Sixteen

Scarlett

I knew he was leaving from the moment his team arrived at the ranch. It was only a matter of time before the excitement of his life as a Marine beckoned him back. Yes, I knew he loved his family and the ranch—he may even love me and the boys—but none of that could ever compare to the thrill of what he’d found in the world outside.

And, honestly, I couldn’t blame him.

Did it hurt?

Hell, yes.

I’d gone and fallen madly, stupidly in love with him, but I knew what I was signing up for from the word ‘go’. He was a military man, through and through, and that was part of the appeal. He was a good man and I was incredibly proud of him.

I clutched the keychain he’d given me for Christmas in my palm and watched him walk Nathan around on Nugget’s back in the round pen while his men loaded up the vans with all their gear and suitcases.

It had been an eventful visit, and I’d enjoyed meeting them all, especially the women. It had opened my eyes to what life could be like being with him, but he’d never indicated that he might want me and the boys to be a part of his life outside of the ranch, and I’d never dream of pushing for that. We were perfectly content here. If he wanted us, he’d say so.

But what did I want? Could I give up the life I’d so comfortably carved out for us, risk the security I’d created, and take the biggest leap of all? What about the boys? What would be best for them? They obviously adored Johnny and he them, but was it fair to ask him to be a father to them?

God, this was all so confusing.

I watched him walk next to Nugget, grinning up at my son and my heart melted in my chest. I’d confessed my love to him with all the words I could find, spilling my entire truth at his feet. That was the bravest I’d ever been, the most vulnerable I’d ever allowed myself to be since Todd, and I couldn’t bring myself to regret it. If Johnny hurt me now, it would be because I’d allowed it, not because he chose it, and I wouldn’t regret that because I’d freely given my love to a good man. Not one who intentionally mistreated me. That was a victory in my book.

He glanced my way, his dark eyes smiling.

I lifted my hand in a wave.

“I’m gonna miss him.”

My head snapped around at Mrs. Ray’s words, not realizing she’d walked up beside me. I turned back. “Me, too.”

“I wish he didn’t have to leave, but I understand that ranch life isn’t for him.”

I hummed my agreement, wondering what she was getting at.

Her hand cupped mine on the fence. “It isn’t for everyone, dear, and sometimes, we have to explore what’s out there for us in the world to know for sure.”

I blinked against the burn of tears. “Maybe.”

She patted my hand. “Maybe.”

She left me alone after a moment, and eventually, the teams got ready to leave, so Johnny hefted Nathan down and we moseyed over to say our goodbyes. I was glad he wasn’t leaving with them, but I knew our days were numbered.

Caroline popped over and collected me into a hug. “Bye, Scarlett. It was so nice to meet you.”

“You, too.”

Danielle was next. “Bye.”

Then all the other women and guys and kids, until I was a bit overwhelmed, but in a good way. They were all so kind, treating me like family.

Rebekah approached last with a big hug. “I hope to see you soon.”

“Sure,” I agreed half-heartedly.

She grinned. “I’m opening my café, Maverick’s, over spring break. Maybe you and the boys can come out to California and celebrate with us. It’ll be fun.”

“Maybe.”

We finished our goodbyes, and everyone finally loaded up and the vans lumbered off, leaving the ranch feeling empty.

Daniel held my hand as we watched them go. “They coming back, Mommy?”

“I don’t know, sweetie.”

Johnny turned to me, his eyes guarded like he was putting on a front. “Got a minute?”

I swallowed. “Uh, sure.”

Mrs. Ray took the boys inside to watch TV and Johnny took my hand and led me slowly down toward the pond. When we got there, he leaned against a tree, the sunlight painting his features in kisses of yellow.

I picked up a pebble and tossed it into the water.

He was silent for several moments until I finally turned to him with questions in my eyes.

“The doctor cleared me to go back.”

My stomach dropped to my toes. I wanted to vomit. “When?”

“Next week. We leave on a classified mission right after that. I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone.”

Bam. Just like that.

I sunk to the cold ground. “Oh.”

He crouched beside me and I could feel his gaze on the side of my face. “This doesn’t have to be the end of us.”

I whipped around to look at him. “Doesn’t it?”

“No.”

“You live in California, Johnny. I live here. Not to mention I’ll never know if you’ll be coming or going or when I’ll see you again.” I glanced away. “If I’ll see you again.”

“Baby—”

“I have two little boys to think about, too, Johnny. I need to do what’s best for them. It’s not just about me. Or you.” I let the tears fall. What did I have to lose at this point anyway? “I always knew you’d be leaving, Johnny. It’s not like I expected anything long term. I knew exactly what I was getting myself into when I fell in love with you.”

“Then why did you?” His gritty, emotional words tore at my heartstrings.

I blinked and faced him again. “Because I didn’t have a choice.”

He leaned over then and kissed me. It was tender and heartfelt and the sweetest, saddest, most perfect goodbye I’d ever known.