Chapter Seven
After a long day at work, Cassie slumped into her superheated apartment, turned on the air conditioning and hit the shower before even considering what to make for dinner.
Shane had left her a phone message, checking on her earlier in the day. He’d wanted to come by for lunch but it was a big new release day and she’d been rushed off her feet and had worked several hours overtime.
She’d called and left him a voice mail that she couldn’t do lunch but hoped to see him later on if he still wanted to. She hoped like hell she hadn’t freaked him out. Gauging by his wanting to have lunch with her, she didn’t think so but hell, he may have wanted to lay it all out that he thought she was a freak and to stay away from him. Maggie was his sister-in-law after all, she probably told him all about the craziness of the night before.
Standing in front of her open fridge, hair in a ponytail, feet bare, legs exposed by a pair of cutoff shorts, she jumped when someone knocked on the door.
A quick check showed Shane Chase waiting on her doorstep. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door, wincing at what a mess she must look.
He looked her up and down and shook his head. “Darlin’, how do you manage to look as gorgeous in cutoffs as you do in a dress that hugs every curve? You’re magic.”
Taken by surprise, she smiled and blushed. “Oh, well, thank you.” He held up a bag. “Takeout from China Gate. You hungry?”
Stepping back she waved him inside. “Come on in, it’s hot out there and I’d never say no to those spring rolls.”
She put out plates and silverware as he opened all the containers and put spoons in them.
“I hope you like it spicy.” He grinned and grabbed her wrist, pulling her to him carefully.
“I do.” Her voice was low, sultry.
“I’m gonna kiss you now, Cassie Gambol.”
“Why? I mean, why do you want me? I don’t understand it. I can’t lie and tell you I don’t know you’ve been regarded as a player here in Petal. I like men, yes, but I’m afraid of being a casual indulgence to a man like you.”
“There’s not a damned thing about the way I feel about you that’s casual. Now, I’ve been dying to do this for so long.” He closed the last bit of distance between them and he brushed his mouth over hers. His lips were lush and delicious, spicy and masculine, just like the rest of him. They both groaned as he moved away.
“Cassie, you fascinate me. I’m shocked by how much I want you. I think I started wanting you when you kicked my ass at pool. No, I’m a damned liar. Since you stumbled out of your wrecked car and called my momma Crash.” He put his face into her neck and inhaled deeply. “God, you smell good.”
“Shampoo, sweat and a little bit of Delice,” she breathed out, running her tongue over the lips he’d just touched with his own. A sense of unreality washed over her. The connection between them was warm and sticky. Lethargic with want, she let him hold her against his body. The heat of him blanketed her skin. Her nipples hardened against the wall of his chest and a libido that she’d thought had been beaten out of her roared back to life. There was a moment where she wondered if she was dreaming. Hell, if she was, she sure didn’t want to wake up.
“Mmm.” He licked his lips as she’d just done and a shiver ran through her. “You taste good, too. Better than you should. I ought to be running out the door but damned if you don’t make me want things I’d thought I’d never want with a woman again.”
His hand rested at the small of her back, hot and inescapably present. The other rested on her shoulder. He held her in his orbit physically and mentally. His presence was so intense it boggled her mind. Things tightened low in her gut as her skin tingled everywhere he touched her. And yet, aside from general nervousness, she wasn’t afraid.
She caught her lip in her teeth and he groaned softly. “I know you want me too.” Leaning in, he pressed a hot, wet kiss to the hollow just below her ear. “I can feel your nipples against my chest,” he murmured, breath stirring the wisps of hair around her ear. His tongue darted inside and then he caught the lobe between his teeth. She shivered, going weak in the knees. “But I want more than your physical need of me. Let’s have dinner. Some snuggling on your couch. A liberal smattering of smooches. Let me get to know you as a woman.”
“I...yes.” She nodded, incapable of further speech. Especially when his grin widened and he looked like a predator.
They sat down and began to dish up the food, digging in. He watched her and she laughed. “What? Do I have a bean spout between my teeth?”
“No.” He chuckled. “I just like the way you look here with me.” He shrugged. “And I like that you eat. Not like some dainty thing who wants everyone to believe she survives on air and mist, but you eat like a real person.”
“Is that your finessed way of telling me I eat like a pig?”
He threw his head back and laughed. “Oh the unwinnable guy question. Darlin’, you do not eat like a pig. You eat like a human who likes to eat. I like that.”
