Chapter Fourteen
RUTH
A couple of nights later, I was no closer to understanding Amit than I was when his driver took me home the other day. He called me around ten the last two nights and each time, he’d call me through FaceTime. He didn’t talk much, and he didn’t participate. He’d watch until I made myself come then we’d hang up.
I liked him watching me, but his not participating was slowly getting to me. Each night, I asked him to touch himself, and he merely scoffed and watched me. I was okay with it until I wasn’t. His erection had been huge that one night I had convinced him to let me see it. For someone as big as Amit, I had figured as much. The thought of him gripping it in his hand and getting himself off for me had heat bursting through my skin all day long. It was torture. Instead of feeling sated come the third night, I was even more sexually frustrated after I came for him.
Slowly, I realized what a terrible idea this was. Amit was as cold as the Artic, and my body was like lava. He stood aloof while I spiraled into a depressed state of unfulfilled desire. He wouldn’t even give himself over to me through a screen, and the demon kept me from seducing him in person.
The third night after coming alone, I left my fingers against the sticky slit between my thighs as I panted and squirmed. The cell phone shook in my hand. I could get off again and again and knew it wouldn’t be enough anymore. “Amit,” I whispered and lifted the phone so that he could see my face. “This isn’t enough. I need you to participate with me. Seeing you get off is all I’m asking.”
“The answer is always going to be the same,” came his smooth reply.
I bit my lip. “Yeah, I know.” Before I let the rejection sink in even further, I ended the video with, “Good night, Amit.”
I don’t understand you, Amit. And I hated that I wanted to.
______
“Ruth Thomas, how could you not tell me you’ve been having video sex with Amit Kingston.” I expected this kind of reaction from Jayne the following day when I finally told her about Amit.
“Shh.” I looked around to make sure no one was close by. We were at the gym again. There were some guys toward the back, but I don’t think they were close enough to hear us.
“Don’t shush me! Tell me what I’ve missed.” She gave me the stink eye with a side smile. Only Jayne could make that a thing.
“Nothing.” I looked out the window with a sigh. “I touch myself while he does nothing.”
Her eyebrows lifted. “Nothing?”
“Nothing.” I confirmed.
Now those same eyes widened before she nodded. “This is to be expected. Amit didn’t take over Black Hearts without some sort of strong will.”
“That doesn’t make me feel better,” I grumbled, dropping my head in defeat.
“Seduce him. Over the phone is different. Temptation is still very real but less than what it would be if you came onto him in person.” This was Jayne giving me advice. The same woman that blushed like a virgin and dashed out the door around my new friends.
“I don’t think taking advice from the one that refuses to go with me to the studio anymore because of her blushing like crazy is going to help me.”
She shook her head and groaned. “I can’t help what my skin does, okay?”
I smirked at her, then faced forward once more so I could frown without her seeing. My reality was sad. “I can’t seduce him—at least not in person.”
“Why?” She scrunched her nose up as she changed the speed on her treadmill. “Ruth, believe me, Amit is way, way into you if he’s FaceTiming you every night and watching you masturbate.”
“That’s not the only issue.”
She studied me then released a wail. “Please, don’t start that nonsense about you being cursed.”
“Then let’s change the subject,” I replied evenly, working on easing my breathing. We’d been running on the treadmills for a while now.
She frowned. “I worry about you sometimes. You take this Dark Goddess thing way too seriously.”
“Can we not talk about this?” I asked her. “I only wanted to tell you about Amit because I want that steely expression of his to finally crack.”
For me.
She winked. “He’ll cave in eventually and when he does, no Dark Goddess is going to keep him from getting his hands on you.”
She didn’t know the demon.
“By the way, D.D. Cosmetics wants to meet and talk with you about a contract they hope you’d be interested in. I think they want you to be their new face.”
“I can’t.” I shook my head.
