Chapter Ten
Cassian
For reasons even I couldn’t defend, I’d avoided Olivia all week, even after Kane’s email letting me know she’d reserved another room but at the gold level for Friday night. To be honest, she was driving me to distraction. I didn’t want to think about her so much that I got little work done and laid in bed at night tossing and turning over our time together. It didn’t matter, though. This was who I was, or at least who I’d been with Rachel. I’d promised myself I’d never be that preoccupied by another living soul again, and there I was nearly obsessed with Olivia after just two nights together in one of my fantasy rooms.
Obsessed. Obsession.
Since Rachel, I’d worked hard to make sure I never became that again. A long line of women I kept around solely for the purpose of sex was supposed to help me avoid becoming this man again. I didn’t want to be this way. Who would? What man would want to become so focused on a woman when the ending was never in doubt?
Rachel had taught me that lesson well. Devoting yourself to one woman—trusting your heart to her even when all the signs said you shouldn’t—was a mistake I never wanted to make again. Until Olivia, no woman had given me any reason to doubt I’d be able to keep that promise to myself. Each one came and went as I wished. If I enjoyed their company, they stayed around. If they became too clingy or began to act like they felt anything more than I did, I got away quickly.
Women to sleep with were plentiful, the way it should be. They gave me what I wanted, and I did the same for them. No harm, no foul. I wined and dined them, and then I fucked them. Money gave me the power to have who I wanted, and power gave me control.
And control meant I would never again feel the pain of love.
Now Olivia had invaded my thoughts, taking control of my days and nights. And me.
After staring at my bedroom ceiling for nearly an hour, I rolled over and looked at my alarm clock. 4:12. I picked up my cell phone and swiped the screen to get to my contacts. Scrolling through name after name, I finally threw the phone on the bed next to me. I didn’t want to be with anyone anyway.
How the hell had Olivia weaved herself into my brain like this? The woman wasn’t even my type. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. I already loved her reaction to me in our fantasy room. How even my touch brought out a side in her I didn’t believe existed underneath that professional woman who worked next to me. Not that I didn’t like that part of her too. Olivia was smart, sexy, and gorgeous in ways no woman I’d ever met was.
I covered my eyes with my forearm and tried to push all that out of my mind. Any other night if I couldn’t sleep, I’d just call someone and in a few minutes, insomnia would be a thing of the past, replaced by sex. It may not have been sleep, but at least it was better than staring at the ceiling or counting sheep.
Or thinking about some woman I shouldn’t even dream of touching. Again.
In less than twenty-four hours, that was exactly what I intended to do. Olivia had upped the ante by reserving a gold fantasy room. She obviously knew it was me and planned on us sleeping together. Every fiber of my being said not to do it. Don’t shit where you eat. But for every time that maxim repeated in my head, another chimed in to drown it out.
She could be the one.
As if that was something I needed or wanted to hear. There was no such thing as “the one.” That was the kind of nonsense romantic comedies traded on to convince women to accept assholes in their lives so they didn’t have to remain single. As if being single wasn’t the best goddamn part of being an adult.
I could tell myself all that until I was blue in the face, but the thought that Olivia was something special, someone I should want in my life, just wouldn’t go away. That didn’t mean I had to act like some mopey lovesick boy. All I needed to do was sleep with her and the man I’d worked so hard to become would kick in. She’d be just another one of my conquests and within a few weeks, she’d be out of my system.
That’s what had worked with every woman since Rachel, so why wouldn’t it work now? Rachel. It hadn’t necessarily worked with her. But she was different. It took more than just fucking to get a woman like her out of your system, even after she tore your fucking heart out.
I squeezed my eyes tightly and tried to push out the thoughts I knew were about to parade through my mind, but it was no use. They were there to stay just like they’d been for nearly five years. I’d tried to drink them away. I’d tried to fuck them away. Nothing worked. They were always right there in my brain making sure I never forgot what happened the one time I trusted another person.
My father, the quintessential player, would have a field day with me about this if he was still alive. Married to my mother for nearly twenty years, he fucked around more than any man I’d ever heard of. Fuck, even at the rate Stefan was going, he might never reach my father. Kane’s mother was just one of possibly dozens of women he slept with. I remembered catching him with one of them, some cheap waitress at one of his restaurants who thought he was her dream man come to rescue her from a life of drudgery and too little pay. Little did she realize he was just a cheating bastard who believed having a cock gave him carte blanche to sleep with as many woman as he could before he died.
She’d found out like all the rest of them that they were there for his pleasure alone. What they wanted or needed was irrelevant. I’d always admired my father for his ability to have whatever he wanted. That kind of power impressed me growing up. My mother never left him for his cheating, so I thought that’s what being a man meant.
Then I met Rachel and my entire world turned upside down. Nineteen and wealthier than I should have been to stay out of trouble, I fell hard for her. Drop dead gorgeous, smart, and manipulative as all fucking hell, I saw nothing but an angel sent from heaven when I looked at her. Long black hair, eyes as dark as onyx, and a desire to please me unlike any other female I’d ever met seduced me to believe she was the one for me.
