As usual, Nick’s parking lot was next to empty. It was part of the appeal of coming to the bar. Myself like the others enjoyed low key dives as opposed to packed more popular watering holes. It didn’t hurt that Jeremy, the owner, was a friend and we always supported our own.

A familiar old silver Dodge quad cab sitting in the parking lot caught my attention. I guess I can scratch finding Damon off my list of things to do before the night was through. I didn’t even have to work hard to find him.

When I walked into Nick’s I expected to find Damon sitting at the bar chatting with Jeremy. Instead I found Jeremy standing alone polishing glasses fresh out of the dishwasher. Jeremy looked up as I came in. With a nod of his head he directed my attention to the far corner where Damon sat slumped over the table a beer in hand.

Damon had a run in with drugs and alcohol not too long after we had hit the airwaves and blew up. He had been sober for years; occasionally he would have a beer or two so I wasn’t surprised to see him here. As long as he kept a handle on his drinking and never went for anything harder than a few beers none of us thought too much about it. However, he looked as though he had had more than a couple of beers. It looked more like he had drunk the bar dry. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up his forearms; the top two buttons of his shirt were open exposing his white undershirt.

I held off from going to the table and headed straight to Jeremy at the bar.

“How long has he been here?” I asked Jeremy, not needing to specify who. Jeremy knew exactly who I was referring to. He knew that the five of us were like brothers.

“He was waiting for me when I pulled up to open the bar. I couldn’t tell you how long he had been out there waiting before I got here.” Jeremy sighed as he looked on in Damon’s direction. Without asking Jeremy pulled a beer out of the cooler and popped the top sliding it toward me across the bar. I accepted it with a nod. “Thanks.”

Beer in hand I saddled in. I walked toward the table where Damon sat taking in his haggard appearance. Damon sat there, hunched over his beer as he picked at the label. He looked like the weight of the world rested on his shoulders.

I flopped down in the seat across from him unceremoniously. Damon’s eyes looked up and held for just a moment before dropping back to the bottle he cradled in his hands. Noticing Damon’s bottle was empty I threw my hand in the air flagging Jeremy for another round.

I let Damon sit in silence until Jeremy delivered the round of beers. Instead of hanging around to chat, Jeremy dropped the beers and returned to his place behind the bar.

“She left me for someone else.” Damon said flatly. His voice was void of emotion, as though he had detached himself from the situation and the emotions involved.

“She tell you this?” Concerned I leaned forward bracing myself on the table with my forearms.

“Yup,” He said raising the beer to his lips.

“When?” I asked slightly confused.

“When I showed up at her apartment and found her and her boyfriend happily entertaining their friends while planning their vacation.” The tick in his jaw was unmistakable. He may have sounded detached but in truth he was stifling his anger, stuffing it down drink by drink.

“How do you feel about this?” I asked trying not to push too many buttons. I could tell that he was near the end of his rope. The woman he had planned to spend the rest of his life with had been cheating on him with someone else.

“I could care less if she goes. She has been tiptoeing out the door for some time now. Don’t pretend like you didn’t see it coming.” He hashed out nearly spitting with his disdain.

It was true; we had all noticed the wedge that had begun to build between the two of them. I along with the others had hoped that they would be able to work things out.

“I’m not going to pretend anything, D. It doesn’t mean I understand it.”

Damon buried his face in his hands. “Fuck.” He roared into his hands before slamming his hands down on the table forcefully.

“Get it all out man. It’s not good to keep that shit in.” I encouraged. I knew he needed to let it all out. Damon had been holding this all in for months. He harbored all of his emotions inside putting on a front for the rest of us. I wasn’t sure if he had done it for us or himself. If it was for us then he was disillusioned, we had known him far too long for him to be able to hide shit.

“Man, I thought she was going to be the one. I really did. She was everything I imagined having in a partner. When I found out about Dominik I was ecstatic. It was like everything was falling in place. I had a beautiful woman on my arm and a new baby. In the beginning Alexa was just as happy. She wanted the same thing. It seemed like it was all meant to be. After the first few weeks Alexa confided in me that she was having a hard time bonding with Dominik. I listened to her and tried to reassure her that it would take time. I was instantly in love but I could understand if she needed time.” He explained.