She narrowed her eyes at him for a moment and shrugged before going back to her plate. She’d only just put the weight on she lost from the hospital and afterward in the last three months or so.
They kept a wide berth around what happened the night before but Cassie was pretty sure Maggie had told him about Terry. He didn’t seem freaked, which made her more comfortable.
After they’d eaten, he helped her clean up and get the dishes in the dishwasher before they retired to the couch.
“Let’s get comfortable here, shall we, darlin’? Because I have some serious smooching planned and we should do it right.” He winked and pulled her into his lap, her body straddling his.
The hard ridge of his cock fit up against her and she undulated, grinding herself over him without even thinking of it. Little flares of pleasure played up her spine and the muscles inside her pussy fluttered and contracted.
One of his eyebrows rose slowly and his hands slid to rest at her waist. “So that’s how it’s gonna be, huh? Mmm. You feel so damned good, Cassie. I need to kiss you again.” Arching his neck up, he brought his lips to hers with crushing intensity.
Her head swam as she drowned in him. In a myriad of ways he affected her, overwhelmed her, turned her on and turned her out. Helpless to do anything more than hang on, she slid her hands up his chest and neck and into his hair. The soft, cool silk of it flowed over her skin, his skull solid and sure beneath her palms.
Grunting in satisfaction, he slanted his mouth to get more of her. His tongue slipped in between her teeth and he tasted her, met her warmth with his own. Her elemental flavor rocked him, he couldn’t get enough. When she sucked at his tongue, he pulled her to him tighter and delighted in the moan that came from her lips. Swallowed it down with the rest of her that he took from the kiss.
God he wanted more. The luscious flesh of her bottom lip seduced him as he sucked it into his mouth. Arching into him with a breathy sigh, she traced the outline of his upper lip with the tip of her tongue. Down over the seam of his mouth where her lip was captured, the wetness of her tongue, the tentative and yet utterly carnal way she responded, drew him in.
It’d never been like this with a woman before. Intense, sure. Really good, that too. But so good, so right that it made his chest ache with want and need of this woman in his arms? Never.
Damn, he was falling for Cassie. Scratch that—had fallen for Cassie and he wasn’t running. No, he wanted more. Wanted to gorge himself on every drop of her he could get as long as he could get it. He wanted to see what kind of tomorrow he could build with this woman. Cassie Gambol wasn’t a casual indulgence at all, she was big league addiction and instead of fear, there was only joy that he’d found it at last.
It took every bit of his self-control to keep his hands resting at her waist instead of sliding down to cup her ass. She was so soft against him, so warm and pliant—everything sexy and earthy, he wanted to take her in the grass under the moon, the dew on his naked skin as he watched her in the silvery light. She was a goddess come alive in his arms.
Her head tipped back as he kissed down her neck. To keep her balance, one of his hands, splayed open on her back, moved up to her neck. He gripped her, sure but not hard. Still, she stiffened and pushed away.
“Whoa! What’s going on?” he asked as she scrambled off his lap and put some distance between them.
“I’m sorry. I...you touched a nerve. He did that to me when he...damn, what you must think. I don’t know why you even came over here after Maggie told you.”
“Told me?”
“About all the abuse, the...” her voice lowered “...rape. I don’t know if I can be normal.”
“Rape?”
Cassie paled. “Maggie didn’t tell you?”
“She told me you had problems with your ex-husband. She said she couldn’t tell me any specifics because she didn’t want you to not be able to trust her.”
“Shit. Never mind. It was bad. It’s over. But there are things that happen and I don’t even see them coming and I don’t know if I can be a normal person again. I seem to have a minefield of emotional shit because of him.”
“Sit down.” He pointed to the couch and went to retrieve a glass of iced tea. Coming back into the room, he pressed it into her hands and sat next to her. “Now I want you to tell me. Damn it, Cassie, trust me. Please. I can’t help you if I don’t know. We can work through the minefield together but I can’t if I’m blind.”
Closing her eyes a moment, she began to relate all that she’d told her friends the night before. She kept looking blankly out the windows as she did and Shane didn’t interrupt her.
By the time she’d finished, the sun was down and her tea was empty.
“I don’t even know what to say. Cassie, you’re so strong. Why didn’t you tell me before? Why hide this? Of course it freaked you out when I grabbed your neck like that. He must have when he hurt you, didn’t he?”
