Chapter Six
Tuesday morning dawned and Cassie puttered around the house all day. To keep her mind off her first date in a year and a half, she’d painted one of the tables she’d bought at a yard sale. It sat drying on her deck as she realized it was longer than a year and a half. It was six because Terry didn’t really count. Hell, the first time she felt lighthearted about a simple thing like dinner and dancing since the first year she and Terry were together. Gah! So much for not thinking about it.
To get away from the apartment, she splurged and went to the beauty salon to get her hair and nails done. On the way back, she bought a sexy pair of shoes. Which would of course go with the jungle of sexy shoes in her closet right now. She had a weakness for shoes. Okay, an addiction. But hey, as addictions went, it wasn’t that bad.
After a brief nap she still had an hour to go before Shane showed up and she began to get nervous.
“This is stupid. I should not be going out.” She began to pace, mumbling to herself.
A knock sounded on her door and she looked at the clock. No, still an hour away, it couldn’t be Shane. She’d kill him if he showed up an hour early. What kind of man showed up an hour early?
Stomping over to the door she looked through the peephole, fingertips caressing the baseball bat leaning against the wall.
She opened it and Maggie, Penny and Liv all rushed in. “Afternoon, Cassie.” Penny gave her a brief hug. “I do like your hair. I think I see Tate’s handiwork. She’s a genius with those scissors.”
Before Cassie could answer, Maggie and Liv followed with hugs and all three simply strolled past her into her bedroom.
“What are you all doing here? I mean, sorry, that’s terribly rude of me. Hello, how are you all? Now what the hell are you all doing here?”
Liv laughed and gestured to the endless rows of shoe trees and racks lining her closet floor. “You’re a shoe whore! My word, I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many shoes in one place. What size do you wear?”
Cassie narrowed her eyes. “I don’t know if I’ve known you long enough to share shoes with you. That’s a very intimate thing. I’ll need to run a credit check and do a few home visits to see what sort of environment they’d be in.”
Liv looked startled and then laughed. “You’ve got a sense of humor. I knew it was in there somewhere.” Her eyes moved back to a pair of red patent leather slingbacks with open toes. “Oh my lands. Cassie, I don’t care what you were going to wear, you will plan an outfit around these shoes.”
“Wait, I think I know the dress for them.” Cassie reached into the closet and pulled out a white dress with a big red O ring on the bodice where the fabric gathered. It was backless and tied around the neck. The skirt of it had a handkerchief hem. The perfect sexy summer dress.
Of course, she hadn’t worn it since the...what the fuck could she call it? It sure wasn’t an accident. Was your husband trying to kill you an incident? Whatever, maybe she’d write Miss Manners to see. But for now, she’d have to choose something else because backless wasn’t an option.
“Oh, no. Let’s see what else there is.” She moved to hang it back up but Liv grabbed it.
“This is perfect. Cassie, you’ve seen yourself in a mirror, right? You know you’ll look like a sex goddess in this dress. Shane will be under your spell the minute you open that door.”
“I don’t feel comfortable showing so much skin on a first date.”
Liv started to speak but Penny put a hand out and touched her arm. Instead, Liv nodded and hung it back up. “Okay. Well that’s fair enough. What else do you have?”
In the end, they decided on a different white dress with a wide, red patent leather belt and tiny, heart-shaped buttons. The cuffs on the short sleeves were red where they folded up and the sweetheart collar was also lined in red. It hugged every curve and the shoes made her legs look ten miles long.
No one seemed to mind when she shooed them all out of the room to change, although she did laugh when Liv told her to leave off panties or they’d show a line.
After she got dressed, the four of them crowded into the bathroom while Cassie put on makeup and did her hair.
“Man, you’re a knockout. I’d probably hate you if I didn’t have such high self-esteem.” Liv winked and Cassie laughed. “You do know you’re going to stop traffic tonight, right? I don’t know if The Tonk can take it. Shane is gonna freak.”
“Oh puhleeze!” Cassie blushed and rolled her eyes.
The other women stared at her in disbelief. “Are you telling me you can’t see how beautiful you are?” Penny asked.