She shut off her treadmill. “All right. What’s going on? You’re not doing anything, and you used to do everything until you got home from this last tour. Is something wrong? This is your friend speaking. You’re a workaholic, and it makes me feel better that you’re working on songwriting at least—”
“That’s all it is, Jayne,” I interrupted before she went on. “I want to concentrate on the songs speaking to me as well as Ma. Nothing’s wrong.”
She studied me closely before she smiled. “I’m sorry. I should know more than anyone how much you need a break from the celebrity life.” She stepped off her treadmill and bent down to grab her water next to my gym bag. “Oh my god,” she squeaked as she eyed the book resting underneath my bag. “I swear to God, Ruth, I never see you carry that thing in anywhere when we go places, but somehow see it later. No matter where or when, it’s close by somewhere. How? I know for a fact you didn’t bring it with you.”
“Don’t touch it.” She knew not to, but I always said it, anyway.
She did a full body shudder next to me. “Don’t worry. That thing is creepy looking, and I remember how you freaked out the first time I tried to grab it. Thought I lost my job when I just got it.”
“I’m sorry, it’s personal.” There was nothing I could say to explain to her why she couldn’t touch it. I could only apologize.
“Yeah, you know how nosy I am, but even I won’t push on that thing. You get that crazy desperate look in your eyes every time someone gets near it.” She pointed toward it.
I blew out a breath. “Thanks.” I turned my treadmill off. “Are you ready?”
She wasn’t paying attention to me as I grabbed the bag and the book from the floor. When I raised up, she nudged my shoulder. “Look who’s here.”
Turning around quickly I expected it to be Amit, but it wasn’t. My lips flattened as I caught sight of Randy James, Liz’s father, lifting weights. With the way he watched me, my guess was he was waiting for a chance to approach. He set the dumbbell down and headed toward us. I wasn’t sure exactly how old Mr. James was, but as a kid I always thought he was a nice-looking man. That was before I discovered him and his daughter’s true nature. He kept himself in shape. Only a dusting of gray marred his dark-blond hair. It was safe to say that while in gym clothes he didn’t look like the snake he was.
“Ruth, what a pleasant surprise,” he said calmly, always the businessman in every situation.
It didn’t matter what false image he projected. The lewd suggestion he made me when I was eighteen lingered in my mind. All I wanted to do was walk the other way when he was around.
Jayne and I exchanged a glance as if we were both thinking the same thing. This wasn’t a coincidence. No way a man that lived an hour away from here would work out in this gym. “This is awfully far from your home,” I pointed out, wanting him to know I didn’t trust him at all.
“I had business at Black Hearts.”
My eyebrows shot up. Why would he go there? I fought the need to roll my eyes as he leered at my body before focusing on my face. “Hmm, well.” I turned away. “Let’s go, Jayne.”
“Hold up.” He touched my arm, and I jerked away with a glare, which only caused him to smile. “It’s been years. Let me buy you dinner and catch up. Liz and I miss you.”
I laughed loudly. “Please! Liz already approached me. I know what this is about.”
He placed his hands in his shorts’s pockets and ogled me. “That makes it easier. Let’s work together.”
“So you can steal my songs again?” I asked, flicking my ponytail like a damn diva. “No, thanks.”
“That’s in the past,” he pointed at me. “You’re now a multimillionaire with billions of fans worshiping you all over the world.”
“And…?” I waited.
“It’s time to let the past go.” He shrugged half-heartedly.
“Goodbye, Mr. James,” I snapped, and Jayne and I walked away.
“This would be great publicity for you both.” I clutched my fingers over the book until my knuckles turned white. “Oh, and Ruth? You look even more beautiful than on TV. Despite everything, let me take you out.”
Was he fucking kidding me?
I took a deep breath as we left the building. It had been a long while since I felt so angry and disgusted. How dare he? Who did he think he was? The fact he could speak to me like that after all this time made my hands shake.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Rupert, standing by the exit, asked. I wasn’t even paying attention to where I was walking when I collided with someone. An oomph tumbled from my lips. Large hands dug into my biceps. I raised my chin and saw a surly looking Amit. He observed something behind me. It didn’t matter why he was here. My anger went up in smoke and calm filled my chest with him so close. Brief happiness—a strange contentment—coursed through me.