And for a while she was. Against everyone’s advice, I married her a month before I turned twenty-one. She was twenty-four and in love with me. Or so I thought. While I lived each day for her, she had other plans. By the time I realized her idea of love was closer to my father’s than mine, it was too late.
I swore that night I found out the truth of who she really was I’d never spend another second thinking about anyone’s needs and desires but mine ever again. I’d lived my life by that basic principle, fulfilling my wants and not worrying about others. My cock was happy, and I enjoyed everything life had to offer.
And then Olivia showed up and all those feelings I’d pushed down for so long were back in full force. Nothing like Rachel, she somehow had gotten under my skin and made me want to know her. I never wanted to know any woman any more than how their cunts and mouths felt around my cock. Now that had all changed.
I dreaded the thought of becoming that Cassian again. That man let himself be distracted once and paid dearly for his mistake. Who was I kidding? I was still paying for it and would for a long time coming.
Reaching across the bed, I grabbed my phone and went back to scrolling through my contacts. Cheri. Rachel. Trina. Stopping on Trina’s name, I tapped on the picture of her lying naked and spread-eagled across her bed and lifted the phone to my ear. She answered seconds later without a trace of sleepiness in her sultry phone sex voice.
“Cassian March, what’s new?”
Stretching my legs, I closed my eyes and let the memory of my last time with Trina run through my mind. Long black hair, perfect tits, and an ass meant to be backed up against a man, she was one hell of a lay. Perfect for what I needed to forget Olivia.
“Trina, just the woman I need tonight.”
“Really? You at your place? I can be there in ten.”
“Come on over. I’m up.”
Moaning into the phone, she purred, “I bet you are. See you in a few.”
Throwing the phone back onto the bed, I ran my hand down the front of my silk pajama pants, cupping my already hard cock. With any luck, Trina would do the trick. If not, then maybe I’d have to step up my efforts to get Olivia out of my system.
* * *
“TGIF, big brother! You doing anything interesting tonight?” Stefan asked as he barged into my office and sat down in front of my desk at seven o’clock on Friday night. He had a twinkle in his eye, which told me he thought he was being clever or he’d just gotten laid.
God above, please let it be that he’s just being clever.
Crossing my arms, I stared across my desk at his grinning face. “Nothing that would concern you. Shouldn’t you be out on the floor getting ready?”
“I have time. I just thought I’d stop in and see my favorite big brother.”
“Favorite? You and Kane on the outs again?”
Stefan threw back his head and laughed. “No, but he’s only my half big brother. Not blood like us, Cash.”
I leveled my gaze on him, suspicious of his motives. Something was going on. “We all have the same father, Stef. We’re all blood. So what do you want?”
He licked his lips like an animal about to feast on prey he’d just killed. “A little birdy told me something interesting and I just thought I’d see how true it is.”
I hated when he was like this. It made being civil to him almost impossible. In fact, it made me want to knock the annoying fuck right on his ass. Rolling my eyes, I turned back to my laptop. “I don’t have time for your games, baby brother. Whatever you heard likely isn’t true, and even if it is, it’s likely none of your business.”
My dismissal of him didn’t work. Intent on irritating me, he continued. “I hear that one of my brothers has a new woman in his life.”
Attempting to remain cool, I shot him a look intended to make him think I didn’t care, but my fingers stilled on my keyboard at what I knew was a reference to Olivia. “Nice to see Kane getting out. I wouldn’t fuck with him and whatever woman he has in his life now. If he doesn’t kick your nosy ass, she likely will.”
Stefan laughed again, this time even louder. “As much as the idea of Kane’s possible girlfriend scares the hell out of me, it’s not that brother I’m talking about. I can’t believe you’d keep this a secret from me, Cash. I thought we were closer than that.”
I stared at him in amazement. Closer than that? And fucking Kane gossiping to Stefan like some kind of schoolgirl. I thought I could trust him. “There’s nothing to tell, Stefan. Drop it, and tell Kane to drop it too.”
“What’s Kane have to do with this?”
Turning away from my computer, I folded my arms across my chest and shot my younger brother a look of disgust. “He’s the one who told you, isn’t he?”
“No. Rachel told me the other day at the gym. So who is this mystery woman?”
A surge of rage coursed through my veins at the thought of my ex and my brother gossiping about my personal business. And fucking Rachel! Why I ever thought I could trust that conniving bitch was beyond me.
“Go away, Stefan, and don’t spend your time believing what my ex has to say,” I bit out, barely able to contain my anger at the two of them.
He stood and took a step toward the door before turning around. “I didn’t mean anything bad by that, Cash. I just wondered.”
“I’ve told you before, little brother. Don’t stick your nose in my business, unless you want to endanger what you have here.”