“Gorgeous? I’m attractive enough, I’ll give you that. But I’m just average looking. Not all siren sexy like Liv or athletic sexy like you, Penny, or that sweet, fey kind of sexy like Maggie. I’m too tall, too leggy and I have an ordinary face. I do have nice boobs though. I got those from my mom.”
Maggie shook her head as she stared. “Don’t take this the wrong way or anything but I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen a more beautiful woman in person before. Cassie, you’re long and curvy and your features are seriously perfectly proportioned. And your hair, who has Elvis blue-black hair all thick and shiny? And back to the not taking it the wrong way thing? Your voice is so sexy it kind of makes me all tingly and I’m as straight as they come. You were stunning without makeup and in jeans but now, all dressed up and polished—you’re a knockout.”
“Girl, you must have hit your head if you can’t see it. You’re like, ‘Top Ten Most Gorgeous People’ beautiful. So shaddup. And take a compliment. And look in the mirror without whatever the hell happened to you. Because it’s robbing you of your life,” Liv said seriously.
Cassie spun and looked at Liv, heart pounding. “I wish I could,” she whispered. “You have no idea how much.”
Liv went to Cassie, bringing her into a tight hug. “Honey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be flip. It’s obvious whatever it was, it was bad and I shouldn’t make light. I just don’t want you to hide your light under a bushel. Even if you are big-time competition.” Liv winked.
“Thank you. I appreciate all of you coming over here and being my friends. It means so much to me.”
“Well, that’s what friends are for. And now I have to get home and get ready. Kyle is making me dinner before we meet you guys at The Tonk. You look fabulous, Cassie.” Maggie kissed her cheek quickly.
“And I have to meet Brody at his place, we’re having...uh, okay, we’re having sex before we meet you all at The Tonk.”
Cassie grinned and shook her head.
“And I have dinner in the crock-pot. I will see you at The Tonk later on. You look beautiful, Cassie.” Penny joined Maggie and Liv at the door and they all headed out, leaving Cassie in the quiet, alone with her thoughts and her racing nerves.
Luckily, they’d all eaten up so much time, it was just a few minutes until the doorbell sounded and after a peek through the peephole, she saw Shane standing there.
Taking a deep breath, she opened the door. It would be step one of the challenge to be comfortable with him alone in her apartment. She hadn’t had a panic attack in a few weeks and the mental exercises her therapist had given her really seemed to help.
His smile fell off his face as he stared at her.
“What?” She smoothed down the front of her dress. “Do I look awful?”
He shook his head slowly. “No. You look fucking amazing.” He blinked quickly. “Oh shit, I’m sorry. Oh.” He grimaced. “Sorry, I tend to get a bit profane when I’m nervous or agitated. That outfit has me in both states. You look beautiful. Sexy. Outrageously hot.”
His flattery washed over her, making her feel warm and tingly. She smiled, blushing. “What are you standing out there for?”
“I was waiting for you to invite me in. I know you’ve been uncomfortable alone with Matt, I didn’t want to scare you.”
Her euphoric mood was cut by the reality of her insane life. “Come on in, I’m sorry. My manners are bad. I’m all right. I didn’t know Matt then, I do now. I’m really not crazy, I swear.”
He caught her hand and raised it to his lips. “I don’t think you’re crazy, Cassie.”
They stayed long enough for her to gather her wrap and a bag and they were on their way to the restaurant.
Vincent’s was a small, family-owned Italian restaurant. The interior was beautifully intimate. Candles in pretty glass holders cast a golden glow about the room, bouncing off the sheen of the polished wood furniture. The place smelled of garlic, marinara and roses from the two large bouquets at the hostess stand at the front door.
The hostess smiled at Shane, her expression all but turning into a snarl when her eyes reached Cassie.
“I had reservations, Stella. For seven.” Shane was crisp and efficient and kept his arm around Cassie’s waist. It wasn’t possessive, though, so Cassie relaxed a bit and walked ahead of him with his hand, warm and solid at the small of her back as they went to their table in a far back corner.
The hostess was ready to break her own neck as she vascillated between flirting and simpering at Shane, who did his best to ignore it, and shooting daggers at Cassie. At last, seeing she didn’t have a chance, she flounced off.