“Amit,” said Mr. James, sounding flabbergasted. “What a surprise.”
Amit’s jaw tensed as he glared at Mr. James. I had to crane my neck back even more just to look up at him better standing this close together. “I thought you were told not to approach Ruth?” he said.
Mr. James laughed and said, “She doesn’t belong to Black Hearts anymore.”
“That doesn’t matter. Anything to do with Ruth Thomas has everything to do with me.” Jayne and I gawked at Amit. I didn’t even care about Mr. James or poor Rupert behind me.
“Huh?” Mr. James muttered. “Well, isn’t that interesting? President of Black Hearts and Dark Goddess.”
“She doesn’t want to work with Liz.” Jayne piped in. “Mr. James, you’ve crossed the line approaching Ruth like this.”
“Who says I came to see her for Liz?” he said.
Fucking liar!
But something in Amit’s expression shook me. His dark eyebrows were furrowed so deeply, I’d never seen him so tense with rage. To anyone else Amit likely seemed completely unfazed. The guy normally wasn’t bothered by anything, but here I watched him visibly react to Liz’s dad’s words. I knew this only because I’d seen The Oppressors try on several occasions to goad him and Amit never flinched.
“Why else would you approach her?” Amit’s was incredibly calm but with the eerie stillness to his voice, added with his clenched jaws and the almost painful grip on my arm, I knew he was furious. On my behalf. He was scarier this way. He had me thinking of the phrase, the calm before the storm.
I shivered in response to my reaction toward Amit’s behavior—always him—and pulled away slowly so that I could face Mr. James. “I’m not working with Liz nor do I want to see you. Let’s leave it at that.”
He smirked. “We’ll see about that.”
Oh no! Something inside me snapped. Instead of letting Amit or Jayne speak up once more on my behalf, I yelled. “You know what? Fuck this! It’s been a long time coming.” Baring my teeth, I lunged and threw a punch. Pain shot through my knuckles as they connected with the side of his nose. I wasn’t much of a fighter. I didn’t even draw blood, but I hoped it hurt.
He howled, cupping his nose that wasn’t even bleeding. It was a little red though. “Do you have any idea what you just did?”
I smirked. “Yeah. I let go of the past, but I won’t let either of you come into my life and fuck with me. Who the hell do you think you are to even walk up to me and say hello after what you and your daughter stole from me?”
He rubbed his nose then his jaw and scowled. Rupert stepped between us as Amit waited behind me. “Relax. I won’t do anything,” Mr. James said and pushed Rupert out of the way. “I’ll be seeing you, Ruth.” He dropped another smirk and left.
“Are you sure you need me around?” Rupert asked, and I rolled my eyes, rubbing my knuckles.
“Randy and Liz James are made from the same cloth.” Jayne scowled as we watched him slip inside his fancy sports car.
“What a mood killer.” I sighed and faced Amit.
He glanced at me. “I’ll take care of him.” His words caused me to shiver. He was still upset on my behalf.
“I can handle my own business,” I said meekly. “But what are you doing here?”
“He’s been tracking your movements the last few days. I had a feeling this would happen.”
That was unsettling. My head jerked around to Rupert. “He has?”
Rupert stepped beside me with an apologetic grimace on his face. “Truthfully, John and I knew. We told Amit.”
I frowned. “Why would you do that?”
“We didn’t want to startle you. Since you seemed to be talking to Amit lately…”
Rupert looked guilty—as he should. I trusted him so much. To think that he went to someone else about my business felt a little too much like betrayal. But his intentions were pure. The man looked afraid I might fire him.
He finally said, “I should have told you.”
“Yeah, you should have,” I said curtly.
