CHAPTER TEN
“What’s so funny?” I asked my giggling roommate as I set down my purse.
“Oreo has started putting jokes on the side of packages. Listen to this—‘Serving size: three cookies.’ That’s hilarious,” Lexi said before shoving said serving size into her mouth.
I wanted to discuss the Chase situation, especially because I had no one to talk to about it. I had this fear that if I said anything to my mother, it would trigger something in her and make her regress into that person she used to be where fame mattered more than anything else. And I couldn’t deal if she did that again.
And I knew I should tell Lexi. She was my best friend. My only real friend. We had stayed up late so many nights discussing every minute detail of the boys she liked. How they’d looked at her, the things they said, and what they actually meant. Now it could be my turn. I could confess all my fears to her. Lexi knew why I was so gun-shy when it came to boys.
I wanted her input and wisdom. I wanted her excitement and enthusiasm.
Which was the problem.
In a way Chase had been Lexi’s first. She was the super fan and had pulled me into it. I worried that if I told her, she’d be mad. Or hurt.
I also worried that if Lexi knew I could put her in Chase’s path, she’d do everything she could to nab him. And that he’d choose her over me. Which logically didn’t make sense, given that he’d already met us both, and he didn’t ask Lexi to be his assistant or tell her he wanted to hang out her. But every crush I’d ever had in high school had preferred her to me.
A voice inside me whispered, If he chose her over you, then you deserve better. You don’t have to keep this to yourself. Stop being selfish.
Maybe it was selfish, but for now it was fragile and new, and I didn’t want it destroyed. I mean, that might happen anyway once I told him about the celibacy thing, but I didn’t want Lexi to be the reason it ended.
Sometimes it felt like my entire life was devoted to taking care of other people. I could have one thing that was just mine.
Not to mention, legally I couldn’t say anything.
“What?” she asked. “You’re looking at me funny.”
“I’m just . . . glad we’re friends.”
Lexi twisted off the top of her Oreo. “There’s something different about you.”
Could she tell? Did she have some kind of movie-star radar, and had she figured out I’d been with Chase? “What do you mean?”
She shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t know. There’s this, like . . . happiness about you. Wait! You’ve been seeing that guy, haven’t you? Because you have that ‘A boy likes me and we’re dating’ glow about you.”
“You mean like the one Gavin gave you?” Not a great distraction, but it was the best I could come up with.
And it didn’t work. “We’re not talking about Gavin. We’re talking about the cute boy who likes you.”
The cutest boy on the entire planet. I really should tell her. “Look, Lexi, the thing is—”
“Have you told him about your Fortress of Solitude situation?”
She meant my celibacy. “Not yet. I’m going to. I wanted—”
“Are you going out again?” she interrupted me. “With that guy from work?”
Chase was now from work. “Yes. On Saturday. But—”
She squealed and ran over to hug me tightly. “I’m so excited for you! You’ll have to tell me all about him later. I’m supposed to meet Gavin for a late lunch. I’m even being regressive and letting him pay.”
I pointed at her cookies. “But you’re already eating.”
Lexi rolled her eyes. “Duh. So I don’t eat a ton in front of him.”
“You’ve been dating for a while. I’m pretty sure he knows you eat food.”
“It’s ingrained! I can’t help it!” she protested. Her grandmother had been a serious Southern belle with plans to take Hollywood by storm. It hadn’t quite worked out, and now she’d pinned all her hopes on her granddaughter (while still demanding Lexi get a degree first, “just in case”). Given her background, her grandma had raised Lexi to do stuff like feign helplessness and not eat in front of men.
I mean, I mocked her, but maybe there was something to it. She did always have boyfriends.
Another quick hug and she was gone.
I felt icky for having lied to her. Technically it hadn’t been a lie, because Chase was a boy from work. Just work Lexi didn’t know about. And I did try to tell her, like, three times, but in typical Lexi fashion, she hadn’t let me get a word in edgewise because she was excited about me dating someone.
Someone she thought was Noah. Although Chase had played a character named Noah. So that made it not really a lie, right? (Yes, I knew I was reaching.)
My phone buzzed. And my heart did a happy dance when I saw it was Chase.
I didn’t overthink it. I didn’t list all the reasons why I should say no.
I told him to come by around noon, and he offered to bring a picnic, which I thought was incredibly sweet.
Honestly, neither could I. Which he would know if he could have seen my face and the Joker-size grin I was sporting.
I had a (maybe) date with Chase Covington. A date that was going to involve all of my little brothers and sisters, but still, something like a date.
And there was no one I could tell.
There was nothing for me to do at work. I usually brought my laptop to do homework, but I was distracted by Chase’s tweets. They seemed generic, but I knew they were about me. About our (possible) date.
It made me feel special in a way I’d never felt before.
And he wanted to impress me. Did he not know how unnecessary that was?
“Time for the meeting!” I looked up to see Amy in the doorway. She was a new volunteer who insisted on doing everything herself without any direction. I didn’t see her lasting very long. Earlier I had tried to help her with reshelving some files, but she’d waved me off. I couldn’t stay and watch. The only thing worse than seeing something done wrong was seeing it done slowly.
In the conference room I made awkward eye contact with Noah, and we both quickly looked away. I hated that my social ineptitude had made him go from work friend to work stranger. We didn’t speak, tease, or laugh. He completely ignored me. It was like I didn’t even exist.
I didn’t know how to make it better.