She jumped up. “Yes! Yes, okay? I don’t want to do this. I didn’t tell you because I hate it. I hate that it happened to me and that I let it happen. I hate the person I was and I hate that anyone would know I allowed someone to do those sorts of things to me.”
Gracefully, he stood and went to her. “You didn’t allow it. It happened to you and you got out. And damn if you did all the right things but were failed. I’m sorry.” A gentle hand moved to her cheek and his fingertips traced the line of her jaw.
“You’re not disgusted? Freaked out?”
“Of course I’m disgusted. But not by you, Cassie. How can any man do that to the woman he’s supposed to love and cherish? How can a man turn that love into something sick and twisted? Look at you. How can any man have had you at his side and perverted it instead of rejoiced in it? Fuck, I want to kill him for harming you!” Dropping his hand, he began to pace.
“Okay so here’s what we’ll do, you’ll be sure to get me the order of no contact from LA. My father can help you and get you in to see a judge to get it extended to here. Does the bastard know where you are now? We should assume he’s looking for you and take precautions. We’ll get you some better locks, a security system too. One of the guys I work with does installation of security systems on the...”
“Whoa!” she yelled, making the time-out motion with her hands. “I’m fine. I’m dealing. I’m moving on. I am so fucking done with the legal system right now it’s not funny. Let’s talk about something else please.”
“Hell no we won’t talk about something else. Cassie, you can’t just ignore this. You have to take care of the legalities so I can protect you better if he comes to town. In fact, why don’t you give me the name and number of the cop you dealt with and I’ll give him a call and he can fill me in and I can handle things for you that way.”
Her eyes widened. “This is not going to happen. Do you understand me, Shane Chase? You will not manage me. I can take care of myself.”
“Yeah, sure! That’s why this guy hurt you so bad that when people bump into you in a nightclub you totally shut down.”
“You think you can wish all that away? Step in and make it gone? Poof, Cassie was never beaten up and raped by her ex? Stalked, nearly fired because of the harassment at the workplace? You. Can’t. Save. Me! It’s done. It’s over.”
“I have some skill and expertise here. I’m willing to overlook the fact that you didn’t even tell me until tonight about the years of abuse, but it’s unacceptable that you won’t let me help when I have the damned ability. I want to protect you. I know what you need.”
“I have had enough, and I mean always and forever, of men thinking they can protect me and that they know what I need more than I do. I do not need another pushy, overbearing, control freak man in my life. I do not need to be taken care of. Never again. Never again, do you understand me? I will not ever let anyone take me over and make me feel like I deserve to be beaten and treated like nothing. I like you, Shane, but not enough to give you my soul.”
“Are you comparing me to your ex-husband? Oh fuck no. You will not. I’ve made a lot of mistakes with people in my life. Trusted the wrong ones, didn’t trust the right ones, hurt those who trusted me. But I am not that filth you were married to. I care about you, Cassie. More than I’ve cared about a woman in...” he shoved a hand through his hair “...damn it, I’ve never cared about a woman this much. Have I harmed you, Cassie? Have I used my size to intimidate you? Does my wanting to be a cop and help you and keep you safe begin to compare to a man who’d punch your head?” His eyes were vivid with emotion and it cut straight to her gut.
“I don’t want your soul. I want your heart. I can wait for it and I want it of your own free will. But I’d never harm you to get it. If you’ll let me, I’ll cherish you, not control you. I can’t promise not to be an arrogant ass. Hell, I am an arrogant ass. But I can’t bear to think you’d class me with him. It’s not fair of you.”
Standing there, arms crossed defensively over her chest, she realized she’d just had a heated argument with him but he’d never jumped at her or menaced her. He’d raised his voice, yes, but not once did she feel afraid. Irritated, hell yes. The man irritated the heck out of her and it was clear he had white knight tendencies. But he was right, she wasn’t being fair and he wasn’t anything like Terry.
Sighing, she moved forward one step and then another until she reached him. She placed her palm over his heart and looked into his face. “You’re right. It’s not right. And I don’t think you’re like Terry. God, you’re a million miles away from his zip code.” She pulled back.
“But I don’t know if I can promise not to react again to something like this. Or anything. The panic attacks happen less and less frequently but when they do, they’re pretty bad. And I can’t be managed. You’re a very in-charge type, Shane. I have to make choices for myself. Even if it seems stupid to you, it’s everything to me. You should move on. Find a normal woman without baggage.”
“Are you dumping me?” A smile played at the corners of his mouth.