I turned away from Stefan, not wanting him to see how furious I was about him and Rachel going behind my back once again. He closed the door, and I slammed my hand down on the top of my desk. Fucking bitch! And she wondered why I’d never forgiven her.
At midnight, I left my office and scanned the club for any sight of Stefan. I didn’t need him ruining Olivia’s fantasy, regardless of how I felt about her. I saw him pawing up one of the bartenders behind the bar at the far end of the club, so I quickly headed up the stairs toward the room I knew Olivia would be waiting in, still angry about Stefan’s visit hours before. As if our being blood meant a fucking thing to him. He’d betray me again in a heartbeat, but this time if he did, Olivia could be the one to get hurt.
Kane stood at the top of the stairs at his usual perch watching all the action in his area. I had to give it to him. The guy had every chance to fuck dozens of women every night, yet he never did anything to endanger us or the club’s reputation. I could trust my half-brother more than the one I’d grown up with.
“Nice to see you again, Cash. It is Friday, though, so not a total surprise.” He lowered his voice to a whisper and leaned forward toward me. “By the way, Stefan knows you’ve been seeing someone. He spent two hours earlier tonight pumping me for information. I didn’t tell him anything.”
“Thanks, Kane. What room is she in?” I asked, consciously sidestepping any discussion of Stefan and his childish antics.
“Halfway down on the right. You’ll see the gold emblem on the door.”
Nodding, I left him and headed toward Olivia, strangely needing to see her again like this. After hours of insomnia focused on her, I’d tried to fuck her out of my mind with Trina, but it hadn’t worked. All that happened was I had sex with someone as I pretended it was her.
Maybe it was time to admit I wasn’t going to get this woman out of my head until I slept with her. It had worked with every other woman after Rachel, so why wouldn’t it work with this one? Once she admitted she knew it was me there with her, I’d make my move tonight. If I didn’t, I was never going to shake her.
I entered the room and found Olivia there sitting silently on the chair with her blindfold on. Instead of the black skirt and beige blouse I’d seen her in all day, she wore a blue sundress and looked innocent and gentle waiting for me. She turned her head toward me as the door clicked closed but said nothing as I approached her.
“Hello, Olivia,” I said quietly as stepped next to her.
“Hello,” she whispered breathlessly.
“I’m sorry I’m late.”
She lifted her hand to touch my shirt and traced the outline of a single button. Lowering her head, she said quietly, “I thought you might not come tonight.”
I took her hand in mine and raised it to my lips. Kissing her fingertips, I watched her bite her lower lip as my tongue grazed her skin. “Tell me what you want, Olivia.”
Under her blindfold, her brows knitted. As she sat silently, a frown marred her beautiful mouth. I needed to hear her tell me what she wanted and let me know she knew who was seducing her.
Finally, she sighed deeply and answered in a tentative voice that hit me deep inside in a place I thought I’d hidden away forever. “I want you.”
All I had to do was fuck her and all these things that made her so appealing—so charming that I wanted to let myself be someone who could let her in—all of it would disappear. She’d become just another in the long line of women I kept at arm’s length, around when I wanted them and absent when I didn’t. It was all so simple.
Then why the fuck was I standing there wanting to take her in my arms and make love to her like someone who truly cared?
“I can give you what you want. All you need to do is let yourself go, Olivia. Can you let yourself go and enjoy this thing between us?”
“Yes.”
“I want you, Olivia. I want to see you tremble with need as I devour you. I’m going to fuck you so good you won’t be able to walk after I’m done with you.”
“Yes,” she said, her voice full of desire as I leaned in to brush my lips against her ear.
“If I slide my hand under that pretty dress, will my fingers get wet with your juices?”
She whimpered and squeezed her thighs together to ease an ache I knew existed between them. All I had to do was take my cock out and I could have her right there. She was primed.
Her mouth searched for mine, slanting over my lips when she found them. Eagerly, her tongue slid against mine, and I imagined how incredible it would feel moving up and down my cock, her head bobbing sweetly as she sucked me off. I held the back of her head and fisted her hair in my hand, tugging roughly even as she mewed her need into my mouth.
I wanted her. And as much as I hated to admit it, I needed her. I needed her in my bed. In my life.
Olivia’s hands burrowed under my shirt, her nails dragging against my chest as she worked to remove the fabric separating the two of us. The shy girl had blossomed into a woman who knew what she wanted. Her hand slid inside my pants and palmed my cock as she sucked the tip of my tongue in a preview of what I knew those lips would feel like wrapped around me.
But still she hadn’t told me she knew it was me. She needed to show me she knew. I’d give her one more chance. Breaking our kiss, I leaned back away from her and watched her beautiful face register her confusion. All she had to do was say my name.
“Olivia…”
She moved her hands to touch me, but I was just out of her reach as I waited for her to say the one word I needed to hear. Instead, she said, “Please…”
I left her sitting there, still waiting to hear my name as I closed the door behind me.