose. “God no.”
“Good.”
I turned back toward the boys and smiled. “They’re very attractive, aren’t they?”
She rolled her shoulders and agreed. “They are. Wouldn’t hurt for them to eat another burger or two though.”
“You do realize you have no room to talk?” I eyed her pale skin and skinny frame.
Jayne wrapped her arms around herself when she caught me staring.
“I’m just playing, Jayne, you know there’s nothing wrong with you being skinny.”
“Says the rapper with the skinny waist. The only thing big on you is your boobs and hips.” She spread her hands wide emphasizing the width of my hips. “It’s crazy how bodies work, ya know? We eat the same things but some of us are lucky and some of us aren’t.” She glared at my chest and I smirked.
“It’s called genetics,” I told her. “Or plastic surgery.” That had us both chuckling. “I was just lucky in that department. You saw Ma.”
“Yes.” She nodded. “Your mom is still fine.” She fanned her face as she said it.
“We can buy you a pair if you want bigger ones,” I offered even though I thought Jayne was perfect as she was.
“I thought about it before.” She smoothed out her shirt and thrust her chest out. “But wouldn’t it look too weird though? I feel like it would disproportion my figure.”
I didn’t get to respond when I caught sight of a man through the window of the door before he walked off. I placed my chopsticks down and stood. “Hold on a second,” I told her as I hurried to the door and opened it.
Sure enough, I looked around to see Amit trailing down the hall with his hands in his pockets. “Amit!”
He stopped and faced me. Beads of sweat popped up on my neck as I tried to think of something to say. “What is it, Ruth?” His tone was clipped and to the point.
I made my way to him with a rehearsed expression—calm and easy. It’s all right, Ruth. He’s not as open as he had been last night at the charity event but that’s okay. You know there’s still a person beneath his obscurity. You just have to coax him out… None of that explained why I wanted to talk to Amit, and frankly, I wasn’t going to dwell on it.
“Back to being cold so soon?” I lifted my head and stared into his gray eyes.
His nostrils flared as he took me in, and my stomach dipped. He met my eyes once more before he asked, “Was there a time when I wasn’t?”
“Last night.” I smiled freely. “You didn’t seem so bad then.”
He looked absolutely disturbed. “Don’t remind me,” he sighed. “Is there something you need?” The crease in his forehead let me know how much it pained him to ask me.
Somehow, his distant behavior intrigued me. I had no other way of putting it. The more he tried to keep his distance, the more I wanted to know why he treated me so weird. Our association was only through the company which meant nothing, so why did he act so strange toward me?
“Do you want to buy me dinner?” I asked.
His eyes hardened. “You just ate.”
He didn’t make approaching him easy. I sighed. “Would you like to buy me a drink then?” I suggested.
“If that’s what you want,” he said slowly, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Let me grab my purse.”
______
John drove us since Amit never offered to take us himself. On the way to the bar, Amit didn’t leave an opening for conversation. His giant, eccentric aura, as he sat in the backseat with me, only made my skin tingle. It was thrilling as well as scary the way my desire ran rampant every time he was near. The entire drive was quiet but that was fine too since I couldn’t stop myself from picturing how his arms would feel around me. Or what was beneath the suit he wore. He was muscular, that was obvious, but I wanted more—to know how every inch of his skin looked, how he felt, and how he tasted.
Jayne was right. I was extremely attracted to Amit. He screamed male. His aloofness didn’t push me away. Instead, it pulled me in like an erotic magnet—drawing me in a way I’d never felt before.
Looking out my window, I decided how much I loathed the demon and his thirst to kill anyone who wanted me.
This man, less than two feet from me, had me salivating like one of Pavlov’s dogs.
When we arrived at the bar, we used the back entrance and chose a private booth in a darkened corner—I always chose spots away from the eyes of the public.
He could barely squeeze between the round table and cushioned seats next to me. I noticed his obvious reluctance to get close to me but couldn’t stop the hot circuits burning through my stomach at his nearness. Like in the car, I was hot all over again. He was so close, and we were more or less alone. I could see no one else in the fancy bar but him. When the waiter came over, I ordered cocktails while Amit remained stoic and quiet. I imagined his rigid posture had something to do with me staring a hole through him.
“Are you always so talkative?” I asked him as I took a sip.