“Are you mocking me?” she asked.
“If you’re dumping me, I’m mocking you, yes. Cassie, darlin’, I knew you were hiding something that first night you came to town. I knew you had something that was eating at you. But I pursued you anyway. You know why?”
“My sparkling wit?”
He grinned. “Yeah. And your smile. And your intelligence and beauty and damned if you don’t have the nicest tits I’ve ever seen on a woman and I would very much like to see them naked and in a bed very soon.” He held up a hand to continue. “I know it won’t happen tonight, we’re both a bit ragged. I’m just saying.”
His arms encircled her waist and he held her to him. “Are you interested in me? In a relationship? For me, this is getting serious. You said you knew my history, well, it’s true. Not that I’ve been a womanizer, but I’ve played around a lot. I had one serious relationship but I never should have moved in with her much less asked her to marry me. Looking back, I thank my lucky stars that she cheated on me and got caught.
“I want you to know you mean something to me. I’m going to try to be totally up front here because I want this to work. I want us to be together. Let’s work through your panic attacks. I’ll try to curtail my need to take care of the people I...uh...care about. I can’t promise to stop, it’s who I am, but you can yell at me and I’ll never, ever, raise my hand to you in anger. I might be an asshole from time to time but I’m not a thug or a bully. Let me in. Let’s see where this can go.”
Her forehead rested against the hard muscle of his chest as she thought. Thought about what a relationship with Shane would be like after the morass of messed up she’d been married to. He made her smile. He cared about her and wasn’t afraid to say so. That touched her deeply. And without a doubt, he was the sexiest, handsomest and downright most wonderful man she’d ever met.
“Are you sure? I’m a mess, Shane.”
“I’m totally sure, Cassie.” The bass of his voice vibrated through his chest.
Taking a deep breath, she leaned out and looked into his face. “Okay. But don’t manage me, Shane, or I will chew you up and spit you out. I mean it.”
He grinned. “Promise?”
Startled laughter bubbled from her gut and she rolled her eyes. “Cassie, do you trust me to touch you? I know we won’t sleep together tonight but I’d very much like to touch you.”
To demonstrate, his hands slid down the curve of her back and down to cup her ass.
“Oh, that kind of touching.” Cassie couldn’t help but smile.
The tips of his fingers brushed against the satin of the exposed skin just below the frayed hem of her shorts. Shane felt the gooseflesh erupt there as he stroked that sweet spot where the curve of her ass met her inner thigh.
He watched her eyes, waiting for her to refuse before moving his hands anywhere else. He needed her terribly but he also knew he’d have to take it slow with her at first. She had some wounds and he intended to heal them. Okay, to help her heal them.
Step by step he moved her back to the door behind them. He stopped when her back met it. The eyes locked with his showed trust and no small amount of desire and curiosity.
His mouth moved down and took hers. Her lips called to him, her taste tantalized and seduced. Unable to resist, his teeth caught her bottom lip, giving it a sharp nip before sweeping his tongue along the sensual curve there, laving the sting.
She sighed and his mouth caught the sound, swallowing it, taking it into himself greedily. Her palms slid up the muscles of his forearms and biceps, up his neck and into his hair as he feasted on her lips.
Their tongues slid together, sinuous and sex laden. He knew that once they got into bed together it would be incredibly powerful. Their chemistry was off the charts. That knowledge helped him stay in control.
As much as he wanted to be inside her, he wanted to be inside her heart first. Wanted her to be totally sure she could trust him not to hurt her.
He brought a hand up to free her hair and it tumbled down, the scent of her shampoo filled his senses. “Everything about you smells good,” he murmured as his lips moved to the column of her throat and ever-so-slowly, one palm slid up her stomach, beneath the hem of her T-shirt and found her breast.
Emboldened when she arched into his touch, he moved his other hand, slipping down into the front of her shorts. The skin of her belly was soft and warm. Fingertips traced over the front of her panties, against the silky fabric. He felt her heat, her wetness through the material.
A soft moan slid from her lips, vibrating against his mouth on her throat. The hand on her breast moved out of the way and he caught her nipple between his teeth through the cotton of her shirt. She cried out, rolling her hips forward.
Clever fingers moved the panties out of the way and slid through the heat of her pussy. Shane groaned at the same time Cassie did, finding her so wet, knowing she wanted him as much as he wanted her.