Stephanie started the meeting, and again the emphasis was on recruiting celebrities for our fund-raiser. She had Francisco from HR come up to the front for an announcement. He gave a long, windbaggy speech that essentially boiled down to the fact that he had a college roommate who was a cousin of a guy who worked with a former contestant from the reality show Survivor, and the contestant had agreed to come to our dinner. The room erupted in applause, and Francisco looked smugly pleased with himself.
I had a momentary fantasy of standing up to announce that Chase Covington would also be attending, since I totally knew him and we might even be dating. In part because I’d never liked Francisco and would have loved to steal his thunder, but also because it would have been nice to let Noah know I had done so much better and I didn’t care if he ghosted me.
Stephanie seemed thrilled by Francisco’s announcement. I could only imagine how much more excited she would be about Chase. If we had him on board, we could probably double the ticket price and easily get it. “See?” Stephanie was saying. “Work your connections and we can make this happen! I just know this will be our best fund-raiser yet!”
Although I felt like I didn’t know Chase well enough to ask him for this kind of favor, maybe I should just do it. Even if he was busy that night, he obviously knew and was friends with extremely famous people.
It would really help my future career. Not to mention that Stephanie would probably throw me a parade.
I resolved to ask him the next time I saw him.
I didn’t see him again for the rest of the week. It was not quite what I was expecting when I’d agreed to be his assistant. I thought I would be constantly running errands for him, or making his travel arrangements, or whatever it was that One-F did. One-F sent me copies of Chase’s call sheets, but he also sent them to Chase.
Chase did text me every day, though. Usually to say good morning and good night. We chatted a bit, but it was typically when he had a break on set, which wasn’t often, given that he was the star of the movie.
I never texted him first. Not because I was trying to be Lexi-esque and force him to make the first move but because I couldn’t believe he wanted to hear from me. And I didn’t want to interrupt him at his job, where so many people’s livelihoods depended on him doing well.
On Saturday morning I made my way to my mother’s house, so giddy with excitement that I wondered whether people could have happiness attacks—like anxiety attacks only you felt overwhelmingly good instead of anxious. Although I was plenty anxious, too.
My mother gave me some last-minute directions. Zander hadn’t been feeling well, so there was some kids’ cold medicine next to the toaster for him, and Zia had shortened her nap, so she now went down at two. Mr. Wriggles had been washed, and Zelda was in the laundry room waiting for him to finish drying.
“Thank you again for filling in for me. I really appreciate it.”
“No worries,” I told her.
“Just to let you know, I’m a little concerned about Zane. He’s been talking about how Captain Sparta is his new best friend. And Zia won’t stop talking about how much she loves cheese.”
“You know kids!” I tried to deflect. I honestly thought one of them would have ratted me out by now, but my mother was on this “no TV/movies” kick because she’d read some parenting article about screen time. Although she hadn’t extended the rule to Zander’s iPad. But it meant none of them had recognized Chase, which was the only thing keeping me safe.
My mom nodded thoughtfully but still looked concerned and distracted. “Call me if you need anything.”
Realizing I hadn’t run my plans by her, I figured I probably should. “I was going to take them to the beach today, if that’s okay.”
“Of course. Just make sure to put on sunscreen. And reapply it every couple of hours. I’ll leave their car seats on the front porch.”
I promised to keep them screened from all UV light, and once she’d pulled out of the driveway, I went into the kitchen and whipped up some soft-baked chocolate-chip cookies. By the time I was finished, a crowd of little people had gathered around me, begging for a cookie. I told them they could have one as soon as they were ready for the beach. Everybody whooped and cheered in delight, then ran off to do as I’d asked.
The swimsuit I’d worn since high school was more than a little ragged. In anticipation of today, I had gone out and bought a new one. I’d never really felt comfortable in a bikini but tried one on, thinking it might make me feel more confident. Instead, I felt overexposed. But it led me to a blue-and-gray tankini that covered almost as much of me as a one-piece would, and it was extremely flattering. It was expensive, and I wouldn’t have bought it even two weeks ago. But since I had some extra money, thanks to my new job, I decided to splurge. After I changed into it, I packed up a diaper bag for Zelda and Zia, making sure to include their swimming diapers, extra clothes and swimsuits, sippy cups, juice boxes, Zander’s medicine, and a vat of SPF 100 waterproof sunscreen. I decided to throw in a hoodie for each kid, too. I didn’t know how long Chase planned to be there, but I thought it was better to be prepared.
I got the cookies packed up, including some that didn’t have chocolate chips in them for Zelda.
Zander followed me as I rooted through the hall closet looking for beach towels. “How are we going to get there? Mom took her car. We won’t all fit in yours.”
“Chase is going to pick us up.”
At that, Zia poked her head out of her room. She had a ballerina bathing suit, complete with an attached tutu, but she had put her head through one of the armholes, and it was all twisted. “Cheese? My Cheese is coming?”
“Yes, your Chase is coming,” I told her as I straightened out her suit and went to her room to find cover-ups for her and Zelda.
“I waits for him.”
Zia stood on the couch beneath the window in the family room. She pressed her face against the glass, watching the front yard.
I had Zander and Zane gathering up boogie boards and floaties while I retrieved Mr. Wriggles from the dryer. I added the stuffed animal to the growing pile in the family room.
“He here! He here!” Zia screamed, hopping up and down on the couch.
My heart ricocheted off my ribs, bouncing like Zia, until it landed in my throat. I couldn’t reprimand her for the furniture-jumping because I got it.
The doorbell rang, and I didn’t know who was more excited to see Chase: me or Zia.