Cassie smirked at Shane. “My. I think I’ve upset your admirer. Is she an ex?”
“Stella?” Shane’s voice was shocked. “Cassie, the girl is barely twenty. I’m thirty-four years old. I assure you, I don’t date women who are fourteen years my junior. I’m not a letch.”
Cassie laughed then and he stilled, closing his eyes a moment. “You do know that your laugh should be a registered aphrodisiac, right? Your voice in general but your laugh...well, if I could bottle it, we’d make a million dollars.”
“You’re full of compliments tonight and I haven’t even told you how handsome you look. I really like that color on you.”
She did. The dark blue dress T-shirt he had on brought out the chocolate hues in his hair and the blue in his eyes. The Tommy jeans were a rust color and hugged a very nice ass and hard thighs. He was a seriously dreamy man. And he smelled good, too.
“What cologne are you wearing? I like it.”
“Oh, it’s Ralph Lauren Black. A birthday present from my momma, believe it or not.” He blushed.
“Are you blushing? Don’t tell me you aren’t used to women falling over themselves to compliment you, Shane Chase.”
“I’m not going to answer that. I’ve been a man long enough to know better than that. But I will say that what matters is that you’re the one complimenting me.”
They ate a leisurely dinner and got to know each other better. Cassie found herself more able to relax with him each time they got together. Those lunches had made a difference because he wasn’t really a stranger.
“You ready to go grab a dance or five with me? I have to show you off. I bet you’ll fit against me just right.” He stood and they walked out to his car.
“Do you write all this stuff down? Seriously, you’re smooth.”
He laughed and avoided the answer as he navigated into a spot to park. “Wow, crowded tonight. It’s not usually this bad on a Tuesday.”
“We can do it another night if you like.”
“Oh hell no. You owe me a dance. Come on now. Let’s show ’em how it’s done.”
He sprang out and walked around but she’d gotten her door open. He frowned and she took his arm.
“I can open a door, Shane. Stop pouting. I already see you have nice lips.”
“I don’t pout. And I like to do things for you.”
She stiffened and halted. “Let’s get this straight before we go inside. I can do things for myself. I’m a grown woman. I am capable of opening doors, making phone calls, ordering my food, buying my clothes and generally living my day-to-day life without being managed and done for.”
He narrowed his eyes, ready to argue, but saw her eyes and took a step back instead. Fear and anger. He’d pushed a button and his cop brain began to piece together whatever the hell her ex must have done.
But he wasn’t going to be put in the same category as some control freak asshole who fucked her over either. “I never said you weren’t capable of doing things and I didn’t order your food or manage you. I just wanted to open your door. But if it bothers you, I won’t.”
She sighed and looked him up and down. “Listen, maybe you should just take me home.”
He closed the distance between them slowly, careful not to spook her or frighten her with his body. Gently, he took her hands in his own. “Cassie, clearly I’ve struck a nerve. I didn’t mean to upset you. And I didn’t mean to sound pissy. You have a right to be treated how you want to be treated. It wasn’t my intention to offend you. I am a bossy guy, it’s just how I am, but I’m not trying to control you. Come on, let’s go inside. Okay?” He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed the inside of her wrist.
Slowly, he felt the tension leave her body and she nodded.
Inside, the place was chaos. Cassie was thankful for his size when he plowed his way through the crowd and led her to the table where their friends had gathered.
Matt’s eyes widened and he whistled when he saw her. “You look fantastic, Cassie.”
Shane pulled a chair out and then indicated that she sit. She appreciated that he didn’t do it all for her. Appreciated his control and the fact that he seemed to be trying hard to let her be.
She chatted with Maggie and the others and tried to ignore Matt teasing his brother.
Shane leaned over and spoke in a low voice. “Eyes back in your head, Matt. Don’t let the fact that you’re my baby brother stop you from understanding I’ll hurt you if you continue staring at Cassie.”
Matt threw back his head and laughed so loud and hard that everyone turned to look at him.
“Shall we dance, darlin’?” Shane murmured in Cassie’s ear.