“As time went on she began to get resentful. She couldn’t bond with Dominik and started needing ‘time’ away.” He stopped to take a deep swig of his beer before continuing.

“I felt it building, this distance between us. I tried to do whatever I could to fix it but nothing worked. I offered weekends away for the three of us. I even suggested counseling, but she constantly turned me down. She said she just didn’t understand how she could bond with some other woman’s kid. She couldn’t understand how I was so eager and able to accept Dominik as my own. That led her to accusing me of lying about being Dom’s biological parent. No matter how much I tried to reassure her she wouldn’t listen.” I watched helpless as tears rolled down my brother’s face. I wished there was a way for me to take away his pain. I wished more than anything that he didn’t have to go through this at all. Damon was a good man and didn’t deserve any of this. 

“Alexa moved out and got her own apartment. She said she just needed space. I watched helplessly as she packed her bags. She would come and stay a few nights a week with me but only on nights I didn’t have Dominik. She wanted nothing to do with him. I felt stuck. There was no way in hell I would give up my son for her; it wasn’t even a matter of thought. There is nothing more important to me than Dominik. I was stuck because I had no idea how to tell her that I couldn’t choose. I wouldn’t choose. The choice was made the moment Dominik was placed in my arms. I had made up my mind to go talk to her today. I was going to her apartment to lay all the cards on the table for her. I wanted her to know that there would be no choosing between her and Dom. She would have to choose between being with me and Dom or we would have to end things. But the joke was on me. Apparently she has been seeing this other guy for a few months and says she just didn’t know how to break it to me.” He threw himself back in his seat against the booth both hands stretched wide in front of him.

“She was fucking us both, and was apparently engaged to us both. She told me today that she and her new fiancé are pregnant and was going on a trip before they were going to settle down and get married.” I sat there slack jawed at his revelation.

Damon took an angry drink from his beer finishing the bottle.

“Fuck her.” I pointed an angry finger at him. “Fuck her all to hell.” I promised with conviction.

Damon lifted his empty bottle in the air signaling Jeremy for another round. “Fuck her in the ass.” Damon replied. I could tell he meant it. Alexa had burned every bridge imaginable with Damon by her actions.

Like magic, Jeremy appeared with another round of beers. “Keep um coming Jer.” Damon said with a sad smile.

“So what the hell is going on with you and don’t you dare lie or so help me God I will ram this bottle up your ass sideways.” Damon threatened. The look on his face let me know he meant it. 

“Hey don’t threaten me with a good time.” I laughed teasingly pulling a smile from Damon’s lips.

“Seriously bro. You’re hiding something. We all know it. You’re happy one minute and spitting nails the next. What gives?” Damon was like a dog with a bone, once he got his teeth sunk in there was no way he was going to let it go. It was now or never. I needed to get this shit off my chest. I needed to unburden my secrets and rid myself of this wright that had been hanging around my shoulders. Nina’s request to keep things quiet no longer mattered. 

“I’ve been seeing someone for the past seven or so months.” I started intently at the beer in my hands like it was the most fascinating thing I had ever encountered unwilling to look up to see Damon’s response.

“And?” Damon asked urging me to continue.

“And she wanted to keep our relationship a secret. After six months I asked her to marry me. She said yes.” I took a deep breath before continuing. Memories of the night I asked Nina to marry we swarmed through my mind like a vivid dream.

“Keep going.” Damon pressed.

“She wanted to keep our engagement a secret. She swore me to secrecy and at first it was thrilling and exhilarating, having a dirty little secret. But then her family tried to marry her off. Instead of coming clean she continued to keep our secret no matter how much I begged her to come clean. She was willing to risk everything just to keep us a secret.” I sighed out in frustration. I still couldn’t get over the fact that she wouldn’t tell anyone as I waited helplessly for something to happen to save her from marrying Kiev.

“Holy fucking shit!” Damon exclaimed loudly. “You’re engaged to Nina Mikhailov.” Damon’s face was a mask of shock and surprise. I watched as his eyes scanned my face searching for deception. I pointed a lazy finger at him. “Spot on.” I sucked my teeth.

“Dude what the fuck? Why didn’t you tell anyone?” He asked bewildered.

“What part of her wanting to keep it a secret didn’t you understand?” I threw my hands up in frustration.