“Always,” he said, his attention focused on the untouched glass in his hand.
“Do you have a wife?” I leaned into the table and spotted his ringless left hand. “Girlfriend?” I almost said girlfriends, but Amit didn’t seem the type to juggle women. He barely tolerated being with me.
Finally, his icy gaze settled on me. “Are you attracted to me, Ruth?”
Averting my eyes, I considered how to respond. Meekly, I said, “Yes” and took another sip.
“Don’t be.”
Lifting my head, my gaze met his more intense one. I rolled my eyes and muttered, “Okay. I’ll be sure to tell my attraction to go away.”
Like physical attraction, especially one this strong, could be willed away—it doesn’t work like that. Who could decipher why we were drawn to some people while repelled by others? Although Amit and I had little to say to each other, our bodies communicated on a sexual level. Don’t blame me. His body started the dialogue.
“Every time I’ve helped you in the past is because it’s beneficial to me,” he abruptly said, tossing back his drink. Staring into the distance, he added, “People need a reason to do good things.”
Our conversation had taken a strange turn, but I was on board with it. I countered with, “No, they don’t. You don’t need a reason to do anything—good or bad.”
The alcohol made me brazen. Thoughts of Amit naked filled my mind as my gaze slid over his tight-fitting suit.
When the server arrived with more alcohol, Amit refused it while his gaze remained on me. I ran my fingers through my hair when he said. “There’s so much you don’t know, Ruth.” His voice was always so zealous and fierce, but right then, it was even more prominent.
I propped my elbow on the table and admired him scandalously. “Then tell me.”
He shook his head at me. “I left you alone to bloom, but it seems I’ve left you in the sun for too long. You’re beginning to wither.”
I scooted closer, closer, then my hands sought his chest where I slipped my hand underneath the suit. Even through his dress shirt, I could feel the ropey muscles hidden beneath. For someone so cold, his fevered skin was scorching my palm through the fabric. Swallowing hard and eyes feeling heavy, I slipped my index finger between the buttons of his shirt seeking his flesh. I almost needed to feel him in the same way I boldly chased after music—passionately and relentlessly. My stomach was a bottomless pit of hunger. He grabbed my hand and the force of his hold was bruising as he stopped me from moving it any further. I looked up. “If I’m a flower to you, Amit, then you should stop waiting and pluck me already.”
“I can’t pluck you not while you’re wilting away.” He dropped my hand into my lap. There was a slight, pained expression in his eyes as they crinkled at the corners. His lips were in an angry grimace like he was both remorseful and irritated. Then it warped into something much harsher.
His dark and impenetrable expression seared me, punishing me deeper than his cruel words did. Frowning, I pushed to my feet. “I should go.”
But instead of walking away, I staggered. Amit reached for me but I caught myself, making sure his hands didn’t touch me.
“Where are you going?”
Ignoring him, I headed toward the back entrance. I didn’t get far before his rough hand latched onto my wrist and whirled me around. His sigh fell over my head as I looked up. “You’re always getting angry,” he stated with noticeable agitation in his voice.
“Anyone would get offended when someone says you’re wilting,” I hissed, jerking free of him. “What does that even mean? Am I getting ugly or something?”
He paused, his silvery stare roaming over me briefly before he shook his head and replied contemptuously, “You know you’re not ugly.”
He took too long to answer. Something came unglued inside me. Years of confidence meant nothing in the face of Amit. His dismissive words stung. “That doesn’t make me feel better,” I muttered.
“You’re the brightest soul I’ve ever seen…” His penetrating gaze probed my face while an intense heat spread through me. “Very beautiful,” he whispered hoarsely as he took a step back as if he knew I needed to hear him say it while he required the space between us.
“Really?” Warmth flowed freely inside my chest, but it was the tingling sensation that formed in the pit of my stomach and dampened my panties that dominated everything else. I crossed my legs, almost daring myself to rub the needy place between my thighs but didn’t because that would only make it worse. Amit’s presence gave my body enough responses just being near.
He dragged his steely eyes over me once more with a sigh that sounded more like a moan. “Really.”
“Thank you,” I told him.
He nodded. “Come on, I’ll walk you to your vehicle.” He didn’t have to since Rupert was near the door waiting for me, but I didn’t say that.