“Let me take you home.” Amit continued to surprise me.
I studied his face then said, “Only if you stay for a while. I can whip us up something to eat.” This wasn’t about seducing him. I wasn’t about to jeopardize his life because I wanted to fuck him. No, I just wanted… Him. To be around him. It was enough. It had to be enough.
“Rupert, I think Amit’s got this. How about you, John, and me head home,” Jayne said.
Rupert bobbed his head and looked to me for confirmation, but I was still waiting for Amit’s answer. He sighed and nodded toward Rupert.
“If you want Max or me to stay at your house in case Mr. James gets bolder, just call, okay?” Rupert raised his hand and patted Amit’s shoulder even though Amit dwarfed him. “Look after her for me.”
Then they were gone leaving me with Amit. He took a deep breath when I mumbled, “Hi” randomly. I looked around. “Where’s your driver?”
He pulled out his phone and tapped away on the screen. “He’ll come get us. It’ll take a few minutes.”
My forehead wrinkled. “How did you get here?”
He merely shrugged.
Looking around, I saw a bench outside the gym. “Let’s go sit over there.”
He followed me, and as soon as we were seated he grabbed my hand. I tried jerking away, but his grip was firm, and he refused to let go. He ran his thumb across my knuckles. “How does it feel?” He was asking about my slightly injured hand. This side of him, although sweet, was scarier because it felt good.
“It’s fine.” I tried taking my hand away again.
“Next time you want to hit him, let me know, and I’ll do it for you.” Amit’s head was bent as he inspected my hand.
I couldn’t see his face, but my heart, my heart… Why did he have to make it do that crazy thumping thing it was doing now?
“You’re talking more…” I said shyly.
He placed my hand in my lap and let it go. “I hadn’t noticed.” He finally looked at me. There was something intense between him and I—something crazy kept happening to my body around him. There was a zing in my chest and stomach every time our gazes caught. I’ve encountered so many people over the years, looked into so many eyes, been around hundreds of beautiful males, and this one—this one was the only one who spoke to my body—my soul. He was on an entirely different level.
Studying his handsome face and those silvery gray, slightly evil-looking eyes, I asked, “How old are you?”
“Old.”
I sighed. “Would you please give me actual answers instead of these dull responses?” I waited a heartbeat. “Do you like spaghetti?”
“I’ll eat anything.” A slight shrug from his normal stiff demeanor.
Defeated, I dropped my head. I asked if he liked it, not if he’d eat it. At this point, I didn’t know how to get him to open up.
______
“Ya know, you don’t have to stand there. You can sit down.” I was putting the meat for the spaghetti on as he hovered near the pantry watching me like some giant predator. It was oddly thrilling and nerve-racking too. I was trying to ignore my body’s natural response around him—the tingles seeping between my thighs every time I thought he might step closer and the fluttering in my stomach as the seer of his hot gaze against my back only heightened the thrumming pulse in my ear—but embraced it at the same time.
I liked it. A lot.
“I don’t mind watching.”
I know. I briefly thought of what else he liked observing me do and wondered if that was why he said it. I scrambled around the kitchen while I cooked feeling hot and it had nothing to do with the stove being on. He stared at me the entire time, almost like it was a necessity.
“Can you get the wine from the fridge?” I asked as I scooped noodles onto our plates. I carried them to the table, and he met me a few seconds later with two glasses and the overpriced bottle of wine—all to impress him.
We settled into a comfortable silence as we started eating. As I viewed him across the table, the question kept nagging at me so I finally asked, “If you know you’re about to die, what would you do?”
He stopped mid-bite and set his fork down. “I’d do whatever I wanted.”
I nodded. “Lying in bed last night, I got to thinking about all these little things I never got to do. Like can you believe I’ve never been to an amusement park? I was too poor growing up. Once I was rich enough, I was too busy and didn’t want to go alone.”
“I’ve never been to one either.” He resumed eating, completely focused on his plate.