“Uh, sure. What was that all about?” She looked back at Matt, who was wiping his eyes, as they walked to the floor.
“He’s just being Matt. A dumbass.”
“Mmm hmmm. If you say so.”
“I do, darlin’, I do.” He winked and pulled her against his body, resting his arm around her waist, holding her hand with the other. They fit together perfectly. He was a big, tall man but she was tall, too, and in her heels, it was softness to hardness in all the right ways.
So right, Cassie was pretty sure she’d need to think about it. With her eyes closed. In the dark, in her bedroom, after he dropped her home that night.
Relaxing, she put her head on his chest and melted into his body, breathing him in.
Their rhythm matched. Both with such long legs they moved over the floor gracefully, sinuously. She was aware the music changed here and there but really, it was all about Shane holding her against his chest.
Until they got bumped into. First and then again. The floor got crowded and they had to stop moving and just sway. Which was all right to start. But the people began to press in.
Every few minutes she’d get jostled again and she felt the edges of the panic encroach. Her hands started to sweat and the trembling built up in her muscles as she tried to hold it back.
But she couldn’t calm it with breathing or meditation.
Shane stopped and leaned in. “Cassie? Darlin’, are you all right?”
She shook her head, lips tight. Breaking from him, she headed off the dance floor to their table but people kept getting in the way. And being Petal, she was handled over and over as the men kept saying “excuse me” and helping her past. They weren’t manhandling her, it was all to help her and be neighborly but it wasn’t good.
By the time she reached the table the panic was gray at the edges of her vision. She knew she had to get home fast.
“I have to go. Please.” She grabbed her wrap and bag and ran out the door.
Shane looked at his brothers and tossed down money for the drinks and moved to follow her but Maggie, Liv and Penny stood up.
“Shane, let us. I don’t know if a man is what she can deal with right now. I promise you, we’re going to her house right now. She’s just a few blocks away. I’ll call you and let you know she got home all right. Let us help her.” Maggie begged him with her eyes and Kyle looked worriedly between them.
“She’s right, Shane. Let them go so she won’t be alone very long.” Kyle squeezed his brother’s arm.
He sighed. “Fine. But call me. Promise. Tell her I’ll see her soon. I’m not walking away from her.”
Maggie tiptoed up and kissed his cheek quickly. “I promise.” She gave Kyle a brief kiss and the three women rushed out to follow Cassie.
* * *
Cassie had finished throwing up when the knocking on the door started. Shakily, she rinsed her mouth out and wobbled back into the living room.
She tried to ignore the knocking, it wasn’t pounding but it was insistent. “Cassie, it’s us. Please, let us in. We’re worried about you.”
Penny. She’d expected Shane and she so wasn’t ready to deal with him.
“I’m all right. I swear. I’ll see you all later.” Cassie leaned her head against the door she spoke through.
“No way. We aren’t leaving until we’ve seen for ourselves,” Maggie called out.
Sighing, Cassie opened the door, ready to shut it after they saw her in the flesh but they pushed their way into the room.
“Now, do you have any tequila? Because I think this calls for some margaritas.” Penny went into the kitchen and began to look around.
“I’m fine. You see? Now you can go. I’m not up for company right now. I don’t feel well.” Cassie followed them into the kitchen where they had her blender out and were assembling ice, tequila, limes and salt.
“You even have mix.”
“I don’t want to have drinks. I want to go to bed.”
“Too bad. You’re going to talk to us and if some margaritas make that easier, great. If not, we’re still drinking them and you can tell us all about whatever the hell has you so spooked.” Penny began to assemble everything in the blender.
“Oh, Penny said hell, I’m telling,” Liv teased.
Smiling and shaking her head, Maggie pulled out her cell phone. “I’m going to call Shane to let him know you’re all right. He’s worried about you. He didn’t come here himself because we were concerned about how you’d react to a man right now.”
“I...”
Maggie held a hand up to silence Cassie while she made the call and Cassie sighed heavily and went to sit on the couch. Liv laughed and plopped down next to her.