She tried to reach down to his cock but he held himself out of reach. “No, not right now. Let me love you, Cassie.” She made a sound of disapproval until his fingertips found her clit and her head knocked on the door behind them. He only barely resisted chuckling, instead, he moved to the other nipple, his hand replacing his mouth on the one he’d just left behind.
Cassie hadn’t had an orgasm given to her by another person in several years. Since the second year she and Terry were married. She’d wanted Shane for weeks now and her body was primed to his touch. There was no fear, only the roar of desire in her ears and the burn of want in her muscles.
The way he touched her was reverent. It made her want to weep. This big man treating her with such gentleness in the middle of his wicked carnal assault on her senses wrecked her.
She felt her orgasm coming, begin to burn in her muscles. He had two fingers inside her and his thumb applied just the right pressure to her clit. There was something to be said about a man who’d been with a lot of women. He certainly had experience.
Shane moved his mouth to her ear. “Let me have it, darlin’. Give me your orgasm. I want to feel you come around my fingers, I want to hear the sounds you make when you climax.”
A cry, low and deep, broke from her lips as orgasm opened up around her and swallowed her deep. Pleasure soaked her, sapped her strength and she held on to him as it buffeted her over and over again.
Her parched cells filled up, replenished, and she began to feel whole after being broken for so long. Serotonin flooded her brain and lethargy, warm and heady, stole over her as a smile crept over her lips.
It was his chuckle that made her open her eyes finally. His face was flushed, eyes desire-dark as he put her shorts back to rights and planted a kiss on her lips.
“I do believe I have never seen a more beautiful sight. Your neck arched, lips parted, a flush on that gorgeous face. You’re amazing, Cassie.”
She felt the tears in her throat but she didn’t free them. They were bittersweet tears but she felt like giving in to them would have let Terry win and continue to fuck with her head. Instead, she embraced happiness and the thought that she might be able to have a real life, a real future and that just maybe, Shane Chase would be a part of it.
“You’re good with the compliments, Chase. Now, it’s your turn.” She raised a brow and he laughed and shook his head.
“Not tonight. I want this first time to about you. We have so much time, Cassie. We’ll take our baby steps and when we end up in bed, it’ll be right and incredible.”
She must have had a distressed look on her face because he laughed and kissed her again. “That look is almost as good as sex, Cassie. I like that you want me too. But we’re not ready to go there yet.”
She wasn’t? She didn’t know. She didn’t think it was a problem. She wanted him to fuck her right then. But she also didn’t know if she’d freak out either and so close to their fight and the panic attack yesterday, he was probably right. She vowed to make it extra good when she did get her hands on him. She hoped she could.
Shane led her to the couch and pulled her down with him, pulling her into his side and snuggling with her. “A whole lot is going on in there.” He tapped her head. “You wanna share?”
Terry had seriously eroded her confidence about sex. Not just about her own sexuality but her ability to please men. He’d always told her she was frigid and lousy in bed. What if he was right? What if she couldn’t please Shane?
“Hey, no, get that look off your face right now. Talk to me, please. We can’t move forward if you don’t share with me.”
“I’m fine. I’m working on getting past all this stuff with my therapist. Man, I never thought I’d say, my therapist in this context, you know? It’s just something that Terry, my ex, made me feel like.”
Shane took her hand and kissed her fingertips. “Like what, darlin’?”
“Unattractive. Frigid. Like I couldn’t please a man.” Her voice went quiet. She knew Terry was wrong, but what your mind knew and what your heart knew were sometimes very different.
“Cassie, your ex-husband is an asshole. You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. I’m not lying. And the way you just flew apart in my arms? You telling me that’s frigid? He’s the one with problems. Any man who’d force a woman has big issues with sex and power. That is not about you. And I’d scare the bejesus out of you if I put your hand over my cock to show you just how pleased you make me. Trust me, you do.”
With a soft sigh, she snuggled into his body and he held her tight while they watched a movie.
He waited until she’d fallen asleep in his arms and then carried her to her bedroom. Checking to be sure everything was locked up tight, he set the air conditioning and left her a note, telling her he’d call her the next day.
Outside, he double checked that the door had locked behind him and scanned the area for anything amiss. The lighting was good on her porch. He’d noticed she’d put in a higher watt bulb and made a note to himself to put some security lights out back for her. He was sure Chuck wouldn’t mind him doing it. The added security was a plus for any future tenants anyway. He’d also put in a new dead bolt for her, after he figured out a way to make it seem like her idea.