Chapter Five

I hadn't bitten my nails since I was about twelve but the urge came storming back while I waited for his reply. Jenny sat next to me looking guilty, as well she might.

Once I'd sorted myself out in the toilet, I made a beeline for home, getting there and finding the place empty which was a blessed relief. I slipped on a pair of knickers and felt infinitely more comfortable. I was never going out without a pair again. The rest of the day was spent in the library, going over the paper Mr Shepherd had given back to me. I tried to focus on it but I kept daydreaming about him finding it as bad as before and spanking me for letting him down. I couldn't stop thinking about being draped over his lap, his firm hand smacking down on my ass as I felt his hard on dig into me as I squirmed in place, yelping at each blow.

I didn't get much work done.

When I went home that evening to get something to eat, Jenny was there. Her first question before I even had the door closed was, "Did he fuck you then?"

I shouted back to her, "I wish."

She appeared in the hallway with a bottle of wine in her hand. "Tell me everything."

I told her about going in with no panties on. I told her about the telling off he'd given me. I told her that I was supposed to see him on Monday. I didn't tell her about aching for him to take me. I kept that to myself but she pretty much knew.

"You should have flashed him," she said when I was done. As she talked, she poured out more wine for both of us. "Given him the full view from the front row, then he'd have fucked you."

"Or thrown me off the course."

"Bullshit, if he didn't like what he saw, he'd just ignore it." She took a sip from her glass. "And I've seen what you look like, he'd be a fucking idiot to turn you down."

"He clearly hates me, Jenny, you should have seen how angry he was."

"He's probably sexually frustrated. I heard he broke up with his partner a year ago and hasn't had sex since."

I didn't need to ask how she heard that piece of gossip. She had a network of spies who passed on information to her whenever she asked, helped by the bribery ability of having an obscenely rich father.

"You know what you should do?" she asked as we reached the end of the bottle.

"Have some more wine?"

"Yes! You know what else we should do?"

"What?"

"Never mind, leave it with me."

I shouldn't have trusted her. I found her in front of my laptop at ten o'clock that night when I emerged from the bathroom, the taste of toothpaste still in my mouth.

She sat looking guilty at the desk in my bedroom as I walked in. "What have you just done?" I asked, knowing she was up to something.

"Don't get angry," she replied, her hands held out towards me. "I did it to help you."

"What have you done?"

"Well, you remember that photo when we went skinny dipping?"

"You mean the topless one of me? How could I forget? I thought you deleted it."

"I thought I did too but I found it again. I must have forgotten. Oh, well, night night."

"You're not going anywhere," I said, blocking the door until she sat back down. "What did you do?"

"I might have emailed it to him."

To who? To Mr Shepherd? You didn't!" I ran over to the laptop, shoving her aside. Clicking on the sent folder, I cringed. There it was. She'd done it. I was already dying of embarrassment. "How could you?"

"I thought it would help, get him worked up, show him what he's missing out on."

"You're drunk. If you were sober, you'd know what a stupid bloody idea that was." I started typing quickly.

"What are you doing?" she asked, glancing over my shoulder.

"Trying to fix your mistake."

Dear Mr Shepherd,

Please delete the previous email without opening it. It was sent in error.

"I just hope I'm not too late," I said, looking at the screen as if it might tell me whether he'd received it yet. Why didn't I have read receipts on? "I can't believe you did that," I said quietly.

"I'm sorry, Donna," Jenny replied. "I didn't think you'd mind."

"Mind? You sent a topless photo of me to the tutor I fancy and you didn't think I'd mind? How am I supposed to be able to look at him on Monday?"

"You were going to flash him your pussy, remember?"

"But I didn't, did I! I realised it was a dumb thing to do."

"I said I'm sorry, Donna."

"Just go to bed, Jenny."

I closed my eyes and when I opened them again she'd gone. Mr Shepherd hadn't replied.

I climbed into bed, leaving the laptop open and the sound turned up. If he did respond, I'd know at once.

What had she done? He had concrete evidence now. I would be hauled over the coals for this and what good would it do to blame Jenny? The photo was obscene and it had come from my university email to his official account. There was no way of getting over this. All I could do was hope that he'd do the honourable thing and delete it without reading it.

It was a long time before I went to sleep. The only reason I didn't cry was because I was too anxious, waiting long into the night for him to reply. He never did.

I slept fitfully, my dreams filled with me homeless, thrown out by my parents, branded a slut everywhere I went, ending up in some bizarre nightmarish Victorian workhouse for fallen women, my teeth falling out, my clothes little more than rags. All because I had a crush on a man I couldn't have and my idiot housemate had tried in her own idiot way to help him notice me. He'd notice me now, all right, the girl who'd emailed a shot of her tits. I'd be famous, probably become a meme, a warning to all under graduates. Don't do what Donna did.