“We’re your friends, sugar. You need this. You may not even know how much but you do. Friends will sit your ass down and give you the ‘Come To Jesus’ talk when you need it most. And girl, you need it.”
Penny brought a tray with the pitcher of margaritas and glasses and even a bowl of snacks.
“You’re a pretty good hostess with my stuff.” Cassie snorted.
Penny laughed. “Why thank you, I do try. Now stop being so damned difficult. Drink up and tell us what the hell brought you here today. And see, you made me curse. Three times in twenty minutes and Liv is going to call my mother and tell on me. So you’d better make this worth it.”
Cassie blinked a few times and couldn’t help but smile. Penny didn’t swear much and it was sort of funny and hell, why not? Why not just let part of it go?
Maggie and Penny moved the small coffee table out of the way and they all moved to the floor on pillows.
“I don’t suppose I could just say I had a bad ex-husband and it makes me wary of all men, can I?”
Penny arched a brow at her and Cassie sighed.
“Okay, the truth is that I did...do have a bad ex-husband. Really bad. He didn’t start out that way. I met him when I was nearly done with school. He was so sweet. Funny. Concerned about my well-being. He went out of his way to be sure I slept enough and ate well.” She didn’t want to talk about being a doctor, she wasn’t ready to reveal that much just yet.
“At first, I thought it was wonderful. He brought me roses and took me to lovely places. He bought me clothes. Lots of clothes. I didn’t think anything about it. But really, that’s where it all started. They were not the kind of thing I’d normally wear. But slowly, he made me into another person. The person he wanted to marry.”
Cassie shrugged and drank several gulps of the margarita. Of course she’d thrown up everything in her stomach so it hit pretty fast and she felt the alcohol began to work on her inhibitions.
“And we did of course. My father liked him well enough and I wanted him so that satisfied him. But my brother always disliked him. God, I should have listened to that.
“Over time, he took over every aspect of my life. Little by little. I didn’t even notice it until it was too late. He controlled everything. Where I worked, what we ate—he even hired a cook to make things the way he wanted—we lived in a house he chose. My hair color was his choice, along with my hairstyle. I lost most of my friends because he thought they were unsuitable and many of them thought he was an arrogant ass and didn’t want to be around him.”
She closed her eyes and a tremor worked through her. While she’d been able to relate this to the therapist and even in court, it was not easy to talk about. Shame burned hot on her cheeks.
“Take it slow. We’re all here as your friends, Cassie.” Penny squeezed her hand.
“The hitting started. Well wait, back up a bit. The emotional and mental abuse started after the control. If I questioned anything he did, he’d grind me down. Make me think I was stupid or mean to him, that I didn’t love him or appreciate what he did for me. I’m a smart woman, graduated at the top of my class, but he made me feel stupid. Worthless. Invisible. Ugly.” She gulped the last of her margarita and winced as the icy drink made her head ache. Still, she held up her glass and Penny refilled it.
“He didn’t hit me all the time. He didn’t need to really. I was so afraid to do anything wrong, I had no life outside of my job and our marriage.
“Being his wife was a full-time job. He made me weigh in every Friday. If I gained a pound or lost more than two, he’d punish me.”
The other women cringed but stayed quiet, letting her tell her story in her own way.
“He was a doctor. He knew just where to hit where it would hurt me but not do outward damage. Kidney punches so hard I urinated blood. He punched me in the head, no bruises that way but I developed a vision problem so he stopped that. All of the physical stuff was where it wouldn’t show. On my stomach and lower back, my thighs were a favorite place.” Her voice seemed so calm as she related it all. Almost like she was reading it, or even talking about someone else. It was the only way she could get through it.
“Anyway, it all started getting really bad two years ago. The physical abuse was getting severe enough that my co-workers began to suspect something was wrong. He was questioned by his boss, which only made things worse for me. Our sex life—” Cassie shuddered “—was awful. He raped me more often than I consented. It was like this one part of me I could control. He couldn’t make me want him or even pretend to.” Her voice became choked and tears welled up. Maggie moved closer and stroked a hand over her hair.
“I wanted to leave. I don’t know why I didn’t. I was afraid. He told me he’d find me and kill me. I believed him. I had every reason to. I took birth control shots and thank heaven I never got pregnant because he really wanted kids.
