Chapter Eleven

He wasn't there. I knocked three times before giving up. He hadn't been seen all morning but I was sure he'd be in his office. After what we'd done yesterday, I had no doubt at all that he'd be there.

I was desperate to continue where we'd left off. I'd been fucked by my tutor. It was an impossible dream for so long and yet I'd somehow finally realised it. I didn't tell Jenny, this was one secret I was keeping to myself.

It had felt so good, so much better than I had ever imagined sex could be. He had been both gentle and firm, in tune with the movements of my body in such a way that made it seem like we were meant to be together.

So when he didn't answer, I was left in shock. I didn't know what to do with myself. My body was still recovering and now he was blanking me, was this what it was going to be like?

I got through the rest of the day in a daze, my mind fixed on him rather than my work. I spent the last two hours in the library, trying to work on my assignment. At the end of the day, I tried one last time but the lights were out in his corridor and once again, no answer to my knock.

I went home feeling utterly bereft. Jenny gave up trying to talk to me after I snapped at her, leaving me alone downstairs while she had an early night. I sat staring at my laptop, telling myself I wasn't going to email him yet. I was going to give him time, give him a chance to explain.

By ten o'clock, I gave up and starting composing an email. I was halfway through writing it when a notification popped up. It was from him.

It was brief and to the point.

Donna - Will be back soon. Will explain.

Mr S

I was flooded with relief. He wasn't blanking me. He wasn't deliberately avoiding me. Something had happened. I had no idea what and I had no way of finding out but at least I knew he was still thinking of me.

I stood up, heading upstairs to bed. It was as I was passing Jenny's room that I wondered if maybe there was a way of finding out. I knocked on her door but there was no answer. That was the theme of the day, it seemed.

My dreams were filled with thoughts of him and I woke up more confused than ever. Jenny was already out and I had to wait until that evening to catch up with her. I started by apologising for last night.

"That's all right," she replied. "All the best friends fight from time to time."

"It's about Mr Shepherd," I said.

"Did you ask him out and he turned you down?"

I didn't reply quickly enough and she sat bolt upright, staring intently at me. "He didn't turn you down?"

I shook my head slowly.

"So, don't leave me hanging. Did something happen?"

I nodded, a grin flickering across my lips.

"Did he kiss you?"

My grin turned into a beaming smile until I remembered how I was supposed to be feeling. It faded away again.

"So what happened?" she asked, patting the cushion next to her. "Come and tell me everything. Omit no detail, no matter how filthy. In fact, go into the most detail about the filthy parts."

I gave her a summary of what had happened, ending by saying how upset I'd been by him not showing up for our next meeting. Finally, I showed her the email he'd sent.

"Do you think your grapevine could find out what's going on?" I asked, pleading with my eyes. "I need to know."

"I'll see what I can do," she said, already picking up her phone. "Give me an hour."

It was the longest hour of my life. I tried to keep myself busy, washing up everything in the kitchen, folding the tea towels, emptying the bins. That took twenty minutes and I was still left to occupy myself for far too long. In the end, I gave up and just sat next to her whilst messages flew back and forth.

"Right," she said at last. "I've got good and bad news. Which do you want first?"

"The bad news."

"The college found out about the photo we sent him."

"What? How?"

"They monitor the email accounts, apparently."

"Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. I'm fucked."

"Not quite. Do you remember, I said there was good news?"

"Good news? What possible good news could there be about this?"

"The computer tech who found the image in a good friend of Mr Shepherd and me. He's the only one who knows about the image."

"So?"

"So he might have accidentally deleted it."

"What? You mean, it's going to be okay?"

She nodded. "You're in the clear. And we know not to send anything like that to a uni email account."

"Hang on though, that doesn't explain why he's been avoiding me."

"I'm still working on that but it looks like something's cropped up at home. He's taken compassionate leave for at least a week."

"Oh no. I wonder if he's okay."

"That's you all over Donna. Too busy caring about other people to worry about yourself."

"Worry about me?"

She took my hand. "Worry about the fact that I can see what you can't."

"And what's that?"

"That you're falling head over heels with your tutor and if the university finds out, you're both in deep shit."