“So what about now? Why doesn’t anyone know?” That was the million dollar question right there.

“She still doesn’t want anyone to know. She tells me I need to marry her soon and bring her to the states then in the next breath she is telling me I’m rushing things and smothering her only to turn around and exclaim how excited she is that we’re getting married.” I slapped the table in frustration pushing myself back into my seat.

“So what I’m hearing is that she is insane?” Damon asked sarcastically.

“Oh fuck you man.” I shook my head in disgust. I wasn’t disgusted in Damon or his questions. I was disgusted in myself.

“My heart says I love her and my head says I’m a fool and that she is just playing me. Anymore, I have to work to convince myself that I do, indeed, love her and that just further cements in my mind that if I have to talk myself into it then it must not be real.” I exhaled in relief. The weight on my shoulders felt a lot lighter. With each word I expelled I could feel the weight lifting off of me. The relief was palpable.

“You know what that means don’t you?” Damon looked at me sternly, not letting me out of this realization. I couldn’t believe it myself. I felt the vice on my heart tighten smothering my chest in a dull pain. My lungs seized in my chest making it hard to breath. My vision began to tunnel as panic set in.

“Breathe, bitch, breathe.” Damon yelled at me from across the booth. Both of his hands were locked on my shoulders as he shook me.

I flung my arms out to the side breaking his hold on me. “I’m breathing man. Fuck.” I roared angrily. I was angry that I had been stupid for so long. I allowed myself to be lead down a dark tunnel with the promise of a reward, like a child lured away by a stranger in a van the promise of candy blinding them.

“She’s just leading me on.” I muttered in my own shock at the realization. Damon sat back down, lifting his beer up to me silently suggesting we drink away our troubles. Right then I couldn’t have agreed more. I lifted my beer in salute and chugged the contents of the bottle, setting the emptied bottle on the table forcefully.

“So now what?” Damon asked reading my mind.

“I say we fuck shit up.” I suggested devilishly.

Damon’s phone started going off putting a hold on our plans. Damon’s face told all. It was Katinka. “Answer it.” I encouraged.

I waited patiently drumming my fingers on the table as Damon assured Katinka that he was alright and that I had found him. He promised we would be home tonight and that we would be safe. I chuckled to myself. I guess he was telling the truth, if by safe he meant balls deep in a new piece of ass. Finally Damon hung up the phone and stuffed it in his pocket.

“I can’t believe you lied to her.” I ridiculed him.

“What did I lie about?” He asked with mock sincerity.

“Oh we’re fine, Tink. We’re just having a few drinks and unwinding. We’ll be safe.”   I mocked him in a flamboyant voice.

“Dude, I have a pocket full of rubbers. I very much intend to be safe.” Damon gave me a devilish wink.

I raised my hand for a high five which we met by an ever enthusiastic Damon.

“We’ll call a cab and get this party started.” Damon smirked cockily.

“Hey Jer. Can you call us a cab and keep the shots flowing until it gets here?” I called out to Jeremy as he watched on with a disapproving look.

“Sure Ivan. I’ll get right on it, bro.” Jeremy called back.

A few minutes later Jeremy placed a bottle of Vodka and two shot glasses on the table between Damon and I. “Drink up boys, your ride will be here shortly.” Jeremy said with a smirk.

Damon eagerly lifted the bottle and began to pour us shots. “Fuck yes.” I roared elatedly.

We clinked glasses in cheers before tossing them back. The vodka burned like fire as it went down. I could feel the warmth spread through me the moment it hit my stomach. “Again.” Damon demanded as my glass hit the table top. He filled our glasses to the brim. “Let’s do it.” I cheered excitedly.

I couldn’t tell you how many shots we took. The vodka no longer burned as it went down; instead it slid down with ease. The edges of my vision became more and more blurry. I could feel the effects of the vodka as the room began to tilt. Damon giggled like a schoolgirl in front of me. Vodka sloshing across the table as he attempted to pour us another round.

“Cheers.” He slurred as he offered me the freshly poured shot. The clear liquid sloshed over the sides of the glass onto his outstretched hand. I tried to grab for it, my hand missing the first few tries. Damon continued to giggle, pulling me into his giddy state. “Fuck women.” I cried out tossing back the shot.