“And then my father died and he deteriorated because I had money. A lot of it. In his crazy mind, enough to leave him. He became paranoid. He’d weep, begging me to forgive him one day and beat me nearly bloody the next. I was missing work and I knew it was a matter of time before I lost my job or he killed me.”
She got up and went into the kitchen and took two shots of the tequila, wiping her hand on the back of her mouth before coming back. “Okay, I think I’m better now.” Her words were slurred a bit but she wanted to finish it. Or at least most of it.
“My boss was...is a wonderful woman. Really supportive. I love her to this day. Anyway, she cornered me in her office and demanded that I tell her the truth. I’d been lying so long, hiding it, that I started to deny it automatically but for some reason, I shook it off and told her the truth. Showed her the bruises on my back and stomach and she called the cops and my brother. The cops took my statement and pictures and my brother made me move out of the house and in with him.
“I filed for divorce and we started going through the process. It sucked but my ex couldn’t do much. My brother is a hotshot family law attorney and he had my back. There were pictures and lots of evidence from people who’d seen my physical problems getting worse at work. I got my divorce but I gave him the house and the car and the vacation house and all the clothes he ever bought me. I wanted to be free, I didn’t care about the stuff. I just took what I brought into that house and my books.
“But it wasn’t enough. And he wouldn’t stop. I thought I had my life back but he wasn’t going to let me. He just pretended to and he attacked me. A little over year ago. Bad.” She couldn’t detail that night. Could not.
She shook her head hard and began to cry. “I can’t say more.”
The women, her friends, surrounded her and enveloped her into a hug as they murmured. Comforting her.
She cried a long time until she couldn’t anymore and sat back, head on the couch.
“Girl, I don’t know how you came out of that clusterfuck with such a good head on your shoulders. You’re a strong woman, Cassie. I admire you.”
Cassie moved her head enough to look at Liv in utter disbelief. “Strong? I let this asshole fuck me over and beat me up, rape me, for four years! I’m not strong. I’m a doormat. I was weak and stupid.”
Penny moved, holding her upper arms. “You are not stupid, Cassie. Domestic violence happens to women across class lines, across educational backgrounds, across race and religion. It happens to all kinds of women. It’s the frog-in-the-pot syndrome. You didn’t know the water was boiling until it was too late. That makes you human, not stupid.”
“And that’s what these asshole abusers do. They make you believe you deserve it. It’s a mindfuck. He worked you over physically as well as mentally. But you got out. That’s the key here, Cassie. I can’t believe what you’ve gone through. No wonder you get spooked by men. It’s amazing to me how totally together you are.” Liv’s voice was tinged with anger.
“I’m not some charity case, you know. I heard all this at my group counseling. You must all think I’m such a flake. I thank God my father never lived to see how it ended.”
Penny shook her head. “I think you’re amazing. I’ve thought that since the first day you came into the store and I continue to think so. You’re a survivor, Cassie. He took your life for four years but you took it back. You’re here, working, living, dating even. This doesn’t change the way I feel about you. You’re my friend.”
“You have nothing to be ashamed about. What happened was not your fault. It wasn’t. He hurt you, that’s on him. I hope that bastard got what was coming to him.” Maggie’s face held an emotion Cassie couldn’t quite identify.
Cassie sighed. “He didn’t. But I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Thank you for listening to me. You don’t know what it means to be able to share this with someone other than a therapist.”
“That’s what friends are for. Cassie, nearly two years ago now, I was kidnapped, assaulted and nearly raped by a stalker. It’s not the same as what you endured but I understand the guilt and the shame. If you ever want to talk, please call me or come over. Anytime. I mean that.” Unshed tears shined in Maggie’s eyes.
And suddenly, a weight moved from Cassie’s chest and she took a deep breath. Deeper and more relaxed than she’d taken in quite some time. Her brother and her therapist were right, it did feel better to share her burden with people.
They stayed a while longer and talked until Cassie was well enough to laugh again. Alone in her bed that night, she didn’t feel the specter of Terry over her shoulder. It was just her.