I grinned. “Really?” He nodded. I watched him take another bite. “Perhaps, we should go together then?”
“I’ve never been since I have no interest in going to one.”
“Riighhttt,” I mumbled. What twenty-eight-year-old asks a man to go to an amusement park with her? A desperate one. My impending death was making me crazy.
His eyes lifted from his plate. “Don’t get carried away with that wine.”
I hadn’t noticed I was filling my glass again until he mentioned it. How many times had I done that already?
“You’re already bold enough without the alcohol.”
Ughhh, what an asshole. Why was I so into him?
I chuckled dryly. “One of us should be. You’re like a locked door I can’t find the key to.”
“You need to stop trying to find the key,” he said.
I circled the top of my glass with my finger. “Maybe I should.” I stood. “I think you should go.”
He set his fork down again. His brow wrinkled briefly before saying in a monotone voice, “If that’s what you want.”
I hated those words. Could he not show he wanted to spend time with me, at least a little?
“No, that’s not what I want.” I bet I was giving him whiplash with my moods, but he entered my life when I needed to spiral out of control and I chose him as a target. Dismissing my glass, I grabbed the bottle of wine and ventured into the living room. His chair scraped the hardwood floor as I plopped down on the sofa and guzzled a good portion of the wine.
I flinched when he came up behind the sofa and pressed the back of his hand against my forehead. “You’re making yourself sick.”
“How does one make themselves sick?” I wondered aloud.
“From worrying. From sadness. From being afraid. Pick one.”
“Oh,” I whispered, leaning into his touch. He kept touching me when he said he wouldn’t and when he shouldn’t. “You’re touching me,” I said while closing my eyes. He said nothing. “You said you wouldn’t touch me.”
“I remember.”
“Please stop.”
“I will.” Only he didn’t and alcohol made me weak. I reached for his hand. Tugging on his fingers, I kissed them like he was some sort of jewel I’d found. But this man wasn’t a gem. He was just a surly individual who called to my soul and made me wish I could wear him down and turn him inside out, but I was probably going to get him killed instead.
Feeling that fear stung my eyes, I let go of his hand and whispered, “You should go.”
He listened.
______
AMIT
Her exhausted emotions left a bad taste in my mouth as I left her home. I didn’t use my driver. I shifted into my reaping form and ported to my home where Lars waited for me. He’d stay with Ruth in my absence.
I didn’t like her pain or her sadness. I didn’t like the highs and lows her soul took throughout the day. I especially didn’t like that I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about her, or the fact her turmoil was because of me. And I hated that I didn’t hate her attraction to me. There wasn’t a part of her I disliked, and that was the fucking problem.
And that confused and aggravated me. I didn’t know if I should be annoyed with myself or her. I knew too much about my soul food. I wasn’t one to make mistakes, but even I could admit that I fucked up.
Ruth’s soul was mine. That was set in stone.
It didn’t matter that I had to convince myself of that fact a hundred times a day. I’d devour her soul for it’s all I’ve thought of for the last decade.
I am in control.
I am in control.
And I was.
That’s exactly why I would make her happy. Not because her hurt bothered me but because it was beneficial to me if her soul was vibrant.
She wanted lust? I could give her that even if I had to give in to something I normally wouldn’t do.
“Leave, but don’t go to Ruth just yet either.” I said to Lars as I rounded the corner of the kitchen and shifted back into my human form.
“Sire…?”
“Go visit the Underworld. I’m giving you a chance to have some fun. Take it.”
He limped around. “Oh, you’re going to video chat with Ruth again?” I didn’t like the happy rise in his tone. “You could have just said so.”
“Leave before I lose my patience.”
Once he was gone, I pulled out my phone. I didn’t stop and think that she might question how I arrived home so quickly. Luckily, she’d been drinking so hopefully she wouldn’t pay attention to the time or the details. When her face appeared on the screen, I had no regret for what I was about to do.
I still thought I was in control.