“You’re not riding back with me?” Resting my head against his muscular chest, I studied this intense man. He possessed a scary energy in an attractive package.
He shook his head and said to Rupert, “She’s had too much to drink. Take her home.”
I peered into the darkening sky. When I glanced down, Amit was focused on me again and it had me tugging my bottom lip between my teeth. “I thought you were wanting to try new music?” he asked.
“I am,” I told him. “I’m working on it.” He nodded and started to walk away, but I grabbed his arm. “Amit.” I waited for him to face me. “I saved your number last week when you called and growled in my ear. Can I use it?”
Take the bait.
I was asking for permission to call the man I was shamefully attracted to, all the while still remembering I couldn’t get too close even if I wanted to.
He couldn’t hold my gaze. “If that’s what you want.”
My heart did this strange, very stupid thing because of his words.
And damn it, they weren’t even good ones.
_______
AMIT
Night had fallen and Ruth had gone home with the driver.
Now here I was like always.
There was something about habits that proved to be horrendous. Some were worse than others, but this one was lining up to be the worst of them all.
Because for the last decade, I’ve watched her on most nights.
And in those nights, I’d grown increasingly aware of Ruth. The way she worked and moved, slept and ate, bathed and smiled…maybe too much. Definitely, entirely too much.
I couldn’t stop myself then, nor could I stop myself now, from simply seeking her out—just to stare upon her in any given way. Her habits were memorized, ingrained so deeply into my system that she walked around inside my head like a ghost, but even that wasn’t enough. I had to see her.
On the nights when she pulled her covers up to her chin and slipped a hand between her legs, I knew what she was doing. I could practically smell the ripeness of her sex—decadent and spicy like I imagined her soul would taste, and it didn’t help that I could see the shimmer in her soul as she reached her peak. A mere hour from leaving my side she was pleasuring herself again.
She made me a stranger inside my reaping form. All I could feel was the ghost of my human cock twitching in rhythm to her every whim. As much as I detested being here, doing this, making me loathe myself further watching the same human over and over, I still did it. Watching her wasn’t needed to eat her soul, but I couldn’t help myself. I’d grown to enjoy her life as if it were my own. Her pleasure? Mine to watch. Her voice? Mine to listen to. Her legs spreading? Mine to keep anyone else from parting. My thoughts had long since twisted with Ruth. Because she was entirely mine.
“Sire, you’re doing it again,” Lars observed. I skimmed over his tiny stature beside me. I hadn’t even realized the gremlin was here, especially when he knew how much I disliked him being present while she was…
I glanced up at the lights flickering throughout the house. She had turned all of them off when she laid down, but that didn’t seem to matter. Was it something I did causing the light show?
She moaned as her legs widened, tossing her head from side to side, rubbing it into the pillow. The flickering grew worse as my own need for release, just as tightly wound as hers, grew. We reached our peak simultaneously—hers ended with a satisfied cry while my reaping form flared along with the flashing lights. Her knees crumbled, the lights stopped, and it was over.
My release hadn’t been physical while in this form, but it was sexual to the highest degree. For it was my very soul yearning for Ruth every time she shuddered.
“Do not smack me, Sire, but how…” He pointed toward a panting Ruth. “How is this not wrong when I’m not allowed to play with my food?”
Anger rippled through my form as I realized what he implied.
Lars backed away, covering his head with his hands. Finally, he held them high in surrender.
“Lars,” I whispered darkly.
“Yes?” he said hesitantly.
“The question is, what the hell are you doing here?”
“Yes, right, of course… I’m not to be anywhere near her when she’s touching herself.” My patience thinned as he spoke. “You are behaving awfully strange around this soul, Sire. I will be happy when this is all over.”
I threw him across the room. His ugly green frame smacked into a picture on the wall, and it fell beside him. Ruth jumped up and made a noise in her throat as she turned on a lamp. Her wild curls were tangled while her glassy gaze still held remnants of her self-induced pleasure. Her fear-filled eyes darted around the room until they landed on the picture.
“Now look what you did…” Lars placed his hands on his hips and shook his head with a tsk-tsk sound that grated on my nerves. “So much for her soul, you keep disrupting it more and more each day, whether it be in your human form or…” Lars rambled on and on with his pointless complaining. As I tuned him out, I wondered why I bother keeping him around.